DH agreed on another baby, now I'm scared to death! sorry long

[KristiKelly]

Is this normal???

Let me explain our situation, we have DS7 & DD4-1/2. When we built our house, we built a 4 B/R with intentions of 3 children. I wanted them all around 2-1/2 years apart (DD & DS are 2 years 7 mo.). Well time has seemed to slip by, I've asked DH occassionally about a 3rd, but he was very happy with his 1 boy & 1 girl. The other night we were talking & I jokingly said, "well, I've just finished this monthes cycle of pills, Do you want me to get a refill?" His response was, "well, I suppose we could handle a 3rd one, we know we have the ability to take care of it & love it, so now's as good a time as any". I was so excited & said "REALLY??" he said "sure why not?". Then the next day I got really scared. I love my kids more than my own life & I miss them being babies, I loved the baby & toddler days (even though they were the hardest), I loved being pregnant & didn't mind too much both c-sections, I didn't mind the late night feedings or breastfeeding. BUT, life has just gotten easy, you know - no more diapers, high chairs, strollers, baby food, pack N'plays, late night feedings (I know I said I didn't mind them but, well you know), etc. Life has just gotten easy, we don't have to pack the house to go out of town. I'm now asking myself, do we want to go back??? It seems everything is equipped for 4, we ate lunch today @ a table for 4, hotel rooms have 2 double beds = 4, rides seem more for 4, would 5 throw it all off?

I guess what I'm wondering is, is this a normal feeling? DD will start kindergarten next year, am I afraid of being without a baby? I would really love to go through the whole baby thing again, but at the same time, I'm glad to be finished. I'm so torn, this is an extremely hard decision for me. Have any of you ever felt this way? I'm not asking for anyone to tell me "yes, you should" or "no way", I'm just wondering if this is normal.

 

[onecoolmama]

I am sure it is very normal. Once you get use to a certain calmness it is always harder to go back.

I think once I am out of the stage, I would feel the same way. Good luck with your decision

 

[zagafi]

We went from being a family of 3 to being a family of 5 in a wink--I had twins! My oldest is almost 6, so we were long past the baby phase. I won't lie, it's been a tough adjustment for all of us. And, your observation about the world not being built for families over 4 is right on.

Would I change a thing? NO WAY. Parenthood is a tough job no matter what. It's also the best thing I've ever done.

So, to answer your question: yes, I do think it's normal! We agonized over adding to our family--we thought of every silly pro and con imaginable. You see where we ended up.

 

[WeirdEyes]

My "baby" is now 16 and I'd have another baby in a heartbeat if my body would let me. Good luck with your decision. If you do decide to go ahead and have another baby, I'm sure you won't regret it. Babies are a wonderful gift. Take care!

 

[Jeafl]

You are 100% normal. You are contemplating a life altering move, it's perfectly normal to be nervous about it.

I went through the exact same thing as you 8 years ago. We had a 4 yr. old DD and a 1 1/2 yr. old DS, yet I felt like we weren't "complete" for some reason. I just had a gut feeling that I really wanted one more child, and DH felt the same way.

Yes, it does seem as if the world is meant for families of 4. Hotel rooms, restaurant tables, etc. ARE easier with only 2 kids, but I look at my three and I honestly don't know what I'd do without any of them. We've managed to eat out a lot, go on vacations to WDW, many cruises, etc, and have managed quite nicely with 5 people. We just make sure to get a roll-away bed in hotel rooms, or bring along our own air bed.

If it's any consolation, going from 1 child to 2 was a HUGE adjustment, but I thought going from 2 to 3 kids was a piece of cake!

It did take some getting used to carrying the diaper bag again, the night feedings, etc. but you fall right back into step like an old pro. They are small for such a short time, I'm sure you realize how quickly they grow.

I would just ask myself if there is room in your heart, as well as your house for one more baby. For us, the financial ramifications was a huge part of our decision. It's going to be tough putting 3 through college, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[Alice28]

I'm RIGHT there with you! DH has been wanting a 3rd baby for almost a year, but I was really enjoying the fact that younger DS was gaining independence, etc. My boys are 6.5 and 3. I just last month agreed to try for a 3rd, figuring what the heck. Well, I got pregnant the first try and now DH has to go with the Nat'l Guard to Iraq for 18 months!!!!! Talk about frazzled and second guessing myself.

I think once you are pregnant, and esp once the baby is here, you will never doubt yourself. But, the flip side has merit as well- it IS nice to move onto the next stage with the kids and leave the world of babydom behind. I too wonder about finances, tables for 5, hotel rooms that will sleep 5, giving up my office to be the baby's nursery, things that some may perceive as selfish, but it's things I wonder about! I just tell myself it's a very short period in my life when the kids are this young, and the house is so chaotic. When I'm an old lady, I will like that I had several kids so they can all take turns visiting me and I won't be dependant on just one!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Good luck with whatever you decide. I think it is totally normal for women to think about this.

I don't have any kids and argue with myself daily as to whether or not I ever should. So far the answer is no, but who knows. We're just like that. I think women are just naturally maternal.

 

[mickeyboat]

The feelings and thoughts you are having are very normal.

Family size is such a personal decision and is a product of many factors (including fate!). Only you and your DH know what will be best for you and your family.

We are a family of four, we had DD#1 (almost 5) after we had been married 7 1/2 years. DD#2 (almost 4) came along less than a year later. We spent a lot of time in the baby phase and it was very diffifult for us. I don't think I want to go back. I was just saying the other day how nice it was to be able to go somewhere without all the baby trappings.

Financially we would be o.k. with having another one, but it would "cramp our style." College, weddings, vacations would all become a lot more expensive and a lot morecomplicated.

I am not sure how DD's would react to a new baby. I barely have enough time for the kids now, I would hate to take more time away from them.

That being said, we have not permanently foreclosed on the possibility of having another one. We would love a boy, and there are a lot of wonderful things about having a baby in the house. DD's would adjust and come to love their sibling.

It's a tough choice. Take some time to think about it. Good luck!

Denae

 

[Sandy V.]

Yes, it's completely normal to feel the way that you do.

For us, we always planned on having two children. As it worked out, we had a girl first and then a boy. After our son was born, I can remember breaking down in the car crying, thinking, "I'm never going to have a baby again." It really bothered me. (Those darned hormones!)

We stuck to our decision to have two, although the option to have a third was always there. But I do empathize with the feelings you're experiencing. 14 years later, I know that we made the right decision for us. And I'm sure you'll do what's best for your family too.

Like WeirdEyes, I sometimes contemplate having another one now - even though I've got a 16 and a 14 year old! I love babies - they're just expensive to feed, clothe, and educate!

Best of luck to you!

 

[Az Pirates]

I think you're having some very normal feelings.

It was a big decision for us to go from 2 to 3. We thought about a lot of the same things you listed.
We decided it was a go - then took a trip to Disneyland. It was so nice to have both of the girls a little older and more independant on that trip. Like you said, so many things just seem to work so well for a family of 4.
When we got home I asked my DH if he minded if we waited and thought about it a little more before we added to our family - no problem... except that it was - too late that is.

I really LOVE the way our children are spaced out now and can't imagine it any other way.

Best wishes to you. I hope that things work out as well for you - whether that be having a family with two children, or 3, or more.

BTW, I agree with what you said about not wanting advice about yes or no - no one can tell you what is right for you (although many may try)

Good Luck with your decision

 

[liznboys]

Been there!!

Last year, we were undecided about having a 3rd, and part of it was that we just felt like we were getting out of that baby phase, and it felt great! Babies really are a lot of work, and having one affects the entire family. There's no way you can give as much attention to your older two when the baby comes along. But we decided to go for it, and we had our 3rd son in March. My dh and I look at him and get choked up thinking that we ever wondered about having a 3rd. It is wonderful having him in our family, and actually, we feel more like a family now that he is here!! There's something about having 3 kids...

Now, we are considering a 4th, and I think we might go for it. We both know how we felt when were deciding about a 3rd, and how incredibly happy we are now that he's with us. We know that it would be the same with a 4th. (But 4 will be IT. That's always been the max amount we said we'd have.)

All I know for sure is this: I've never met anyone who regretted having as many kids as they did (not that people don't exist who feel that way...I just don't know a single one), but I've met many who wished they'd had more. You can't turn back the clock and have the baby you wish you did! I will not be one of those people.

Good luck!!

 

[Microcell]

I am the wrong person to ask! I am drowning in diapers and I am sooo close that I can almost taste the freedom- DS is saying "I want to poop in the potty!" Of course that means he went in his diaper! At least he knows what he is doing. We are on our way.

On the other hand, for me it has been 12 years of changing someone's diaper because I have worked with people in group home situations where they need assistance like that. So I have waited a long time to be done. You can do it I am proof positive!
We were five for a long time in my family and I sat out on rides because I didn't like them at amusement parks. my dear sister does not like sweets (I think she was adopted myself) so it easily split in four. They make rollaway cots for a reason anywhere other than Disney and there the kids can take turns sleeping in the sleeping bag. You don't even have to worry about that until after the new one turns three!

Your gut is leaning one way, follow that! Good luck from someone who is pretty confidently done at two!

 

[poohtown]

not only do I think it's normal to feel that way, I think it's normal for both of you to go back and forth for awhile - I wouldn't rush into it since you both were casually discussing it. My husband and I have had times where we both think we'd like having another child (like you we have 2), but it never seems to be at the same time. I think we're settled on two, but if both of you feel ready then go for it.

With whatever you choose - it's the right decision!

 

[ahutton]

DH and I have 2 beautiful DDs - 2 & 4. We hadn't really specifically talked about more kids, but DH had mentioned it a couple times and we said we'll see what comes. In May I went in for my annual check up, I have PCOS and many with my problem have a very difficult time getting (and staying) pregnant, in fact DH and I lost a baby between our girls. Guess what - #3 is coming, no wonder I had been feeling tired and "off". Someone heard our contemplations and biology decided for us. We still ask ourselves what are we in for, but we know love will get us through it.

 

[decker96]

Jeafl -- I totally agree with you! I thought going from 1 to 2 was WAY harder than from 2 to 3.
I was the one who pushed for #3, we already had 1 DD and 1 DS, but I didn't feel like we were "done" yet. DH wasn't sure he wanted a third for the same reasons, DS was on the way to being potty-trained, DD was going to be starting kindergarten soon, he worried about the expense (although that really wasn't an issue, he always worries about it). I finally convinced him and he is glad I did. DD #2 completes our family. I knew the night after she was born. I looked at her and knew I was done. I had had friends tell me that would happen, but I never understood what they meant. When you know, you know. I think if you're not sure, you're not done.

Good luck with your decision!!

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I have the same feelings going from 1 to 2. I had a miscarriage exactly one year ago. In the time it took me to deal with that DD potty trained, stopped breastfeeding, and moved into her own bed. I finally am mostly happy with my body again and really love buying clothes and things now.

We (probably mostly 'I') are making the decision to start trying again or to just have DD when we get back form WDW in October. I am pretty sure the decision will be to have #2, but I am really scared about it. Mostly scared for me and the changes I will have to deal with (nursing, weight gain, lack of sleep, etc.) because in reality the majority is on my shoulders.

I feel such a calm now with DD since she is such an easy going child (for the most part.) It makes me nervous to disrupt that.

 

[Kallison]

I had three in four years -- only the middle one was "well planned". I do know once they all started school life was so much easier. I don't miss the baby days -- now they are teens, preteen and tween. When they get older they bicker - alot!! It's almost harder then when they were small, in fact it is harder. We're running in every direction with sports and friends and play dates. Thinking about cell phones and going to the movies alone and girlfriends and so and so thinks I'm hot. We're outnumbered!! I don't know what to say - I love my two boys and one girl, I always wanted three kids but the older they get the crazier it can be sometimes. Wait till they hit middle school, homework and projects.

 

[pw2pp]

I think if it were me, and I wasn't sure, I would NOT do it.
It just seems like bringing another child into the world should be something that you want completely without a doubt.
I don't know, maybe I'm wrong (it seems most people here think it is normal to not be sure), but since that is not something I have ever gone through (not being sure) I would not recommend getting pregnant at this time.
We had 2 children and decided 1 year after the second child was born that we were done (we were 29 & 33) and we have not regretted our decision since (we are now 42 & 46). We are very happy being a family of four, it is just perfect for us.
I don't know how old you are (and if time is on your side), but it just seems like you should maybe wait until you are definitely sure that it is something you want.
Just my opinion.

 

[hydster]

We have 3 kids and I admit it's harder to travel and such with them just because it's hard to get a room big enough to sleep us all BUT that being said I wouldn't change it for a second! Our first 2 were 16 months apart and I was so overwhelmed that I didn't even want to talk about having another baby. Dh and I never really discussed how many kids we wanted we just kind of jumped into it and figured whatever happened happened. When my ds was 3 I was on the fence about what to do. I figured I'd leave it to fate (if you will) so I went off the pill and decided if I got pregnant great and if not oh well it wasn't meant to be. I think I got pregnant the day I decided to get off the pill. I was so scared and wondered if I'd be able to do it. I had him and it was hard since I was done with all the baby stuff BUT my kids were both in preschool (and since I had such a terrible pregnancy my ob advised and we concurred that he was the last one) so while they were in preschool I got to just sit and enjoy my last baby! When they were home from preschool I'd been with the baby for that time and then I was able to devote more time to them. It was overwhelming for awhile but I'm so glad I have him! I can't imagine our family picture without him! He is starting Kindergarten this year. Since we decided to stop dh had a vasectomy and it was TOUGH to deal with the finality of it but we figured at some point we would HAVE to deal with it and now I am so glad we did!

I say go for it...you have 9 months to adjust to it and I would bet when you deliver you'll wonder why you ever questioned having that child!

Good luck!
Heidi

 

[KristiKelly]

Thanks for all the advice. I'm glad to know that my thoughts are normal. I've saved just about everything since my kids were little crib, stroller(well, I bought a sit n'stand when #2 was born), infant seat, high chair, baby tub, rec. blankets, infant gowns, tons of boy & girl clothes, swing, exersaucer, pack n' play, you name it, I have it. Financially, I guess we'll be ok, until college that is, well, they'll all be geniuses, so I don't have to worry about that . We are still discussing it. I am very much worried about the impact it will have on our other two. If we have another, we want them to be involved, coming to the ultrasound, etc. One big concern is that I will have to have a c-section ( I don't dilate) and getting around, driving, etc. with 2 older kids will be a problem for a few weeks. Anyway, thanks for all your thoughts, as you can see I'm just rambling now, but thanks for listening (oops, I mean reading )