Devastated at the bus stop

[C.Ann]

I'm sorry that you had to hear that.. But as others have said, little kids are fickle at that age.. Next week that other little girl might want to be your DD's best friend..

As long as you remind your DD to be polite, friendly, cheerful, kind, and considerate, she'll attract the "right" kind of friends..

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

I would talk to her teacher and see how she thinks things are going. Maybe mention something about the incident at the bus stop (or not), but either way the teacher will probably look out for her.

 

[mammomommie]

I have a DD13 and DD17 both had several issues through the school with fickle friendships and mean girls. When they would get close to one or two girls I would have the girls over and let them bond outside of school. Sometimes it took a while to find that perfect match of a friend. My 13 yr old just this year finally found a really good girlfriend and they have so much fun and don't really worry about anyone else.
You will go through a lot of heart break over these issues. But you will find that your daughter will come out just fine.

 

[Camno's Mama]

That really sucks. There is just no better way to put it. That would break my heart. It's hard to see your kids on standing on the outside...just try not to worry. You know how wonderful she is, and you know that people will see that in her as well. Being a kid is hard...being the parent when they are having a hard time is excruciating!

 

[brockash]

Alright, I may have misread the OP's message, but I do not see that this girl was being mean or that the OP's dd was being picked on. As I understand it, the OP overheard a private conversation between another little girl and her mother. I know there are other little girls that my dds don't like and that don't like them. That is just part of life. Also, when I ask them why they don't like someone, I have gotten the "weird" answer. I keep in mind that it is sometimes hard for a 5 or 6 yo to explain themselves, so I ask questions to try to figure out why they say the other child is "weird." I'm then able to talk to them about the real issue. Now, that doesn't mean that my dds now like the child, but I also take the opportunity to remind than that I expect them to treat everyone, regardless of how they feel about them, with kindness and respect. I have some control over that, but I can't force them to like another child.

It seems as if the OP's dd is fine and was not hurt by the incident at all. To the OP... your dd will find her way in her own time. I was a very shy kid and not always in the popular crowd -- or the unpopular crowd. I was in my own group of one. I had friends but really preferred to be alone. However, I did manage to meet and marry a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful children. I still don't have a big social life and still don't really want one, but I can honestly say that I think I am happier than most people I meet. Your dd will be fine. She sounds a lot like my oldest.

I think there are 2 distinct differences between what you're talking about and what i think the OP's situation was. One, the conversation must not have been "private" enough if OP heard it, and if my child said something like that to me in front of other ppl to the point that they could here it, we'd have a serious conversation about caring about other ppl's feelings. The second difference, was that it doesn't sound like the mother said anything to the girl or explained anything to her. I completely agree that not everyone is going to like your kid, just like your kid isn't going to like everyone, and I don't think you should try to make kids like eachother, but I do think that's it' not okay to call another kid "weird." Not when they can hear it or not hear it, and I would tell my child that first we aren't disrespectful like that, and would tell him/her to think of how he/she would feel, and second, like you, sit down and ask more questions to see why my child doesn't like another. I would listen and let him/her have his/her opinion, but also make a point to let them know what's acceptable and not. I think OP's situation was a little bit differnt.

 

[disneymarie]

I pray that they aren't mean to her on the bus, I half want to bite the cost of gas and drive here there and back every day. I really don't have too much to worry about. We are moving in a month anyway.
I'm just new to this, she is my oldest, and we were never anywhere long enough to get her into preschool.
Does it get easier?
Thanks for letting me vent!

If I were to guess she already is mean to your dd and has a clique too. Only because I went through this over the last few years with my dd and she heard the remarks. As the teachers did nothing, complaints were turned to state my dd had a problem kids will be kids and get thicker skin.

She was terrified or anxiety ridden and thefurther non support from the principle made her develope school phobia. She is highly gifted and caring person, quiet around peers and heart broken when they teased and tormented her.

She was diagx with school phobia anxiety disorder under a 504 ADA act. Instead of home bound 5 hours a week I enrolled her in a charter cyber school and she is excelling. She will be provided a TSS for social panic to be worked on.

So I would approach dd and ask how things are in school, If they classmates play with her at recess, who does she eat with. Is your phone ringing with friends? Ours stopped when the teasing started and they would say K was weird.

We went to see her sister in NY and K had terribe panic attacks and wanted us to drive 6 hrs back home. We were staying in a hotel that night. Another time we went to Phila and spent a night. She refused to go and had panic, stayed with her older brother as we had the room paid for already online.

So even if your are moving, think of others this child could hurt and pick on.
I would ask about the bus ride. Also ask the teachers if she is having any problems, who her friends are, who she lunches with or plays with at recess. If you explain your concerns they will have a heads up to this other child and be attune to something they may have previously brushed off.

Hugs to your dd, I was a tormented teased child. I spent entire jr high alone and isolated.
Di

 

[720L]

The fact that the mother said nothing to her daughter when she said this shows you what she is taught at home. If my child said that to me, regardless if the person was near us that we were talking about, I would tell her that it's not nice to call people wierd. My daughter had a similar experience in 1st grade and I went straight to the teacher.

 

[iheartdisney]

OP here. Sorry, once DH comes home from work, its usually *his* computer! lol!
Thank you for all of your kind replies. Answer questions:
*no, thank goodness DD did not overhear, she was chasing her brother around, a good 50 feet away.
*the bus pulled up, literally as it was said, so hopefully the mom had an opportunity after school to discuss all the lovely points you all brought up.
The first thing I did was called my mom and asked her how she reacted when people said things about me when I was a kid. She gave me the same advice that many of you did. Don't worry about what others think. I was me, and DD is who she is.
* She enjoys school, and often talks about the same few people, so she is doing well in class. And she introduced me to all of her friends when I had lunch with her last week.
Then, when DD got home, we had a snack, and I dropped a few questions about the bus ride. She says actually the girls are nice to her on the bus, but she doesn't like sitting by boys, because they bother her! One of her best friends from class gets on 2 stops later, and I think they usually sit together from what she said.
But overall, she is very happy with school and with the bus, and of course we talked about talking, letting me know whenever she has a problem (which I often tell her, so I pray once she is old enough for the "big problems" she will)
Our school has conferences instead of report cards the first quarter, and it is comning up next week, so I intend to ask the teacher how she is doing socially.

 

[bambootinker]

Alright, I may have misread the OP's message, but I do not see that this girl was being mean or that the OP's dd was being picked on. As I understand it, the OP overheard a private conversation between another little girl and her mother. I know there are other little girls that my dds don't like and that don't like them. That is just part of life. Also, when I ask them why they don't like someone, I have gotten the "weird" answer. I keep in mind that it is sometimes hard for a 5 or 6 yo to explain themselves, so I ask questions to try to figure out why they say the other child is "weird." I'm then able to talk to them about the real issue. Now, that doesn't mean that my dds now like the child, but I also take the opportunity to remind than that I expect them to treat everyone, regardless of how they feel about them, with kindness and respect. I have some control over that, but I can't force them to like another child.

It seems as if the OP's dd is fine and was not hurt by the incident at all. To the OP... your dd will find her way in her own time. I was a very shy kid and not always in the popular crowd -- or the unpopular crowd. I was in my own group of one. I had friends but really preferred to be alone. However, I did manage to meet and marry a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful children. I still don't have a big social life and still don't really want one, but I can honestly say that I think I am happier than most people I meet. Your dd will be fine. She sounds a lot like my oldest.

I'd also add, that just because the girl said no one liked your daughter doesn't make it accurate. It is merely a snapshot perception of a small child. Hopefully the mom chose to address the issue in their own time.

 

[MiniGirl]

I think there are 2 distinct differences between what you're talking about and what i think the OP's situation was. One, the conversation must not have been "private" enough if OP heard it, and if my child said something like that to me in front of other ppl to the point that they could here it, we'd have a serious conversation about caring about other ppl's feelings. The second difference, was that it doesn't sound like the mother said anything to the girl or explained anything to her. I completely agree that not everyone is going to like your kid, just like your kid isn't going to like everyone, and I don't think you should try to make kids like eachother, but I do think that's it' not okay to call another kid "weird." Not when they can hear it or not hear it, and I would tell my child that first we aren't disrespectful like that, and would tell him/her to think of how he/she would feel, and second, like you, sit down and ask more questions to see why my child doesn't like another. I would listen and let him/her have his/her opinion, but also make a point to let them know what's acceptable and not. I think OP's situation was a little bit differnt.

I respectfully disagree. The OP said in her post that she overheard another girl tell her mother this, so even the OP admits that this was a private conversation. By private, I mean that it was only between this little girl and her mother. She wasn't making an announcement or gossiping. She was just talking to her mom. Now, should the little girl have kept her voice down? Yes, obviously. What I was trying to say is that the little girl wasn't intentionally being mean. She was just stating her feelings. And to your second point..... I was pointing out that the OP didn't say what the mom said to the little girl. Everyone has assumed she didn't say anything. The OP said she had her back to them, so if the mother corrected her dd quietly (as I think most of us would have) then the OP wouldn't have heard it or even seen her correcting her dd. That's all I was saying.

Everyone was jumping on this little girl and her mom, and I was just trying to point out that we don't know the entire story. The OP never said the little girl had a mean or malicious tone, so I didn't read that into the post. When I read it, I took it to mean that the little girl was just stating her opinion to her mom, and the OP overheard it and was upset. The OP's dd was off playing and didn't overhear it and wasn't hurt or bothered by it -- only the OP was, and I understand how that feels because I've been there. I just didn't want to automatically villify the other mom and little girl.

Also, the OP hasn't clarified any of this, so we don't know what happened.

 

[MiniGirl]

Okay, I responded that the OP hasn't clarified things before I finished reading the thread, and I see that she has. I should have read further, I guess, before responding.

OP, I'm glad to hear that things are okay and these girls aren't mean to her. Seriously, your dd reminds me of my oldest and also of how I was as a child. Like I said in my original post, she'll find her way in life and be just fine. Personally, I don't think being in the "popular" crowd is all that it is cracked up to be.

 

[kimberh]

Personally, I don't think being in the "popular" crowd is all that it is cracked up to be.

It's not!

 

[nessz79]

OP here. Sorry, once DH comes home from work, its usually *his* computer! lol!
Thank you for all of your kind replies. Answer questions:
*no, thank goodness DD did not overhear, she was chasing her brother around, a good 50 feet away.
*the bus pulled up, literally as it was said, so hopefully the mom had an opportunity after school to discuss all the lovely points you all brought up.
The first thing I did was called my mom and asked her how she reacted when people said things about me when I was a kid. She gave me the same advice that many of you did. Don't worry about what others think. I was me, and DD is who she is.
* She enjoys school, and often talks about the same few people, so she is doing well in class. And she introduced me to all of her friends when I had lunch with her last week.
Then, when DD got home, we had a snack, and I dropped a few questions about the bus ride. She says actually the girls are nice to her on the bus, but she doesn't like sitting by boys, because they bother her! One of her best friends from class gets on 2 stops later, and I think they usually sit together from what she said.
But overall, she is very happy with school and with the bus, and of course we talked about talking, letting me know whenever she has a problem (which I often tell her, so I pray once she is old enough for the "big problems" she will)
Our school has conferences instead of report cards the first quarter, and it is comning up next week, so I intend to ask the teacher how she is doing socially.

Sounds like your little girl is doing great! Don't worry about if she's "different". Some kids just are and it seems like it's really the worst in childhood as far as the teasing and gossip.

However, I am sorry that you had to overhear that being said about your daughter. I would have been very hurt, too, so I completely understand. Hey, it's our KIDS and we'd do anything for them, and it's so hard when they get to this age where we can't really be there all the time.

 

[disykat]

The fact that the mother said nothing to her daughter when she said this shows you what she is taught at home. .

This is how threads go bad. Two people now have stated this as fact prior to her coming back with more info, when the OP said no such thing.

I certainly agree that the mother should talk to her child about being kind to others, but there is no indication she didn't do so.

 

[melancholywings]

I can relate. Kids can be so mean. DD had the hardest time making a best friend. But now that she's in second grade her best friend is a little boy who shares her love of pokemon.
When she was in private preschool there were three girls in her class all with the name Alina. They were such 'heathers', very mean to DD and would take over the slide and only allow certain children to use it. They were only nice to DD when they were fighting with each other. Such manipulative horrid little girls. We complained to the teacher who did nothing (not even the playground bullying). We complained about her apathy to the principle - again nothing. Even when the Alina's made racist comments (they would only allow the little girls that looked like them to play with them). So we switched to public school and childcare after that - it was such a positive switch. DD learned more and faster in the public setting.

 

[happygirl]

I'm so sorry that happend. Kids can be so cruel

I hope that the other mom was just trying to ignoring the little girl, Knowing you guys were right there and said something to her when she got home

 

[crisi]

There will always be kids who don't like your kid. There will always be kids who your kid doesn't like. You can't force other people to like your kid, nor can you force your kid to like others. You can encourage your daughter to be kind and to exhibit the behaviors that make for a good friend. If she does that, then she will have as smooth sailing as any kid gets - which won't be without waves. Good friends listen, good friends make time for their friends, good friends reciprocate invitations. Good friends share and respect other people. Help her with social awareness - little things for a kindergartner like making sure her hair is tidy and she is clean (those things can be really hard for a five year old), that she doesn't talk over people, that she isn't too bossy (or too submissive). Make playdates with as many kids as you can - rotate them through, but don't tolerate playdates with children who are really mean to your daughter (or who she picks on, there will likely be that as well). Do realize that some picking on is normal, and necessary for her social development - she needs to learn how to handle not being liked or she'll have a hard time in the real world.

 

[angiengary]

I can't believe the mother didn't say anything to her daughter. I would have been on my son so fast about how to treat people and would he like it if someone said that about it. SOME parents these days amaze me.