Desperate Mommy venting....what am I doing wrong?!

[o2bacelt]

You are not alone. I have a 3.5 year old DD and her mood swings, the eyeball rolling (which I told her she wasn't allowed to do until she was a teenager) and the attitude are making me nuts.

Thankfully we have a fantastic community center near by which is where DD goes to pre-school, takes swimming and gymnastics, so everyday we have one activity outside the house, M/W swimming (it's only a 1/2 hour but we're still out of the house), T/Th is preschool, and Friday is gymnastics. A lot of the time, since it's also where my gym is, I will workout, on M/W/F DD goes to kidcare after her activity so I can get a little peace for myself and DD gets to play with other kids because she is an only.

I think things have been getting worse in our house the last few weeks but we've been talking today and yesterday about not being so grumpy and whiny and about helping around the house. We'll see how that goes...

 

[The Lion King]

our kids are 8 and 5 and we have the same battles-every.single.day-even on our recent trip to Disney. There were so many times when I was so embarrassed to be seen with them-my dd would have a tantrum because she couldn't ride a ride by herself. One day they were fighting over who would say the blessing at dinner-they argue/fight over every and anything.

 

[mikamah]

You are definitely not alone. I only have one son, but remember a few years ago when he was 3 or 4, having a horrible day with him, just testing his limits, my screaming, and at my wits end, and at the end of the day, I asked him how he thought today was, think he'd reflect and we'd talk about behavior, etc, and his answer was, "today was great, mommy" with a great big smile. So even a horrible day in your eyes, with not the greatest mommy behavior, your love for your kids is what they are seeing and feeling. (at least I hope it is)

My son is only 6, but I don't think it gets worse, as he's growing up, some parts are definitely easier, but the challenges change. We do the best we can, and hope that is good enough.

 

[ColleenG]

We are in the same rut with our 6, 4, and 2 year old (luckily the baby can't chime in yet). They have the worst case of cabin fever I have ever experienced. The fighting is nonstop and all I do is scream at them too. I'm constantly asking them if they really like Mommy being like this. Of course they all say no. I work too about 15 hours a week and look forward to getting out of the house away from them for a little while. Don't get me wrong I love them all dearly, but Mommy needs spring NOW or to be magically transported to WDW where there is always peace and harmony in our family.

Don't worry, you are not alone. Even Mommies need to escape once in awhile. Glad I'm not the only one either.

 

[Atchley]

DD and DS are 9 (almost 10) and 8 respectivly. They have been arguing CONSTANTLY lately. They will just pick and pick and pick at each other until one just hauls off and smacks the other one and a small fight follows. It feels like I have been having to step in so much here lately.

They are both in Tae Kwon Do. Sometimes I feel like putting them in their sparring gear and just letting them go at it.

Funny thing is that when they get along, they really get along. It's like in the cartoons. The clouds open up and the sun shines directly down on them, birds sing, flowers dance, trees sway to the music, etc;. Funny how things can be so wonderful sometimes and incredibly horrible others.

Just know that you aren't alone. We're all going crazy!!

 

[dizkids]

Definitely NOT alone! Mine are boy/girl/boy 11,9,6..its like the sun rises and sets everyday...so does the fighting and that is the worst part. It is very trying at times but you sound really normal and unfortunately so do your kids.
Hopefully, change of seasons will help.

 

[Newcastle]

My middle daughter, who is now 7, was an absolute terror in her younger days! I swear that there were days when I just wanted to pull my hair out. We implemented a reward board/system and I was absolutely shocked at the result. It was like night and day! Interestingly, even when we had to punish her for something, instead of her freaking out and making our lives even more difficult, she actually responded very well. I guess the theory that children need boundaries and rely on us as parents to set limits in order for them to feel secure is not a bunch of psycho-babble after all! I think the challenge is that you have to be SO consistent with children and that can be very difficult to achieve day after day after day....

 

[hoosiergirl7]

You are so not alone. It's going around. Granted we're in the South right now and the weather has been a roller coaster. On Thurs. it was 78 degrees, the next day a front pushed through and the temps dropped during the day into the upper 40's. Today has been rainy and yucky and only in the 50's.

Our biggest problem is DS4 is currently an only child. Not by choice, it's just the way things are going right now. He hates entertaining himself and playing in his room. I have a hard time getting things done since he is so demanding. It's very frustrating. He also gets angry and frustrated really easily which usually leads to some nasty back talking, ie. 'I'm not going to be your best friend!" and "I don't love you mommy!". I always say, "you can't be my best friend because you're my son." and, "mommy is sad that you don't love her but I still love you."

We've gotten him into soccer and karate in hopes of allowing him the ability to get a lot of his energy out. It's helped a little but he still demands a lot of our time and makes trouble if we don't engage him. Some days I'm at my wits end with him.

And yes, I've heard it gets worse.

 

[MoniqueU]

well contrary to the other poster i do think it gets better.. i remember the mind numbing fatigue and craziness of the toddler/preschool years and I don't remember much of them with fondness. I now have a 10,11 and 15 year old and no way would I want to go back in time. I talk to one of my cousins that has all her kids at home all the time and she is so overwhelmed. I feel for her but always tell her it will get better because for me it truely has. Don't get me wrong we still have issues but more on a level I can deal with now.

 

[ty&brenmom]

It must be the weather. Though my sons have always fought with each other and it's all because they are total opposites of each other. It has gotten out of control, if they are in the same room they are fighting. I can handle the not doing chores, or not listening but when the two of them start fighting it's horrible, just want to pull my hair out.
I agree the "mommy" time is a must in order to avoid needing medication. I work 40 hours a week, attend school part time (and feel guilty being away for so long), but I also have joined a gym and work out three times a week (I try not to feel guilty about this one, as it has really saved me).
And discipline is another area that you just have to adjust depending on the child, my oldest I just threaten to take away the WII and he says sorry and moves on, but my youngest we have a reward chart, a "thinking" chair, and if the behavior isnt' changed he has various consequences.
But my boys say they love me a million times every day, and I get lots of hugs and in the end that's all that matter.

 

[IkeandMike]

I don't seem to yell as much lately. Our kids are five now and the tantrums and constant fighting has come to a stop. I think it's just the calm before the storm. When they were younger I would yell all day. Although we still have a few bad days a week, its not everyday. And normally it's my son who is the headache. He just pushes and pushes those limits as best he can.

Now I just have to work on getting him to STOP with all the bad words. I've tried soap, vinegar, sending him to his room. BEGGING!!! But I think he might have torettes or something. It's like he get's soooo angry at us that he just can't help himself. I know that he shouldn't have learned the words to begin with. Boy if I could take those few slip ups back I would.

My advice is just to be constant with you discipline. I used to be the type to just threaten and never fully do what I threatened to do. But now if i tell them you will loose your dessert with dinner if you're not good at the table. They actually loose it.

 

[powellrj]

Can I offer a little advice. My kids drive me crazy much of the time. I remember the toddler years and trust me,the teen years are pretty similar. The kids are just bigger and know more words!

One thing that I found helps is a change of pace. When the day is really really bad, throw routine out the window and do something different. I mean something like eat ice cream for breakfast, stay in your pjs all day. Just shake up the day!

My kids have been going crazy the last few weeks and driving me crazy. We went shopping on friday and I thought that would help, but it didn't.

On the way home we stopped at a dairy farm. You know one of those places for little kids. My kids are 17 and almost 12, much too old, but they had a blast. We took the tour and then had ice cream. 2 days later and they are still talking about it. It was just something out of the routine and it shook up the day.

 

[disneygal2007]

My kids are the same way. Hunny u Are not alone trust me.

 

[Juliet25]

DD, almost 5, is driving her dad and I absolutely crazy. She needs to be entertained all day long. Right now she's behind me whining b/c DH won't play ponies with her (after playing with her for over an hour). She's very demanding of our time. I think a lot of it has to do with cabin fever. I have no idea where to take her. I'm 9 months pregnant, so anywhere that involves walking is a no-go!

I'm a big fan of pre-school/parents day out. Honestly, it's as good for them as it is for us! I don't know how I'm going to swing it financially, but I plan on getting DD in day care one day a week while I'm on my non-paid maternity leave. I just can't deal with the 24 hour/day whining.

We're supposed to go see Horton Hears a Who in 45 minutes, but DD refuses to get dressed. She's literally behind me moaning about her dad not playing with her.

Remind again why I'm having another one.

 

[mamaLori05]

OH, I hear you too!! I used to work in a preschool full of three year olds (now I have my own), so I totally know what you are talking about. My best advice is just to pick your battles. Some children will do things just to get a "rise" out of you, and if they don't see a response from you, they'll just drop it. They are also just realizing that they can make their own choices and want to test that out as well. One example is the other day my daughter decided she didn't want to wear her coat. We live in Wisconsin and it was only 38 degrees outside!! I was going to make her put it on, but then decided it was not a battle worth fighting. I just said okay, that's your choice, and we went outside. (I just brought her coat with me). About two minutes after being outside she decided she was cold and wanted to put her jacket on. So I gave it to her and she put it on. No fighting..and a lesson learned for her, it was awesome!!! I've learned through the years that unless the child is in physical harm, or harming someone else, the battle probably isn't worth fighting. Life is much happier that way!! Good luck!!!

 

[disneymomof2boyz]

I completely understand what you're going through. I have 2 boys, who are 11 months apart. I have had some pretty intense years b/c of the fact that they are so close in age. My oldest one is now in his attitude stage, and my youngest is constantly testing me.
Two things that I find helpful for my boys are physical activity and mental challenges. My boys as all boys have a lot of energy, so I really try to wear them out. I can't go to the park everyday, but I try to go at least twice a week. Another thing that I do is puzzle time. I have 3 or 4 of those 24pc. puzzles and i have them sit and do it. Boy, do they ever get quiet (when they aren't frustrated w/ it).
Everyone has told me that it gets better. That is until they hit 12 or 13!!
Good luck, and trust me you are not alone!

 

[higgy66]

You're definitely not alone - as you can see from all the posts.

My dds are 5 & 4 and I'd say most of the time they get along fine but some days they just argue and tittle tattle all day.

The one tip I would pass on to anybody would be

On days when it seems all they do is fall out and argue and I'm fed up of hearing my own voice I suddenly put on some music and we all jump up and dance. After a couple of songs we're ALL in a different frame of mind and end up just laughing. I can honestly say this just changes the atmosphere and it's like the start of a new day. Suddenly they start getting on again and want to help me with small chores etc.

Perhaps the sight of their Mum dancing around is enough to scare them that I'm close to the egde!

 

[cherjp]

HI you are not alone believe me my two boys are 13 and 10 and it doesnt get any easier!!!

my youngest is going through a phase where he wont sleep at night , says he is scared etc and ends up coming into our bed , so instead of wrestling with 10 year old for the covers one of us usually goes into his bed, believe me you will do anything for a good nights sleep!!

we are not sure if he is really scared or wanting a bit of extra attention,BUT
back to YOU sorry for going off topic,

can you try to get them more involved in household chores, etc or let them play outside in the fresh air to run the energy off.

a reward chart is a great idea but you must be consistent.

take care and you are NOT alone.

 

[jkCT]

My kids seem to go through stages like that...argue/bicker constantly, then best friends...they're 18 months apart so I think that adds to it.

When mine were pre-schoolers and arguing, after a while I had to stop giving warnings and just give a quick "everyone needs one minute of quiet to take a deep breath" time outs wherever they were, then redirect them to another task. I also started giving them verbal feedback..."you sound like you are tired/cranky/mad...what can we do to make that bad feeling go away?" SOmetimes the arguing was because someone was hungry, tired, or on sensory overload.

It always helped my girls to hear when they were being good too! "Wow! You guys are laughing together and sharing your toys! Good job!"

Hang in there!

 

[eliza61]

Hang in there OP, it could be worse. I am now living in the "I'm a teenager so absolutely every thing you say is stupid" and " I know every thing simple because I breathe" stage. I swear these kids are going to college if it kills me, not because of their future, but because me and dh are looking forward to 4 years of them being out of the house.

This too shall pass.