Desperate Mommy venting....what am I doing wrong?!

[RumpleMom]

I wish I had time to write a longer response for the younger years, but go to the library for books by John Rosemond.

Our youngest is graduating from college... my answer in the teenage years was... you will be grown up when you are no longer financially dependent on your parents.

 

[The Moonk's Mom]

You really are not alone! I am pretty sure I was about to start the same thread about two weeks ago, but added I had DH problems too! I also was working the 20 hrs a week to "get away", but last week I decided to take a leave from my job to stay home for a few months. EVERYTHING was falling apart for us it seemed. (Let me add that my FIL lives with us, he's sick, but not the easiest to take care of, if you know what I mean and it ALL falls on me! ). The kids all of a sudden were getting on my nerves. The stress of it all just made it difficult on all of us, and I was taking it out on whoever was the closest. Finally, one day I sat the kids and DH down and told them that something HAD to change. So, we too started the 3 strikes and your out system for our kids. I took leave from my job. Things are much better now. I really have not yelled at the kids in the last week or so. If they are out of control, I calmly look at whoever is creating the problem and say "theres your strike" and most days we only get two strikes, per kid. Really a big improvement. I know that the going to work seems like it is a break, but now I think I used that as a way to resent the small things they were doing, if that makes any sense. No, things probably aren't always going to be perfect, but I feel like I have a better grip on things.

 

[breezy1077]

Yes, I think this is a good idea and was thinking about alternative options this morning. We use the '1,2,3 Magic' technique "that's 1, that's 2, that's 3, time out". Hasn't been working lately. I was thinking about trying a chart for good behavior to change things up a little bit.

I think part of the problem too is that we are just SOOOOO ready for Spring and nice weather! We live in CT and the kids are just so ready to get outside and play! We've ventured out when the weather has been decent, but not enough to make them happy. We need warm, dry weather to they can play and run!!!

Thanks for your suggestions.

What I didn't really want to hear was that it only gets worse.... (seriously - were you trying to push me over the edge?! )

We're big on the one, two, three technique, but heres what I've discovered. When you start to see that they are testing you, you need to go to automatic time out with no countdown (on things that you know they know they're not allowed to do). Once you do that for a week or so, you'll probably find out that the bounderies have been re-set and you're good for probably another couple months or so. Hope it works for you.

 

[mom22princessesL&S]

Since when do children get 3 chances to disobey their parents. I totally disagree with the 1,2, 3, timeout method. I have a 4 and 7 year old and they were taught to obey their mother/father the first time they were told to do something. Granted, they don't always choose to obey and they have an immediate consequence for that choice. They get sent to their room or get a privelage taken away. I think the 1,2,3, timeout method puts the child in charge and takes the authority away from the parent. Also I don't reward my children for behavior that is expected from them. We have a very fun life and try to keep the kids involved in activities they like and do fun things together on the weekends. We would not participate in any of these activities if their behavior was unacceptable.
I am definetly a parent who loves and adores her children and I would do anything for them. I also am a parent who loves their children enough to discipline them and teach them to be respectful and kind. My children are very happy children who love their parents and understand that they are the child and we are the parents.

This of course is JMHO.

 

[The Moonk's Mom]

Since when do children get 3 chances to disobey their parents. I totally disagree with the 1,2, 3, timeout method. I have a 4 and 7 year old and they were taught to obey their mother/father the first time they were told to do something. Granted, they don't always choose to obey and they have an immediate consequence for that choice. They get sent to their room or get a privelage taken away. I think the 1,2,3, timeout method puts the child in charge and takes the authority away from the parent. Also I don't reward my children for behavior that is expected from them. We have a very fun life and try to keep the kids involved in activities they like and do fun things together on the weekends. We would not participate in any of these activities if their behavior was unacceptable.
I am definetly a parent who loves and adores her children and I would do anything for them. I also am a parent who loves their children enough to discipline them and teach them to be respectful and kind. My children are very happy children who love their parents and understand that they are the child and we are the parents.

This of course is JMHO.

Just so I am clear...there is NO tolerance in our house for disobeying...maybe I should have said that before. I use the three strike method for things like not completing jobs that they are expected to do (clean rooms, take out trash, put away toys), I just feel these are things they should do, and were not doing on a regular basis and I was doing. But in no way are they allowed to be disrespectful or not do what they are told to do or fight with each other to the point of being loud or physical. These would and does recieve quick punishment. (and they know this). We also do not really reward say for jobs, no allowance. Now, we do look at things we do as a reward, trips, going out to eat, movies, and these things will be taken away or we will leave if they do not behave properly.

 

[snow88]

There must be something in the air today...
I am absolutely FRAZZLED to the max.
DD just turned 2 and DS just turned 3
I feel like ALL I do is yell from the moment we wake up
until the moment they go to sleep.
I Hate myself for it.
The two year old is obsessed with going potty.
Since her brother is all trained she wants to be too.
Everytime he has to go, She SCREAMs NO I HAVE TO GO POTTY...
And then there is one huge battle. I have two little potties but they
both have to use the big one. The she insists on trying to
go standing up like her brother and Pees on her feet.
I finally get her dressed and 5 minutes later she insists
she has to go again and undresses herself and we start over.
Or she refuses to put a diaper or pullup on and wets herself.
Then there is a constant battle over toys.
They always want what the other one has.
I try to keep them busy. But the two year old eats everything...
Playdough... Crayons... Paint... Paper....
They are constantly getting into all my stuff.
I have no place to hide anything.
They can open all the cabinet latches.
They get chairs to climb on the counter.
They climb over gates....
I feel like they are terrorizing me.
I can't find a job that pays enough to even cover daycare.
I just need a break...
Suzanne

I was feeling sad till I read this thread. My life seems so much better now. To the person who started this thread. I never believed my friend when she said just wait till they are teenagers. Yep, it gets much worse. I believe that only people with very strong self-esteems should have children...why? Because when they turn teenagers ..."you're stupid and the worst parent in the world."

 

[_queenie_]

Yep, it gets much worse. I believe that only people with very strong self-esteems should have children...why? Because when they turn teenagers ..."you're stupid and the worst parent in the world."

My DS17 is odd, but in a good way I suppose, I can't get the kid to leave the house!
He never goes "out" at night, he thinks he's to young to be in a serious relationship, doesn't want to have a car until college, wonders why kids care about popularity so much, likes "tutoring" younger kids at playing video games, likes spending time with the family on vacations, hardly ever doesn't want to go out to dinner with the rest of us, and last month used up approximately eleven minutes on his cell phone!

At times I'm confused, but I really don't have a problem with that.
Sorry, I'm not helping.

 

[Tigger&Aidan]

My DS is an only child - and working hard on keeping it that way! Honestly, he tests my patience so much anymore that I'm questioning if I can even handle another! I swear, it's Mommy, Mommy, Mommy - doesn't even let me answer before he continues. I'm always asking why he never calls Daddy??? Oh and the attitude - that's got to go! Today was a No-Fest! No to everything I said....

Like others, I do think the weather plays a part in our struggle. It's been nice the past few days and DS is a totally different kid. I guess there's only so much you can do inside.... Hoping that spring weather visits us all soon!

 

[mybabesuz]

Okay... just got done watching them sleep...

So sweet, innocent, and peaceful...

I do love them soooo...

Made myself laugh when I read my post...

I should print it and put it in DDs baby book...

 

[DevilDuckie]

you're not alone...but it doesn't get better as they get older, dont let anyone tell you differently!

But it does get different which is a lifesaver! The battles change which helps with the frustration a bit.

OP, if you are not giving yourself a night out once a week, start doing so immediately. Let Dad keep the kids and grab a girlfriend for some adult time where you're not in charge of anyone. Even if it is just a cup of coffee and a nice long chat that little bit of "me time" will do wonders to ease the strain. Make sure Dad gets some time too. We are better parents when we take care of ourselves too.

 

[breezy1077]

Just so I am clear...there is NO tolerance in our house for disobeying...maybe I should have said that before. I use the three strike method for things like not completing jobs that they are expected to do (clean rooms, take out trash, put away toys), I just feel these are things they should do, and were not doing on a regular basis and I was doing. But in no way are they allowed to be disrespectful or not do what they are told to do or fight with each other to the point of being loud or physical. These would and does recieve quick punishment. (and they know this). We also do not really reward say for jobs, no allowance. Now, we do look at things we do as a reward, trips, going out to eat, movies, and these things will be taken away or we will leave if they do not behave properly.

 

[penguin087]

I didn't read the entire thread but In my house the running joke is that nobody hears a word I say unless I scream it at the top of my lungs. That includes my husband. I swear they just don't listen unless I yell. I feel your pain.

 

[BeckyScott]

Yep welcome to my life.

Two boys, 10 and 8, the youngest is autistic and the oldest is ADHD. Most days I can't even go pee in peace. The 8-year-old whines constantly and they just won't leave each other alone. The volume in this house there is always something wrong, somebody needs me to come here, one kid took something that belongs to the other kid or won't let them have a turn or something just got spilled or broken or lost... UGH!! DH works nights so I'm on my own for after-school thru bedtime.

Having said that, oldest DS just got an excellent report card and his teacher thinks he's doing quite well. And when push comes to shove, they get along fine and know better and oldest DS will watch out for youngest. DS is autistic but in some ways we're lucky because he's not as severe as many other kids.

 

[ekball]

Okay... just got done watching them sleep...

So sweet, innocent, and peaceful...

I do love them soooo...

Made myself laugh when I read my post...

I should print it and put it in DDs baby book...

I know...I go into their rooms every night to savor those sweet moments. It's such a good reminder, isn't it?!

But it does get different which is a lifesaver! The battles change which helps with the frustration a bit.

OP, if you are not giving yourself a night out once a week, start doing so immediately. Let Dad keep the kids and grab a girlfriend for some adult time where you're not in charge of anyone. Even if it is just a cup of coffee and a nice long chat that little bit of "me time" will do wonders to ease the strain. Make sure Dad gets some time too. We are better parents when we take care of ourselves too.

Thanks for the reminder....I have never given myself a night out a week. Ever, unless it is for work. But the day I wrote my original post I decided that it was time!! I signed up for a yoga class at our community center that meets one night a week, after the kiddos are in bed. I'm looking forward to a little 'me time' for once. I'm also training to walk in the Breast Cancer 3-Day, so my training walks are my 'me time' too (when I can fit them in at the end of the day). I'm working on it....

Thanks to everyone for your posts. It just helps to hear that we are not alone, doesn't it?!

 

[coconutisland9@yahoo]

I think I was meant to see this thread today!!!!!

Today was one of those days. I agree with the weather point! We are in Michigan and I swear the weather is never going to warm up!!!!! Anytime we get a nice day you can immediately see a difference.

Thanks for the reminder that I am not alone!