desperate help needed-suggestions appreciated

[Teresa Pitman]

This may sound harsh, but you are in a harsh predicament.

The reason you are in this situation is because you have purchased things and lived at a level you can't afford.

Wanting to make changes isn't really part of this deal, you need to make changes.

Everyone would rather own their own house and property rather than live in a rental. If you can't afford it, you simply can't afford it. If you didn't own the house you own now, nobody would currently, in your financial situation, loan you the money to purchase that house.

You want to spend your free time with your kids instead of working? This is why you are living on credit cards.

You want to live where you live? This is why you are living on credit cards.

If you don't want to make changes then you are going to keep getting what you have been getting.

Even if you sell the house, stop the sports, and make drastic cuts in your spending, it's still a years long rough row to hoe for you to get out of this situation.

If you don't make drastic changes the outlook is even more bleak.

I know everyone is cheerleading here and we all hope the best for you, but, this requires a life change, cutting the land line and eating out less isn't the answer.

This is kind of what I was trying to say - I think you need to make some big changes.

If the city where you live is too expensive, you may have to move somewhere else. It may mean commuting to work (try public transit) or maybe you'll need to find new jobs first. Renting isn't so terrible, and renting doesn't mean you have to live in a bad neighbourhood.

TP

 

[NotUrsula]

A few things come to mind. Most of them (other than dropping the club sports) will not cut your expenses that much individually, but they will add up over time.

First off, try consolidating all of your telecommunications expenses into one plan; you shouldn't need to pay two bills for your internet and your landline in this day and age; try rolling them together. Don't use contract cell phones; prepaids are almost always cheaper, and if you have to drop a phone you can, as they are not a fixed expense. Dropping cable is a savings, but if it is your only entertainment, then it may be worth keeping, especially if you can reduce what it costs by rolling it in with the phone and internet.

Try to get rid of as many fixed expenses as you can, and put every spare dime you can scrape up toward knocking out the debt with the highest interest rate. If you can consolidate some of your consumer debt to lower the interest rate, that would probably be a good idea to do.

If you are home, then you have the luxury of time, so use it to save money. Make every meal from scratch, and buy in quantity at places like butcher shops and farmers markets. Put yourself on a cash-only food budget; no writing checks or using a debit card at the grocery store. I've always found that when times are hard, the food budget is the sieve, because it's an easy place to treat yourself without feeling it right away. If you are paying from an envelope and cannot buy without the notes in hand, you'll be much more careful.

Work on energy savings around the house where you can. Close off the vents in unused rooms of your home, and keep the temps lower on the water heater and the furnace; time your showers and just wear warmer clothing. Make it a point to trip-chain all errands, trying to reduce the distance you drive.

Counting on scholarships for competitive sports is almost always a losing proposition, and I really cannot see it being worth the gamble in Canada, where your college expenses are so much lower than in the US. $500/mo in sports fees is $6K/yr; most public colleges in Canada don't equal that annually for undergrad tuition.

In the end, your real solution is another job. Whether you take it on yourself or your spouse takes it on as a second job, you need additional income, and it has to come from somewhere. Time to start looking for some additional money. Older kids' time would almost surely be better spent working and saving for college expenses.

 

[EagleScout]

A little bit off topic, but speaking of taxes, we live in ny in a suburb of nyc, and I empathize on taxes. our gross pay is a bit more than thrice yours, but our after tax and insurance take home is a little more than 2,5 yours, and if you add in property tax (over 2 thousand per MONTH), it is closer to only twice yours-or less. And with that crazy credit card debt you have, you may want to give serious consideration to speaking with a debt management lawyer, and likely a bankruptcy lawyer -but even if u get a clean slate, still take serious time to re-evaluate your expenses.

 

[LauraR]

I think you have gotten a lot of good advice from others about cutting costs. You should just methodically go down the list you made of expenses and look for cheaper alternatives (shop around for cheaper car and home insurance, do VOIP, drop cable, consolidate trips, eat more lentils, use the library as an entertainment resource, switch to water saving shower heads and faucets, etc.) I know such large debt can be overwhelming, but you are taking the hard look at your finances that will turn things around. The more action you take, the better you will feel. You may want to talk to an attorney about what would happen if you and your husband were to declare bankruptcy. It might be your best course of action, or it might not, but it would be good to know what would be involved. In the meantime, try to tighten your belt as much as you can.
I would include your kids in the your efforts, so that everyone is on the same page. Knowing how important sports are to them, I wouldn't eliminate them entirely, just perhaps cut back on the most expensive activities, or have them pick one or two things that are most important to them. Maybe with the extra free time they can do odd jobs or baby-sitting to earn some money themselves (if old enough) to help pay for their sports.
I've been in deep debt, and had to cut spending to the bone (the Tightwad Gazette was my bible!) You'd be surprised at how much you can trim once you start looking at everything critically.
BTW, is Hydro just your water bill? That seems really high. I don't know if that is just more expensive in Canada, but our monthly water/sewage is about $35. Could you have a major leak going on somewhere?

 

[Mrs Eeyore]

BTW, is Hydro just your water bill? That seems really high. I don't know if that is just more expensive in Canada, but our monthly water/sewage is about $35. Could you have a major leak going on somewhere?

Up here hydro means electricity.

 

[brockash]

A rental in this area for 3 bedroom (would need 3 bedrooms as we have two opposite sex children) would be about 1400-1800. So in reality that would save us nothing and we would be just dumping money into nothing. At least long term we will have a lot of equity in our home. We did think about renting and looked into it. There is a reason we need a house but if I write about that people might know who we are and dont want to divulge that.
Car payment is gone in 10 months so very happy about that. We would get nothing back to equal it or would have to start again with another payment over 4 years so do not want to go there. Cars are more expensive here too.

We are seriously considering dumping the sports too and if we do, yes, have that extra too but still can not make ends meet so was wondering if anyone had tried the consumer proposal or know anything about them.

Just looking at some idea if we shoudl consider the consumer proposal or if we shoudl just continue to live like this month after month...........which really is not boding well for anyone:-(

Thank you.

I know it's not ideal, but just wanted to say that you really don't need a 3 bedroom house. There are lots of opposite gender children who have to share a room. If you look at the bright side, at least they have a roof over their head, a room at all, and a bed. I know it sounds sad, but there are many children even in Canada and the U.S. that don't have that. Like I said, I know it's not ideal, but if you want to get serious about getting out of debt, then I certainly wouldn't rule out getting a cheap 1-2 bedroom for a few years. It is a sacrifice, but sacrifice is what has to be done in a situation like this.

Wanted to add that I agree with the pp, that another job for either you or DH really probably needs to happen. Also, I would really look at cutting down the grocery bill. Most ppl., us included, waste A LOT of money on wasted food as well as just pure junk food. The only drinks I would buy is milk...otherwise it should be water for all. You should be buying the bare min. I get that it's not going to be what you or the kids may "want" to eat, but at this point, you can't afford to eat what you "want" to eat. I know it's much easier said than done, but just saying you could probably cut out a lot just by that, plus your health would probably appreciate it, if you stop to think that not only are you saving money, but you're also not putting junk into your body.

 

[DawnM]

My responses are in RED.

As I see it, if you cut cable ($55), landline ($65), half the sports ($260), $200 or so in groceries, $510 in car payments (after 10 months), and hopefully $250 or so in gas......

You can save over $1,300/mo by just cutting back on some things (ok, $510 of that is your car payment that is going away in 10 months.)

If you were to really buckle down, you could pay off that debt in fewer than 10 years.

I am not commenting on the housing situation because I don't know what your area is actually like. I also am not sure it is the wisest as you have several categories in there that really COULD be cut back without a huge deal of sacrifice IMO.

Dawn

Hi everyone.

I know you all will judge when you read this and we deserve it. Not sure how we have amassed this debt but once in it, we are finding it impossible to get out. It is so bad now we are considering bankruptcy or consumer proposal and I need suggestions on these. I do post on these boards but have changed my name as I am embarrased and do not want anyone to know who we are. We have not been to Disney or on any trip in over 2 years. There are none planned. I can't imagine we will ever be able to go on a trip again.

My husband and I both work full time (Well I work 30 hours but can not work anymore due to children). We are in Canada. Please remember Canada tax rates are hugely different than US but one benefit is that we do have health care. I have recently been diagnosed with a life long disease that will impact me in many ways but I can still work. Husband is in very secure job that is well paying.

Combined we do make 115,000. However after taxes (get ready to gasp), pension, union fees, etc we take home on a monthly basis 5400-5600.

We do own a home but have a large mortgage.

How did we get into this stupid situation? Honestly, I hate to say it, we just kept using credit to pay for everything that came up. We were stupid. But once we realized how stupid we were being, we couldn't catch back up. It is very easy to say you can when the money comes easy. Once the interest rates click in though, forget it. We did not purchase trips, designer clothes, etc. We basically were using this for emergency items that came up. If you came through our home you would see we have nothing special. No big purchases over last 2 years.......husband and I have not bought gifts for each other in over 5 years. No furniture purchases in last 5 years besides for tv. Odd towles, sheets, and small appliances have been bought due to need. Those would go on credit as we do not have extra.............If you walked through my closet you would see there are no new clothes and clothes I do have are not name brand. In fact, I have three tshirts and it is now summer and trying to figure out how to get a few more...........not to mention shorts.

We do not drink or smoke.

We spend money on the kids. Unfortunately there is where any extra goes and it is a case of our kids were gifted athletically and we can't seem to take them out of the sports. They do extremely well in the sports they are in. Highest levels. They are good kids. They do not get extra toys, videogames, name brand clothing, etc. What they get is payments on their sports every month.

Here is run down of our expenses (and you can gasp that we pay even further taxes on all things we purchase, and also big land taxes. This is how we get free health care

Monthly
Mortgage: 1600
Land taxes: 380
Heat: 155
Hydro: 200
Landline: 65.00- DUMP
Cable: 55.00- DUMP
Internet (need this for work): 60.00
Bank fee: 15.00- What is this? Can you get rid of it?
Car and house insurance: 315
Cells: 75
Car payment (done next March so 10 months to go): 510- Pay this off and don't get another payment this high again if at all possible
Total: 3430

Variable (some months these go up and down)
Groceries (pet food, personal hygenie, haircuts, etc included): 800- Cut to $600
Car gas (gas is more expensive in Canada): 600- WHY? Is this partly due to all the sports running around?

1400+3430=4830

Kids sports: 520- Cut back severely. Ask them to pick ONE sport. They will not be getting multiple scholarships for multiple sports. Pick the ONE you really want and have them pay half of it. I admit I have no idea how much this will cut from the budget but I would aim for at least cutting it to $260/mo or half of the current amount.

Total: 5350

Okay so we should even out there.......except there is nothing for emergencies........when we need an oil change, or new tires or the furnace breaks down......and when we need to buy Christmas presents, kids school functions, home maintenance, or we have to pay for vet bill, liscense fees, or we need running shoes, or clothes (kids do grow and things do wear out) or we decide to visit family every few months and have to spend an extra 75.00 in gas. We never eat out. Well maybe 3 times a year.
So every month these things come up and what did we do. We put them on credit. Plus we had a business that went broke and 20,000 of the debt is from that...............

Total of all debt: almost 80, 000.

So on a monthly basis how do we pay the 2500 or more that we need to pay monthly minimums...........we don't have it. So we pay one to take from the other and it is an awful cycle.

How do we get out of this mess. Even if we tell kids they get no sports anymore, then what? We still can not make ends meet. That is the only thing we can possibly cut. Gas can not be reduced as we have to drive everywhere. Groceries maybe can cut a tiny bit here and there but nothing significant. Can't cut internet as I work from home a lot. Could cut cable I guess for 50.00 a month. Otherwise there is nothing else to cut. Nothing.

How do we manage? So do we go bankrupt? We hate to do that as they would take the little bit of retirement savings we do have and risk of losing our home, not to mention never having credit again.

So what can you tell me about consumer proposals? Do they work?

Just fyi, we are not behind on anything. We manage to get all monthly payments paid but unfortunately then we just have to use that again so debt is not going down.

We can not borrow from anyone. Nor would I feel right asking. We got into this mess now we have to figure how to get out. This is causing stress in our marriage and we are much more irriitable with kids. No fun wondering how to buy groceries or get gas into the car.

Help, suggestions, anything. Like I said, please do not judge, I know we made mistakes. I can't fix that now. Would we go back and change those mistakes. Without a doubt but we can not now. Do we want to fix what we can? yes. Do we want to sleep peacefully again. yes.


thank you.

 

[FayeW]

OP, I sent you a PM. You've only got a few posts so not sure if you can receive messages, although it let me send you one!

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

I haven't read through every post so if this was written already, I apologize. Are there items (Your kids clothes that no longer fit, books, sneakers, shoes, dvds, etc) that you could sell on Ebay? It's a good way to de-clutter and make extra cash. I totally get working 30 hours to still be able to spend time with the kids. I was looking at your itemized list- for the pet food included in your groceries, is this for dogs and cats plus other animals such as hamsters, fish etc? b/c I was going to suggest getting rid of the fish, hamsters, etc for the time being that cost extra money for their bedding and food... cats and dogs obviously they are family members. And try to use coupons with your groceries if you have not already. $500 every month for sports? That is insane!! My son plays football, wrestling and baseball and while expensive, it is a 1 time a season thing and not every month. Is there fundraising to bring down the cost of these sports? Can you propose that idea to the coaches? I'm sure they would not want to lose your children as you said they are very athletic. Maybe they could give you a discount b/c you have multiple kids in sports. It doesn't hurt to at least ask, and don't worry about pride- they will be understanding.

Good luck to you- I hope you are able to get the debt down eventually. If you have equity in your home, maybe you could sell it and get a smaller home? I'd hate to see you sell then start renting- as you already pointed out, mortgage payments are in the same range as monthly rent, which it's like that in my state as well...so stick w/ owning a home- and if downgrading for the time being would work, maybe try that.. take the profit from your home (Assuming you have enough equity and can sell for a profit) to buy a smaller home and use that extra $ to pay off the debt. That's the only way I see obtaining that kind of money to eliminate the debt--- OR can you transfer the debt to another credit card that offers a low interest rate? I think they call it a "Balance transfer"?

 

[bababear_50]

Hi Hon

Just wanted to say 'way to go'! The first baby step is realizing you have to do something.
I am actively working on paying off debt and find it inspiring to hear all the stories and advice everyone offers. I remember as a child hearing my parents say "Never borrow on your home" and "Never get a 2nd or 3rd mortgage". Well the banks here have done a great job of brainwashing so many Canadians into get Home Equity Lines of Credit, that I fear alot of Canadian own very little of the actual equity in their home. I shudder to think what will happen when interest rates go up---and yes they eventually will.

A few things I am trying to do

Selling cottage--please hurry up and sell!
Will pay off line of credit when it sells.

Paid off Visa and only use it for emergencies.

Had dryer vent cleaned-that 80 -160 minute a load of laundry to dry is now 20 minutes.
I am washing/drying only at night-off peak hours.

Shop more frequently --we are so guilty of throwing out unused food in my home. More meal planning.

Trying to give up the daily visit to Tim Hortons or McDonalds--coffee.

My cell phone is pay as you go--so when it runs out I have to use a land line.

Spoke with Bell Canada --said I wanted to cancel phone--negotiated a $15 basic land line per month.

sold off 3/4 my DVC contracts.

Revamped my Birthday-gift budget and
Christmas budget--it's just not fun to give and then take months to pay it off.

Cancelled Rogers internet service
My son now pays for TekSavvy internet.


Sometimes things look overwhelming but have faith Hon ,if I can do this
I know you can.
Hugs to you
Mel

 

[alexensmom]

RE: Sports I get the scholarship thing if it is a real possibility. If it is very likely that the child will get a scholarship, not just a maybe, and that kid is a junior or senior I would look for alternative ways to fund that sport only. Not necessarily the sport they love the most but the one most likely to get a scholarship. If they are not within two years of graduation, then I would have them skip at least a year. THey can stay conditioned for the sport and maybe be able to do it another year. Approach their coaches, teams and see if any grants, discounts etc. may be an option. Our good friends daughter is in gymnastics and the mom cleans the gym once a week to offset the cost. Do you have a skill/service you can offer any of the teams to offset the cost? I know you don't want to ask relatives for money, but if grandparents love the sports they may be able to chip in offer to pay for sports in lieu of christmas/birthday gifts etc. If they are only do one or no sports they can take babysitting and other jobs to help pay for their interests.

Counting on scholarships for competitive sports is almost always a losing proposition, and I really cannot see it being worth the gamble in Canada, where your college expenses are so much lower than in the US. $500/mo in sports fees is $6K/yr; most public colleges in Canada don't equal that annually for undergrad tuition.

I was thinking along the same lines as these posters. I would have a hard time spending that amount of money per month on sports hoping my kids would qualify for scholarships. Are they elite athletes that are looking at full rides to college? Then I MAY consider keeping them in their sports. Our DD plays on travel teams in two sports but no where near the cost you have to pay. Each team has fund raisers for the girls that want to help pay down the expenses and they can also go to local businesses to get sponsors which DD has done the last couple years. She wont be the athlete that will get large scholarship offers so if her travel teams and the added cost of transportation and traveling become cost prohibitive then we will make the decision for her to only play high school ball. You have to weigh the cost against a VERY realistic total of what a scholarship may be. I do understand your hesitation though when sports are such a part of who they are.

We have been going through a change in our income lately too and it hasn't been easy. I have been a SAHM/self employed, but I'm starting work in retail part time to help off set some of our "missing" income. I dread the thought of spending time away from the kids in the evenings and weekends, but I do feel empowered by having made the decision.

We also feel like we were already at bare bones as far as extra expenses, but we just made a decision to cut back as much as we could control:

no name brands on things like food, clothes, toiletries, batteries, you name it

using baking soda and vinegar as cleaners

cooking more meals that can be split and frozen (I was notorious for throwing out food because no one wanted leftovers for the second night)

cutting off cable and watching more DVDs

keeping the house cooler (which I don't like but I just dress warmer.)

It does seem like the small chunks, $20 here and $15 there, won't make a big difference in the grand scheme of things but it really will. At the very least, it will allow you some breathing room during the month. Sometimes making decisions about the small things helps to get the ball rolling on the big decisions. It's not "forever" and you will be surprised how much better you will feel when you take charge of it.

 

[RunDanceSkate]

Hugs, we were in a similar situation but are climbing our way out. Our numbers are similar to yours but sports cost are higher.

My heat/hydro are lower than yours, you may want to look at why. A tube of caulking can be bought at dollarama and can save alot of money from blowing out around the windows. Our home is 3000 sq feet, husband, wife, teenage son and teenage daughter. Our hydro is $83 per month and gas is $102. Sewer is $30 a month. We had hydro do an energy assessment (free) and learned that we needed to recaulk windows and outlets.

No landline, 4 cell phones thru Rogers is $112 with tax.
No Satellite/cable
long distance is thru the internet Skype $2.99 per month.

We had our house reappraised and refinanced we used the money to pay down some of the credit cards. By checking local listing you should be able to guess your home’s value and whether it would be worthwhile.

Extra money:

I sell everything that I can
We've delivered papers/pizza part time
I've delivered flyers while son was at his activity
kids pick up beer cans/bottles when they see them ($20 a month easy)
In the past I did cleaning at one of my kids activities. They were in the last class of the night, I started cleaning while they were in class, when everyone left I finished up by scrubbing the toilets, we were never there more than 15minutes after class finished. It was a flat rate of $30 per day 4 times a week and didn't take away from family time.
We found a fellow teammate who was bussing to an activity we made arrangements to give him a ride when ever possible and he paid us with his bus tickets which my son then used to bus on a different night.

 

[Elainey]

First of all, I just want to say I somewhat know what you're going through. We have been on the Dave Ramsey plan for 4 years now. During that time we have paid off about $85,000 worth of debt. We are going on a Disney vacation this summer that is paid for (our reward for paying off all this debt!). Along the way we've had to cash flow a few things like hot water heater, air conditioner, medical bills, etc. Four years ago before we started Dave Ramsey we had every kind of debt you can think of: car loans, second mortgage, credit cards, medical bills, etc. I felt ashamed, hopeless, and depressed. I didn't know how we could ever turn things around, but we did. Our income now is about what yours is. It was a little lower when we started out. The biggest turn-around factor for us was doing a written budget--every single month we spend all our income on paper first--we do not deviate from the budget--when we started, I only allowed $200 a month for food--and that included cleaning supplies, hygiene products, and pet food. We started with our smallest bill and paid it off. Then on to the next one. We didn't inherit or win any money--we didn't have any big items to sell. We basically made a budget, stuck to it, and plugged away. It was hard, but it taught us a lot. When we started I made a vow to myself not to buy any new items of clothing for one year. I am a professional, but I made do with what I had. You really have to be ready to change things to get different results. I am so glad we started that first step 4 years ago. I am very proud of what we've accomplished. You also need to get a small emergency fund ($1000 is what Dave Ramsey recommends). This is key to the success of this plan--if you don't have a baby emergency fund, when something happens you might be tempted to turn to credit. Also, you must be willing to not use credit no matter what--get creative and never even consider it as an option. I wish you all the success as you sort through your fiances--you can do it--read Dave Ramsey's personal story--it will give you hope and encouragement.

 

[tohardtolose]

Thank you once again to everyone. All the shared stories help too.
I have got a lot of good recommendations here.
We are going to sit down this weekend and sort out an exact budget down to the last penny and then not deter from it. Then we are getting rid of some of the items suggested. Cutting landline down to minimum (if Bell will go for this) and dumping cable. Going to go back through these notes and take out some suggestions on cheaper internet, etc.
Going to get free bank account so no 15.00 fee a month. Those are starter steps.
Price match all groceries and meal plan (this is something I have not been doing and know I should).
All small steps. Then we are also going to get the house appraised in a few weeks. Going to clean crazy and I do think we have to paint one or two rooms to show..........just because we want the real estate agent to have an awesome impression in case we do decide selling is worth it. Or we may refinance.
I am feeling a bit better thinking we are going to have a plan in the works.
After we get that all worked out we are going to start the debt repayment. Bit by bit knocking each one out till only the largest one left that we can conquer. It might take 6 years but I have to believe we can do this.

Thank you again. I may private message a couple of you as I have a few other questions but I need to get to bed and hope to catch up on the weekend.

 

[susanv]

Sorry, I haven't read through the whole thread so this might be posted already. A lot of community churches have a food share where you can buy a box of seasonal groceries for good deals. I know in our town it is every two weeks. They buy from from warehouses like Real Canadian Wholesale Club and then divide them between the registered families. It is not a food bank or welfare, just a good way to save. Also depending on what province you are in grocery shopping bill can be cut quickly. Are you a member of Freecycle? Sometimes you can find new clothes and furniture that someone else doesn't want for free. I read somewhere that you were worried about mixing sexes in one bedroom. In Ontario siblings of different sexes are allowed to share a room until the eldest in the room becomes 12 without them sicking the CAS on you. God Bless.

 

[susanv]

Oh, one other thing. Have you tried Canadian Tire Jumpstart for Kids program? It might be helpful in paying some of your sports fees.

 

[hsmamato2]

I haven't read everything, but OP you know you came to a good place for advice here...
from your original post it appears to me that you can't afford your home,b/c it's more than just a mortgage,it's all the other expenses too. A rent is FAR cheaper,and you can buy another home in the future,that you can afford.
All those other small things others have noted will help too,if you choose to do it...I hope you do. I'm sure it's a scary place to be.
But in your OP I noticed you said you didn't use your cc for ANYTHING except small appliances,or necessities around the house,like towels. I don't see how it is possible to accrue 80,000 in debt on small necessities. I'm saying this b.c I think ,to REALLY change you past habits, you need to understand what you did in the past that got you here,so you can CHANGE it. KWIM?
writing down your current plans is great but you need to acknowledge what got you here too,in writing,so you can see in clear black and white what changes need to be made.
hope it works out for you....at least you're heading in the right direction!

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

I'm not sure about Canada but I know that in the US, many of the credit card banks will work with customers that can't make their payments. Many will lower the rate (most go to 0%) with the condition that you close the account for future purchases. I would call each of them and explain your situation and see what they say. It doesn't hurt to try and you may be surprised that they will help. They would rather get the money that is owed and forget about the interest than to not get anything at all.

My BIL was in a similar situation just 5 or 6 years ago. His wife had her own business which tanked, but she never shared that information with him. Instead, she ran up $140,000 in credit card debt over a few years to cover it up. She refinanced the house to an adjustable rate mortgage and rolled $80,000 of the debt into the new mortgage. Rates started to rise and so did the house payment. She was so unhappy, stressed, etc she ended up leaving for a rich sugar daddy - solved her money problems. But she left my BIL holding the bag. He found out about the additional $60,000 in CC debt when creditors started calling the house looking for money. She had opened those cards fraudulently in his name without his knowledge and had the statements sent to her parents' address! He was financially destroyed. This is what he did to fix it:

1) Sold the house asap. The equity was all gone, he actually owed money on the house at the closing!But he got out from under an ever rising house payment.
2) Moved himself and his two kids in with his parents. Embarrasing for a middle aged man, but he sucked it up and did it. They did not charge him utilities, rent or anything to help him get back on his feet. He did help pay for food
3) Sold his car and shared one of his parents' cars.
4) Called the credit card companies and negociated a payoff. Much of the balances owed were late fees, over limit fees, penalties, etc. They reduced the $60,000 to about $35,000.
5) He got a bank loan (with his parents help) for the $35,000 and began to pay it off.
6) Cut out all unnecessary spending. He was super strict with this. The faster he could pay off the loan, the faster he could move his family out of mom & dad's house. No eating out, no vacations. Some of the things his kids needed were given as gifts by family for bdays, etc.

He is now debt free except for a mortgage. He bought a little house last year. He also bought one of his parents' cars from them. His kids are happy, he is happy. Getting out from under HUGE debt is possible, but as others have said it requires some pretty HUGE sacrafices. My BIL will tell you it was worth it in the end!

 

[RunDanceSkate]

One more idea if you stick with the sports for your kids is to take in a sports border for the summer. We often had a teen the same age and sex as one of our children in the same sport stay with us for the summer. We had kids from Greenland, Alberta and Quebec over the years. There was no extra driving since they were on the same schedule. There was some increase in hydro and food cost but me still made some extra money. Our kids loved it.

 

[FayeW]

Thank you once again to everyone. All the shared stories help too.
I have got a lot of good recommendations here.
We are going to sit down this weekend and sort out an exact budget down to the last penny and then not deter from it. Then we are getting rid of some of the items suggested. Cutting landline down to minimum (if Bell will go for this) and dumping cable. Going to go back through these notes and take out some suggestions on cheaper internet, etc.
Going to get free bank account so no 15.00 fee a month. Those are starter steps.
Price match all groceries and meal plan (this is something I have not been doing and know I should).
All small steps. Then we are also going to get the house appraised in a few weeks. Going to clean crazy and I do think we have to paint one or two rooms to show..........just because we want the real estate agent to have an awesome impression in case we do decide selling is worth it. Or we may refinance.
I am feeling a bit better thinking we are going to have a plan in the works.
After we get that all worked out we are going to start the debt repayment. Bit by bit knocking each one out till only the largest one left that we can conquer. It might take 6 years but I have to believe we can do this.

Thank you again. I may private message a couple of you as I have a few other questions but I need to get to bed and hope to catch up on the weekend.

Seriously, I can help you.