Depressed......long and frank ( a "me" UPDATE on pg 5 )

[6_Time_Momma]

First, I will say that I considered posting this anonymously, but decided to bare all and be frank. No sense hiding, I guess.

I am in such a depression right now. I feel like someone swimming, able to only come up for a breath before going back under. There are so many things going on right now and in the past couple of years, that I am just feeling so overwhelmed and depressed.

I am totally unhappy at work. Finances here are NOT good. Garrett goes for surgery next week. Working third shift means I am tired constantly. Things are quite strained right now between DH and I. I still don't feel like I have recovered (that's not quite the right term, since I know I will never "recover") from losing Gabrielle.

If I could just sleep all day, I would.........trying to deny reality or at least avoid facing it, I guess.

I would never, ever try suicide......DH mom committed suicide when he was 6, so I know the devastation it causes. Still, it would be a lie to say that thoughts of suicide IN GENERAL have not crossed my mind.

I know I need help. What do you do, though? Just go to the doc and say "Hey. I'm depressed. Give me drugs!" ?? I feel like I need counselling, but again....how do you start?

I'm not totally sure why I am posting this tonight. I really don't have any close friends to talk to. My mom is my closest friend, but I just don't feel like I can tell her everything.

You guys always seem to be able to say the right things, and are willing to listen, so I guess I just needed to say this stuff and vent and get it off my chest or whatever.

I have to leave in a bit to go buy a preschool graduation gift for Selena, but I'll check in to see your good words of advice.

Thanks for letting me talk.

 

[HollyJoy]

I know I need help. What do you do, though? Just go to the doc and say "Hey. I'm depressed. Give me drugs!" ?? I feel like I need counselling, but again....how do you start?

Basically, YES! About a year or so ago, I was having feelings of depression too. LIke you, suicide wasn't an option for me, but something had to give. I was all over the place w/my emotions. I felt like I couldn't get it together. I went to my doctor, told her how I was feeling, and she put me on an antidepressant right away. Just coming to terms that you are feeling this way is the first AND BIGGEST step. You're on the right road since you have done this. Go to your doctor and let him/her help you. You'll be glad you did!

Good luck!

 

[Stepharoonie!]

 

[onecoolmama]

Hang in there!!!

There are a couple of things you can do. The first is that if your doctor does this, you can get meds from him/her. The other thing you can do is get counseling. It is a little more expensive, but obviously meds only cover up what is really going on. I rellly hope you feel better!

 

[Magix]

Ask your doctor if he/she can recommend a counselor. Or, look one up in the yellow pages and ask if you can go in for an initial talk, just to get a feel for the person and see if you're comfortable with them. I'm sure it will take a while to really open up to them, but they'll work with you to bring out what you need to talk about. I think it would be a great help to you to have a professional to speak with, who can help you through this.

I think we've all been through a time like this to some extent or other. I know that I have been through some times in my life, some very recently, that seemed completely impossible to bear. You literally just have to take it one day at a time and get through each day the best you can. Eventually, the stress will ease and things will start to get a little better.

Sharing your thoughts and concerns with us on the DIS is a terrific idea, too. Sometimes it's a lot easier to talk with people when you don't have to do it face-to-face. We're all here to help however we can.

I don't have the answers to make things better for you, but I hope that just knowing there are people out here who care will help you a little bit. My best thoughts are with you to help you through this bad time. You may feel like you're drowning right now, but I know you'll catch a full breath of air before long - just hold tight.

 

[chelsea&austinsmom]

Hugs to you. You need to see your doctor and maybe he can recommend you a counselor. I know at my work we have benefit for free counseling session does your work have anything like that.

 

[legs22]

Hi,
I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time

If this has been going on for longer than 2 weeks you need to get help now. Make an appt to see a doctor. You may need meds but the doctor will decide that. If you get put on meds you also need to see a therapist for counseling. Don't just rely on the meds to feel better. You will get better results if you combine the meds with counseling.

 

[ducklite]

I think the best place to start would be with your primary physician. Make an appointment, tell them it's an emergency--do not delay.

Tell your doctor you are feeling depressed and overwhelmed, and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist and a therapist.

While you are there, your doctor should give you a checkup to rule out chronic fatigue syndrome, heart problems, etc. which could be adding additional medical problems on top of some emotional ones.

The three should work as a team to treat you. If the thoughts of suicide are crossing your mind, you seriously need to get help immediately, rather than when you have time, because with a busy life working and taking care of a family, you will never find time.

Bottom line, your family needs you, and taking a little time now to get help and get better will take less time and cause less strain in the long run than if you wait until it puts you in a hospital.

And it will do so if left untreated.

My son suffers from major depressive disorder, and has been hospitalized twice for it in the past year. There are a lot of drugs out there, and if the first things they try don't make you feel at least somewhat better in a week or so, then demand they try something else. That is your right as a patient.

You might also want to try counsleing with your husband. Many places offer free or sliding scale fee counseling, Catholic Charities, Jewish Family Service, even your own pastor might be able to help.

You also might want to join a grief support group. They are generally free, and might help you to address your loss in a supportive and understanding manner. Many hospitals, mental health clinics, and even some churches offer them.

Good luck, you'll be in my prayers.

Anne

 

[SugarBear]

While I agree that counseling is a good thing for everyone, sometimes depression is just a matter of a chemical imbalance, as with me. I'll be on medication for clinical depression forever.

 

[FroggyinArk]

definately check with drs,, ask ewm about councelors, see your pastor, or if you have no church home, get someone to reccomend one, most pastors are also liscenced councelors, talk to anyone ussually helps. even just taking a walk helps me sometimes,


on a side note, plz keep me informed on garrets progress with his lids and know he will be in my prayers thisweek as well

 

[CBRorBust]

Oh you know we all love you to death here on the DIS! Vent away, I'm sure there are a lot of other people on these boards that know what you're going through.

Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way!

 

[Kitty 34]

Kristy........{{{{{HUGS}}}}} and I sure hope you start feeling UP again real soon.

 

[antbritt]

 

[bubbleprincessmom]

As a mother who has lost a child, I too know how you feel. It has been 8 years this July since I buried the light of my live. Even saying 8 years is difficult, because to the average person that seems "so long ago" but to me it was just yesturday. You don't ever "get over" losing a child, but my dear friend, time does make the wound less painful, the scar will always be there, but it will heal, it will never be the same but your heart will find some peace. Depression is NOTHING to be ashamed of or afraid of, with treatment you will finally start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. All I had to do was tell my DR that I had lost my son and wasn't coping well and they gave me meds. I took them for about a year, and than was strong enough to stop them. I have learned that there is a difference between saddness and depression, I have suffered from both. I have recovered from one but not the other...I'm sure you can overcome this with some help. Marriages do struggle after the death of a child, when you don't want to talk to anyone you have to struggle to keep the lines open with your spouse, he lost a baby too. I often lost sight of that with my husband ...David was his stepchild but he loved him and raised him as his own... men hurt in different ways than us woman....that drove me crazy!! WHY wasn't he crying, he coped by throwing himself into work. Didn't want his mind to be idle to think about it. These are things that I have learned from him about his grief process, but it took alot of time for that to happen. You also have survining children that need you. I sometimes still tell my daughter (who was only 1 when her brother died) "I wish you knew mommy when she was happy all the time". You will find your way down this path, I am so sorry that you must walk it, just please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Love

Monica
mother to Brian, CJ and Sarah....and still a mother to David in heaven

 

[buzzlady]

 

[Mimi Q]

 

[cati]

After reading the above posts sounds like you have already gotten excellent advice. I wish you were not having to deal with so much and us at DIS could help more. I will pray for you.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

I don't remember how Gabrielle died, but often there are support groups based on a certain type of loss that you can look into. I know when my cousin lost her daughter to SIDS there was a support group she participated in. Before this, though, I think it is imperitive that you seek a higher level of care--ie from a medical professional with an aim towards diagnosis, before you go through the support group route and determine that it is not quite enough.

Prayers are coming your way, Momma.

 

[Otto's Doll]

No advice other than to call your doctor, but wanted to send you a big .

 

[zurgswife]

First

Kristin, while I haven't lost a child I understand the pain and confusion of depression...I use to describe it as being in a whirlpool and not being able to make it slow down...

The best advice is get into counseling which will also put you on medication. I spent about a year in therapy and on meds and that was it...got things stright in my head and was ablet o deal with stuff....

PM me if you want to chat...