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[DisBride011]

Thanks Everyone who posted. I am deleting this. I vented and feel better now. A little therapy session for me. I had no one to talk to last night so I let it out on here.

Again, Thanks Everyone.

 

[pixie921]

So sorry you're feeling stressed. Weddings are one of the biggest sources of stress for anyone, as are disagreements about money. Sounds like you and your fiance are disagreeing about both!

Obviously, the best thing would be if the two of you were handling things together ... I'm a big believer in couples combining finances once you're at the point of getting married (it's worked for us for almost 20 years), though I know others are just as convinced that keeping funds separate is the way to go.

If you're not going to be combining your funds, then it would be good if you two could at least get on the same page about a budget and who's contributing what. Otherwise, you're probably going to run into this situation again and again. And this is a great time to get your approach to money as a couple worked out, since again, money issues/arguments are one of the biggest causes of divorce.

Good luck ...

 

[LovesHerTaurus]

Boys are weird. Its true. But maybe he thought he came up with a great compromise, and maybe his feelings are hurt too since you shot him down?

I paid for our trip since I make more money and won a few scholarships at the end of my last school year. We're going percentages on the wedding, extras, spending money, etc to make it fair - 35% of each of our take home pays goes into a joint account. Once we tie the knot in 24 days (!!) that will be our primary bank account with shared funds.

We've had to cut stuff, change things because of money... but the most important thing to remember is that when it is all over the one thing that will matter is that you will be married!

Don't be sad.

Try and remember that the boys see things differently, don't think about things the way we do, and usually only see things in black or white. Us girls are way too full of grey nuances I think!! I cried when he didn't clean the toilet after he was home all day and I was at work all day. It didn't occur to me until the next day that I was upset because I was work stressed and over tired - and he had just slept off a night shift and had about an hour to chill out before he made supper before another night shift. I was all focused on the one tiny thing that I had hoped he would do while I was at the grind.

You want the wedding, so find a way for the finances to work. If you have a plan outline and then share that and show him you can both afford to do it your way, he might be more accepting to the amount of money difference you're talking about!

 

[Brit_Jude]

Boys are weird. Its true. But maybe he thought he came up with a great compromise, and maybe his feelings are hurt too since you shot him down?

I paid for our trip since I make more money and won a few scholarships at the end of my last school year. We're going percentages on the wedding, extras, spending money, etc to make it fair - 35% of each of our take home pays goes into a joint account. Once we tie the knot in 24 days (!!) that will be our primary bank account with shared funds.

We've had to cut stuff, change things because of money... but the most important thing to remember is that when it is all over the one thing that will matter is that you will be married!

Don't be sad.

Try and remember that the boys see things differently, don't think about things the way we do, and usually only see things in black or white. Us girls are way too full of grey nuances I think!! I cried when he didn't clean the toilet after he was home all day and I was at work all day. It didn't occur to me until the next day that I was upset because I was work stressed and over tired - and he had just slept off a night shift and had about an hour to chill out before he made supper before another night shift. I was all focused on the one tiny thing that I had hoped he would do while I was at the grind.

You want the wedding, so find a way for the finances to work. If you have a plan outline and then share that and show him you can both afford to do it your way, he might be more accepting to the amount of money difference you're talking about!

Totally agree with all this, what a great post. Most Guys don't see weddings the way we ladies do they are more about the practical and we are about the vision and the details. Try to explain to him exactly what is important to you in a calm and organized way and ask him what you both can do to compromise and have a great time with the wedding. Try and focus on building the marriage and working as a team as well as the wedding day.

 

[BecBennett]

Boys are weird. Its true.

It sucks talking to people about our weddings, yes including the fiance's So often I've got something just perfect in my head, and as I'm trying to explain it to DF he butts in with other ideas And it's just not what I want at all!!

Maybe try explaining to him what it is about a wishes wedding that you want, and point out that you don't get it with a DCL wedding. Also, if you were to go over the guest list together maybe he'd realise that a lot of his friends/family would be missing out.

I don't know what to say though if it is just about money. DF and I are paying for our wedding, but it's our money, not his or mine. We set a budget and are hoping to stick to it and to do so are compromising on some things, to make sure other things are just right. Is there anything you are ok with passing up to bring the price down?

 

[DVC Bride 2011]

When DF and I moved in together, all of our money went into one checking account. We pay bills first and if anything is left over, we discuss how we're spending it. He never goes out and buys something expensive without talking to me and vice versa. We are each contributing portions of our savings account (that we have in our own accounts) towards the wedding and if need be, we'll take money from our checking account too, but it's all agreed upon. My parents are also contributing about half of the wedding costs which helps us a lot - if it weren't for them we'd have to do an Escape wedding. It just takes a bit of communication. Good luck!

 

[CleoPahd]

Part of the reason we decided to do a destination wedding at Disney was to get away from all of the drama that goes along with traditional wedding planning. Remember, guys have feelings too, and it's also his special day. Maybe his feelings were hurt. Make sure you don't put yourself in the poor house for your wedding, because in the end it will only add stress to your new marriage. Try not to lose sight of what the day is all about...your love for each other. I know how hard the spot you are in now is. I really feel for you.

Just a thought...Is the Escape wedding just too small for you? We chose it when we got married and I'd do it all over in a heart beat. We too had to pay for our own wedding and to us, getting the home of our dreams was priority over our wedding. At that time you could only have 10 guests, now I think you can have 20. Unfortunately, most people couldn't get the time off or couldn't afford to travel anyway. We had our 10 closest friends/family with us and it was beautiful. You still get the whole traditional wedding feeling (walking down the aisle, etc.), but more cost friendly. I wouldn't have changed the way we did it for anything. We got married on a Tuesday and it didn't matter because everyone with us was on vacation. After the wedding and the small escape reception we had lunch reservations. Though it wasn't a traditional reception, it was so special, but more than that it was memorable because it was different. We actually got to enjoy our guests and not be pulled in 100 different directions like what sometimes happens to brides and grooms at larger weddings.

Best of luck to you with getting the wedding of your dreams. I'm sure it will all work out he'll come around. I think it's easier for guys to get mad than to actually have to explain things and show their feelings.

 

[*Pixiedust1438*]

Sorry to hear you are feeling upset, but I am sure everything will work out. Just explain to DF why having a Wishes wedding is important to you. Me and DF are both doing what we can to pay for the wedding. We are both saving as much as we can, and not worrying about who is paying for more. You should just sit down and talk and tell him it's his wedding too and he needs to contribute no matter what you plan on doing for the wedding, however, make sure he is comfortable and happy with having a wishes wedding, you don't want him being resentful throughout the whole planning process because he's doing something he really doesn't want to.

 

[PrincessShea]

If you can't afford the wedding you want, save until you can have it.

The key point though is you should be saving together. The whole concept of "his" money and "my" money really irks me. You are getting married and you should be sharing. I have to say I would have gone ballistic if a "money card" was played.

I know some married people have separate accounts, and this is just my personal feeling... But I think you two need to have a serious conversation because obviously you are upset and you make it sound like this something he has hung over your head before.

Due to motherhood, the type of jobs women traditionally enter (teaching, etc), inequity, whatever; women tend to make less money. I think we all know this. And I really wouldn't want to have that hanging over my head and to be "threatened," if you will, because of it. You two need to talk.

Sidenote: It's 2010. I'm really tired of hearing about the bride's family "traditionally" paying for the wedding. My parents paid for 16 years of schooling for me. I'm sure all our parents have paid and done a lot for us. I don't need a dowry. And my daughters sure as h e double hockey sticks aren't getting one. That's fine if a woman's parents want to do it. But do people honestly still think it's expected?

 

[LovesHerTaurus]

Sidenote: It's 2010. I'm really tired of hearing about the bride's family "traditionally" paying for the wedding. My parents paid for 16 years of schooling for me. I'm sure all our parents have paid and done a lot for us. I don't need a dowry. And my daughters sure as h e double hockey sticks aren't getting one. That's fine if a woman's parents want to do it. But do people honestly still think it's expected?

But crap wouldn't it be nice? My daughters only get a dowry if I get three goats and a chicken