Define Friendship.

MissyDisneyFan

Earning My Ears
Joined
Mar 17, 2019
Friendship is probably the hardest word to define... pretty much asking who has the better mustache Tom Selleck or Sam Elliott... okay, I added that question since I am a fan of both.

Friendship is different now a days from the time my parents were teens. I mean my dad still has one best friend who lives across the country who asked my dad to be the reverend at his marriage. Then there's me.

Loner. Friends = Zero...None..

I recently lost a friend who complained every day, about her image. She had low self esteem, always complaining about her boy friend who she wouldn't break up with etc. I listened, gave friendly advice...shoulder to cry on sort to speak (through text messages).

However, I had a problem... about my dog peeing everywhere except on her pee-pad like she is trained.
I was at the limit and was honestly thinking of rehoming her... even though I really didn't want to. (I kept her btw. I love her to pieces.) but I just needed someone to talk to for a change....

but what did I get in return? nothing. she gave me grief about my issue. She complained about it. She didn't want to HELP me when I needed it. She told me all her problems and I didn't say a damn thing about it, except gave her an ear to hear her problems and Friendly advice, somewhat funny advice so it would make her laugh. So after I told her my problems, she defriended me.

Another One-Way Friendship.

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I have had friends "use" me since I was little. whether it was something I had or they thought my brother was cute and only friends to get into his inner circle with friends. I am the definition of a Loner. I feel like I am not a people person any more... :(. Sadly.
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This is where I need you guys to help... Define Friendship Do you have a best friend whose seen you at your worst and vice versa? Who is always there through thick or thin? Who doesn't jump ship?

Define friendship.
Also sorry about the vent. I just needed to vent. I would appreciate any advice about the situation.
 

mommasita

DIS VETERAN
Moderator
Joined
Aug 3, 2004
To me there are many types of friendships.
I’ve had them all. I have/had a close group of women friends who honestly had my back on everything and anything. And in return, I also have/had theirs. I have had many who were not “real” friends. The type you describe above. As I grew older, I had no tolerance for this.

I’ll be honest, I’ve been through hell in the past two years, and I’ve cut all my friends out except one, my best friend. I tried, she just didn’t allow it. When I lost my daughter, I just changed, I don’t want to mingle, mix, but she basically moved in for months, Fed me, held me, and so much more. I credit her for my survival. Now it’s my turn, she just lost her home in a mudslide, and I ran to her, she is now staying with us. I’m holding her, feeding her, etc.

In your situation, why don’t you reach out to your friend and talk to her, tell her how you are feeling, hurt, and why you are hurting. Friendships are relationships, neither are perfect, and if it’s as it sounds, you have been friends for awhile, I wouldn’t throw it away. I would at least talk it out.

I don’t know you, but I feel your pain. It radiates in your words. Why don’t you take a leap at being a people person, and extend an olive branch to your friend. Life is precious, and so are the people closest to us.
 

MissyDisneyFan

Earning My Ears
Joined
Mar 17, 2019
To me there are many types of friendships.
I’ve had them all. I have/had a close group of women friends who honestly had my back on everything and anything. And in return, I also have/had theirs. I have had many who were not “real” friends. The type you describe above. As I grew older, I had no tolerance for this.

I’ll be honest, I’ve been through hell in the past two years, and I’ve cut all my friends out except one, my best friend. I tried, she just didn’t allow it. When I lost my daughter, I just changed, I don’t want to mingle, mix, but she basically moved in for months, Fed me, held me, and so much more. I credit her for my survival. Now it’s my turn, she just lost her home in a mudslide, and I ran to her, she is now staying with us. I’m holding her, feeding her, etc.

In your situation, why don’t you reach out to your friend and talk to her, tell her how you are feeling, hurt, and why you are hurting. Friendships are relationships, neither are perfect, and if it’s as it sounds, you have been friends for awhile, I wouldn’t throw it away. I would at least talk it out.

I don’t know you, but I feel your pain. It radiates in your words. Why don’t you take a leap at being a people person, and extend an olive branch to your friend. Life is precious, and so are the people closest to us.
Hi mommasita, I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I've been through a lot too w/ people...loss (like death). loss of friends as I recently wrote about. Loss of interests. everything. i'm not good with change because when change happens to me. It's always usually bad. 99% of the time. The other 1% is in my dreams... I always am the first to reach out...The first to apologize. I wish someone would apologize to me first for a change. I am not good with loss of friends. My last friendship prior to this, ended badly too. I don't know how people can just walk away from a long term friendship which leaves me, emotionally confused feeling like i' did something that I don't know about. like I said something I didn't say like i'm sleep walking through life.
 

mommasita

DIS VETERAN
Moderator
Joined
Aug 3, 2004
I can understand not being good with Change, I’m very much that way. Losing people can do that to you.

Have you ever spoken to anyone about this? I’m no professional, far from actually, but maybe it’s time to work on you, figure out why this happens over again, maybe get some advice. It couldn’t hurt.
 



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