Decision to go from 2 to 3?

[kidshop]

Ugh! I am really grappling with this lately. We have two beautiful, healthy boys, 4 and 2. I am starting to get the "itch". My DH is not getting as itchy. He feels everything now is good - 2 parents, 2 kids. Our youngest is almost out of diapers. Two's obviously cheaper. I guess the usual argument. However, he has so nicely left the entire decision up to me .

His main concern is money. College, cars, weddings, things down the line, whereas quite honestly, I feel we have a lot of time to think and prepare, plus I'll go back to work when the kids are older. I just don't feel done. And, I'm so afraid of not going for the third, and then regretting it later on, when it's too late. However, things now do seem so "comfortable". Could I handle a third? HELP!!!

Just looking for opinions for/against the "third".

Thanks!

I have 2 dss, 6 and 3. Ds1 was sooo easy in every way, I figured I would have 10 kids since I was good at this parenting thing. ( ). I definitely like at least a 3 year age gap, but ds2 is a bit more 'spirited' than his brother! I am just getting to the point where thinking about a third doesn't make me sweat! Three was always the number in my mind, but I am just not ready yet. The clock is ticking now that I'm in the upper 30's, but I figure I have a few years left, hopefully. We don't have money concerns (b/c who ever has enough money anyway), so it's just whether or not to add another monkey. My boys are so great though, I would love to add another little person to the mix. I would be so excited just to see who I would get this time! I am really liking the big age gap though. I can't do 2 babies at a time. If you have to opportunity to wait a bit, maybe that is a good compromise. You can be happy with what you have now, but leave the door open for a third.

 

[scanne]

Ugh! I am really grappling with this lately. We have two beautiful, healthy boys, 4 and 2. I am starting to get the "itch". My DH is not getting as itchy. He feels everything now is good - 2 parents, 2 kids. Our youngest is almost out of diapers. Two's obviously cheaper. I guess the usual argument. However, he has so nicely left the entire decision up to me .

I could have written this post myself! Except sub a daughter for your 2 year old son.

DH is convinced we're done, but I know in my heart that I'm NOT! I definitely want a 3rd - and if you do to then you will be able to handle it. All of it - finances, stress, college, weddings, etc. If you're prepared and know what you're getting into, then you're ready.

I would say that leaving the decision entirely up to you may be a little unfair. Your DH must have some thoughts about adding another baby. I'd sit down and discuss the subject seriously with him when your boys are asleep. Get his honest thoughts, his fears, ask if he is willing more for the chance of having a girl to add to the mix (but be sure to both realize that there is no guarantee on that!). Just lay all the cards on the table and explore all of the possible feelings, thoughts, reactions, ramifications, etc. that you can.

I know if I ever have a 3rd, I will wait until my DD is 3 before we start trying. I'd like a larger age gap between 2 nad 3. My first two are 23 months apart.

Good luck in your decision!!!

 

[kellydizfan]

We were done with 2 girls ages 2 & 6 when I found out I was pregnant with child 3 which was a boy. 3 is hard with each being 3 years apart and only my husband & I to be in 3 different directions when need be as the kids are all in different things. Everything is in 4's so #5 is hard when planning. Money is tight - my husband is at home with the kids and I work full-time. My husband is from a family of 8 kids - 7 boys and 1 girl and my side is just my brother and myself. I went from a Dodge Caravan down to a Hyundai Santa Fe as I wanted a small suv 4X4. Found that it didn't work with one in a car seat. I would pick them up at night from the babysitter and my nerves were fried from work then one would hit the next and down the line. I begged my husband to trade it in for a van again but wanted the awd feature due to our driveway and the babysitters driveway. We went to a Pontiac Montana with the captain chairs to keep the 3 kids apart and to keep mommys sanity. I don't know what to tell you, I would not give my kids up for anything now that they are here but due to what is happening in the world and if I could have predicted it I probably would not have had any and that is so sad to say. Growing up I was always going to adopt as I wanted to give kids a home but then my husband came along and that changed things drastically as you can see. I just wish my kids will have a better world to live in when they get older. It scares me to death.

 

[disneylizzy]

My theory is that you magically "know" when your family is the right size. I have posted on another thread that I always considered the third child a golden child, just special in some way (although, aren't they all). We have four and I have never regretted that decision. We have two in college now and somehow, someway it all works out. Granted, they each work their tails off all summer and don't get to go to Cancun on Spring Break because they are working, but Geez, cry me a river, I didn't get to go to Cancun either and I'm not sure I even want them to go anyway (hey, I watch MTV, I know what goes on!)

So, after my third I still felt that I wasn't done, but after my fourth I knew. Our family was complete. We have three boys and a girl.

Good luck and God Bless your family whatever you decide.

 

[Barb D]

...due to what is happening in the world and if I could have predicted it I probably would not have had any and that is so sad to say. ...I just wish my kids will have a better world to live in when they get older. It scares me to death.

Kellydizfan, I can understand your concern about the state of today's world. But all I have to do is read a book or watch a movie about how things were earlier in our world's history to realize that there have ALWAYS been terrible things going on in the world...war, famine, oppression, disease... We have it so much better in so many ways right here, right now, than at any other time and place. And our children have the opportunity to see and MAKE a better world.

 

[Skatermom23]

You mentioned you would go back to work one day and that would take care of some future expenses. Okay, ya right....LOL! I told myself that too. In fact, is is why we had second child right after first. That way I could re enter the work force sooner once they were in school. Fast forward, 15 years...I still am not working and have no intentions on doing so. I think my kids need me more now as teens then when they where little.. Just a thought.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

As one with 3 ds, we decided to have the 3rd when dh told me we were moving half way across the country. I made him promise if I moved we could have child #3. I wanted a large family and dh is an only child so I guess he liked a little more excitement around the place. All the ds are 2 years apart. Its alot of work but they get along fairly well and passing down all the clothes really helped and toys too etc. 3 is about all we can handle both physically and financially etc.

 

[mommaU4]

Be careful what you wish for. You never know what you'll get.
We had two kids, a DS and his younger sister.
We decided to go for one more.

What we got was twins! And no, they do not run in my or DH's family. We jumped from 2 to 4 just like that. I had a 5 and a half year old, a three and a half year old and 2 newborns to care for.

It was crazy and chaotic and at times I cried almost daily from sheer exhaustion, but I love my family just the way it is and can't imagine it any different.
Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Sian]

My theory is that you magically "know" when your family is the right size.

I agree. I knew two wasn't enough for me, I thought I would stop after number 3 and gave away all my baby stuff, but after a few months I knew I wasn't done. When number 4 came along, I knew that it was as it should be and was sterilised. I know it's not that easy for everyone to make that choice but I am very grateful that I was able to have (and support) the number of children that was right for me.

 

[Alice28]

I had my third this year.

And it was my HUSBAND who talked me into it! He nagged me for 8 months to try and have a third. He just said there's no more of a precious gift than kids--and he wanted the chance to rear some fine, young Americans.

Now I cannot imagine my life without my daughter. She is the little light in our house these days. Her brothers ADORE her.

We have a small house, but lots of patience and love. My boys are 8 (just turning) and 4. And Molly is 8 months. So, they're spread apart so it's not like having 3 REALLY young children all at once. But I have definitely hit my limit with 3. DH has been in Iraq the whole time pretty much since #3 came along and it's been draining! It will be much easier when he's back and we can have the two adults:three kids ratio.

We are blessed in the fact that my kids' grandparents have already started very healthy college funds for the three of them- college is not a blip on our radar when thinking about the finances with kids. It will be taken care of. It's more like the day to day things that sometimes drain me, like diapers, the growing amount of food it takes to keep my kids' appetites whetted....taking vacations is more expensive, etc. But I figure the happiness parenthood gives me outweighs maybe having to wait a few more years to take a nice vacation or two.

 

[Chattyaholic]

DH and I have a son and daughter, for us that was enough as we had "one of each" and there was "nothing left to have" so we were satisfied.

DH came from a family of 3 children and he said he didn't want 3 of his own, as while he was growing up it was always "two against one." And I'm an "only" and didn't want to raise our son that way so definitely wanted a second child.

Not sure what we would have done if child #2 had been another boy. I don't know if we still would have stopped, or if eventually we would have wanted to try for a girl in a couple more years.

Good luck on your decision!! I'm sure it's a tough one to make!

 

[Christine]

I just wanted to add that part of this "itch" is biological. It is so very hard to figure out if you really want another child, truly, or if it's good old Mother Nature pulling at you.

I really only ever wanted to have one child. For the life of me, I couldn't even "make" myself plan her. But, there was an "oops" and there she was. I thought I was done but did nothing permanent about it and didn't really think much. Three years later, DS was born. At that point, I knew "logically" it would be too hard to have three children as I have to work full-time. But for some odd reason there was this sensation in me that kind of wondered if "maybe." But I stopped it and my husband got the snips. Even now, 10 years later, it's hard to believe that portion of my life is over (reproducing!!) but I have no regrets at all. I think it is human nature for most people to always feel that pull. I do think that there are a smaller percentage of people, though, on both sides who are absolutely certain (they never want any or more or they never want to stop having them).

 

[Disney_1derland]

I've been where you are for the past two years. We have two lovely children and the youngest is just out of diapers as she turned 3 in september. Early in October we made the decision we were really done and didn't want to start over. We scheduled hubby for the big V in December. Well, two weeks ago we find out that we are going to have baby #3. At first we were stunned and looking at each other like 'but we decided we were done!' Then that turned to joy and now the much wanted and debated #3 is on the way and we couldn't be happier. Dh is still getting the big V though

Someone here on the Dis once told me that you'd never regret having a third but you might regret NOT having the third. That was true for us!

Good luck with your decision.

 

[MariettaC]

I have a DS and DD. When I remarried I wanted to have a third. Illness intervened and time passed. Do I have any regrets? No sir, I now have four beautiful grandchildren.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm going to answer first and then go back and read the replies. We have 4 children--almost 6, 12, 15, and almost 18yo. We debated most about having #3. I wanted to and knew in my heart that it was the right thing to do, but I had some convincing to do with my husband. He was a tough baby (asthma and reflux), but after that first year he was wonderful. When he was in that first year a friend of mine asked me what it was like having three children and my response was, "two is a nice number". Little did I know they were thinking about having a third and my comment was a part of convincing them not to. If I had of had any idea that they were really considering it I sure wouldn't have said what I said.

Didn't take much to convince my DH to have #4. Our house was too small so I told my DH that we'd have to move to a bigger house. That was pretty much all it took--maybe his goal was the larger house. Turns out #4 was a very easy baby, but a very tough todder/preschooler. He's improving with age and of course I cannot imagine NOT having him or any of my other children.

Yeah, they are expensive. My oldest (my only daughter) started college this year so we are now dealing with that. We are helping with college, as long as the grades are good, but she is taking out the federal loan money yearly and if the grades go down we will pull the plug on even helping (with a one semester grace period). We don't buy our kids cars, but wouldn't do that even if we had one or 2 kids. Some expenses can't be avoided or at least we don't choose to. If they want to they play sports, which can get expensive. We take vacations, which get more expensive, especially with more than 2 kids. We will help with weddings, but I am not paying for the whole thing. My kids, starting as teens, have to earn $ to pay for spending money, extra clothes (I buy a lot, but when my DD needed umpteen pairs of flip flops she had to buy them, etc).

You know what is in your heart and I don't think that most people seriously regret having their children. Only you and your DH can decide what to do in your situation. But I think that you've decided and your DH is willing to go along with your decision.

Good luck and yes, it's scary having each one! It's easy to second guess it and wonder if it's the right decision.

 

[golfgal]

Just some things to think about, the world is set up for a family of 4. Your Disney trips will be DOUBLE the cost to go from 4 to 5 people . We have 3, but went from 1 to 3 and skipped the 2 stage so I guess I can't really compare 2 to 3 but there are times when life would be a LOT easier with just 2 kids. If you have a 3rd you just deal with the changes. I don't think anyone really regrets having however many kids they have.

 

[SeeDisney]

Yes, I remember wanting to have a third BABY after my second and now I have four kids.

I can tell you that I never regret having my third or my fourth.

I know how I am, in my 40's and 50's and 60's I WOULD HAVE WISHED FOR MORE CHILDREN.

I'm glad I did.

 

[pooh4evr]

Our DDs are 4 and 2 and we are also thinking of #3 - I am from a family of 5 kids, DH had 2 (sister and him). 2 just doesn't feel right to me, I guess I look at how much fun it was most of the time growing up with all my siblings- granted my mom is on prozac and stuff now but I would not trade our big christmas parties, 5 soccer game saturdays or sharing my car in High School with 2 others for anything!! I stay home, DD4 will be in full time Kindergarten in July and DD 2 will be in Pre-k 3 mornings a week- what will I do!!

 

[Chicago526]

Ugh! I am really grappling with this lately. We have two beautiful, healthy boys, 4 and 2. I am starting to get the "itch". My DH is not getting as itchy. He feels everything now is good - 2 parents, 2 kids. Our youngest is almost out of diapers. Two's obviously cheaper. I guess the usual argument. However, he has so nicely left the entire decision up to me .

His main concern is money. College, cars, weddings, things down the line, whereas quite honestly, I feel we have a lot of time to think and prepare, plus I'll go back to work when the kids are older. I just don't feel done. And, I'm so afraid of not going for the third, and then regretting it later on, when it's too late. However, things now do seem so "comfortable". Could I handle a third? HELP!!!

Just looking for opinions for/against the "third".

Thanks!

Well, my mom had two healthy boys ages 5 and 3, and got the "itch". I'm happy to say she talked my dad into it, as I wouldn't be sitting here typing this today if she hadn't!

You may regret not having a third child. You'll never regret HAVING a third child!

Not that your husband's concerns aren't real ones, but I just wanted to give you something from a "third child's" point of view.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

 

[justhat]

I just have 1 right now, but a friend just had her 3rd and told me "3 is the new 2" if that helps you at all. And this is from someone whose 3 are under 4 years old so I think it's a pretty good outlook! We want 4 (well I do, my husband says 3, but ultimately I know we'll have 4) so I definitely know now that I want more so I can relate to that itch.