Decision to go from 2 to 3?

[momofmikey]

Ugh! I am really grappling with this lately. We have two beautiful, healthy boys, 4 and 2. I am starting to get the "itch". My DH is not getting as itchy. He feels everything now is good - 2 parents, 2 kids. Our youngest is almost out of diapers. Two's obviously cheaper. I guess the usual argument. However, he has so nicely left the entire decision up to me .

His main concern is money. College, cars, weddings, things down the line, whereas quite honestly, I feel we have a lot of time to think and prepare, plus I'll go back to work when the kids are older. I just don't feel done. And, I'm so afraid of not going for the third, and then regretting it later on, when it's too late. However, things now do seem so "comfortable". Could I handle a third? HELP!!!

Just looking for opinions for/against the "third".

Thanks!

 

[tinaluis]

We have three girls (9,7 and 4) and grappled with the decision of whether or not to expand our family from 2 to 3 children (and then possibly from 3 to 4). We have never regretted our decision. Like you, we feared waiting "too long" and regretting not having had more children. We also considered having a fourth child, but decided against it because of some medical issues with one of our daughters. Before we came to a firm decision on the fourth, I felt such an urgency to decide so I could get my life in order. Now that we've decided not to have another, our family size feels just right. I didn't have my tubes tied, so there's always a chance that our family may get bigger and that would be a blessing, but we are not actively trying to conceive another baby. We had a bit of trouble with our second and third (and actually had two miscarriages in between), so if we happened to conceive without even trying then we would be happy. Money is sometimes tight, as we decided when we were ready to try for a third that DH would stay home full time with the girls, but we manage and we all really enjoy spending time together as a family. Good luck with your decision. I know it is a hard one to make.

 

[PatsGirl]

I can't speak from experience as I only have two but my sister and a good friend both have said on numerous occasions that the 3rd child is the one that put them over the edge Something about only have two hands, two hips, two ears... Carriages that only hold two children, booths and tables that only hold 4 for dinner, and vehicles that needed to be "upgraded" to fit the 3rd child. Just a few things to ponder. Personally, I think every child is a blessing but if you are actually "planning" and not just "not planning either way" it is food for thought

 

[DisneyPhD]

I can't answer that, I want to know the same as you. I have 2 beatiful girls, DH says he wants to be done. I can't say I am done now, but I do want to wait a while before we decide. I came from a family of 4 kids (3 brothers and then me, so glad mom and dad didn't stop at 2) and DH came from a family of 2 kids (him and older brother.)

Things are made today for families of 4. That rather bugs me.

Interesting to hear peoples answers.

 

[SDFgirl]

I come from a family of two kids. My mom has expressed some regret over not having a third baby.

 

[krystyana]

I don't have much to offer advice wise....I still can't make the leap to two...just hopping on to the thread to see the answers!(maybe it'll help me decide too!)

 

[almacdonald]

Though I don't have kids yet I have heard a good "rule" about this subject....


"One should never have more children than they have hands to cover their mouths with!"


Just thought a humorous approach could lighten the topic!

 

[graygables]

My decision was made for me. I had been told that after my first 2, I couldn't have anymore. By *3* doctors. My ex had given me a nasty bug that really messed things up. When I remarried, DH and I decided not to use BC (not much point, eh? ) and 10 months later, I gave birth to DD3. We did decide at that point not to try to keep nature from taking its course (quite frankly, the jump from 1 to 2 was much harder than 2 to 3 or 3 to 4) and DD4 was born 2 1/2 years later. With each child, I got the "itch" at about 18 months, but w/ DD4, that marker came and went with no "itching", so we knew we were done. Granted my DDs are 19, 17, 9, & 7, so we didn't have to worry much with 3 carseats or anything like that. We have had the "family of 5 (or 6)" vacation thing come up a time or two.

I used to say 2 was the perfect number. One child per adult and if I had another child, we'd have to hire a housekeeper to be adult #3. Now, I'd say, one for each adult hand is a good thing. Good luck with your decision...I know it's a huge one and I know that longing feeling.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Though I don't have kids yet I have heard a good "rule" about this subject....


"One should never have more children than they have hands to cover their mouths with!"


Just thought a humorous approach could lighten the topic!

I think a really taltented parent could use a foot, or maybe train one of the older ones to do it!

My rule is you can't have more pets then people in the house. I think some people might have the oppsite rule of that.

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

This thread is very interesting to me, too. I had always planned on having three or four children. Then life happens.

After two miscarriages and trouble conceiving, I now have two beautiful boys, ages 2.5 and 16 mths. My husband and I both love and adore our children, and would still like to have at least one more (probably just one more, but you never know). We both come from families with three children growing up. It's just something we really both wanted from before we got married.

Financially we could do three, it's the fourth that I think would really make us have to really consider. We are waiting a bit more before we try for number three because our children are so close in age right now and also they are still so little.

 

[floridafam]

We had our 3rd this year.

We have a 9 yr old DS and a 6 yr old DD. We thought we were done but I guess not. DH was really nervous at first. We had really gotten into a routine and didn't have to buy diapers, etc. anymore. I was starting to think about going back to work part time.

DD just turned 7 months old and I am SO GLAD we had a 3rd child!!!

She is a complete joy and things seem so easy. Our other children love her to peices. We just can't imagine life without her.

We know for sure now that we are done. It was very enjoyable being pregnant again and having a baby in the house has been wonderful.

 

[DisneyPhD]

We had our 3rd this year.

We have a 9 yr old DS and a 6 yr old DD. We thought we were done but I guess not. DH was really nervous at first. We had really gotten into a routine and didn't have to buy diapers, etc. anymore. I was starting to think about going back to work part time.

DD just turned 7 months old and I am SO GLAD we had a 3rd child!!!

She is a complete joy and things seem so easy. Our other children love her to peices. We just can't imagine life without her.

We know for sure now that we are done. It was very enjoyable being pregnant again and having a baby in the house has been wonderful.

I like your ages split, I think I could do that. (or at least that is when I see myself starting to get the icth again.) by then I will be close to 40 so we will see. My mother turned 41 the week after I was born. Back then it was a bigger deal then it is now.

 

[Barb D]

We have a six year gap between #2 and #3 (and yes, #3 was planned.) I can't imagine life without her.

That said, my sister has TEN and can't imagine life without any of them, either!

 

[OceanAnnie]

10!

 

[Beth76]

I don't think anyone has ever regretted having a third child (or whatever number they were debating). That said, all of your husbands concerns are the same reasons that we have for sticking with two. Of course we would love any other children we had, but we're also very content with the two we have. Why strain our resources anymore? Oh and I hate being pregnant.

 

[Lil_Tink]

What about becoming a foster parent or adopting. As there are many kids in need out there?

 

[jamzots]

We have 3 boys, 13, 8, and 6 months (the baby). After my 8 year old DS was born we contemplated for years about having another child. I wanted to but DH didn't. Then 2 summers ago I said, O.K., I am done, no more kids, but WHAMO!!! I got pregnant. I was 38 at the time and baby Luke was born this May right after I turned 39. I totally freaked when I found out I was pregnant, I was so set in my ways by this time, BUT now I do not for one minute regret it. I was worried for nothing. My baby is such a joy and I can't imagine not having him. A baby is always a blessing!!

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

Well, the number of kids you ultimately have is really a personal decision, for many reasons. I don't think you're going ot find anyone who says they regret the number they have, but there's the whole time and resources thing. Here's my story...

DD10 was unexpected--we really weren't trying to get pregnant, she just showed up. Love her to death. We timed DS8 around DH's grad school schedule--shazaam! it worked the first time we tried. He's the child all my gray hairs are named after, bless his little heart. A large number of medical and developmental issues. We wanted a third, but it wasn't happening, wasn't happening. Finally, the summer he was 5, it dawned on me that God was sending me a message, maybe not the one I wanted to hear, that I had what I was getting. And 2 isn't a bad number, we had one of each, maybe it was time to shelve that dream and move on, appreciate what I had. Well, you can probably guess the punch line--the day after DS started K, the stick turned blue! DD2 is the light of our lives! We all just adore her, she cracks us up, such a sweet, funny little girl. Well, at this point, DH says, I'd really like a fourth. I'm thinking, he's nuts--does he remember how long it took to get #3? We're both 40+, our odds are not improving daily! But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that, 5 years from now, I would regret not trying. I could live with not succeeding, but if we didn't make the effort, I would really feel like I made a mistake. Well, the joke's on me--as you can see by my sig., we've got #4 showing up in March. We call him "Alla Finito" because I offered to give DH the vasectomy myself! I'm not falling for THAT one again! But we've agreed that this is it, period, no debate.

As to other issues and kids--vacations can be more hassle. We already have a big house, but ask me about my heating bills, etc! Grocery shopping is already an Olympic sport. College isn't an issue--my MIL set up trusts for all her grandkids. Not everyone is so fortunate. I already stay at home full time and DH is an engineer, so he makes a decent, if not extravagant, salary. We pass down clothes and watch the pennies and it all works, some days better than others. My kids don't get everything they want and have to share bedrooms. These are things that we accept, and I don't mean to criticize anyone who makes different choices. Also, we live in a town where 4 kids is fairly typical. My choices might have been different had it not been for college paid for and being home full time, or if my children had permanent health issues.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I guess my real bottom line is, what do you think you would regret if you did or didn't go for another child? You dont' have to answer me, but something to think about.

 

[momofmikey]

Thanks everybody for the replies.

 

[mom2boys]

That is a very personal decisin.
We stopped at two-both boys, less than 2 yrs apart. It was tough when they were little - two in diapers, two toddlers... We always thought we'd go for four but I was working & there was no way we could afford more daycare. Then I though maybe when our youngest strted kindergarten we''d have two more. I went through a phase were I desparately wanted more, DH wasn't so sure. Then I realized I only had these feelings when both of my boys were sound asleep. That told me, it wasn't right for me. As others have said, once the decision was made, we never looked back. Two is a nice round number - works well for hotel rooms & WDW trips too. Now that both are invovled in sports, scouts & the braces... I can't imagine juggling one more schedule.