Deciding whether to have a second child

[aristocatz]

My DH & I are trying to decide whether to have a second child & it is panning out to be one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I'm in my late 30's so time is ticking away & we are either going to TTC in the next few months or not at all.

We have a beautiful daughter, who is just perfect in every way. I would love to give her a sibling & go through the joys of raising a second baby. But, on the other hand, daycare is so expensive, I'm worried about that expense being doubled., as well as expenses in general. I'm also wondering-are we too old to raise two kids???

My practical side is saying stay with just one. She is a wonderful little girl & she will be fine as an only child. But my heart is saying try for a second...... but my wallet is saying don't be stupid......

My DH says he will be happy either way. I will as well, but I am afraid of regrets. I never thought I would ever have one child & I look at her now & I cannot imagine life without her! Everytime I look at that sweet face, I think "Thank goodness we decided to have a baby!"

Anyone been in this situation? What did you ultimately decide & why?

Thank you for any polite input you might have.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My DH & I are trying to decide whether to have a second child & it is panning out to be one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I'm in my late 30's so time is ticking away & we are either going to TTC in the next few months or not at all.

We have a beautiful daughter, who is just perfect in every way. I would love to give her a sibling & go through the joys of raising a second baby. But, on the other hand, daycare is so expensive, I'm worried about that expense being doubled., as well as expenses in general. I'm also wondering-are we too old to raise two kids???

My practical side is saying stay with just one. She is a wonderful little girl & she will be fine as an only child. But my heart is saying try for a second...... but my wallet is saying don't be stupid......

My DH says he will be happy either way. I will as well, but I am afraid of regrets. I never thought I would ever have one child & I look at her now & I cannot imagine life without her! Everytime I look at that sweet face, I think "Thank goodness we decided to have a baby!"

Anyone been in this situation? What did you ultimately decide & why?

Thank you for any polite input you might have.

Since you put "the heart" in there, you have to go for the second. You will know when you are done.

My neighbor had 3 kids and asked us all the same thing. Well she went for the 4th. After that we said are you done and she emphatically said YES.

 

[Robbi]

My brother and SIL had to make this decision about 20 years ago. They decided to stick with their one daughter. It worked out well for them. DN is very intelligent and they were able to send her to one of the best colleges in the country. If they had decided to have another one, they would not have been able to do that.

 

[ebtbmom]

DH and I were in a similar situation. By the time we were ready to consider #2 DS was 7 or 8. We went back and forth for a number of years, changed our minds about 100 times!

When he was 11 we realized that we really enjoy the freedom and flexibility the comes from an only child. And of course, ours was older than yours, we did not want to start over with all the baby stuff!

He's 15 now, we're even more confident in our decision than we were a few years ago. We're starting to think about car insurance and driving, not too stressed, college in a few years, not too stressed. If we'd had another I'd be freaking out over money right about now!

Plus we've been able to travel and give our son really cool experiences that we couldn't have afforded if we'd had another.

Good luck with whatever you decide. It truly is a choice only you and your husband can make. I think the main advice I would offer is to make the choice for you and your husband alone, not based on any outside pressures, including your child. Siblings can be close, or not, you never know!

 

[Help Please!]

If your heart says try for 2...then try for 2.

Our first (and only) son just turned two 2 weeks ago. We've been getting the "when's the next one coming??" question from every angle. Our biggest concern was money as well...but, as a bunch of friends pointed out, you scrimp and save, and in 5 years they're both in school, and all is well. (Aside from gymnastics, dance, soccer, school supplies, birthday parties, etc.)

But seriously...if you and your husband are both on board, go for it. I think that people generally regret NOT having a 2nd child than having one.

 

[Nolcrest]

We went thru this when deciding whether to have a 3rd child. We went back & forth for about a year. My DH said he'd be okay w/whatever I decided.

I felt if it was taking me so long to decide that maybe I shouldn't have another.

We didn't. To this day I regret that decision. I feel the financial aspect is what held me back. But honestly, it always will.

Just this past weekend when we were at a diner and noticed that the booths were much bigger than in the past my DH commented "see they make big booths, it could have fit 5 of us". So 18 years later and we still reference not having that 3rd child.

I don't dwell on it though because I also feel that everything happens for a reason.

Good luck in your decision. I know it's not an easy one.

 

[IvyandLace]

Aristocratz,

Just wanted to let you know that my husband and I are right there with you...we had our beautiful daughter in May 2012 (later in life for us too!) and are now talking another baby. My biggest concern is the fact that I never wanted my child to be an "only", no matter what we would be able to do financially with just one child. Having a child really opens your eyes to the important things of life which for me translates to family. Good luck! I just wanted you to know that I can relate.

IVY

 

[lizabu]

Only you know for sure. I couldn't imagine not having a busy, crazy loud house. I also see my kids the best of friends most of the time. They're pretty close in age so that helps. How old is your DD? If she's 3 or 4 the don't have the same relationship they would if she only a year or two older.

 

[jen1977]

We couldn't decide on a third. We have two wonderful boys, and finally decided to only have the two. Our youngest just turned 11 on Friday, and he would have been such a wonderful big brother. We are almost 40, our kids are 11 and almost 13, and it just doesn't make sense to start over now. I regret not having a third, and I'm sure I always will. If your heart says go for it, then go for it.

 

[MOpGrad2013]

We've always just left these decisions up to our higher power. A lot of people don't believe that I haven't been on birth control except for 3 months in all my 38+ years. Today I am still hopeful we can add to our brood...DS18, DD15 and then DS2.

Yes, it was quite a surprise to find our little miracle 13 years later. We had TTC with all kinds of medical input (calendars, diet...no IVF or hormones) for 6+ years (minus DH being deployed). Then came the day when a doctor said it just seemed to be past my time. Heartbroken, but accepting. We went about our life.

Amazingly, while at WDW, we found out I was pregnant with the little one. Apparently my tight shorts was not due to overeating on the DxDDP.

Money? Yes, we definitely have our difficulties. I'm a SAHM so childcare costs have been hit or miss for doctor visits.

With the older siblings, it is like a family with multiple adults and one small person. We would love to have another sibling for him to play with. But, only God knows. (I hope I don't offend)

I did receive part of this prayer this past year when we were asked to become foster parents for our son's friend, but he's also adult age. So, currently, I have my 4 kids. And the age thing does concern me if I do get my chance again at pregnancy, but I believe this won't happen without by my side.

Good luck in whichever way you go. You are a great parent for giving this so much thought...whether to one or later, more. If only so many other people would give thought to the future consequesnces. I am glad I was available to be a foster, but if only the situation never occurred...

 

[horseshowmom]

DH and I were in a similar situation. By the time we were ready to consider #2 DS was 7 or 8. We went back and forth for a number of years, changed our minds about 100 times!

When he was 11 we realized that we really enjoy the freedom and flexibility the comes from an only child. And of course, ours was older than yours, we did not want to start over with all the baby stuff!

He's 15 now, we're even more confident in our decision than we were a few years ago. We're starting to think about car insurance and driving, not too stressed, college in a few years, not too stressed. If we'd had another I'd be freaking out over money right about now!

Plus we've been able to travel and give our son really cool experiences that we couldn't have afforded if we'd had another.

Good luck with whatever you decide. It truly is a choice only you and your husband can make. I think the main advice I would offer is to make the choice for you and your husband alone, not based on any outside pressures, including your child. Siblings can be close, or not, you never know!

This post sounds a lot like me (although I began thinking about it long before our daughter was 11). The reasons came down to pretty much the same though. The older I've gotten, the more I've been positive that we made the right decision for us. Good luck making the best decision for your family!

 

[disneylovin24]

This is probably a weird angle to come from, but I want to give my input as an only child.

I honestly love being the only child and love the opportunities that have come with it. Like someone above mentioned, I have gotten to experience a lot of things I never would have if I had siblings.

My family went to Disney every year and we also took trips to go quadding often. Two things that would not have happened so frequently if there were two kids in my family. I also got the chance to go to Europe twice in high school, don't think my parents would have let me go twice if they had another child.

I also am lucky enough to have my parents financing most of my college education after going to private high school. More things made possible by me being an only child.

I also think I have amazing relationships with my parents I would not have if there was another child in the house (I've had this discussion with fellow only children too and they agree on this).

I honestly love being an only child and I really hope that does not sound snobby. Nothing against families with more than one kid but I do think being an only child can open up doors just because its easier when parents only have one kid to focus on and pay for.

Something I want to throw in though. I was lucky enough to grow up with a lot of cousins who lived close to me and were like brothers to me. I think this helped give me the experience of having siblings. Maybe if I had no cousins I would have hated being an only child, who knows!

 

[RDawn]

I am Sooo blessed to be an older mom. I was 42 when I had my daughter & was completely shocked to find myself pregnant again when she was 9 months old. I miscarried and although heartbroken, realized that I was completely happy to have one healthy baby at my age. My husband is an only child and really pressed to try for another. He wanted our daughter to grow up with a sibling since he has always wished for one himself. 3 months later we were pregnant again & had a healthy baby boy. I am so glad that we tried for a 2nd child and we are blessed beyond words. They are the most beautiful challenges & they amaze me every day. If your heart wishes for another one, I urge you to try. I am here to tell you that you are not to old!

 

[horseshowmom]

This is probably a weird angle to come from, but I want to give my input as an only child.

I honestly love being the only child and love the opportunities that have come with it. Like someone above mentioned, I have gotten to experience a lot of things I never would have if I had siblings.

My family went to Disney every year and we also took trips to go quadding often. Two things that would not have happened so frequently if there were two kids in my family. I also got the chance to go to Europe twice in high school, don't think my parents would have let me go twice if they had another child.

I also am lucky enough to have my parents financing most of my college education after going to private high school. More things made possible by me being an only child.

I also think I have amazing relationships with my parents I would not have if there was another child in the house (I've had this discussion with fellow only children too and they agree on this).

I honestly love being an only child and I really hope that does not sound snobby. Nothing against families with more than one kid but I do think being an only child can open up doors just because its easier when parents only have one kid to focus on and pay for.

Something I want to throw in though. I was lucky enough to grow up with a lot of cousins who lived close to me and were like brothers to me. I think this helped give me the experience of having siblings. Maybe if I had no cousins I would have hated being an only child, who knows!

This post could have been written by my daughter as well. She has always loved being an only child. When we traveled, we often carried her best friend with us (best friends from the time they were young and was at our house a lot). She laughs and says that for some reason people have a hard time truly believing that she has always been perfectly satisfied being an only child, but she has.

 

[disneylovin24]

This post could have been written by my daughter as well. She has always loved being an only child. When we traveled, we often carried her best friend with us (best friends from the time they were young and was at our house a lot). She laughs and says that for some reason people have a hard time truly believing that she has always been perfectly satisfied being an only child, but she has.

I had another only child who lived down the hall from me this year at school and hated being an only child and could not believe I didn't hate it. I didn't get her hatred at all.

I really cannot remember a time when I ever really wanted a sibling. I've always said I wouldn't have minded having a sister close in age but that's only if I HAD to have a sibling

 

[ski_mom]

I'm also in the you know you're done when you're done camp.

We have 3 and and thought a long time about having the third. I was originally more for it than DH was, but I just didn't have that "I'm done" feeling. We finally decided to go for it and after that we definately knew we were done. As he's grown up, I haven't gotten an urge for another baby again like I did before we had him.

I know financially we'd probably be better off with only 2 kids, but we get along just fine. Each of our girls has a good friend that is an only, so I do sometimes think about extra things we'd be able to do with only 1 or 2, but I also think there are a lot of things to consider besides financial aspects.

Good luck with whatever you decide. It is a big decision.

 

[inkedupmomma]

if you want it at all, then you'd regret not trying. Trying doesn't mean it will happen. I sure hope it does though! Leave it up to your body to make the decision!

 

[Kellydelly]

I think you should have another . I have four and they are all fabulous . Do it while you still have all your baby gear out .

 

[fairestoneofall]

i think only you know how you really feel. and if your heart wants two, then you should listen to it.

we had two kids and i ALWAYS felt like we were missing someone. always. DH was quite fine with two. i had finally convinced myself to be content with with only having two children when we found out we WERE having a third. i am so thankful for him. HE is truly what was missing in our family.

and i will say that i am completely content now. if someone were to leave a baby on my porch, i wouldn't object. but i truly feel our family is complete.

 

[skuttle]

I'm an only, and I always knew I wanted more than one child. Being an only growing up wasn't bad, but as I've gotten older (starting in my mid 20s) I really wished I had siblings. For that reason, I knew I didn't want to have an only.

We started trying for #2 when #1 was 3. We were surprised by secondary infertility. We tried for 4 years, did various meds and procedures, none of which worked. Six months after we decides to give up, ds#2 was born when #1 was 7.5yo.

Fast forward to when #2 was only 10 months old. We found out #3 was on the way! Fertility is a crazy thing.

Our boys are now 10, 2.5 and almost 1. Is it rough with two in daycare? Yes. Am I counting the days until both are out of diapers? Yes. Was Disney much more expensive with 3? Yes.

Do I regret having 3 boys? Not even a little. Our family feels complete.