Debt Dumpers 2026

[afan]

yeah it was brutal. dh was devastated when he found out that just as we seemed to be exiting the hot flashes that caused me to toss all the blankets off myself and on to him at night a reset button had been hit and it was going to start all over again


I remember my mom going through it cuz I was VERY young (late in life baby) and she kept telling me 'take off your coat-it's too hot to wear one'. did'nt stop that until it happened during a doctor's appointment and the doctor told me to keep it on and told her to make an appointment for herself b/c the room was NOT hot and she was having a hot flash.

I would have been in Jr high/high school when she started peri and don't recall anything. The house was kept warmer then too because we had a pellet stove and my step-dad liked it warm. But also some days the lowest setting made it too warm for my taste even back then.

 

[barkley]

$30 for a child's shirt for state gymnastics meets is criminal.

Why are event specific things so dang expensive?!

an additiona $86 for the uniform. 86 bucks for a shirt and shorts?!

reminds me of a school one of my kids attended. they had a deal with the company that made their uniforms for a kickback so to maximize it they tweaked the design every year just a smidge (piping on shorts one year/not the next, slightly different cuff on sleeves, rounded collar vs slightly v'd). this eliminated a kid from wearing the same clothes season to season, handing down to a younger sib or (as was very common-doing unsanctioned parent swap meets)

$100 summer leo for gymnastics. Then we'll have the $150-200 leo for competition season we'll have to buy for November

the organizations likely either upcharge or get a kick-back from whomever manufactures (if the parent/participant has to buy or order from a company). I sat on the board of a community theater group and we did t-shirts for every production. we wanted everyone to be able to afford them (free advertising/fun souvineer for participants) so we went with the same quality/least expensive option (declined orders through them with kickback to us). other groups (esp. those that did pay for participation kid's programs) charged 4x their cost and pocketed the profits. had friends that operated dance studios who caught flack from other operators b/c they would pick a brand/style of leotards but let the parents find the best deal vs. requiring them to buy from the studio (they didn't buy into upcharging for dance wear as being an accepted part of the business model).

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

AWSOME MOM!!!!!!

Yeah she was a great mom. I was so lucky to have her. She’s been gone almost 7 years now and I miss her so much.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Just checking in. Dad had his open heart surgery on Wednesday. I dare say, it went beautifully! It was an incredibly long day but the dr called at 5:30pm and said it had gone very well, he was very pleased, and he did 4 bypasses (the plan was 3-4, if 3 went well, he would do the 4th). We got to see him about 7:30 and honestly it wasn't as scary as I had anticipated/dreaded. His color was good, and he had a fantastic nurse who explained things so well. She was very happy with his status at that point. We went home and called back at 11 and they had removed the vent already! We arrived back the next morning around 9 and he was in a recliner and awake (albeit a little foggy from everything). He got to skip ICU and went straight to cardiac stepdown. They had already removed one of the two chest tubes. He walked a couple of times yesterday and continues to do well. I came back home last night and I must admit - I am exhausted. I worked today and my husband, daughter, and I are headed back tonight to my parents house because they are on the hoarding side and we are going to work on cleaning their place up so they can function better when they get home.

My mom has had moments during this which has made it hard. She wasn't able to stay with him the first night and she went off on my sister and I. She was tired and hungry but she was very hateful and hurtful. She did settle down but it's hard because she gets over it quickly and forgets, and we are left to cope. I am glad my sister and I have each other though! She is now staying around the clock with him but.... from a caregiver perspective, isn't a lot of help. But my parents are stuck together like glue so perhaps she brings him comfort of some sort just being there. And he is her security blanket so I know she is right where she wants to be.

As for spending I will say my mom is very generous when it comes to making sure everyone is fed (sadly she cannot find her own way to the cafeteria so she is also dependent on someone being around). She paid for all but one of my meals while we were at the hospital. I had packed a cooler with drinks so that helped too. I did buy some nuggets, via fast food, on my way there and back, but overall finances not hit much.

During the process that was the least of my concerns but it is a positive note as well.

On the note of perimenopause I am in the throws of it with a 15 year old in the house with very irregular periods... I think I would probably be nearly menopausal (at 46) if it wasn't for my daughter She seems to keep my friend sporadically returning.

Wishing your father a speedy recovery.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Our niece got a full scholarship to Pitt for gymnastics. Once we heard the good news I told my SIL how awesome that is to save thousands for college. She said it would have been cheaper to just pay for college.
Not to mention the effect it had on the family and their 2 other children.

She did reach the level one would need to achieve to enter the Olympics, but reached it just a few years too late. That is another whole league of intensive training.


This was years ago. This niece is over 40 now. I can't imagine things have gotten any better. When the kids were young, my SIL said how her daughter (the gymnast) had frequent flier miles from flying around to so many competitions and meets. This was before internet at which time earning miles became much easier with airlines then offering multiple ways to earn miles.
My SIL bartered with the gymnastics school and agreed to clean the place and the equipment every week in exchange for her daughter to go there.

 

[DanceDisney23]

$30 for a child's shirt for state gymnastics meets is criminal.

Why are event specific things so dang expensive?!

I don’t think we’ve ever gotten dance comp merch for less than $60. We just had a comp today, and I’m very glad DD didn’t ask for a shirt or hoodie.

And yes, with what we pay for comp fees, costumes, hotels, lessons, shoes, tights, makeup, and snacks, I’m not worried about college. We can just reallocate the money when the time comes and not notice a difference.

 

[DanceDisney23]

Competitive sports is insane. Between uniforms/costumes, fees, travel... you almost need a second job just to pay for it

I saw a post on Insta the other day that went along the lines of
“I put my kid in dance to keep her away from drugs, but now I think I have to start selling drugs to keep her in dance”

I felt that deeply, lol.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I have heard that some symptoms can include a heightened sense of smell

Burning smell too...it's a wacky thing that comes out of nowhere where you're convinced something is burning (or cigarette smoke too).

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

That doesn’t really suggest menopause issues as much as it does relationship & personality issues to me.

That and for both of them.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Not really. As soon as I stepped in the house tonight, DW said you stink something awful. Why do you do that to yourself? Now you have to waste more water and go shower. She'd rather I not do it because I smell bad when I come in and have to shower to use additional water. But I'm going to keep doing it.

When my husband is outside mowing or doing other yard work if he comes in I can smell him extremely fast (as I can smell myself when I've done the yard work in the heat or humidity). Am I commenting on it like your wife? Not at all but I can see that perspective.

I would say have you smelled yourself too? A normal short enough walk shouldn't create such a smell but it doesn't mean one doesn't get created. Have you considered getting a wash cloth, wetting it and doing a quick wipe before coming into the house to see if that can help with any potential smell? Are you sweating a lot that might carry an odor that to you may not be unpleasant but maybe is to others. Didn't you mention that you are allergic to scents could it be that perhaps deodorant isn't strong enough or you have become nose blind to yourself? Are you wearing quick dry clothing, moisture wicking clothing that can not only help with smell but also help with sweat accumulation? The only downside to that is that odor can get trapped there leading to needing stronger cleaning methods like an enzyme cleaner or for me and my sport bras I use oxyclean and soak for a couple hours then wash in the washer in a delicate bag after roughly 2 or so wears which is why I have a rotation of 4 sport bras. Cotton shirts, if you sweat and get an odor are not the good option there.

I'm not trying to pin this on you but I don't think it's fair either to pin it solely on your wife without looking at very practical aspects of how exercise, especially in certain conditions, can create things.

I'm less inclined to believe this about water usage and more about perhaps a more honest and more open dialogue between the two of you. You don't have to stop walking either but it may be worth considering everything out there, it doesn't have to be "I'm going to keep doing it and she'll just have to deal with it".

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

When my husband is outside mowing or doing other yard work if he comes in I can smell him extremely fast (as I can smell myself when I've done the yard work in the heat or humidity). Am I commenting on it like your wife? Not at all but I can see that perspective.

I would say have you smelled yourself too? A normal short enough walk shouldn't create such a smell but it doesn't mean one doesn't get created. Have you considered getting a wash cloth, wetting it and doing a quick wipe before coming into the house to see if that can help with any potential smell? Are you sweating a lot that might carry an odor that to you may not be unpleasant but maybe is to others. Didn't you mention that you are allergic to scents could it be that perhaps deodorant isn't strong enough or you have become nose blind to yourself? Are you wearing quick dry clothing, moisture wicking clothing that can not only help with smell but also help with sweat accumulation? The only downside to that is that odor can get trapped there leading to needing stronger cleaning methods like an enzyme cleaner or for me and my sport bras I use oxyclean and soak for a couple hours then wash in the washer in a delicate bag after roughly 2 or so wears which is why I have a rotation of 4 sport bras. Cotton shirts, if you sweat and get an odor are not the good option there.

I'm not trying to pin this on you but I don't think it's fair either to pin it solely on your wife without looking at very practical aspects of how exercise, especially in certain conditions, can create things.

I'm less inclined to believe this about water usage and more about perhaps a more honest and more open dialogue between the two of you. You don't have to stop walking either but it may be worth considering everything out there, it doesn't have to be "I'm going to keep doing it and she'll just have to deal with it".

If you went way back over the last couple years you would see that she has issues any time he tries to better himself or their situation. I think the water usage arguement is malicious compliance. “You are making me stick to a budget so you don’t get to use extra water.”

 

[amalone1013]

Try Irish Step. $750 for a teams costume (new) or $500 for a user one, if you're lucky $700+ for a used solo dress, if you're not you're paying $2000+ to have one made. About $112 every competition you enter, unless it's a big one and then it's more like $250 plus any hotel fees you need to spend.

Repeat for the costumes every time they grow out of them. Two sets of competition shoes too!

I was a "cheap" kid for activities, just band, but watched my sister be in 5+ dance classes plus teach so the teachers had a number or two also at the recitals, plus a step below travel soccer, high school soccer, band, show choir, etc etc... and how stressed this made my parents because of the costs.

And then my college roommate was an Irish Step dancer and I heard those costs

 

[afan]

I was a "cheap" kid for activities, just band, but watched my sister be in 5+ dance classes plus teach so the teachers had a number or two also at the recitals, plus a step below travel soccer, high school soccer, band, show choir, etc etc... and how stressed this made my parents because of the costs.

And then my college roommate was an Irish Step dancer and I heard those costs

I was a band geek too. We were cheap, mostly because we had fundraisers for new stuff or trips. I think my clarinet reeds got up to 5 or 6 bucks each but I wouldn't need a ton. New pads or fixing it if something broke was the most and even it wasn't that bad.

I still have it, no way I remember how to play or read music. Someday I'll turn it into a lamp.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

If you went way back over the last couple years you would see that she has issues any time he tries to better himself or their situation. I think the water usage arguement is malicious compliance. “You are making me stick to a budget so you don’t get to use extra water.”

I know their history and I also know the poster explained they had a brain tumor years back and other health issues so I'm not about to put it on the wife wholly here. I'm not into looking at all the ways the wife could be doing whatever because to be frank I don't think it's the most helpful here all that will do is to perpetuate issues, we are all aware of the marital strife. My normal way is to look at other things that people may or may not hit upon so regardless of whether we could find psychological issues we can also look at things that the poster themselves can look at to do. And if you want to go along the lines of bettering oneself I do believe reviewing how one is exercising and their body's reaction can be part of that, whether someone lives with someone else or not those potential things can be looked at as well.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

AWSOME MOM!!!!!! I lost count of how many PRE-teen pregancies I had to walk my social services (soon to be grand) parents through who thought they were right on track planning to have 'the talk' when their dd's started their cycles-they never gave a thought to how those girls could (and did) become pregnant BEFORE. my kid's former private school had a parent night to discuss having s-- education and at what grade to start. immediately the route of 'the average age a girl starts her cycle is...so lets start in grade...' begins so I point out a girl can get pregnant before at which point it becomes clear that neither the teachers nor the majority of parents had any clue that the first visit of a girl's 'monthly friend' is her body literally saying 'you did'nt get pregnant with your first ovulation but you have been and are ovulating'. that opened up the discussion to introducing 'the talk' to much lower grades.

Before I worked in breast imaging I worked in pediatric radiology. A good portion of my morning was spent in our intensive care nursery. We had a baby transferred up from the shore to go on ECMO, a type of heart lung machine that newborns sometimes need after meconium aspiration during delivery.(inhaling their own poop)

Anyway, the nurse said the mom was 18 and it was her 6th pregnancy. She has never, ever had a period because she keeps getting pregnant again.

Another case, a mom had a 25-week preemie at age 12. She is now legally able to advocate for her child. When newborns are expected be in intensive care for a long time, doctors put a line into the umbilical vein while it's still patent as that is much better IV access than on their extremities. They are also intubated and hooked up to a ventilator, so I would x-ray their chest & abdomen to confirm placement of the ET tube and UV line.
As the doctors were explaining all of this to the mom, they mention something about the baby's abdomen. She asks, "What's an abdomen?" I nearly fell over but had to retain my composure and not let anything show on my face. That is sooo hard.

Not to mention she was using a newborn receiving blanket wrapped around her like a sarong, and even though I was in my 20's, worked out regularly before having my own kids, and I was in great shape, there was no way a receiving blanket could wrap around me and cover my front & back. She looked around 10.

This was all back in the 90s so I often wonder how those kids made out. So many things you just never ever forget.

 

[pblack]

Before I worked in breast imaging I worked in pediatric radiology. A good portion of my morning was spent in our intensive care nursery. We had a baby transferred up from the shore to go on ECMO, a type of heart lung machine that newborns sometimes need after meconium aspiration during delivery.(inhaling their own poop)

Anyway, the nurse said the mom was 18 and it was her 6th pregnancy. She has never, ever had a period because she keeps getting pregnant again.

Another case, a mom had a 25-week preemie at age 12. She is now legally able to advocate for her child. When newborns are expected be in intensive care for a long time, doctors put a line into the umbilical vein while it's still patent as that is much better IV access than on their extremities. They are also intubated and hooked up to a ventilator, so I would x-ray their chest & abdomen to confirm placement of the ET tube and UV line.
As the doctors were explaining all of this to the mom, they mention something about the baby's abdomen. She asks, "What's an abdomen?" I nearly fell over but had to retain my composure and not let anything show on my face. That is sooo hard.

Not to mention she was using a newborn receiving blanket wrapped around her like a sarong, and even though I was in my 20's, worked out regularly before having my own kids, and I was in great shape, there was no way a receiving blanket could wrap around me and cover my front & back. She looked around 10.

This was all back in the 90s so I often wonder how those kids made out. So many things you just never ever forget.

I've got......a lot of questions. All of which surround those poor children.

 

[DanceDisney23]

I've got......a lot of questions. All of which surround those poor children.

Yes. For example, did anyone hold their abusers accountable?

 

[piglet1979]

Just checking in. Dad had his open heart surgery on Wednesday. I dare say, it went beautifully! It was an incredibly long day but the dr called at 5:30pm and said it had gone very well, he was very pleased, and he did 4 bypasses (the plan was 3-4, if 3 went well, he would do the 4th). We got to see him about 7:30 and honestly it wasn't as scary as I had anticipated/dreaded. His color was good, and he had a fantastic nurse who explained things so well. She was very happy with his status at that point. We went home and called back at 11 and they had removed the vent already! We arrived back the next morning around 9 and he was in a recliner and awake (albeit a little foggy from everything). He got to skip ICU and went straight to cardiac stepdown. They had already removed one of the two chest tubes. He walked a couple of times yesterday and continues to do well. I came back home last night and I must admit - I am exhausted. I worked today and my husband, daughter, and I are headed back tonight to my parents house because they are on the hoarding side and we are going to work on cleaning their place up so they can function better when they get home.

My mom has had moments during this which has made it hard. She wasn't able to stay with him the first night and she went off on my sister and I. She was tired and hungry but she was very hateful and hurtful. She did settle down but it's hard because she gets over it quickly and forgets, and we are left to cope. I am glad my sister and I have each other though! She is now staying around the clock with him but.... from a caregiver perspective, isn't a lot of help. But my parents are stuck together like glue so perhaps she brings him comfort of some sort just being there. And he is her security blanket so I know she is right where she wants to be.

As for spending I will say my mom is very generous when it comes to making sure everyone is fed (sadly she cannot find her own way to the cafeteria so she is also dependent on someone being around). She paid for all but one of my meals while we were at the hospital. I had packed a cooler with drinks so that helped too. I did buy some nuggets, via fast food, on my way there and back, but overall finances not hit much.

During the process that was the least of my concerns but it is a positive note as well.

On the note of perimenopause I am in the throws of it with a 15 year old in the house with very irregular periods... I think I would probably be nearly menopausal (at 46) if it wasn't for my daughter She seems to keep my friend sporadically returning.

I am so glad everything went well.

My very nearly 12 year old just got hers for the first time this month. I thought I had normalized it, but she was like, in denial and was aghast every time I'd be like "make sure you change your pad when you go to the bathroom" and I asked if she told her friends and she was horrified at the thought.

Sigh.

DD was 10 when she had her first. We had many conversations about it before this but I really thought I had a couple of years. Trying to remind her to take pads to school or if she went out was so tough.

All of this was talked about a lot in my house growing up. We even had a book about puberty. My mom was very young. She was 17 when she had my sister, 19 with me and 23 with my brother. I think being so young helped her to be so open. I have always been open with my kids as well because mom was with us. I answered all of DD's questions (she was always asking questions even before she started), I just wish they were better timed. Like not on a Disney bus or in the middle of the store. I would answer them but when we got in a better spot to have a conversation.

Burning smell too...it's a wacky thing that comes out of nowhere where you're convinced something is burning (or cigarette smoke too).

I have this. It is called Phantosmia (Olfactory Hallucinations). DH used to smoke and a few years after he quit it started. I used to accuse him of smoking again and it was all in my head. It gets worse when I am stressed more. Most of the time it is just cigarette smoke that I smell but there are times I wake up and smell smoke and can't go back to sleep until I have checked the whole house.

 

[barkley]

I've got......a lot of questions. All of which surround those poor children.

Yes. For example, did anyone hold their abusers accountable?

In my experience with my clients it was often consensual between 2 very young tweens/teens so it was not considered abuse. it's a horrible situation all around but one aspect that got really crazy was when child support enforcement got involved (b/c if I was seeing this then the pregnant mom was already on public assistance). can you imagine your 12 year old son with an enforceable child support order and b/c of your son's age/inability to hold a job that you as the grandparent are on the hook for it? yeah-we got some HEATED calls from non custodial parents of the young dads when THEY got noticed by child support enforcement that they were now named as an obligated payor on a new/additional child support case.