Debt Dumpers 2024

[bababear_50]

Quote​

"Well, we're in a bit of a pickle at the moment. The last statement from my mom's IRA account said she still had a bit in there. I must have been looking at an old statement because I got a notice today that she has 2 deposits left and the account is empty.

It's been almost 2 years of me telling her she can't afford the house and it's going to blow thru her money. She refused to listen. Drug her feet on moving somewhere more affordable. I repeatedly tell her not to spend a bunch of money and later that day she spends $300 at Walmart. I've asked her many times to look into things that help seniors financially (food assistance, meal assistance, utility assistance). She doesn't do it.

I told her I found a cute little apartment complex that she could afford an apartment in while we get the house sold, but she can't take the dogs. She outright refused. I asked what she was going to do, sleep in her car with them and she said yes. She's being unreasonable. And I'm at a complete loss.


Hubby and I have very briefly discussed it, but I'm considering going back to my old job. It means we no longer have days off together again and the stress of that comes back. But, if I do go back, my pay can cover her mortgage and most bills for a few months while we sort out some kind of housing situation.

We also considered doing like a home equity withdrawal? Is that the right term? She owes 80k and the original loan was 130k. Even if we do it for 20k out, that gives us enough wiggle room to work out a new house and do a few projects in this one to get it ready to sell."

I'm stressed y'all.

​

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Tygerlilly​

Just letting you know someone is listening and you are strong Hon.
you will figure this out.
I can't offer much Senior help as I am in Canada and I even had to Google what an IRA is.
I did semi retire 2-3 years ago (I was bored and now work casual) ,,, and inflation has really hurt many seniors here.
The average 1 bedroom Apt here is going for 2-3 thousand per month ,, the problem here is there are no affordable homes/Apt. here for people. Most Seniors have a Canadian Gov Pension (CPP) and Old Age Security (OAS) ,,,but it is only 2/3 of what they actually need just for somewhere to live ,,,never mind food ,,and other bills.

If you have siblings now might be the time to bring them up to date about Mom and get some support with her. Dealing with this on your own is not going to be easy Hon.
Her Family Dr. and any Specialists she sees also might help in these discussions.

And I hate to say this but if your mom is the one who is still in legal control of decisions you might have to look at her making those decision until she asks for help or someone else says she can no longer do this for herself.
I hope I haven't offended in any way but just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Hugs Mel

 

[fofinia]

Well, we're in a bit of a pickle at the moment. The last statement from my mom's IRA account said she still had a bit in there. I must have been looking at an old statement because I got a notice today that she has 2 deposits left and the account is empty.


I'm stressed y'all.

So sorry you are having such a struggle with your mom. Right when it seems you are getting yourself in good place with the new job and home. Your mom's depression is making these decisions. Holding onto the house she lived in with your dad. The dogs. Spending extra money. I'm not sure how the best way to help is. Do you have room for her at your house? Not ideal I'm guessing. But if she forces herself into a homeless situation you may end up there. I hate to see you borrow from your house to pay for hers. But if that's something you feel you have no choice? Then try to make a plan to not borrow more than you can pay back in designated time. I've been having to dig my parents out of financial issues off and on for a few years. And it is stressful and not fun and resentment building.

I hope you can find a way to stay positive. Don't lose your focus on all the good things you've achieved recently. Including your own mental health. You want to be the best mom you can during all this. Good luck!

 

[piglet1979]

Well, we're in a bit of a pickle at the moment. The last statement from my mom's IRA account said she still had a bit in there. I must have been looking at an old statement because I got a notice today that she has 2 deposits left and the account is empty.

It's been almost 2 years of me telling her she can't afford the house and it's going to blow thru her money. She refused to listen. Drug her feet on moving somewhere more affordable. I repeatedly tell her not to spend a bunch of money and later that day she spends $300 at Walmart. I've asked her many times to look into things that help seniors financially (food assistance, meal assistance, utility assistance). She doesn't do it.

I told her I found a cute little apartment complex that she could afford an apartment in while we get the house sold, but she can't take the dogs. She outright refused. I asked what she was going to do, sleep in her car with them and she said yes. She's being unreasonable. And I'm at a complete loss.


Hubby and I have very briefly discussed it, but I'm considering going back to my old job. It means we no longer have days off together again and the stress of that comes back. But, if I do go back, my pay can cover her mortgage and most bills for a few months while we sort out some kind of housing situation.

We also considered doing like a home equity withdrawal? Is that the right term? She owes 80k and the original loan was 130k. Even if we do it for 20k out, that gives us enough wiggle room to work out a new house and do a few projects in this one to get it ready to sell.

I'm stressed y'all.

I understand how you are feeling. DH's grandmother is the same way. She tells that she doesn't have the money and she is draining her savings. She has a care giver come 2 days a week that takes her shopping and to appointments and she pay a pretty penny of it. We have given her options. In our city we have what is called senior wheels and it is very cheap and will do the same thing the care givers do but she is refusing to do that. We can take her but it would have to be after we get off of work or on the weekend around any activity we have (kids sporting events and such). She refuses to go on the weekend or at night. We have told she she doesn't have to pay for a landline because she has a cell phone or that she doesn't need to pay for a garage at her apartment. The car will be fine. We have lived in our house for 20 years and we don't have a garage to park in (it is a small 1 car garage that we keep the bikes and lawnmower and such in). I am sorry I don't have an answer for you but I understand and you are not alone. Hugs to you as you work through this.

 

[Tygerlilly]

I'm an only child, so it's pretty much all falling on me.

I wouldn't be taking the equity from my home. We'd be taking out of her own. Her house is appraised at and should sell for close to 300k. If we took the equity she has up to the original loan amount of $125k, she'd still be able to pay it all off and have a good chunk for the future.

I found the cutest little house not far from me for 80k. She can easily afford it even on her SSI. They're having an open house on Sunday so I'm going to go check it out. Monday we will stop by the bank (her mortgage is thru her regular bank) and see what options we have with her current mortgage and see about prequalifying for a new one.

 

[barkley]

I found the cutest little house not far from me for 80k. She can easily afford it even on her SSI.

BE CAREFUL!!!!!!! if your mom is on SSI then she has a VERY STRICT resource limit. if she goes over it she can lose her eligibility to her SSI and a variety of other programs she may use now or need to in the future. you and she REALY need to get accurate advice on how taking a home equity loan or selling her home can impact her eligibility. there are VERY specific laws on how to do real estate transactions in a manner that won't cause her to lose her ssi for upwards of years due to a lump sum. i administered social service programs for people on ssi and it was tragic when they/well meaning family did what they felt was in the best financial interest but it created irreversable ineligibility.

Call an ELDER LAW ATTORNEY in the area your mom lives (they will know any local issues with elder services as well regarding resource limits). a consultation appointment by phone or in person is BEYOND worth it.

 

[DawnM]

Congrats! That's HUGE!

Thanks. It certainly is huge to us!

 

[DawnM]

So sorry you are having such a struggle with your mom. Right when it seems you are getting yourself in good place with the new job and home. Your mom's depression is making these decisions. Holding onto the house she lived in with your dad. The dogs. Spending extra money. I'm not sure how the best way to help is. Do you have room for her at your house? Not ideal I'm guessing. But if she forces herself into a homeless situation you may end up there. I hate to see you borrow from your house to pay for hers. But if that's something you feel you have no choice? Then try to make a plan to not borrow more than you can pay back in designated time. I've been having to dig my parents out of financial issues off and on for a few years. And it is stressful and not fun and resentment building.

I hope you can find a way to stay positive. Don't lose your focus on all the good things you've achieved recently. Including your own mental health. You want to be the best mom you can during all this. Good luck!

I am so sorry to both of you.
My parents were very good with money, and when I say that, I mean they were very frugal and savers. However, when my dad got to where he couldn't function well on his own, we took him in. He lived with us for about 18 months and then ended up in a nursing home for 3 months and a hospice house for 10 days.
Can you take her in if you need to?

 

[Sheree]

BE CAREFUL!!!!!!! if your mom is on SSI then she has a VERY STRICT resource limit. if she goes over it she can lose her eligibility to her SSI and a variety of other programs she may use now or need to in the future. you and she REALY need to get accurate advice on how taking a home equity loan or selling her home can impact her eligibility. there are VERY specific laws on how to do real estate transactions in a manner that won't cause her to lose her ssi for upwards of years due to a lump sum. i administered social service programs for people on ssi and it was tragic when they/well meaning family did what they felt was in the best financial interest but it created irreversable ineligibility.

Call an ELDER LAW ATTORNEY in the area your mom lives (they will know any local issues with elder services as well regarding resource limits). a consultation appointment by phone or in person is BEYOND worth it.

THIS
ssi resource limit is $2000. Are you sure she's on ssi and not rsdi? is she over 65? able to collecy on her own work record or a spouse? SSI is less than $900 per month and is usually what someone gets who doesn't qualify on a work record for retirement or disability benefits

 

[barkley]

THIS
ssi resource limit is $2000. Are you sure she's on ssi and not rsdi? is she over 65? able to collecy on her own work record or a spouse? SSI is less than $900 per month and is usually what someone gets who doesn't qualify on a work record for retirement or disability benefits

yes, very different programs. even if she's on traditional social security it's important to look at any other programs she may receive benefits or services from to know their resource and 'income' rules (as in the MAJOR difference in helping out a family member by paying all but a few dollars vs 100% of their housing, utility or other expenses b/c of the concept of 'income in kind'). as an example-someone who receives traditional social security and has mediCARE may be receiving a benefit that pays for their portion of the mediCARE premium so while their social security benefit is not impacted by their resources their eligibility to that program IS. same with programs that help many disabled and/or seniors like in home supportive services which they may be getting for free or at tremendously reduced cost b/c their social security (traditional) is low enough. those programs can have assett limits.

i would strongly encourage anyone with an older (or disabled) family member that they currently or at a future date will be in a position of helping with financial and housing matters to find out ahead of time what kind of social security and other income they are in receipt of, what programs/supports they use, and when the time comes that major financial decisions/housing changes have to occur to seek out guidance from a skilled elder law attorney where the person lives (or will live), not an attorney that 'also' does elder law. the ones who specialize in it know the current and pending laws/legislation. they know how to have you legaly do things to ensure that everything is done in the most beneficial manner for the person you are entrusted to help.

 

[Tygerlilly]

THIS
ssi resource limit is $2000. Are you sure she's on ssi and not rsdi? is she over 65? able to collecy on her own work record or a spouse? SSI is less than $900 per month and is usually what someone gets who doesn't qualify on a work record for retirement or disability benefits

She's been disabled for close to 30 years. She gets $800 a month from it.

 

[barkley]

She's been disabled for close to 30 years. She gets $800 a month from it.

did she work much before she became disabled? i've been disabled for 20 years but b/c i had begun working when i was 17 i had enough quarters in social security (despite allot of part time work in high school and college) to qualify for social security disability (SSD) which does not have a resource limit. i would suggest you look at any paperwork she has or check with her on the online social security website.

 

[Sheree]

She's been disabled for close to 30 years. She gets $800 a month from it.

it's important to know if it's ssi (which is about $900 per month) and usually qualifies you for Medicaid or rsdi which comes with Medicare (for which she may pay a premium). she should also qualify for Medicaid which then reimburses the medicare part b premium. also find out if she can collect a larger benefit on her spouse's record. unfortunately that's not automatic. I realized 6 months after my fil passed that my mil was still collecting on her own record vs the bump if she got his. it took awhile but she got it along with back pay.

if you have a board of social services contact them. they are very helpful in determining what additional benefits she may be entitled to and restrictions.

 

[barkley]

I realized 6 months after my fil passed that my mil was still collecting on her own record vs the bump if she got his. it took awhile but she got it along with back pay.

that's for sure an important one to explore. likewise if a person was married at least 10 years to someone then spousal benefits under the ex's can be looked to. if (in the op's case) 'mom' has remarried and are still married then they are not eligible under the ex BUT if a subsequent marriage lasted at least 10 years and ended in death, divorce or annulment social security will look at BOTH of the former spouse's earnings records (if the 2nd or subsequent marriages lasted less than 10 years then social security only looks at the 10 year unions).

 

[Tygerlilly]

I'm so glad I vent my family drama to you guys. You're all a wealth of information I wouldn't even think about it.

 

[Tygerlilly]

Apparently she is on social security disability.

Who do you suggest we should we talk to first? Social security administration to see what she qualifies for or an elder care lawyer? Unfortunately, we need to work quickly so she doesn't get super far behind on bills.

 

[barkley]

Apparently she is on social security disability.

Who do you suggest we should we talk to first? Social security administration to see what she qualifies for or an elder care lawyer? Unfortunately, we need to work quickly so she doesn't get super far behind on bills.

do you know if she is currently getting any free or reduced cost services already b/c at the amount you posted of $800 she would likely qualify (though it depends on if she has any other income and what her liquid resources are)? social security does not administer anything but social security and medicare so they probably can't offer any advice. her local health and social services might be able to tell her what programs she may currently or someday qualify for though you might want to look into a couple of programs called SLMB and QMB which are mediCAID that can pay (depending on program a person qualifies for) the mediCARE premiums that normaly reduce a person's social security AND with at least one of the 2 programs pays for coinsurance/deductables. a qualified and knowledgable elder law attorney where she lives will know all the local programs, all the eligibility requirements and how to structure everthing for now and in the future to best serve/provide for her. yeah it will cost a bit but it's 'one stop shopping'. does she have a will, advanced medical directive, medical/financial power of attorney set up? if not it's an ideal time to get all the ducks in a row.

i also found with my mom that contacting the Ombudsman program where she lived to be of tremendous help in identifying programs. even though i worked in social services programs vary so much from place to place, county to county that i had no clue what was available where she lived.


best of luck.

 

[WDW_fan_in_TX]

I've been thinking about refinancing my car loan because I'm paying 26% ARP right now, and that's a little high. I'd like to get it lowered. So I've been going through CreditKarma to try and straighten out my finances, and they've offered several options. But some I've never heard of. So I'm hoping people here can help me with what would be the best option. Right now I'm paying $500 per month on my car payment. I bought it 2 years ago this September, and I've barely even touched the principal. For the past 2 years, everything single penny has gone to interest. So looking for help on which of these options is best (not which option has lowest monthly payment or lowest APR, but what company is best to go with).

AutoPay got 4/5 stars and would drop my APR by 5% and my monthly payment by $35;
Caribough got 4/5 stars and would drop my APR by 3.23% and my monthly payments by $24;
RateGenius, Tresl and Upgrade each got 4.5/5 stars but would drop my APR by 2% or less and my bill by $15 or less;

Should I try and go with someone else? Or should I just keep it where I'm at?

By the way, I also keep getting emails from Capital One Auto Financing with requests to auto finance. I tried it once, but it say I had to pay the current loan down to what the car is worth ($14k). So I'd have to pay $4k just to refinance, and that's not happening. But they still keep sending me those emails saying I qualify for auto refinancing.

 

[barkley]

I've been thinking about refinancing my car loan because I'm paying 26% ARP right now, and that's a little high. I'd like to get it lowered. So I've been going through CreditKarma to try and straighten out my finances, and they've offered several options. But some I've never heard of. So I'm hoping people here can help me with what would be the best option. Right now I'm paying $500 per month on my car payment. I bought it 2 years ago this September, and I've barely even touched the principal. For the past 2 years, everything single penny has gone to interest. So looking for help on which of these options is best (not which option has lowest monthly payment or lowest APR, but what company is best to go with).

AutoPay got 4/5 stars and would drop my APR by 5% and my monthly payment by $35;
Caribough got 4/5 stars and would drop my APR by 3.23% and my monthly payments by $24;
RateGenius, Tresl and Upgrade each got 4.5/5 stars but would drop my APR by 2% or less and my bill by $15 or less;

Should I try and go with someone else? Or should I just keep it where I'm at?

By the way, I also keep getting emails from Capital One Auto Financing with requests to auto finance. I tried it once, but it say I had to pay the current loan down to what the car is worth ($14k). So I'd have to pay $4k just to refinance, and that's not happening. But they still keep sending me those emails saying I qualify for auto refinancing.

check out local to you credit unions (you can see if you are eligible to join-most have pretty loose criteria and they will talk to you on loans even if you are not currently a member). their rates tend to be very good even with less than stellar credit). in addition to a lower rate some also give a further reduction off the lowest rate they will offer you if you set up auto-pay from your credit union account.

capital one just does mass emails-my kids got offers when they were still young kids and i still get ones on occasion for family members who passed over a decade ago (and we did stuff with the credit bureaus when they passed to ensure no identity theft). we just consider them junk mail.

 

[trenty]

I've been thinking about refinancing my car loan because I'm paying 26% ARP right now, and that's a little high. I'd like to get it lowered. So I've been going through CreditKarma to try and straighten out my finances, and they've offered several options. But some I've never heard of. So I'm hoping people here can help me with what would be the best option. Right now I'm paying $500 per month on my car payment. I bought it 2 years ago this September, and I've barely even touched the principal. For the past 2 years, everything single penny has gone to interest. So looking for help on which of these options is best (not which option has lowest monthly payment or lowest APR, but what company is best to go with).

AutoPay got 4/5 stars and would drop my APR by 5% and my monthly payment by $35;
Caribough got 4/5 stars and would drop my APR by 3.23% and my monthly payments by $24;
RateGenius, Tresl and Upgrade each got 4.5/5 stars but would drop my APR by 2% or less and my bill by $15 or less;

Should I try and go with someone else? Or should I just keep it where I'm at?

By the way, I also keep getting emails from Capital One Auto Financing with requests to auto finance. I tried it once, but it say I had to pay the current loan down to what the car is worth ($14k). So I'd have to pay $4k just to refinance, and that's not happening. But they still keep sending me those emails saying I qualify for auto refinancing.

check out local to you credit unions (you can see if you are eligible to join-most have pretty loose criteria and they will talk to you on loans even if you are not currently a member). their rates tend to be very good even with less than stellar credit). in addition to a lower rate some also give a further reduction off the lowest rate they will offer you if you set up auto-pay from your credit union account.

capital one just does mass emails-my kids got offers when they were still young kids and i still get ones on occasion for family members who passed over a decade ago (and we did stuff with the credit bureaus when they passed to ensure no identity theft). we just consider them junk mail.

I second the opinion to check out your local credit union(s). Stay away from capital one auto loans.

 

[focusondisney]

Or should I just keep it where I'm at?

Will the new loans add to the time it will take to pay off the car? Ex, you said you already paid for 2 years, do you have 3 years left on that loan? Will the new loans be for the 3 years you have left or 5, meaning you’ll be in debt for that much longer? If they extend the loan time, they might not be the savings you’re hoping for. Maybe just get out the calculator & add up the total cost of a new loan you’re considering vs. what you’ll pay with the current loan.