Debt Dumpers - 2014

[dayvewc]

I can so relate. DH knows I am trying to get our debt paid down and save for trip to WDW in Dec but yet he was supposed to just get gas this morning and I noticed he bought other stuff at the Gas Station. He also took DD to buy bedding for her hamster - $20 later. It is bedding for a hamster I was thinking 5-10 max! I am the main provider for our family. He makes extra money March - Oct coaching soccer but that doesn't pay much. Some days I feel like this...

Thanks, knowing I'm not alone is such a relief. Although, I am not saying I'm happy you are having problems too!! I will jump in and defend the hamster a little bit, a lot of the bedding will expand 10 - 20 x's the packaging. So if he got $20 of bedding, that could last 6 months to a year. Maybe if you think of it as only spending $3 a month it won't seem so bad?

It does help though when I sit down with him each week and explain what I paid for the bills, groceries, gas and let him know where we stand with savings and expenses. I just need to remember to take the time to talk to him about it. I get so busy just taking care of the financials, working, kids, dog.. that I sometimes forget. I think I will do this tonight since I just got paid and paid a bunch of bills.

It doesn't help when I sit SO down, though. He'll agree that we need to save and pay off bills, and says he will try. But the next day he'll buy snacks that aren't on the grocery list (out of the grocery money) or tell me that he won't promise that he won't raid the savings towards our DCL trip we're hoping to take next year.

I get that he doesn't have much money. I truly do. I make most of the money and pay most of the bills. But I don't get any more than he does (in terms of actual spending dollars. I do get a higher gas budget b/c I have to drive about 700 miles a week for work and he has to drive about 30). But in actual budgeted "spending money" (non-accountable or budgeted for specific items) per week, he gets more than I do. Which doesn't bother me specifically, but it does bother me when he then uses the grocery money for frivolous purchases. That's what his spending money is for, not the grocery money! Or he tells me that he won't promise to stay out of the savings "when it gets some in there." Gee, thanks. I'm gonna do the belt-tightening to save, and you're just gonna take it and spend it?

Sorry. Like I said earlier. I just needed to vent a little. Thanks to everyone for letting me let of steam.

I need a Daisy hug. (I always liked her better than Minnie, don't know why.)

 

[SpaceGirl]

I was able to pay extra on my car and now I'm under $4k!!! I didn't expect this until next month!!!! Whoo hoo!!!!

I'm also going to pay an extra payment on my credit card! Such motivation!!!!

I've also decided to do the 52 week savings challenge and use it for a future Disney trip. I'm hoping to sneak down this year or next year with just my DS or DS and my dad. Whoo hoo!!!!

Great Job, I just love watching balances go down.
It's hard work, yet so worth it.

 

[dtr_angel]

DH just found out how much his paycheck is going to be next week. God is good It's the best paycheck he has had in a looooooooong time. The 3rd for January might be a little short, but since it's an "extra pay" (one of the months with 3 paychecks so just need to budget for gas/food and not for bills or anything so we should be okay. The "extra" will be going to pad our rainy day fund categories, savings, and this month I will make an extra payment to the Jeep for principal. I pay the bill online and there is no way to mark extra to anything specific. Is it best to mail the check and write for principal on the memo? I used to pay extra on the payment but they extra never went to principal so it was all for not

I made the appointment to go start our Roth IRA next week. Have only wanted to do that for years. I believe this can be taken directly from DH's pay. I think we will just do the monthly or yearly minimum now to get it rolling, then add extra as we can. Very excited!

I also want to get some life insurance so going to hopefully research on that. If anyone has any recommendations I'd love to hear them.

I also am going to start being a mystery shopper, lol. It doesn't pay much but it's something towards the savings accounts!

 

[SpaceGirl]

I also want to get some life insurance so going to hopefully research on that. If anyone has any recommendations I'd love to hear them.

For insurance first you need to determine rather you want Term or Whole Life a website with good information is SelectQuote.com it has information as to the differences of the policies.

I'm only posting this site so you can read and get the information that will help you make a decision of what type policy. The company you purchase from should be your decision.

Here is a short video clip on what Suze Orman says about life insurance:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIdG7cwHo04
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzgtWfQngII

 

[superme80]

dayvewc: Can you possibly put the disney fund in a savings account that you have to actually go into the bank to withdraw? Or maybe can you half the savings. Put one in the piggy bank he knows about and the other half in one you are hiding? So if he raids the main one at least you have some savings. I'm the spender in the family so it is hard to not touch money sometimes.

 

[SpaceGirl]

It doesn't help when I sit SO down, though. He'll agree that we need to save and pay off bills, and says he will try.

You can always use Yoda's line..."Do or Do Not there is no Try."

Beckie

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

dayvewc: Can you possibly put the disney fund in a savings account that you have to actually go into the bank to withdraw? Or maybe can you half the savings. Put one in the piggy bank he knows about and the other half in one you are hiding? So if he raids the main one at least you have some savings. I'm the spender in the family so it is hard to not touch money sometimes.

This is why I like my savings account with ING (now Capital One 360). Since it's an online account, linked to a regular brick & mortar bank's checking account, it takes at least 2 days to transfer funds. Sort of a "cooling off period". I can get to it if I need it but it's not impulsive at all. It earns .75% APR interest. Which doesn't sound great until I consider that our regular bank's savings accounts earn a pathetic .05%.

You can always use Yoda's line..."Do or Do Not there is no Try."

Beckie

I love it! I'll have to use that one on my kids.

 

[gracie1]

I got my SO started on the 52 (53 for us) week saving challenge. After putting the money in the piggy bank, SO informed me that he would not guarantee that he wouldn't raid the banks. Or at least after the savings started to build up, that he didn't think he could resist the temptation. And he's being honest, he's done it before. Arrgghhh. Why am I bothering trying when he (basically) admits he has few intentions of helping with this?

Don't give him access to the bank. Put it in a savings account that he has no access to.

How long have you two been together?

 

[dayvewc]

Thanks everyone.

You need to find something your SO is willing to put an effort toward, right now all the living expenses, food, lodging are on you. SO can afford to tell you the truth because SO doesn't seem to care one way or the other. Remember when you posted that he said....

Me: Fine, gather the bags of cans and lets take and cash them in. Just remember, that is partly how we pay for Disney.
SO: I have faith that you'll find a way.

I think at this point SO is fine letting you find a way, as an adult the SO can take the money in the bank that they contributed but you stated banks meaning there may be thief of your saved money also. NO WAY IN Would anyone get away with that in my house...

Remember when I said maybe you need to start treating your SO more as a roommate bill wise, you can't afford to keep this emotional and financial roller coaster going on and on, you need to stop and worry about your financial responsibilities and independence.

There is a point where enabling someone is more harmful than helpful.

So keep saving your money but put your bank somewhere secure so no one else has access to it.

Your SO may still surprise you and follow though, I hope so.

Beckie

Yeah, I have several tootsie roll banks from my easter basket last year. lol. One is marked as mine, one is marked as his, and the other is marked "tolls" to pay for parking, tolls, etc. I had saved some money in mine for our trip last summer, and the week before we left he told me that he had "borrowed" it, planning to pay it back but never was able too. I was not happy then and we had a conversation about it. I thought he had agreed to not take money out of "my" bank or the "tolls" bank, but with the conversation the other day ...

I'm kind of planning to take my bank, and probably the tolls bank, and hide them where he can't access them. Or just do away with them completely and do my saving at my brick and mortar bank.

I'm really hoping he pulls it together also. Getting more hours at work and his annual evaluation and training for the assistant position may encourage him to be more responsible.

dayvewc: Can you possibly put the disney fund in a savings account that you have to actually go into the bank to withdraw? Or maybe can you half the savings. Put one in the piggy bank he knows about and the other half in one you are hiding? So if he raids the main one at least you have some savings. I'm the spender in the family so it is hard to not touch money sometimes.

It is possible, I'm just trying to find the best route/option to do so. I'm prone to dipping into my brick and mortar bank savings when things get too tight, so I'd rather not put it where I have such easy access. Surprisingly, I can keep cash money at home much easier than I can keep digital money in the bank. I don't do well keeping cash on me, as I am prone to impulse spending. But I am set up so that almost every bill I have is done electronically, so cash money at the house tends to be safer.

You can always use Yoda's line..."Do or Do Not there is no Try."

Beckie

This is why I like my savings account with ING (now Capital One 360). Since it's an online account, linked to a regular brick & mortar bank's checking account, it takes at least 2 days to transfer funds. Sort of a "cooling off period". I can get to it if I need it but it's not impulsive at all. It earns .75% APR interest. Which doesn't sound great until I consider that our regular bank's savings accounts earn a pathetic .05%.



I love it! I'll have to use that one on my kids.

This is a thought. I have my pay-pal account, and my ShareBuilder cash account (before it was ING before it was Capital One 360 lol), so those could be other options. I've also been looking at the Disney Vacation Savings accounts. They don't pay actual interest, but they do provide that $20 gift card for every $1000 spent through the account. And since the plan is to save for a DCL cruise ...

The biggest drawbacks to most of the online savings is that there are minimal limits on transfers, and these first couple of weeks on the 53 week saving plan aren't enough. And while I could just do the last weeks on the program instead and work my way earlier into the year, I've also got to pay my maintenance fees by Jan 31 so those are getting the bulk of what I can save up this month.

 

[southlakejr]

Thanks everyone.



Yeah, I have several tootsie roll banks from my easter basket last year. lol. One is marked as mine, one is marked as his, and the other is marked "tolls" to pay for parking, tolls, etc. I had saved some money in mine for our trip last summer, and the week before we left he told me that he had "borrowed" it, planning to pay it back but never was able too. I was not happy then and we had a conversation about it. I thought he had agreed to not take money out of "my" bank or the "tolls" bank, but with the conversation the other day ...

I'm kind of planning to take my bank, and probably the tolls bank, and hide them where he can't access them. Or just do away with them completely and dobb my saving at my brick and mortar bank.

I'm really hoping he pulls it together also. Getting more hours at work and his annual evaluation and training for the assistant position may encourage him to be more responsible.



It is possible, I'm just trying to find the best route/option to do so. I'm prone to dipping into my brick and mortar bank savings when things get too tight, so I'd rather not put it where I have such easy access. Surprisingly, I can keep cash money at home much easier than I can keep digital money in the bank. I don't do well keeping cash on me, as I am prone to impulse spending. But I am set up so that almost every bill I have is done electronically, so cash money at the house tends to be safer.

.

When I was in college, I kept my savings at a separate back to keep myself from spending it. I could still get to it if I needed it, but I couldn't just transfer from one account to another.


Do you guys have joint accounts? I mean this in the nicest way, but that might be a bad idea for your situation. If SO is willingly disregarding savings plans, he should only have access to funds he can personally spend.separating accounts may be your only chance at saving anything. Also, the impression that I'm getting is not just that SO is bad with money, but that he doesn't care to change.

If he does want to change, maybe you can get more cooperation by turning it into A team effort. We're still in the trial period with it, but DH and I are finding that YNAB has encouraged us to budget together, and keeps our spending constantly visible. I feel like DH is way more on board than he's ever been now that he can see it and understand it.

 

[dayvewc]

When I was in college, I kept my savings at a separate back to keep myself from spending it. I could still get to it if I needed it, but I couldn't just transfer from one account to another.

I actually do have accounts at a couple of different accounts. That might be the way I'll need to do it.

Do you guys have joint accounts? I mean this in the nicest way, but that might be a bad idea for your situation. If SO is willingly disregarding savings plans, he should only have access to funds he can personally spend.separating accounts may be your only chance at saving anything. Also, the impression that I'm getting is not just that SO is bad with money, but that he doesn't care to change.

We have a joint account, but that one is separate from most of my accounts. After he (finally) got a job last year, they were paying him on a debit card and he was losing about $20 a week from fees. He wasn't able to get an account b/c of some previous issues, but I was able to open an account and add him to it at my bank. We did it so the deposits could be made straight to the account, and while I have access to it he does not have access to my other accounts.

I kind of think you are right about him not caring to change, but I also feel it may be a learned behavior thing. If he has money, he knows it will be gone soon enough anyway, so it is as though he has to spend it while he can before it's gone, if that makes sense.

If he does want to change, maybe you can get more cooperation by turning it into A team effort. We're still in the trial period with it, but DH and I are finding that YNAB has encouraged us to budget together, and keeps our spending constantly visible. I feel like DH is way more on board than he's ever been now that he can see it and understand it.

I need to look into YNAB and see if it can help. I've tried budgets with MS Money, Quicken, Excel spreadsheets, handwritten, etc. and he'll look at them and agree money's tight. But it doesn't seem to change his actions any.

 

[Eureka]

Dayvewc, I would be careful about keeping a lot of money in PayPal. When I sold on eBay years ago, someone tried to hack into my PayPal account. They never did get the money but after that I would never keep more than $20-30 in there just in case. When I got paid from some of my freelance contracts by through PayPal, I transferred it right away to the bank or used my PayPal debit card to empty it out.

 

[dayvewc]

Dayvewc, I would be careful about keeping a lot of money in PayPal. When I sold on eBay years ago, someone tried to hack into my PayPal account. They never did get the money but after that I would never keep more than $20-30 in there just in case. When I got paid from some of my freelance contracts by through PayPal, I transferred it right away to the bank or used my PayPal debit card to empty it out.

Thanks!!! Good to know. I generally only keep about $10 in my paypal account, but was just listing it as an option. I'll remove it from my option list if it is questionable.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Thanks, knowing I'm not alone is such a relief. Although, I am not saying I'm happy you are having problems too!! I will jump in and defend the hamster a little bit, a lot of the bedding will expand 10 - 20 x's the packaging. So if he got $20 of bedding, that could last 6 months to a year. Maybe if you think of it as only spending $3 a month it won't seem so bad?



It doesn't help when I sit SO down, though. He'll agree that we need to save and pay off bills, and says he will try. But the next day he'll buy snacks that aren't on the grocery list (out of the grocery money) or tell me that he won't promise that he won't raid the savings towards our DCL trip we're hoping to take next year.

I get that he doesn't have much money. I truly do. I make most of the money and pay most of the bills. But I don't get any more than he does (in terms of actual spending dollars. I do get a higher gas budget b/c I have to drive about 700 miles a week for work and he has to drive about 30). But in actual budgeted "spending money" (non-accountable or budgeted for specific items) per week, he gets more than I do. Which doesn't bother me specifically, but it does bother me when he then uses the grocery money for frivolous purchases. That's what his spending money is for, not the grocery money! Or he tells me that he won't promise to stay out of the savings "when it gets some in there." Gee, thanks. I'm gonna do the belt-tightening to save, and you're just gonna take it and spend it?

Sorry. Like I said earlier. I just needed to vent a little. Thanks to everyone for letting me let of steam.

I need a Daisy hug. (I always liked her better than Minnie, don't know why.)

None of my business really but just have to say as a mom, married over 18 years, this would drive me crazy. Probably out the door. This would feel like having a 3rd child. Even my ds17 has more maturity in handling money & willpower to save.

My dh was never good with paying bills but he's not a big spender. Before we were together, his bills that were paid late or unpaid were not a matter of lack of funds but just lack of being organized to sit down and get it all done. This kind of blew my mind at first too. He doesn't mind letting me handle it and has been handing me his paycheck since about 6 months into our relationship. With a few small exceptions, we've always been on the same page as far as financial goals and working together toward that goal so he trusts that I'll do "the right thing" with his money too. He works a lot of OT for Christmas and vacations and also since he's very handy, does a lot of side work. He keeps the side work $ for his 'slush fund' for little things he'd like that can't come out of bill money. Most times he spends it on things for the family anyway: new TV, computer, Christmas shopping, etc.
Our "deal" is this: since his OT goes to checking as direct deposit with the rest of his pay, I get that. His side $ is cash directly to him, he keeps that for his "toys". For us, this has worked for over 20 years with neither of us being annoyed or frustrated at each other. We both work FT.
I really don't know what I'd do if I were in your situation.
You certainly need a Daisy hug....

 

[SpaceGirl]

I kind of think you are right about him not caring to change, but I also feel it may be a learned behavior thing. If he has money, he knows it will be gone soon enough anyway, so it is as though he has to spend it while he can before it's gone, if that makes sense.

Interesting statement...I'm going to throw a new theory out there for you. You have told us that up until he lost his job over a year ago he was paying his share of expenses and had a good job with a nice paycheck. He was unemployed for over 6 months then managed to secure a job where his hours fluctuate and doesn't have the best hourly wage.

Maybe your right all his irresponsible behavior is learned, but learned from having his self-confidence damaged. You've tried everything else maybe you should talk to him about his personal goals job wise and let him know you will emotionally support him with his decisions. This job lost may have made him lose his way. Maybe he just needs a lot of

 

[southlakejr]

I need to look into YNAB and see if it can help. I've tried budgets with MS Money, Quicken, Excel spreadsheets, handwritten, etc. and he'll look at them and agree money's tight. But it doesn't seem to change his actions any.

The reason YNAB works for us better than other options we've tried is that it gives you a running count down, so to speak. If I open the app, it tells me how much money I have left to spend in each category. Since I use that instead of my bank balance (even though I frequently reconcile the two) it has helped reinforce the idea that I only have 25 dollars left to spend on groceries, regardless of what is in my account. Maybe something like this can help SO, because it will be a good reminder of that he can only spend XX. Then again, if he's not willing to enter his transactions as they happen, the system won't work. Either way, big hugs for you, it seems like you have a very difficult situation ahead of you.

 

[LilSweetPeaPhoto]

I think I posted in the 2013 thread before the holidays. I need to get a hole of our debt in a MAJOR way. We're sitting at $29k in credit card debt alone. Add in cars, student loans, etc, and we're in a world of hurt, LOL. Sadly according to mint we spent $13k in December ALONE! (I think several sports/activities checks posted this month).

DH and I both make good money. But because of that, we also spend good money. I looked at DR and want to apply some of his ideas, but again, not all work for us, or do we want them to. We both have newer cars (I have 2014 Jeep Grand Cherokee, he has a 2011 Jeep Liberty, with the hopes of making it to payoff with his and keeping it for our DD). We have a lawn service, a cleaning lady. My daughter does elite travel soccer, my son just started mini mites hockey. We make enough to have all these goodies, and then some, but we need to curb back our spending and get back within our means.

We used to pay off our CC's every month. Then something came up, and we carried a small balance, and then it happened again, and apparently again and again and again, LOL. So now we need to tame the beast.

I've signed up for two 0% balance cards so far, just trying to hold off the crazy amounts of interest we've been paying. I'm going to try for another 1 or 2 this weekend to see if I can't get a huge chunk of the balances off the high rate cards! Then we need to attack and I'd like to try the snowball effect. Of course our lowest balance is already ON a 0% store card, so I'm keen letting that ride out until we pay that off before the rate change. Perhaps we can start with the smaller balances I'll have left on the high rate cards.

I'm guessing I can't be alone living in a world of "but I want this..." while trying to budget, LOL. My biggest issue is the sense of entitlement I have. I work for a reason, to live in a nice house, to drive a new car, and have nice things and do fun things and go places, etc. If I wanted to pinch pennies, I'd stop working ($20K in daycare savings) and stay home. So it's hard to strict the balance for me from extremes (Dave Ramsey for example) and excessive (me, LOL).

Here we go!

 

[Deffenm]

Well just when I was making good progress it looks like I will have a car repair that will cost anywhere between $250 - $600 depending on what the issue is. If it cost $250 I can still make all of my goals set for Jan. If it is at the $600 range I have no clue where that money is going to come from. If we would have had the $1,000 emergency fund established this would not have been a problem, but that was #1 goal for me and I don't have it yet. Please say good thoughts for me that it will only cost $250.

 

[SpaceGirl]

Well just when I was making good progress it looks like I will have a car repair that will cost anywhere between $250 - $600 depending on what the issue is. If it cost $250 I can still make all of my goals set for Jan. If it is at the $600 range I have no clue where that money is going to come from. If we would have had the $1,000 emergency fund established this would not have been a problem, but that was #1 goal for me and I don't have it yet. Please say good thoughts for me that it will only cost $250.

Deffenm

Have you sold that second refrigerator yet? That could help offset the unexpected car expenses a little. Hope the cost are on the lower end of the estimate.

Keep working toward your goals you will get there.

 

[dayvewc]

Interesting statement...I'm going to throw a new theory out there for you. You have told us that up until he lost his job over a year ago he was paying his share of expenses and had a good job with a nice paycheck. He was unemployed for over 6 months then managed to secure a job where his hours fluctuate and doesn't have the best hourly wage.

Maybe your right all his irresponsible behavior is learned, but learned from having his self-confidence damaged. You've tried everything else maybe you should talk to him about his personal goals job wise and let him know you will emotionally support him with his decisions. This job lost may have made him lose his way. Maybe he just needs a lot of

This is what I've been trying to do, at the risk of becoming an enabler. I just wasn't expecting it to take quite so long.