Deathbed Experiences

[poohlover]

I am a nurse also, and have seen/heard stroies just as many of you have. Some people are very fearful of death, some very content.

My story is about my father, he had been on dialysis for 3 years, the last year he had been confused after several falls. I was in the habitl of taking him once or twice a week to give my mother some rest. I would let him do things she wouldn't. I'd take him to the store and do shopping, he just needed constant supervision (think of toddler actions like taking candy & eating it!), we baked, I made him coffee and luch, just everyday stuff but with much less stress than my Mom had.

Anyway the last day he was with me, he was very tired. He had been up most of the night and had made a terrible mess breaking things in his room. He had a nap, we made cookies, and later I brought him home. Something felt different that day, not sure what. When I got ready to leave my parents home, my Dad looked at me and said "God Bless you", it made me stop and stay about a half hour more. I think I knew then I wouldn't see him again.

He passed the following day, in a very different way than we had thought he would. To this day I treasure the last day I spent with my father.

 

[brasswillow]

I have a friend who is a hospice social worker. She has many stories of people who have waited to die until something has happened, someone showed up, or people left the room. Even if they are unresponsive they seem to know. One guy was in a coma for a few weeks and when the last pension check showed up for his daughter he let go.

I have a friend whose dad was in a coma for 18 months. He went downhill very quickly. The three kids arrived in the room, they said goodbye, and then he died.

Death is one of those things that we feel is so chaotic, but there seems to be some order to it, somehow.

 

[binny]

My dad was in and out of the hospital while waiting for a heart transplant. The last we took him was 2 days before Christmas. He was in and out of conscienceness. One time while he was fairly awake he asked for a pen, he knew it was Christmas day and wrote to me? Christmas presents? You see he had gotten my mum this beautiful heart necklace and told me before he went in that "She has been waiting for a heart as long as I have"



At one point we had to make the decision to pull the plug, he was heavily sedated and still in pain. My mum went to ask what he wanted not expecting and answer and he nodded taht yes he wanted to still fight.

The pain must have been too much for him though. He died New years Eve, I was alone in the room with him and called the Drs and nurses in. His heart Dr was amazing, he was a Russian immigrant and was the kindest man. He shook him and said "Nels! Nels my friend Wake up!" My dad woke up, looked into my eyes and smiled, he squeezed my hand and then he was gone. The look of peace though that came over right as he passed was amazing! I firmly believe he was looking into the eyes of God and was no longer in pain.

 

[NY Disney fan]

Yes these stories are amazing. I think I read everyone's stories numerous times!

Death is one of those things that we feel is so chaotic, but there seems to be some order to it, somehow.

I think when the death is planned (ie, deathbeds from cancer or another illness) there does seem to be an order to it or a calm about it. I can't speak for other types of deaths. I still say the "Gold Standard" of death is dying in your sleep and whoever dies in their sleep has won a prize!!!

 

[Jynohn]

My grandmother was only 63 when she passed away unexpectedly of a massive heart attack. A few weeks prior, she had mentioned to me a lace handkerchief that she wanted me to have on my wedding day (I was 19 at the time and had no plans of getting married.) She told me she didn't know where it was, but that she would find it one of these days. The morning after she died, we were all gathered at her house, when I saw, neatly folded on her kitchen counter, the lace handkerchief. It was like she had somehow had a premonition and wanted to make sure she found it for me before she went. I carried it with me on my wedding day many years later, and felt like that was her way of being with me on my special day.

 

[Luvamouse]

When DD9 was born, my grandmother was quite ill after 2+ years of colon cancer that had metastasized. Meg was a big baby who after only 3 days, was unable to eat more than approx. 1/2 oz at a time. For the first 5 weeks they tested her heart, tested for cystic fibrosis, many genetic anomalies and things I cannot remember and finally discovered it was (only) silent reflux when doing a test to determine if her esophagus was not connected to the stomach. My grandmother was under hospice care at the time and everything was upside down for me. At 5 one morning, Meg was crying away in my arms as she truly could not sleep more than 10 minutes stretches. Suddenly she stopped crying, put out a hand to no one at all and began to make happy noises that I had never heard from her yet. DH looked over at her, stunned. As this continued on (for over 5 minutes), I looked at him and said, "Gram died." My mom called at 8 that morning to let me know my grandmother, who loved her great grandchildren more than anything, had passed away minutes before Meg stopped crying. On the day of her funeral, Meg slept in her car seat through the mass, the graveside and the gathering after. 6 hours. I was so scared something was wrong we woke her at least twice and then left early to take her home. From that day on, things improved. I miss her so much.

 

[agnes!]

I appreciate all the positive stories.

agnes!

 

[Coach K]

My wife was in and out of consciousness (sp?) with her cancer last year and when she was out of it, she would talk in a much clearer voice than when she was conscious. A few times she was talking with family members who had passed years ago. She once said when she was unconscious "No, I am not going, they're not ready!" When she came to she said she was talking with her parents and wasn't going until she knew that I was going to be OK. I told her that I had to look at this as a new adventure in my life and that I will eventually be OK. She passed a few hours later. She had the best attitude about her situation when she was first diagnosed with cancer. The second thing she said to me was that she was going to find me a young chickee for me!!! During her last day in the hospital she told me that she still hadn't found that young chickee!! She was more concerned aboout other people that herself the last few weeks. The hospice nurse said that was normal because the patient wanted to make sure everything was OK before they passed. My wife made it easier for me to recover from her passing-although you will always have the good memories.

 

[Disney Doll]

I have many of these...some personal, some professional.

As a young nurse (age 21) I was caring for a woman who had been dying for a couple of days, unresponsive, hospice type comfort care. I was working the night shift. I went into her room at about 3am and she was sitting straight up in bed, eyes wide open. She said "Jesus, Thank God you've finally come for me"...and she was looking past me. Being young, and having seen The Ten Commandments about 50 times, I didn't want to turn around because all I could think was that when Moses went up on the mountain to get the 10 Commandments and "saw" God, he got old! So I backed out of the room. I got a co-worker and we went back in a couple of minutes later and she was gone.

Another patient was a lovely lady who had been a patient a few times herself, and had also been a frequent visitor because her husband was in a lot too. Well, he passed away finally. A couple of months later, she was back in and doing poorly. A co-worker and I were at her bedside providing care, when suddenly the lights in the room started flashing rapidly (and no one was touching the switch because we could see it and we had Maintenance come up and look at the lights and the switch later and they couldn't find a problem and it never happened again) and she looked up and smiled and said "Victor (her late husband) you're here for me"...then she took a breath and died.

My father-in-law was dying in the hospital. He was a great Irishman, and was failing very close to St.Patrick's Day. He was what I would call semi-comatose for about a week prior, but every once in a while he'd ask "When is St.Patrick's Day?" and we'd tell him...6 days, 5 days etc. as the week wore on. My DMIL and 2 DSisILs were sitting vigil by the bed, I was there quite a bit although I did go home at night to sleep. I told my DSisILs to make sure he knew when St.Patrick's Day arrived, because he either wanted to die on it or live through it...I wasn't sure which, but I knew it was one or the other. They did, and St.Patrick's Day arrived and I could tell his time was growing very short, but he spent that whole day talking to people...not to us in the room, but to people only he could see. And I mean talking like he was at a party..."hey Bill, how have you been???!", "Sully (every Irishman knows someone named Sully!), good to see you again" and so forth. Some of the names he said were names I recognized as his friends that had gone before him. One of my DSisILs asked if her grandmother (his mother) was there and he said yes. It really was quite amazing to me, and strangely comforting. Later that evening, my DMIL and one DSisIL went down to get a quick bite to eat, and my other DSisIL & I were in the room. So we decided to reposition hima bit. My DSisIL said to him "You know Dad, it's OK for you to go. We'll take care of Mommy" and then I said "Yes, and it sounds like you have a lot of people waiting up there for you". At that moment, he opened his eyes, looked at me and very clearly "You bet I do...everyone's there". I left after a while, my DSisIL called at about 3am to tell me that he seemed to slipping more deeply into the coma, the nurse had just suctioned him & he didn't react. She said "He actually looks different...like he's gone and just has to stop breathing". He died at about 5am on March 18th, so I guess he wanted to live through St.Patrick's Day! As sort of a tangent to this story...he had been in and out of the hospital a few times in his last few months, he always requested to be on my unit, so he and my nurse manager got very close. She loved him and he called her his "Lithuanian Princess". So, when I called her to tell her that he died (it was a weekend and she didn't work weekends), she said "Oh, what time did he go?". So I said "He died about 5am, but my DSisIL called me at 3am to tell me that he looked different and she thought he was slipping more deeply into the coma and so forth". My manager said "At 3am, my husband said I shot up in bed and said 'what the heck are you doing here?' and then I laid back down. I don't remember anyof it, so I never woke up, I guess I did it in my sleep". She & I are firmly convinced that my father-in-law "stopped by" to see her on his way out, because they had shared such a special relationship. And amazingly enough, every March 18th since the day he died, she wakes up at about 3am, for no good reason....

My DMIL also died kind of quick once she decided to die. She had been sick with cancer for several months, we were caring for her, she had taken sort of a turn, so we called crazy SisIL from out of town thinking that was it. Well, then DMIL stabilized. Crazy SisIL was there, DMIL asked her when she was leaving, crazy SisIL said "not for a week" and I think DMIL decided "I've had enough of this" because she was dead the next morning, 5 minutes after telling my other DSisIL that she was "fine". Crazy SisIL is REALLY annoying and I think DMIL figured she get out fast so we could have her funeral and then crazy SisIL would go back to her home state, 1500 miles away (thank God!) and not drive us insane for another week. DMIL was a very practical woman.

I have seen many people do something similar to what a previous poster in terms of seeming to get better and then dying. I believe the PP said their loved one perked up and had an ice cream soda. We call it "The Last Hurrah" and it happens quite often. A person will be quite ill one day, and the next day it is like a miraculous recovery! They are suddenly doing great and asking for things they haven't wanted in a while and being conversant and so forth. I always hate to see that in one sense because it gets the family's hopes up and usually within a couple of days the person is dead. On the other hand, I like to see it because I think it gives the family some good last memories. But, as nurses in my hospital, we can literally give report on a patient and say "This one is having their last hurrah" and everyone knows what it is and we know what to expect within a couple of days....

Death is very interesting to me, not in a morbid way, but in a spiritual way...I think there is so much we do not know about it, so many different "levels" of death, Heaven, the afterlife...call it what you want based on your own beliefs.

 

[crispychicky]

When DD9 was born, my grandmother was quite ill after 2+ years of colon cancer that had metastasized. Meg was a big baby who after only 3 days, was unable to eat more than approx. 1/2 oz at a time. For the first 5 weeks they tested her heart, tested for cystic fibrosis, many genetic anomalies and things I cannot remember and finally discovered it was (only) silent reflux when doing a test to determine if her esophagus was not connected to the stomach. My grandmother was under hospice care at the time and everything was upside down for me. At 5 one morning, Meg was crying away in my arms as she truly could not sleep more than 10 minutes stretches. Suddenly she stopped crying, put out a hand to no one at all and began to make happy noises that I had never heard from her yet. DH looked over at her, stunned. As this continued on (for over 5 minutes), I looked at him and said, "Gram died." My mom called at 8 that morning to let me know my grandmother, who loved her great grandchildren more than anything, had passed away minutes before Meg stopped crying. On the day of her funeral, Meg slept in her car seat through the mass, the graveside and the gathering after. 6 hours. I was so scared something was wrong we woke her at least twice and then left early to take her home. From that day on, things improved. I miss her so much.

What a great story! You were blessed with a wonderful grandmother. You should record that story for your daughter to keep when she's old enough to appreciate it!

 

[Thumper_Man]

My grandmother passed away from congestive heart failure. It was the days before she passed away that I think she knew. She asked my grandfather to stay home with her the weeks prior, instead of going to work. He did. She asked him to take her back to some of those places they used to go. Places like where they first went on dates together, visited quite often, etc.

The one that sticks to my mind the most is when he told us he took her to her mother's house, the house she grew up at, naturally. Her mother still owned the house, but didn't live in it. She wondered around the property for about an hour or so. As they were leaving the house, my grandmother waved in a goodbye fashion at the house. As if she knew she would never physically be back there again. Next day, my grandfather had to go back to work. He had used up all his vacation time. That morning, she passed away peacefully in her sleep.

 

[CathrynRose]

This is a long story so I will condense:

she saw children waiting to go to earth and they were picking the families they wanted to live with.

.

My mom said when I was about 3/4-ish I said something to her about being happy I picked her. She asked "You got to pick me?". She said I looked at her like 'DUH!' and said "Yes!"

I am desperately trying to search for a post I posted a couple years ago about an encounter I had in the hospital when my mom was unconscious for 4 days before finally passing. I am convinced it was an Angel. I have to keep looking for it. So much to type.

I can tell you this - when it was decided that if her heart began to stop again, we were not going to be banging on her chest any longer - and her rate started to go down, I went out into the hall, and made a phone call to my grandma, to let her know what I decided.

Her pulse was so rapidly going down, 59, 58, 57, 56, just consistent. When I went into the hall she was at 38. I thought for sure by the time I got back in she'd be gone, but she wasn't. It was still at 38.

I leaned over and said "Okay - I called Grandma. You go be with your Dad. The boys (my kids) will be fine. I'll take care of them" and instantly that pulse started dropping again.

I can also tell you, that the instant she left - she instant her body was just a shell, and not my mom anymore, I could feel it. I felt where she was going, and it felt *GOOD* - like REALLY GOOD. I was exhilarated. I remember thinking "She's fine! She's good!" It felt amazing. I can't describe it. I was like **phew** that was awesome.

I wish I could -feel- that again, when I get upset about her being gone. It had to be a confirmation to me, that I had made the right decision.

I have to find that post I did awhile back, though....

 

[Mickey527]

My MOM: My mom was packing to go home from her hospital stay for a cardiac problem when she told my dad she couldnt' breath. He called for the nurse who told her to lie down while she got help.
My mom turned to my dad and said "Tell the kids I love them and will miss them" then she stopped breathing. I am sure she blew a clot into her lungs and felt it and because she was in the medical field she knew what was happening. I took her death very hard because I didn't get to say goodbye.
My DAD: My dad had cancer and was given 3-6 months. On Thursday night I had a dream and heard voices that I recognized. They were family members that had passed. The voices were saying "who is going to get him, someone has to go get him" and then my aunts face came to me in my dream like she was within inches of me and she said "I will get him Peggie (my name)" It was so real, like she was right there in the same room. I woke up startled and saw the clock 4:45 am. My sister and I joked about how my mother never said she would get him. My mother was ot one of the most industrious people, she had a lazy gene. We joked that she probably told my aunt to get him and bring her a Fresca while she was there.
The next day, Friday, my dad took a turn for the worst. He was fine until about lunchtime then he seemed to lapse into another world, he would walk to the bathroom and bedroom but didn't talk to us at all. Then at about 10 pm he started breathing very shallow but rapidly. Being a nurse, I knew this was not a good sign.
I heard him yelling at about 2 am and ran to his room. He was talking in a garbled speech, almost like what they call talking in tongues. He kept looking above my head and saying the same thing over and over but I didn't know what he was saying. When I asked him if he was in pain he would look at me and cover his ears, like he didn't want to hear me.
He didn't act like he was in pain, he kept talking while looking over my head.
Finally I realized, my aunt was there. I told him "It's ok daddy, she is here for you. You can go now, It's time"
He looked at me and sighed, then just stopped breathing.
I had gone over what I needed to do with the hospice nurse in case he died while I was with him so I looked at the clock. 4:45, the exact time my aunt had "visited" me the night before.
I was sad when he passed, but I didn't feel the sadness and anger like when my mom died because I knew he had someone with him and he wasn't alone or in pain anymore.

 

[CathrynRose]

Geez - I can't believe how long this took me:

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1761161

That's my deathbed Angel encounter story, regarding my mom.

 

[CathrynRose]

Great Webpage - http://www.near-death.com/index.html

 

[2binak]

Twice I've seen a look in someone's eyes just weeks before they died from cancer, a look that in that very moment, made me realize that it was the last time I would be seeing that person. It was as if they were trying to comfort me and let me know that they were ok with what was going to happen. It was a peaceful, content, calming look & smile.

The 2nd time it happened was with my BIL. I was 7 months pregnant when I last saw him. Everytime I talked to him on the phone, he would ask all sorts of questions about the baby. He LOVED babies and was so excited that we were pregnant. We were in my hometown visiting family and as we were leaving my sister & BIL's house, I went over to hug him and he whispered, "Good luck with the baby." I looked at him with the "huh?" look. I thought the comment was so strange...and then, there it was, the look & smile I had seen only one other time, 3 weeks before another relative passed away from cancer. It took my breath away. I knew right then that my BIL knew that he wasn't going to be around to see my baby be born. One month later, he passed away suddenly, within 2 days of becoming sick. I didn't tell anyone about his comment until after he passed away. Everyone was shocked by it and they all took the same meaning from it that I did. I was glad that I didn't tell anyone because my BIL was a fighter and wouldn't have wanted anyone to know that he knew that his cancer was winning the battle.

 

[Aisling]

mom being the most private person in the world waited until she was alone to let go.

My grandmother was semi-conscious in her last days. We were all with her at the hospital and she'd come in and out of being awake. The last night she was alive, she woke arround midnight, looked at each one of us and kept saying to each one of in the room "I see you". We didn't know what to make of that, so we just kept saying "we see you, too, grandma, we're here with you, etc." Her last words to us were "let me sleep now", as if she wanted us to leave. We left at 1 AM, got home at 1:30, and got the call from the nurse as we were walking in the door that she had passed on. I really feel like she wanted her privacy at that moment. Wow, so sad to remember that.

I still say the "Gold Standard" of death is dying in your sleep and whoever dies in their sleep has won a prize!!!

Dying in my sleep frightens me because I think I'll be dreaming when I die and I won't know I'm dead, and what if I'm stuck in a bad dream for all eternity?! But then I have to remind myself that when my brain is dead, all that's left is spirit and spirit has no use for dreams, and also that God wouldn't let that happen to me. These are just my beliefs, not trying to get religious here.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

she saw children waiting to go to earth and they were picking the families they wanted to live with.

anyone have any idea how old these children were or appeared to be?

 

[FergieTCat]

She talked about the things she saw-many details, not enough post space to go into it-but the most memorable one for me was she saw children waiting to go to earth and they were picking the families they wanted to live with.

Fast forward about 5 years and we were at a party for work, in another town, in another state. One of the wives was talking about kids and some of the strange things they say. She was telling us her then 3 year old son was talking about when he was in heaven and didn't want to go live with them but God told him it would be ok so he went. .

Hmmmm ...

Last month, my friend told me the same story about her son. When he was 3 years old, he told her that he knew she would be his mommy because when he was in heaven, the angels told him to pick his mommy and daddy, and he picked my friend and her husband.

You didn't happen to hear the story in Pennsylvania, did you?

 

[bumbershoot]

...but the most memorable one for me was she saw children waiting to go to earth and they were picking the families they wanted to live with.

This is absolutely what my mother believed, and it's the one Belief we grew up with. And that's even when the situation is bad...my mom had started having strong memories of her childhood in the few years before she died, where she realized that she had been abused by a family member. Even before those memories, she knew her childhood hadn't been all that great, and yet she still believed that, for whatever reason, that we choose the families we will be born into.

My mom passed away at 4:30 that morning. To make things "stranger" both my sister and I woke up at that time. I literally JUMPED so hard I woke my husband and he said "what's wrong?" I replied "I don't know. I felt like I couldn't breathe". My mom and i were very ver close. Doesn't surprise me I somehow felt her "go" on some level. My sister just woke up feeling restless. We have no doubt my mom was ready...her body just could not take anymore.

I had that experience too.

I've lost the times in the last 10 years, but basically, I was completely asleep, and then suddenly completely awake. Sat straight up in bed, and said, out loud (though alone), "what? who is it?" I looked around my dark bedroom, it was only 5:15 or so, wondered about it for a minute or so, then went back to sleep. 15 minutes later I was woken by the phone; it was my stepdad calling to tell me that he was on the way to the hospital, following the ambulance that had arrived for my mother, because she had suddenly started coughing up blood, and that they were doing CPR on her as they took her out of the house, but it didn't look good. (she was on blood thinners and this wasn't a mild couple of coughs like in operas, this was a horrific thing and the chest compressions surely were useless, she was already gone)

She came by to say goodbye to me, I know it absolutely.


I went through the longest day of my life until the next day when I could get on a plane, and for a few days (including that first night) I used sleeping pills. Not something I would ever do again. I got trapped in dreams and could'nt get out, even when I was sobbing.

But one of the dreams I had was a few days after, sleeping at my stepdad and mom's townhouse...in the dream, she was there, somewhere, "up there"...I was talking to her on a phone, which is not surprising, as I left for college at 17 and apart from vacations and one year living with them after chiro school, that's how we communicated for the previous 13 years...I had one earpiece of the phone, and then the coiled cord went up up up into the inky darkness of the sky (hello, umbilical cord!).

In the dream, she was freaked out. She didn't know where she was. Remember, this was extremely sudden and VERY unexpected (though if she had told me the symptoms she'd been having the previous two weeks I could have diagnosed the bleeding ulcer in about 20 seconds...it was so blatantly obvious and so absolutely missed by her doctors that when we let her know the symptoms they had blown off, they stopped billing us AND stopped billing insurance). She was in remission from leukemia (hence the blood thinners) and suddenly had this group of symptoms that no one bothered to think about, and it all happened in mere minutes.

I told her something...to just go "on", like go further on, and she'll be OK. And the dream ended.

For a couple weeks after I got home, I would hear her voice saying my name, but I was at work (brand new job) and couldn't deal with bursting into tears even more often than I was (I came back to amazon customer service right in time for whiny people to complain that their mother's day presents were going to be late and was having some, um, problems staying focused), and I told her to stop...and I haven't heard her voice since. It's been 10 years, and recently I've been *almost* able to hear it in my head...she's either well ensconced in heaven OR on another lifetime, so she's not here to chat with me, but I'd still like to remember her voice.

Same thing happened with the voice to DH when his dad died. I can remember FIL's voice clear as day, but DH lost memory of his dad's voice as soon as his dad died, apart from one dream where his dad told him to wake up, and he woke up nearly having his laptop falling off his chest, where he'd fallen asleep. Guess his dad was worried about DH replacing his laptop! But in conscious awareness, he hasn't heard his dad in his head at all.

At 5 one morning, Meg was crying away in my arms as she truly could not sleep more than 10 minutes stretches. Suddenly she stopped crying, put out a hand to no one at all and began to make happy noises that I had never heard from her yet. DH looked over at her, stunned. As this continued on (for over 5 minutes), I looked at him and said, "Gram died." My mom called at 8 that morning to let me know my grandmother, who loved her great grandchildren more than anything, had passed away minutes before Meg stopped crying. On the day of her funeral, Meg slept in her car seat through the mass, the graveside and the gathering after. 6 hours. I was so scared something was wrong we woke her at least twice and then left early to take her home. From that day on, things improved. I miss her so much.

That is an AMAZING story.