Death and dying...what stage are you in right now?

[tinkerrn]

Dad passed on Apr 22 and we buried him on Sat. the 26th. I am going through so many emotions right now. One minute I am angry, then sad, then just trying to forget it ever happened. Does this get better??

I don't think I will ever be the same again. This emotional rollacoaster of denial, acceptance, anger, barganing, and grief is a bipolar mania of horror.

I am at a loss of what even to do next. I have so much anger that is spilling out; I hit a wall and almost broke a window. This is not me at all. I have never been a violent person.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Hi......well it is probably the hardest thing you will have to deal with losing a parent....I think so at least. I am past that now as both mine died many years ago and I carry their faces in my heart and there is not a day I do not think of them.

I think what you are feeling is so normal. They say there are seven stages:

Shock or Disbelief
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Guilt
- Depression
- Acceptance and Hope

I remember reading the book about Death and Dying after my Mom passed, it did help a bit to know what I was feeling was so normal. If you have not read it, it is written by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and it could help to know that the anger part is part of the grieving process..

I am so sorry about your Dad.. Big hugs to you.

 

[Rustysmom]

I'm sorry about your Dad.

My mom died a month ago and I think I'm still in the disbelief stage, alternating with guilt, anger and depression. Acceptance peeks in now and again and I'm ok for a while, but then the other emotions come back. It just takes time I guess, but I don't think I'll ever be the same again.

 

[safetymom]

It does take time. Give yourself time to grieve but move forward. Sometimes you will take one step forward and then maybe two steps back. The hurt does get softer over time.

I lost both my parents and there are still times when I miss them very much.

 

[ChelleinNC]

It has been almost 8 years since I lost my mom to colon cancer. My DD was almost 8 & DS was only 3 1/2. The pain was devastating, but it does getter easier with time. The anger gets better too, although there are still times that I'm really mad that she's not here to tell me what to do with my now teenage DD or to laugh at them (or me )

I know it feels like things will never be the same, and they won't exactly. You'll have a new "normal" that you'll settle into over time. Just know that it does get easier and you're not alone

 

[airhead]

Losing someone we love is the hardest thing of all. I think watching them die is probably harder. That's what my family is doing now. My brother will probably die this week from Melanoma.
ChelleinNC is right about the new "normal" that you will live with. Hang in there. You will have moments that you're ok mixed with moments that you just cry from a broken heart. This is life
when you love and lose someone. We all have gone through it and will continue to go through it. Living life is so hard sometimes.Remember life is precious,each and every day we get.

 

[tinkerrn]

Thank you so much for your support. Rustysmom I am sorry for your loss, this is such a difficult time for all of us right now.

 

[kimis]

You are in my prayers more than you know. My mom passed away 18 months ago and sometimes if feels like yesterday. Take your time to heal in your way. I still go through all the emotions but that is okay. There are times when I really want to talk to mom and I do (no she doesn't respond! LOL). I know she is so much better off with no pain so I am grateful for that. I just recently had to put my dad in a nursing home so now I am dealing with that. Again you are in my prayers.

 

[pumba]

My mom died right before the Holidays and we are burying her on Wednesday.....its like it is grief all over again.....I lost my dear MIL too this past year so this has been a horrible time.....I loved both of these ladies so much.

 

[need_a_Disney_fix]

Tinkerrn, my mom passed away (breast cancer) April 21 with all of us there in ICU. The first few days was very numbing, but we are slowly coming back to reality especially after her funeral last Friday. I take it one day at a time.

 

[Torontogal]

I thought I would chime in. I am sorry for your loss.
I just loss my dad 4 months ago to Pancreatic Cancer. He was my hero and the best father one could ask for. He was admitted to the hospital end of Nov. was diagnosed with cancer in December and died in Jan. I still cannot believe he is gone. I think the stages of grief for me are all over the place. I feel angry, guilty that I did not spend even more time with him, sad, etc.
I have been crying everyday. I even have these weird body chills which my doctor said goes along with grief.
I am so thankful I got to look after my father when he was in the hospital and tell him I loved him. I even told him he was my hero and he had tears in his eyes. He died right next to me and I swear I will never forget it. I am so blessed to have the father I did. I miss him incredibly.
I am on my way to India to scatter his ashes. I am feeling the same way I did at his funeral and hope I get strength to deal with it.
I have finished reading a book called Hello From Heaven. It basically talks about how our loved ones are still with us. I found it comforting - I am trying to find some inner peace but feel very lost right now.
I know how you feel. Feel free to PM me if you need to chat.

 

[onecutemoocow]

I dont know any one on here yet but I do want to wish my condolences. My father passed away one moth ago yesterday. I know exactly what you are going through. His death was totally unexpected, he was only 50! You all will be in my prayers!

 

[LeahA]

tinkerrn-

My mom passed away on 3/28/08. Some days I have anger, but mostly I'm teetering between depression and acceptance. I can't believe she's been gone for only a month, it seems like it has been so much longer. I miss her so much, and my dad misses her 10 times more than me. He's so sad, I've been trying to take care of him and myself. It's a long rough road ahead for all of us. I guess as someone here said once to me, you have to take it day by day. Once I start thinking to far ahead of myself, I start freaking out.

My prayers are with you during this time.

 

[the Fidge]

My hero died on April 2nd. Ironically the day we were due to arrive in WDW. He was magic himself. He took me me to WDW the year it opened in 1971. I was a test of a fathers love and commitment. We managed to survive me in the 80s !

When he came for Easter he felt tired after playing ball with my son. The next day he was not good and I took him to the Dr and right to the hospital. They said he was the perfect candiate for the bypass and had a 95% survival chance.

He survived the surgery but never came out .... machines etc. The true galant husband he was he did not die until the day AFTER my mothers birthday.

I was there at his side telling him all that he has been to my family and the wonderful true man he always was. I said good bye to my father , friend, my hero.

I have had a rolller coaster of emotions but have turned to God and read my bible alot. I don't understand alot of what I read but I know that my father is in heaven.

I listen to Chirstain radio and get a sentence or 2 that helps. I talk to my father alot and I know he sees my heart and is bit miffed at all this grieving I am doing. (No I don't hear his voice either I just know all the things he reminded me of).

All I can do to honor him is to embrace and hold dear all the values he had and the great things that made him so wonderful to me. He never had a bad word to say about anybody, enjoyed a good laugh, a good meal a good deal and all the great things in life. He sang like Bing Crosby and loved to dance with my mother. He enjoyed the simple things in life. The sights of the wonderful birds on my deck. The smell of Turkey on THanksgiving the sound of a baby cooing.

He would make me nuts he would sing "DOn't worry be happy" had he have no clue how important all my worrrying was!

I heard the song yesterday You can let go now Daddy....... OUCH!!! A huge kleenex moment. How thankful I am to have loved such a great man and how his unconditional love was my saving grace.

God was pleased with him and I pray I can be 1/10th of what he was to me.

I have not cried while typing this and have been on the rollercoaster but I know God and my father are at each side.

My prayers for you and your sorrow.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

HUgs to all of you here.. I have read your posts with tears in my eyes..

Fidge, I know how you feel as that is how my Mom went.. fine candidate for bypass and then she died, they fixed her heart, but with the heart lung machine, she had a stroke when they unhooked her, that was it. She lived for a while, I was there everyday, but she never regained consciousness..so sad.. This was many years ago, 21 to be exact February 19, but it felt like yesterday when I read your post.. Hugs..

 

[julm26]

My mom passed away on Feb. 18, 2008 and I have ok days, bad days, very bad days and inconsolable days. Sometimes i'm angry, sometimes so so sad, and depressed. by mostly numb, going thru the motion days. Its never easy to lose a parent they tell me, but its really unimaginable too. I had 4 years to get myself ready for moms death, but i wasn't prepared.

I feel lucky she lived with me for those 4 years and my precious 3 yr old spent a lot of time with her grandma, but I miss mom a lot. I doubt i'll ever get over that...

They say it does get better, but its too fresh right now, just take care of yourself and let others take care of you too. I'll keep you in my prayers...

 

[King Triton]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll say a prayer for you. I lost my mother a few years ago and it's still very hard. This is what helps me cope...."It's not Good Bye but I'll see you later instead." Life goes by in a flash and we'll soon see our loved ones in Heaven. So it's I'll see you later instead.

Sending you some Pixie Dust to cheer you up your way. Take care.

 

[teacups]

I'm sorry for how hard this is on you. This thread has no doubt helped many people air out a little. I will too. My brother died three years ago. He was in his 40's. We had not been close in 10 years and the guilt and flat out gut wrenching pain was astronomical. You expect people to just be there. Always. You can get around to "it" later, whatever your own personal "it" may be... but sometimes, "it" never happens.

It's still hard on me when I'm driving sometimes. I dont know why, well, I think I do know why. When I got the call that he died I drove to his house asap. I drove alone. My brain was numb. Sometimes, when I'm sitting at a traffic light anywhere along that same route, and if I'm alone, sometimes I'm right back to that day. It tore me up at first, for at least a year and probably more like two. Now I can actually smile when I think of him, and I just feel that he's with me somehow when a thought of him pops into my head and it's like a little visit now. I just smile and say "coming to visit your little sister, huh?" OK. Well... that did it. Cant type anymore now! (see, even now Im not as brave as Id like to think.) Take care everyone and find peace.

 

[Charleyann]

My mom died right before the Holidays and we are burying her on Wednesday.....its like it is grief all over again.....I lost my dear MIL too this past year so this has been a horrible time.....I loved both of these ladies so much.

Losing your mom is hard pill to swallow. SO sad for your loss Hearts to YOu!

Charleyann

 

[Charleyann]

Dad passed on Apr 22 and we buried him on Sat. the 26th. I am going through so many emotions right now. One minute I am angry, then sad, then just trying to forget it ever happened. Does this get better??

I don't think I will ever be the same again. This emotional rollacoaster of denial, acceptance, anger, barganing, and grief is a bipolar mania of horror.

I am at a loss of what even to do next. I have so much anger that is spilling out; I hit a wall and almost broke a window. This is not me at all. I have never been a violent person.

Grief is a funny thing. One minute you think you are doing ok and the next minute you are driving and hear a song and start crying. My only borther and last immediate family member was killed in a Tornado last August 4th. The grief is unimaginable at times. It has gotten better, but it takes time. One day at time! Lean on your family and friend....

God BLess

Charleyann