Dealing with comments

[littlebother]

This is my first time posting on the boards. I actually came here looking for some advice on trip planning, but when I saw the disAbilities section I had to join!

My family and I are going on a trip to WDW together in November. My mother is a school teacher and won a trip that a travel agent had donated to a fundraising raffle at the school. My mother is super excited. She wanted to take my sister and I the entire time we were children, but it never worked out. Now I am 19 and my older sister is 22. We are also taking my youngest cousin who is 5 and lives with our grandma--- who doesn't fly.

Two weekends ago we went to a local amusement park to see how the little cousin handled rides since she had never been before.

Unfortunately, we ran into some jerks.

My older sister has a medical condition that affects her heart and nervous system. She is pretty sick a lot of the time, but she normally just deals with it. Since this was a trial run for disney, we borrowed a wheelchair from a family member (she can't stand for long or walk long distances, especially in the heat). At first it was going really well--- I had no problem pushing her, she seemed to be enjoying herself, and when the little one got tired of walking she was small enough to ride on my sister's lap safely. I thought it was going to work out great.

As the day went on and the crowds got more packed we ran into a problem. A group of guys that were probably between my sister and I in age that were behind us in line started talking smack. First they insinuated that my sister wasn't really disabled, just lazy and trying to get ahead. She was really calm and cool about it and just told me to ignore them.

Then we got up to the front of the line and she stood up to transfer and they were still heckling us. It took the guys running the ride a minute to figure out where they were going to put us. My sister had been standing for a couple of minutes and then the ride guys started asking her questions about what she could and couldn't do. She started slurring her words when she tried to answer him so I went up and stood behind her and grabbed he shoulders to help stabilize her since slurring is one of the tells that she needs to get off her feet before she falls. I finish answering the questions and helped her to our car.

Turns out that they sit the jerks directly behind us and they are making comments about how my sister obviously IS disabled-- mentally. Before they lock down the bars one of them actually reaches forward and taps my shoulder and says, "You aren't WITH her, right man? I mean no one would ever want to date someone like her--" For clarification, we don't look anything alike and you wouldn't know that she is older than me by looking-- she doesn't call me her BIG little brother for nothing (I'm 6'1", 215 and blonde, she is smaller and brunette).

I was shocked. I couldn't believe someone would say that. It took me a few to come back to my senses and he was lucky that the ride had already started when I came to. I tried to talk to her about it afterwords, but she insisted she was ok. I think she was crying though.

She still doesn't want to talk about it, but on Monday she told everyone that she wasn't going to Disney with us. I wish I knew what to say to convince her, but she insists we would have more fun without her. I am sure it is partially because of what those jerks said. My sister is really tough and doesn't usually care what people think but I think it really hit a nerve.

Like I said before, she is sick alot, but normally you can't even tell. She doesn't let anyone see it and usually spends a lot of her time with us at home when she is not at work because she can't go walk around the mall or go dancing or to the bars like most of her college friends. I also think that last comment got to her. Her boyfriend of 2 years dumped her right after she got sick a year ago and no one has asked her out since. I just don't know what to say to make her feel better.

I really want her to come with us and so does my little cousin who LOVES my sister. I also wish I knew what to say to make her feel better about the whole thing-- I feel really bad that I just stood there and didn't say anything about it. I have to figure something out soon, otherwise we are going to have to ask one of my other aunts or cousins if they can go with us so I have help look after my little cousin.

How would you deal with this?

 

[jmartinez1895]

There are jerks every where, but I have never ran into anyone that rude at Disney. You will read some post on the site about rude people, but when you consider all the people that go to Disney it is such a small number that I would almost say for sure that you will not have anything like that happen to your family. Most guest at Disney as so consumed with themselves and enjoying there time there that they could care less about you and what you are doing. Even should you run into a rude person, if they are acting like that all you have to so is find the nearest CM and it will be taken care of and you will not be put into the same ride car as them. You sister should not let some jerk ruin something that she has waited so long for.

 

[bidnow5]

I have had just a few minor problems in Disney for the most part people at Disney are great. I think you will have a much better time in Disney

 

[Leota]

First of all, my heart just aches for your Sister having to hear such hurtful crap from those guys. I wish I could wipe that away. How people could be so hurtful is beyond me. And I want to hug you for being such a loving Brother. I hope you guys all go & have the Most Magical trip ever!

I really don't think you'll run into anything like that at WDW. MOST (unfortunately not all) but most people in Disney are so absorbed in having their own Magical Experience that they won't even notice anyone else. And those who do are usually happy, open, kind people who are just there for a little Magic themselves. It'll be hard to reassure your sister of that with this incident fresh in her heart, tho.

Maybe you could make a game out of it? That's what we've been doing. I'll need a ECV for the first time myself this trip. I am like your sister - alot of folks won't be able to tell how sick I am or how much pain I am in. So we're bringing a horn, a light & a squirt gun. The severity of the ignorance will dictate which weapon of choice to use. Now, do I believe I'll actually have to use them? Maybe to keep people from darting in front of me. But it helps sooth my fragile ego to feel empowered if it does happen. Maybe that would help your sister - joking around, but making her feel empowered again.

 

[WheeledTraveler]

I'm young (27), female, small, and if you were to look at me you'd think I was healthy. Except I use a wheelchair due to a genetic condition. While my wheelchair is custom to me, I think most people wouldn't notice that. I've never had a negative comment while at WDW. I've also never heard a story from WDW as bad as what your sister and you experienced at that other theme park and I've heard loads of WDW stories.

One thing that might help is to come up with snappy comebacks and then, when possible, see if your sister will advocate for herself. I know when I do get negative comments places outside WDW, usually the fact that I'm able to open my mouth and be at all intelligent sounding often just shuts the people up to begin with. And if that doesn't do it, I figure the people doing the mocking aren't worth my time or energy. But it's taken me years to build up that sort of emotional armor. It can be especially difficult if it took your sister a while to get a diagnosis (it took me over 10 years and I'm a year post-diagnosis now and I still worry every new doctor will think I'm faking. I'm lucky that outside the medical community people supported me during those 10 years and helped me build up the armor when it comes to strangers.)

Also, for WDW, you might want to look into whether it would be better to rent an ECV for her rather than a wheelchair. That would allow her some freedom of movement. My one concern is whether she would feel safe driving one (I'm not quite sure what her symptoms are, but if she might pass out randomly or something, it might not be such a good idea).

Finally, does she have any support groups (either online or offline) where she can discuss these things? If she doesn't already know the website http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com , I'd highly recommend she (and your entire family, really) check it out!

 

[LadyTrampScamp&Angel]

First, I am so sorry that your sister and you had to endure such jerks. They could be anywhere but in all my Disney trips I've never seen anyone act that poorly about someone in a wheelchair or ECV. My DH had to use an ECV on one of our trips when he tore some ligaments in his leg shortly before a trip. The Disney CM's were wonderful with him, they are used to accomodating people with mobility issues, they do it many times every day - so no worries from them. We did not experience any trouble with anyone else although he was fine, except for the walking cast on his leg - and a few people asked, just conversationally, "what happened". I remember quite a few people chatting with us about how they wished they had one of those scooters, as all the walking is tiring. As far as other guests, I suppose you could find a rotten apple but for the most part people are focused on enjoying themselves, you know it's not cheap to go, most are concentrating on getting their money out of a planned vaca. It's a positive, family type atmosphere and if anyone gave you trouble there I don't think many other guests would put up with it either, there are lots of protective mama's and papa's in those lines. I know I'd speak up and certainly tell a CM.
I hope your sister decides to go and that you all have a wonderful time! I think all the meltdowns I've ever seen were between families and hot, tired kids!

 

[krisnme]

I think you will find that WDW is a much kinder place than most. I really think you ran into the exception rather than the rule. WDW is full of families and I think that tends to help with any negative comments (who would say that sort of nastiness in front of grandma?) DS is almost 20 and if simply sitting appears "normal". In over 30 trips in 20 years We have never had any problems. My 5yr old niece has ridden on his lap since she was a baby, and it is one of her favorite places to take a break, most people smile at how sweet they look. Do your best to get her to go, It will be a wonderful trip. And come back and let us know how it went!

 

[clanmcculloch]

Wow, that's one of the worst stories of heard of idiots mocking strangers. I'm so sorry for you and your sister. You sound like an amazingly supportive and loving brother.

Point out to her that the crowd makeup at WDW is very different than at local amusement parks. At local parks you'll get a lot of groups of young friends. These groups can include teens who would never travel without adult supervision but they can go on day outings like this on their own. They become like pack animals and feed off each others' energy and try one-upmanship a lot in order to feel important. At WDW, you have people who are on vacation. This is a very different mentality. While teens may tour around without parents, you won't find large groups like this except maybe Brazilian Tour Groups (who will be speaking Portugese so you won't understand them) or teams during sports competitions but teams would most likely be touring in the evening because they're at WWoS during the day for the very competition they traveled for. Also, at WDW, CMs are very much willing to be the bad guy and stand up for you if you're being mistreated while at local amusement parks the staff are typically a lot of teens themselves as well as people who are mostly just trying to get through the day. The general frame of mind of the CMs as well as other WDW guests is just very different than at local attractions.

I would not recommend an ECV because it sounds as though your sister becomes somewhat disoriented when she's worn out. People who use ECVs need to be mentally alert the entire time they are using it. It sounds as though she's perfectly comfortable allowing you to push her in a wheelchair so I'd recommend that you rent one from an offsite company so that you'll not only have it in the parks but also at your resort, waiting for busses, and anywhere else you might need it. Also don't forget to contact your airline to request wheelchair assistance at the airport.

 

[Bete]

Let me say Disney is a kinder place overall. It's not perfect, but there are more of us disabled folks that go there; so, in some ways I think it's more accepted there to use wheelchairs and so forth and most people are kinder overall. In addition, it's very wheelchair friendly for most rides and attractions. Disney has gone the exrtra mile to make it easier for those in a wheelchair. Your regular amusement parks are not as good overall.

I'm not sure if this would help, but I would try going to a local zoo for the day and see how it pans out there. I would compare it a little bit like going to Animal Kingdom Park at Disney. I think you all will have a better experience there. If possible do the zoo on a weekday; there's probably more teenagers there on the weekend. This should help your sister feel better about being with the public this way; it will build up her confidence again. Hopefully, the zoo will show your sister you can have fun without being mocked in public. Obviously, I'm hoping for a better experience for her. There's never a guarantee when you are in public, but there are better places and better rides that have less of a chance of rowdy teenage boys being around.

Actually, to be on the safe side at Disney I would avoid thrill rides where I think you would find more teenagers and so forth. There's so much to see at Disney; I don't think you will miss the thrill rides. Besides, the 5 year old may not be able to go on thrill rides (height limits and so forth) and she may be afraid of some. If you want to go yourself then have your sister watch the cousin while you do the thrill rides alone. There are shows to see, live street entertainment, parades, fireworks and exhibits. There's plenty to do without the thrill rides. I will warn you that Disney cast members are not allowed to help anyone on and off rides. Simply put Disney doesn't want to be sued. Some Disney rides can be stopped and you take the wheelchair on the ride like Buzz Lightyear in Magic Kingdom and Toy Story Mania in Hollywood Studios. Some boat rides have a special boat that allows the wheelchair to go right on. A few rides can be slowed down; so, it can be easier to board them where you can't take a wheelchair on a ride.

The reality of it all is that you have to get a thick skin when you go to some places. Unfortunately, everyone is not kind. I really feel the fun you will have at Disney will out weigh any bad scenes. I really don't feel it will be the way you described your experience here at Disney. Make some compromises with your sister to make it work. Be prepared to defend your sister, but hopefully that won't be necessary.

Good luck and my prayers are with you.

 

[MsTinkerChele]

LittleBother you have a private message

 

[littlebother]

I really appreciate all the replies and the advice.

I'm glad that everyone else has had such a nice experience at WDW, it is reassuring. I wouldn't want to convince her only to have it happen again. Good to know about the CMs too, it is always nice to have backup.

Leota-- I laughed at your water gun idea. I'm pretty sure sis will have her hands full with my little cousin, but that would be pretty funny. The only thing she complained about the other day was the view-- can you imagine the wet spot potential? Butts and crotches, crotches and butts . . .

I think I am going to have to step up and defend her if we run into something like this again. I was just so surprised. I mean, my sister is really intelligent and I haven't seen anyone talk like that to our face since we were pretty young. I didn't expect it out of "adults." The problem is that she has a hard time getting words out when she isn't feeling well-- something about the brain-mouth interface.

We may have to come up with some comebacks ahead of time. I am just not used to defending her. She has always been the one that can take care of herself. I may be the funny one, but she is the sarcastic one-- mom calls it "biting wit" or something. Don't tell anyone, but she was always the one that used to keep bullies from hassling me when we were kids. I guess it is my time to return the favor, although I don't think I will have the opportunity to put anyone in a trashcan--- I could see how Mickey could potentially be against that!

I think the whole thing is just really hard for her. I don't think she likes feeling dependent on anyone. She always takes care of everyone (since we were kids when my dad left) and she is afraid of keeping us from having a good time. She keeps saying things about holding us back and I know that she felt bad when my little cousin figured out that she was sad last trip. I've never seen a 5-year-old turn down ice cream to sit on someone's lap before. She's a good kid.

Little does my sister know that she definitely won't be holding us back. My cousin would be really sad if she didn't go-- my sister is the one that watches Little Mermaid with her (her favorite). As for me, I don't really care for the thrill rides. I'll go on them with her if she wants to go (she loves roller coasters) but I would be just fine staying away from them. I am not sure that she is going to like all the things popping out at her anyway, since she has sensory issues now which makes them pretty different from the plainer things we are used to. We may just stick to the kid-friendly stuff that everyone can enjoy. If we decide to go on a few of the other rides my mom can watch the little one and I can help my sister on and off the rides.

I looked up EVCs and while they are cool, I don't think that would be a good idea for my sister. First of all-- I would have to pry the kid off of her somehow . My sister drives in regular life, but I have a feeling that she just isn't going to be feeling up to it at Disney. It is ok, we will just all hang out together. She said that she trusts me pushing her, so we will see how that goes. On the plus side, it will be extra conditioning for packing out my animal during hunting season in December. If she heard me say that, she would probably smack me. LOL. I think we will bring the wheelchair we used the other week.

WheeledTraveler-- I read some info on that link you sent me. Wow, I had never thought of it that way. I can definitely see how that applies to my sister's illness though. I think she uses all her energy just getting through work and her day. I don't think she wants us or anyone to see her as weak so she just goes goes goes and then locks herself in her room when she isn't feeling well. To put it in your terms, I don't think she wants us to see her spoonless. I don't know if she knows that she doesn't have to be that way, but it is hard because she always tries to take care of us.

Well, you all have certainly convinced me! Now I just have to convince her to come. Maybe we will have to take a trip to the zoo. Although I am sure she will enjoy WDW, I think seeing my cousin enjoy it will be the most fun for her. I think she is just afraid of not being able to enjoy herself (heat and crowds aren't her best friends anymore) and ending up really sick or emotional in public and upsetting us or cutting the fun short. It really isn't about WDW for her, but getting to see everyone else enjoy it.

 

[dizcrazee]

What incredible jerks! I'm so sorry you and sis had to go through that. You sound like a very loving and supportive little brother.

I echo the others who have said that WDW is overall a much kinder, understanding atmosphere than that of a local amusement park. The cast members are trained to be sensitive toward the needs of each guest, and as a pp said, you are surrounded mostly by families instead of packs of roving teens intent on making each other laugh by being cruel to others. One of the main reasons we keep going back to WDW is that the atmosphere is so supportive of the special needs we have in our family. You will see many, many wheelchairs and individuals with special needs when you go. It is a very inclusive environment.

I so hope she decides to go - she may find out that it is her favorite vacation place, just like we did. Please come back and let us know if she decides to go, and then tell us how it went when you get back!

 

[littlebother]

I don't have enough posts up to answer the PM, so I thought I would just put it in this thread. Tinkerchele, I hope you see this!

Tink--

Thank you. We should be headed down during my mom's school break, which is the week after Thanksgiving I think-- I need to double check the dates. I will call ahead-- thanks for the tip.

You really gave me some great advice for talking to her. The whole time I've known her I've never known her to let a challenge stop her, not even since she got sick. Maybe if I frame it that way I can get her ready to take WDW on!

I think she was embarrassed because she doesn't like people to see her weak, but she put herself out there when she wasn't feeling well and was less in control to do this for us. Those jerks had the gall to point out her weaknesses and be cruel.

I am a bit embarrassed myself that I just stood there and didn't say anything. I guess I was just surprised. That face comment would have been a good comeback though!

"Satan's children" LMAO-- that is a good one too.

Her favorite characters are Kanga and Roo from Winnie the Pooh, shortly followed by the Little Mermaid (she spends a lot of time with my little cousin-- you have no idea what it is like to be a senior in high school and start singing "Under the Sea" in the locker room-- boy, the guys razed me for that one). We actually have a dog that is named Roo and my handle is my childhood nickname. My mom loves Eeyore, and you know that he is always saying "Oh, bother". My sister used to tease me and call me the "little bother" instead of "little brother." It is really kind of you to offer, but I think she might be a little embarrassed-- especially since she doesn't know I am posting this.

I would like that address though! I know my cousin would get a kick out of having mickey write to her, and if sis got a card too then maybe the pair of us "kids" could convince her. I know my sister doesn't want to disappoint the little one.

Thank you for taking the time to write. I am hoping to see Disney soon!

 

[IUTBAM]

First of all, please thank your parents for me (and a lot of others here, I'm sure) for raising such a kind, considerate, caring young man. I had tears in my eyes reading your post. I am equally blessed with an 18 y/o daughter who is an advocate and loving sister to her younger brother with Autism, and young people like the both of you give me hope for this planet...seriously.

I truly hope that your sister decides to go...WDW is such a magical place (it's not perfect by any stretch, but the CM's do go out of their way to accomodate guests with disabilities), and I know you and your family will have an awesome time. In all the years and all the trips we've taken to WDW (8 times) and Disneyland (10 times) with our disabled son, we've only had one instance of a fellow guest causing an issue (and it was nothing like what you describe...she was bent out of shape because our son was allowed to board the Casey Jr. train first, and happened to pick the car her child wanted...yeesh). We have always been treated respectfully by fellow guests and cast members, and going to a Disney theme park is at the top of my son's wish list all the time, lol.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers...I hope it all works out for you!

 

[I Love Pluto]

First - let me say that YOU are the BEST brother - the one every girl wishes she had. You are awesome!

You won't run into any issues at Disney. This is the most understanding place in the whole world about disabilities. I ride an ECV, don't talk too well at times, and have no balance at all. Disney makes me feel alive again. It's the only place that I don't feel handicapped.

Please show her my post (as well as the others). It will help her to realize how much she is wanted, and that she is not alone in this world. God bless all of you.

 

[POOHsie]

I think the local amusement park you had the trouble with is a completely different scenario from WDW. First, it's local, probably cheap, probably few employees, so local kids use it as a hang-out. These locals feel free to do their usual rowdy routine in that atmosphere.

If you come to Disney, that's a specific destination for which you will pay serious money for transportation to and from, hotel and food bills, and daily tickets. So that filters out most rowdy, unsupervised trouble-makers. Plus WDW has a security staff that won't put up with disruptive people, no matter what their age.

I use my own ECV and take it to WDW. There has never been a single encounter on my trips, as you described. If such a situation even began, I would go to the nearest Disney CM and I am sure security would be on it in a matter of minutes, or even seconds. Disney has a high reputation for effectively taking care of badly-behaving guests, and Orange Co. Sheriffs are on Disney property for back-up.

Please take your sis to WDW. She'll have a memorable time. When you see how fine a place it is for the handicapped, maybe you'll even consider return visits. I find it one of the few places that is highly accessible for my disability, and that's why I return again and again.

 

[krisnme]

We may have to come up with some comebacks ahead of time. I am just not used to defending her. She has always been the one that can take care of herself. I may be the funny one, but she is the sarcastic one-- mom calls it "biting wit" or something. Don't tell anyone, but she was always the one that used to keep bullies from hassling me when we were kids. I guess it is my time to return the favor, although I don't think I will have the opportunity to put anyone in a trashcan--- I could see how Mickey could potentially be against that!

.

My DS and Mom are both disabled and at times can look "normal". one of our favorite comebacks when we hear "you don't look disabled" is to turn, look the person up and down calmly and reply "and you don't look stupid, guess we are both wrong". works every time!.

I don't know if anyone has suggested you get a GAC? if your sister has trouble with the heat and crowds this will allow her an alternate waiting area and often it is a cooler spot. you won't ride faster, but you won't have to wait in the regular que.

Isn't it amazing how perceptive a young child who loves someone with special needs can be? My 5yo niece is a handful, but with DS she is gentle, talks quietly and tells the other cousins to be quiet so not to upset DS. she has been known to be his little advocate when she thinks the others are being mean to him, and will "check" on him thru out the day for me. Nice to know he will have her to care one day when I am gone.

Hope you can convince her to go!