DDA Chapter 27

[PNO4TE]

Good morning, DDA!

Laura is coming home today, and I am so excited! It feels like she has already changed so much being away at school, and I just can't wait to see her and to know that some things haven't changed. The only thing putting a damper on the visit is that I have a feeling that she is going to break up with her boyfriend. She has been with him for almost a year and a half, and I really like him. I know that it isn't any of my business, and I'm doing my best to remember to stay out of it. She hasn't said anything to me, and if I listed the little reasons that I think it's coming, you'd probably think I'm nuts. Let's just say it's mother's intuition. I think that there is another guy up at college, and I think that maybe she just wants to explore some other options. I don't know if any of this is true. It's making me feel a little ill. Please tell me that it's not my business and that I just have to let it play out.

Work is going well, and I love the kids in both classes. We have a 4-day weekend, though, and I must admit that I am happy about that, too.

Welcome back, Elin!

Beth - I know you are disappointed that Laura might be breaking up with her boyfriend. But... it might be the best thing she could do. I broke up with Bob just before I left for college, thinking there was something else I would be missing. Obviously, I was wrong. It lasted all of three months until I came home for Thanksgiving break. And I was miserably lonely for him the whole time. However, there is still a little part of me who wishes I had taken the time to date other guys, just for the experience of that side of college life. Bob and I have discussed this over the years and we both agree that it is something we might have enjoyed exploring. But we also have discussed the fact that we missed out on some things that might have been fun to experience (like dances, trips to other colleges for dates, etc.).

I think we would still have ended up together.

 

[bethbuchall]

Beth - I know you are disappointed that Laura might be breaking up with her boyfriend. But... it might be the best thing she could do. I broke up with Bob just before I left for college, thinking there was something else I would be missing. Obviously, I was wrong. It lasted all of three months until I came home for Thanksgiving break. And I was miserably lonely for him the whole time. However, there is still a little part of me who wishes I had taken the time to date other guys, just for the experience of that side of college life. Bob and I have discussed this over the years and we both agree that it is something we might have enjoyed exploring. But we also have discussed the fact that we missed out on some things that might have been fun to experience (like dances, trips to other colleges for dates, etc.).

I think we would still have ended up together.

Thank you so much for that story, Elin! If it is meant to be, it will still be. And if they don't get back together, that is what is meant to be, too. I was hoping that you would be one of the ones to chime in, but I was thinking more along the lines of you having older daughters. It's even better that it was your own experience. I don't really have that experience of having dated other guys, so this is new to me. I think maybe I think too much in black and white on the issue sometimes. Maybe she does need some new experiences and will be happier later in life to have been through this. And it never even occurred to me that she might get back together with him if they do break up. Not that I am counting on that, but I just like knowing that this doesn't have to be completely final if they realize that it was a mistake. I am feeling a little better about it. I know that it's her happiness that matters.

Thanks so much!

 

[bethbuchall]

Elin, I am sorry that your trip started out so rough! Losing time on vacation is so hard, especially on a shorter trip. I am glad that you had a great time overall!

 

[tinker1bell]

Beth, It is so, so hard to stand by and watch your child make what we might conceive would be a mistake. They need to learn to fly and even though you might think you could help, just stand back and bite your lip!!

Of the three years Hal and I dated, we were always on the opposite side of US. He tried one year of college and I still had two years of high school. I dated a few guys and I know he dated too. The reality sat in when he kept getting asked by one girl, "So what about this girl in California?" That was when he joined the Navy, came out to California and saved up to buy our rings. Then my family was transferred to Key West so we waited another year to get married. He did finally ask me to marry him when I was 18 in Nov of 1968 and we married in June of 1969. Three years of an almost constant long distance romance except for about six months when he was in the same US state as I was. We even managed once to fight thru the mail!!

I thought I could convince Guenna that one boyfriend was so wrong for her but that was on deaf ears. We all knew he shoved her around and I made it pretty clear I didn't want him in my house. I think it took Howie and his friends to let him know he was not welcome near Guenna any more without any violence. We all knew she and her hubby Chris were so right (Wright) for each other, it just took them a little longer to see this!!

Just be there with open arms and she will come when she needs you. It may take a while, but be strong.

 

[tinker1bell]

Elin, I cannot even imagine going thru all of that. I was so creeped out at that picture you posted on facebook!!! Knowing you and knowing the information you have already given the folks at WDW, I feel strongly you will get action.

I am in the process of writing DCL. We went on this one shore excursion and I was so very disappointed. We went to the Empress Hotel in Victoria,BC and had the loveliest tea ever. The ride to the hotel was nice but the ride back to the ship was so very long and I felt (as did a few others) that we got a lot of information on the real estate. More than we all wanted. I would have loved to stay longer at the hotel to tour the grounds and a few shops right close to it. The charge for that excursion should have been half the price. I already voiced my opinion at the Port Adventures desk, but DCL needs to know as well.

 

[bethbuchall]

Beth, It is so, so hard to stand by and watch your child make what we might conceive would be a mistake. They need to learn to fly and even though you might think you could help, just stand back and bite your lip!!

Of the three years Hal and I dated, we were always on the opposite side of US. He tried one year of college and I still had two years of high school. I dated a few guys and I know he dated too. The reality sat in when he kept getting asked by one girl, "So what about this girl in California?" That was when he joined the Navy, came out to California and saved up to buy our rings. Then my family was transferred to Key West so we waited another year to get married. He did finally ask me to marry him when I was 18 in Nov of 1968 and we married in June of 1969. Three years of an almost constant long distance romance except for about six months when he was in the same US state as I was. We even managed once to fight thru the mail!!

I thought I could convince Guenna that one boyfriend was so wrong for her but that was on deaf ears. We all knew he shoved her around and I made it pretty clear I didn't want him in my house. I think it took Howie and his friends to let him know he was not welcome near Guenna any more without any violence. We all knew she and her hubby Chris were so right (Wright) for each other, it just took them a little longer to see this!!

Just be there with open arms and she will come when she needs you. It may take a while, but be strong.

Thanks, Terry! There is so much wisdom on this board. I will stand back and be there for her. It doesn't help that I don't like what I've seen on Facebook for this new guy, but it isn't like Laura is in danger or anything. She needs to spread her wings, and I need to step back and watch her. She won't learn if she can't be confident that there is always a safe place to land. And her life isn't my life. (This is all much easier said than done, but I do really believe it.)

I will just enjoy my weekend with her and leave my feelings on this matter in my head (or in my husband's ear...lucky guy )

 

[PNO4TE]

Deb - I am so sorry to read about your concerns for Nick. I think they are valid, but I also think he may have a point too. Both my daughters are writers and they often write about things that are not in their everyday lives. However, I don't think either of them wrote dark, disturbing things that would have caused us concern. So, having Nick evaluated and stopping the meds sounds like a very sound thing to do.

 

[bethbuchall]

Well, it happened, and I'm doing as advised and standing back and biting my tongue. I'm sad but supportive. She's a smart girl, and it will work out however it's supposed to.

 

[Disney Yooper]

Well, it happened, and I'm doing as advised and standing back and biting my tongue. I'm sad but supportive. She's a smart girl, and it will work out however it's supposed to.

Very hard to do but for the best. I'm glad that she is being honest about her feelings and not leading someone along. I've seen so many string their old boy/girl friend along until they found out whether the "new" one was going to work out.

If it is meant to be, it will be.

 

[my3princes]

Elin, sorry about the rocky start, but glad that Disney tried to make ammends.

Beth Chris and I started dating in High School. He did break up with me for six weeks during our last semester of college. He was in Massachusetts and I was at UVM in Vermont. We did the long distance thing for 4 years. He got to the end of college and wondered if he was missing out on things. Thankfully he realized that we were meant to be together and obviously it worked out. In hindsight the breakup probably made us stronger altough it was horrible on me to go through it.

 

[tinker1bell]

Well, it happened, and I'm doing as advised and standing back and biting my tongue. I'm sad but supportive. She's a smart girl, and it will work out however it's supposed to.

Beth, I know it is hard but you will survive!!! I remember that for each of my kids, I found out that both Hal and I liked one of their special friends more than they did!!! I cried when Howie broke up with one of his girlfriends. But we are now facebook friends!!!

 

[my3princes]

This is one of Nick's poems, the one that bothered the doctor the most

I give up on life, give up and winning the fight. I let darkness end and bleed out the light. When all is gone it's far too long since the last chance one suicidal glance and the end is near, screams ring out for everyone to hear, please remember me for I am alone the voice is gone, the spirit left to the twilight zone remember not to underestimate the last words of a victim of fate.


I don't even think that this one was the scariest for me

 

[Disney Yooper]

This is one of Nick's poems, the one that bothered the doctor the most

I give up on life, give up and winning the fight. I let darkness end and bleed out the light. When all is gone it's far too long since the last chance one suicidal glance and the end is near, screams ring out for everyone to hear, please remember me for I am alone the voice is gone, the spirit left to the twilight zone remember not to underestimate the last words of a victim of fate.


I don't even think that this one was the scariest for me

Very scary! I'm glad he is being seen by someone.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Good Morning, thanks for the well wishes, after a big ordeal the kids finally got to close on their house yesterday. It looked for a minute that we might be getting house guests for a while, since they had already given notice at their apartment.

Congrats to them!!

Hello. Never a dull day around here.

O no! I am glad that he is willing to talk to someone..very scary!

I know you all want to know about our trip and I will do a quick summary of the problems and the solutions. I need to send a letter to WDW so I have to make certain I have everything documented.

Im sorry about the issues you had, but glad that they worked to "fix" things---even happier that the rest of the trip was better! Welcome home!

Well, it happened, and I'm doing as advised and standing back and biting my tongue. I'm sad but supportive. She's a smart girl, and it will work out however it's supposed to.

Im sorry--its definitely not easy. I know there has been an ex of mine that my mom still talks to once in awhile--it was definitely not meant to be for us to be together, but we were together for almost 6 years so hes still friendly with my family

 

[PNO4TE]

Deb - I would have been scared to read that poem too. Out of curiosity, how did you find these? Did Nick share them? I am glad you are having someone talk to him and adjust his meds.

Beth - We adored one of Kathrin's boyfriends and even though we knew it wasn't going to be a forever match, were very sad when she broke up with him. I still miss him! But I kept my mouth shut and was there with a shoulder for her. Her move to Boston was partially due to that breakup and it has been a (mostly) wonderful experience for her. She did right. I am glad I trusted her to know her own mind.

 

[PNO4TE]

Good morning, DDA!

 

[bethbuchall]

Good morning, DDA!

Thanks to everyone for the advice, the stories, and the hugs! I feel like I'm learning from the best when I come here. And there are certain things you just can't hash out with people too close to the situation.

Deb, I am sorry for what you are going through right now. I agree that Nick's writings seem scary, and I am so glad that you are getting him help. He may just be working through feelings, but it sounds like he may need some help with the feelings that he is working through. I will keep you all in my prayers as you deal with this.

This weekend went so fast! Miles and I have the day off tomorrow, though there is a lot of prep work that I have to do for preschool.

Thanks again for being here!

 

[mommykds]

Hi,
Our kids don't get off Columbus Day so just a regular week coming up school-wise. Minnie has been doing her best to keep me hopping. I have never walked, scooped poop, cleaned my floor, & said "where's your toy?" so much in my life. Why didn't someone warn me about how much work a puppy is??? My kids LOVE her or none of this would be worth it. They have pitched in walking, feeding, & playing with her but I am the one who is on call 24/7. I think an adult dog with less energy for this out of shape middle aged woman would have been a better choice!

Happy Sunday!

 

[my3princes]

Deb - I would have been scared to read that poem too. Out of curiosity, how did you find these? Did Nick share them? I am glad you are having someone talk to him and adjust his meds.

Beth - We adored one of Kathrin's boyfriends and even though we knew it wasn't going to be a forever match, were very sad when she broke up with him. I still miss him! But I kept my mouth shut and was there with a shoulder for her. Her move to Boston was partially due to that breakup and it has been a (mostly) wonderful experience for her. She did right. I am glad I trusted her to know her own mind.

I found them on the kitchen table on Thursday morning. It turns out that he had handed them to Chris on Wednesday night as he was headed to bed, with a comment of "do you want to read some of my poems?" Chris said he'd read them the next day Nick would like to have his poems published which is why he typed them up. Of course when I found them I thought he had just left them on the table

 

[PNO4TE]

I found them on the kitchen table on Thursday morning. It turns out that he had handed them to Chris on Wednesday night as he was headed to bed, with a comment of "do you want to read some of my poems?" Chris said he'd read them the next day Nick would like to have his poems published which is why he typed them up. Of course when I found them I thought he had just left them on the table

It has occurred to me that he might think that is subject matter he thinks a teen male ought to be using. I hope that is all it is.