DD12 is an eyelash puller, need ideas... Update #47 & #51

[LynnTH]

I too have had this since I was about 15. I am going to be 40 soon and still deal with this on a daily basis. I tried medications when it first started happening but got sick from them and it wasn't worth it. (I'm sure things have changed since then). I too rarely talk abou this. I pull my eyelashes and eyebrows and no it doesn't hurt. It is a relief sensation after doing it. Most times it is done subconsciously and I don't even realize it. I do know that it can be heriditary as my cousin has this (she pulls out her hair) and my other cousins daughter is a picker. I have learned to deal with it but it is not easy. I know there isn't a cure but many different ways it can be managed. There are alot of people who deal with this (mostly women). My cousin who has this is a hair stylist and she does hair for many Trich people who are also going through this. Just find out as much as you can about this as you can. I was told we do this because of a chemical imbalance in our bodies. Pre-menstrual times seem to be worse or when I am really stressed. It's nice to know that I am not the only person dealing with this and that others have gone through this also. Good Luck with your daughter. I will be watching mine as she gets older (she is only 4 now).

 

[liamsaunt]

I pulled out my eyelashes in 6th grade also. I also attacked my eyebrows. In my case it was because we had moved to a new town. I had attended Catholic school all my life previously, but when we moved was sent to public school. I had a really hard time fitting in at this new school.

Worrying about what to wear as opposed to just throwing on a uniform as one example--worrying about fitting in socially (this was a big issue for me as I had skipped a grade so was younger than everyone and was often picked on for having skipped, called teachers pet, snob etc.). Plus dealing with all the physical issues at that age. Additionally, the school I transferred to was academically behind the school I transferred out of, and so I was bored.

After my Mom noticed we had a talk involving my doctor and decided it would be best to switch out schools. She was able to get me into a Catholic school the next town over. This time I was smart and lied about my age so no one knew I skipped. The lash pulling stopped after my transfer. My eyelashes never did grow back in as long as they used to be though, unfortunately. Mascara is my friend!

In my case I think I did it from frustration and feelings of self-loathing because of the situation I found myself in at the new school. Once my parents were able to intervene and get me to a more comfortable setting I was fine. Maybe talk with your daughter and see if something new in her life is causing her to feel frustrated or out of control? I don't know anything about the OCD link so have no advice for you on that front.

Good luck!

 

[Hillbeans]

What's so interesting about this is that i've pulled my eyebrow for years and I never would have guessed that other people do it also....I thought it was just my own nervous thing - now when I read these other posts I see i'm not the only one.

 

[Rajah]

One thing on the makeup -- for me (and this may just be me), I'm actually *more* likely to fiddle with the eyelashes if I'm wearing makeup because it makes the lashes heavier and easier to notice and thus easier to pluck. So be aware that might be a side-effect of the mascara. It might be better in her case, so it's worth a try.

I do like that "touch three times then hands down" thing -- I'll have to try that myself. LOL!

I'm also a fiddler. I can't sit still. Drives a lot of people crazy, but I have to be doing something with my hands almost all the time. That, or sitting on them. So I understand where you're coming from. The necklace worked the best for me when I wasn't somewhere that I could draw or stitch.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Caradana, I like your suggestion! I will have to pass on the info to my dd, (scalp picker).

 

[Michelle2]

to help her with her anxiety and nervousness. This just started this year, she is in 6th grade. She has resorted to pulling at her eyelashes (so long and beautiful, will never need mascara unless she can't stop) as a nervous habit.

We went to the Dr. yesterday for a regular check up and they discussed this habit. Dr. talked about eyelashes and why they are there, discussed with DD12 why she started doing this? DD12 said she catches herself doing this at school... We talked about alternatives.

Any suggestions?

So far I have come up with having a hair band around her wrist and having her play with that instead of pulling at her lashes. They aren't allowed to have regular rubberbands in school or on the bus. Lots of social changes this year in school, and she has admitted to being "uneasy" with 6th grade and her "place" in school.

TIA!

This is the exact same boat we are in. In fact, I was so desperate to try and find a way to stop her, that I was going to ask this on the boards too. But I just forgot about it, and am so happy to know that our DD11 is not the only one.

She just started 6th grade and going to middle school (jr. high) too. But hers has gotten so bad that she has completely pulled ALL of her eyelashes out....completely gone. She looks strange without them, and pictures don't look the same as before either. I am at my wits end, and have tried everything--bribing, complaining, threatening. We now don't bug her about it, because obviously what we were doing wasn't working. I am afraid that if she keeps picking them out, they will soon not grow back at all. She will be very upset with herself when she wants to start wearing make-up.

I sure would love suggestions too, if anyone else has had a DD go through this. She had such long beautiful lashes, and now there is nothing...

 

[mom2grace]

I also pull out my eyelashes.

I was probably in middle school when I started, and I would pretty much pull all of them out. I look bizarre in pictures from back then. I think the total pulling out only lasted a few years. By high school I only did it a little (like a few times a day) I never pulled my hair or eyebrows,

I am 35 now and still pull them out, but not so many.

I am sure for me it is OCD, I also am obsessed with my toenails, but they look pretty normal. I bit my fingernails until I was about 21. I still occasionally pick them.

I would NOT use mascara, they make eyelashes brittle, and more likely to come out easier.

It's very shameful to me, but I guess it's my cross to bear! I am normal weight, was very popular in school, have a Master's degree!

I would recommend a therapist, my parents took me to a dermatologist, but and I denied pulling them out. I wish my parents would have been more aggressive, maybe I wouldn't still do it.

BTW, reading this thread is very sad for me. I hope I can help you by sharing. I have never discussed this with anyone except for my therapist and husband!

 

[golfgal]

See the hair chewing post for my DD's hairball story. She also pulled her hair and ate it. After surgery to remove a football sized hairball, she stopped. I would check out a dr that specializes in Trich treatments before it gets out of hand. Dealing with it now will be much easier then waiting for it to become more of a bad habit.

DS13 is a fiddler, too. Some things we did for him were to get a small, soft ball, nerf like material, that he could squeeze. We got him some funky pens and pencils that had things on them, different erasers, squishy pencil grips, etc. for him to play with in class. One of his favorite activities was just tearing up paper into small pieces. He usually did that when he was reading in class.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

I would recommend a therapist, my parents took me to a dermatologist, but and I denied pulling them out. I wish my parents would have been more aggressive, maybe I wouldn't still do it.

BTW, reading this thread is very sad for me. I hope I can help you by sharing. I have never discussed this with anyone except for my therapist and husband!

From the looks of this thread, you are not alone.

I also second the therapist idea. Only took 3 sessions for my DD along with the reward chart we made. The therapist said she treated an adult female with severe Trich using "Neurofeedback" http://www.eegspectrum.com/ successfully. I knew that option was there for DD should it be needed.

DD complained this morning that her lashes were touching her glasses, so I know we need to get that adjusted TODAY. She is also wanting contacts now. She has not pulled for 2 years but will start middle school in the fall. I am sure I will be checking her eyes nightly...

Here is another informative site:
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/trichotillomania.html

 

[CathrynRose]

Thanks to all for your advice and comments.

I will be researching further with her, i.e. how does it feel when you pull it out (relieved, euphoric and etc) and then try to leave it at that. I don't want to stress her out about it even more than she may be right now.

One of the things I read too - was band-aids on her finger tips. You cant pull anything and it makes you more concious of it.

 

[ElizaB39]

Thank you CathrynRose! That is a great idea. I will discuss with her tonight. She went to school today with a hair band around her wrist and a bad attitude (got up late and couldn't find her fave hat for "hat day" missed the bus and had to get a ride from me... the list goes on). We had a good conversation on the way to school, ended with a "love you" "love you too" as she got out of the car).

I am getting a longer necklace cord today for her to put pendant(s) on (she has many) for another fiddle thingy.

Also, I emailed her teachers about her recent report card and put a little note at the end about her fiddling and pulling. I stressed that they did not need to discuss this with her, but that I wanted them to know that if she seemed like she was fiddling with things (necklace pendant, wrist band and etc) it was because I was encouraging it. I only let them know since they have commented on it (fiddling) in the past.

 

[sgtdisney]

I didn't know other people did this. I have been doing this, as an adult, for a number of years. On and off. I don't even realize I am doing it 1/2 the time until my eyelids are almost bald! It started with one eyelid and in one spot. Now over the years, I will pull on the lashes of both eyelids. Drives my wife crazy. It isn't just a female or young adult thing. It doesn't hurt at all, it almost feels like scratching an itch. I can tell you that they do keep growing back, luckily.

I really like the ideas about the beads or something else to distract. I liked Caradanas ideas as well. I will have to consider them.

 

[Dodie]

Ive done this, on my head-hair, since about that age, too. It is what another poster mentioned. Trichotillamania. A form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

See if you can find a DR who specializes in OCD.

I also, only pull at one area of my head (most trich sufferers have a *spot* - lashes, brows, one head area) I do it when Im nervous, anxious, but not really intentionally. It is subconcious. (Im suprised Im not bald after this whole thing with my Mom)

I could have written the above. Me too. It started for me when I was about 12. I suffered terribly through school. I finally got help and got it under control about 20 years ago, but it still flares up every once in awhile.

PLEASE do not deny that this could definitely be the beginning of Trich for your daughter and get her the help she needs before it gets out of control. Don't fool yourself by believing what she says about what she's doing and that it's "not an obsession yet." Kids can be cruel. The worse it gets, the more isolated she'll feel. As soon as someone makes fun of her - it will begin in a terrible circle. Although I am a successful, well-adjusted adult, I still suffer from self-esteem issues stemming from being "odd" and made fun of because of this in school.

There are discussion groups too. There's a good one on Yahoo Groups for this. I used to go there when I relapsed. Maybe you could ask some questions there.

I do not EVER discuss this with anyone. The relative anonymity of the DIS motivates me to share my story. Please consider these things when dealing with your daughter...

 

[ElizaB39]

Dodie,

First of all THANK you for sharing your story with me. Her teacher called me today in response to the email I sent. She asked if I wanted her to do anything. I said, no, at this point please just let me know if you notice her doing it. Both her main teacher and her switch teacher said they have not noticed any of this activity, but there are 25 students in her class so...

Also, right now, some of the lashes are shorter than usual, and there are two bare patches, one on her lower right lid and one on her upper left lid, maybe an 1/8 or 1/4 inch in width. This is what I learn from glances (no "inspecting" alllowed ).

I will continue to research Drs. in our area that she have specialties in this area. I think counselling is in order for her; she tends in internalize anyway and I don't think it could hurt at this point for her to have an independent person to help her.

to you Dodie.

 

[frndshpcptn]

"I do not EVER discuss this with anyone. The relative anonymity of the DIS motivates me to share my story. Please consider these things when dealing with your daughter..."

me too. In fact, my Mom still makes mean comments about it when I subconsciously pull my hair in front her of her. It's embarassing and I never want talk about it.

It's really hard to overcome on your own...I am 28 and still haven't figured out how...

 

[ElizaB39]

"I do not EVER discuss this with anyone. The relative anonymity of the DIS motivates me to share my story. Please consider these things when dealing with your daughter..."

me too. In fact, my Mom still makes mean comments about it when I subconsciously pull my hair in front her of her. It's embarassing and I never want talk about it.

It's really hard to overcome on your own...I am 28 and still haven't figured out how...

 

[CathrynRose]

"I do not EVER discuss this with anyone. The relative anonymity of the DIS motivates me to share my story. Please consider these things when dealing with your daughter..."

me too. In fact, my Mom still makes mean comments about it when I subconsciously pull my hair in front her of her. It's embarassing and I never want talk about it.

It's really hard to overcome on your own...I am 28 and still haven't figured out how...

My friends know. My fiance knows, but I do remember "telling" him, (why Im so thin haired, right where a man starts going bald ) Im not bald just super duper thin. I was so embarrassed about it.

I keep the hair in the back of my head, shorter - then the rest. This was when I blow dry it looks puffier, and the longer part I kind flip over the thinner part. (like Donald Trump - LOL!)

Im not as embarrassed as I was about it. And it's not noticeable unless I pointed it out to you (or when I wake up in the morning, and my hair is all bed-head mangled)

I do have what I call a trauma spot. That same spot Ive been pulling my hair from, is also tender if touched the wrong way. One time during my blow drying I whacked it - just right. HOLY COW! I thought I was going to die - my head was on FIRE it hurt so terribly bad. My eyes teared up - it was terrible.

I dont know how to get over it - but Im 32, and been doing this for 20 years now.... I just deal.

The one thing that bugs me, is I am obsessed - OBSESSED with hair, makeup, etc - And Im at a point Id love to grow my hair long, and it will never look "right" cuz of my spot.

 

[Dodie]

To the OP - in an odd way - I'd like to thank you for posting this painful question about your daughter. Good luck to you.

Who would have imagined that there are so many of us here who have suffered from this painful, embarrassing problem.

It is liberating to discuss it - and I think we all have the same motivation in responding to your post: We don't want your daughter to go through the pain we've suffered.


I think that several of us need a:

 

[ElizaB39]

To the OP - in an odd way - I'd like to thank you for posting this painful question about your daughter. Good luck to you.

Who would have imagined that there are so many of us here who have suffered from this painful, embarrassing problem.

It is liberating to discuss it - and I think we all have the same motivation in responding to your post: We don't want your daughter to go through the pain we've suffered.

I think that several of us need a:

Dodie, I wish I could give you a BIG hug!

I feel bad in a way because I feel like I have reminded people of something that is shameful and hurtful to them. : - (. Kind of like picking a scab off a wound...

I also want you all to know, I am not ashamed of DD, this is not how I define her, nor will it define her. She is like me, doesn't get too emotional about things, but perhaps this is how she is handling her emotion? It is something she/we will deal with, and we will get her whatever help she needs to manage this condition. I am a very analytical/logical/left brain person and common sensical. I do not get emotionally wrought over many things. While I am somewhat concerned, I keep telling myself, "They are just eyelashes." I know it could be something much worse and damaging to her health. I am not dismissing this condition, just realizing it could be an eating disorder or cutting or huffing and etc.

In another way I am so glad that I posted my question and I didn't just DISMISS it as a "phase". Your frank and honest discussions (which have made me so teary) and my research (just starting) on the web has enlightened me and given me a lot of hope!

Thank you all sooooo much.

Hugs to all. Instead of a group hugging one person, think of it as one person (me) hugging a group (all of you).

 

[Rajah]

I know, Dodie. I thought for *years* that I was the only one to do this. Who knew it was so common. Now I'm quite curious about that EEG Neurofeedback thingy...