DD wants a purity ring

[EMHDad]

Well most churches are certainly going to be lacking in their sex education as well. I would not be comfortable with my child only getting a church's view of sex.

And that is ok. Each parent raises their children differently based on their values and opinions. If my church had an inadequate program, I may feel different. However, with things as they are as such... whereas my sons may receive a program from school, their primary sex education will come from myself(and wife of course) and from my church.


Fortunately, they are way to young for me to have to worry about it right now. However, I know that the time will go by too quick.

 

[luvmy3]

No, its not just about remaining a virgin. Its already been said in this thread, if a teen is not a virgin that doesn't mean they cannot make the same promise. The girl that gave her testimony at church that brought this whole thing up for our youth wasn't a virgin and she wears a ring. Or a single adult that is widowed or divorced can make the promise. Its about sex without marriage to put it in simplistic terms.

You don't have to agree with me. But disagreeing without understanding doesn't make sense to me.

No one HAS to wear a ring. I have already said that dd doesn't and may not ever. She likes the one I posted the link to but doesn't want to buy something that she may not wear (not much for wearing rings).

Oh, then let me re-phrase, a promise to be a virgin, or a born again virgin until marriage, or whenever the mood srtrikes you to be one....again
Anyway you slice it, its about your sexuality and your promise, or your re-promise, or your re-re-promise to abstain from sex. So, you see I do understand and I don't agree with the concept of a purity ring, whether you are a pure as snow virgin or the town harlot or somewhere in between. Its not the choice that I don't support, its the wearing of a symbol of that choice is what I don't. Its the giving of that symbol as a gift to a child I find creepy too.

And FTR, in the context of this thread we are speaking about kids making the promise. Now I'm not going to assume that all kids that do are virgins, but I sure as heck hope that the 11 year olds in the church group, being they believe so strongly in the meaning of that purity ring are. I also assume that they are being taught to wait until marriage, not go ahead, have sex, take it back, and put the ring on your finger and try your promise again.....

 

[luvsJack]

Yes, me too! Yuck!!!!



If you asked those who penned the Constitution and Bill of Rights, it's probably not something they would have wanted, but the Christian Right has a very powerful lobby right now so that whole Bill of Rights thing is frequently ignored (well, except for the Second Amendment, which is as sacred as a daughter's "purity"). There are regions of this country that would gladly live under a theocracy.



Because by definition a promise is a contract. For a contract to be valid there must be "consideration paid or given". A promise does not, and cannot, exist in a vacuum. And in this case, the consideration paid or given for the promise IS virginity! The two are inextricably linked. If I'm wrong, then please complete this sentence in a way that disproves that linkage:

The promise to my God represented by this purity ring is:________________

(And remember, to be a valid promise, there must be "consideration paid," so "to keep my promise to my God" is not valid).

I don't know the best way to word it but the promise is to not have premarital sex. Its not just about virginity. The promise can be made after a person is no longer a virgin.

 

[luvmy3]

Here you go luvsJack, this pretty much explains what you are trying to say. What a Purity ring is traditionally and who wears it are two different things, but I get what you are saying.

http://www.purityringsonline.com/history-of-the-purity-ring

What is a Purity Ring?
It can be simple or it can be fancy. It can be cheap or it can be expensive. It does not matter. A purity ring is a ring that represents a promise, vow, commitment or goal to abstain from sex until marriage. Purity rings are typically worn on the left ring finger. It is significant, in the fact that it is the same finger on which a wedding ring is worn. It is to remind an individual their desire and goal to abstain from sex until marriage. Once marriage takes place, the purity ring is removed and replaced with a wedding ring.

Who Wears Purity Rings?
Anyone can wear purity rings and anyone can purchase purity rings. In many cases, parents buy purity rings for their adolescents. However, there are also many young adults who buy purity rings for themselves. It has become more and more popular over the years among both, adolescents and young adults who have never had sex.

Purity rings are also popular among secondary virgins, the abstinence movements name for people who have already had sex but have made a pledge to give it up until marriage.3

Anyone can wear purity rings regardless of whether they have previously had sex or not. Wearing of a purity ring, is promising ones self that they (at least from that point on) will abstain from sex before marriage.

 

[luvsJack]

Oh, then let me re-phrase, a promise to be a virgin, or a born again virgin until marriage, or whenever the mood srtrikes you to be one....again
Anyway you slice it, its about your sexuality and your promise, or your re-promise, or your re-re-promise to abstain from sex. So, you see I do understand and I don't agree with the concept of a purity ring, whether you are a pure as snow virgin or the town harlot or somewhere in between. Its not the choice that I don't support, its the wearing of a symbol of that choice is what I don't. Its the giving of that symbol as a gift to a child I find creepy too.

And FTR, in the context of this thread we are speaking about kids making the promise. Now I'm not going to assume that all kids that do are virgins, but I sure as heck hope that the 11 year olds in the church group, being they believe so strongly in the meaning of that purity ring are. I also assume that they are being taught to wait until marriage, not go ahead, have sex, take it back, and put the ring on your finger and try your promise again.....

Never mind! You posted before me and explained it perfectly. Thanks!!

 

[Crystal Brewer]

Knowing some will HAVE to debate tho I must again TRY to make this neutral as the op was wanting advice yet after some opinions on both sides posted they prob ran for the hills lol I will clarify I (myself) feel 11 is to young especially if this was a "visit" to this congregation she hasn't been fully educated on that congregations beliefs. My POINT "class rings" I will purchase my DS's next year as he will be a junior I push yes PUSH for him to graduate he'd rather farm lol I put "faith" he will continue through school after this ring is purchased tho he will be 18 beforehand so if he drops out will I "cast him to the shadows" demand he quit wearing the ring expect the public to "know" he didn't graduate?? I will continue to love him as will others we will just have to figure out what path in life he does choose and put faith in his accomplishment of it Wonder how many think "symbolizing rings" are gross will purchase their child one as its obvious what a "class ring" is the child I spoke of wearing a "promise" ring wears a simple ruby heart doesn't "say" anything

 

[Pea-n-Me]

The girl that gave her testimony at church that brought this whole thing up for our youth wasn't a virgin and she wears a ring.

I can't imagine this being shared with a congregation. TMI.

 

[luvmy3]

In the context of the OP, an 11 year old probably is a virgin and FOR THEM it would be about virginity. But in the context of the promise behind the ring, its not about virginity in and of itself. Its not "born again virgin" or re-promising or any of the other labels you want to put on it. Its about a promise that is made "from this moment on".

If it creeps you out -- don't wear it. Don't let your child wear it. That is your choice. But, not agreeing with it doesn't have to equal negativity toward something.

When I said something about it just being a pretty ring, I meant that if it is given to a girl or boy by a parent and the girl or boy has no real thought to it or put the prayer and promise behind it THEN it is just a pretty ring. Buying the ring doesn't mean anything.

I don't agree with it because I do feel negatively toward it
I'm sorry if people being creeped out about a parent giving that kind of a ring upsets you, but that is just how it is. While I would support my dd's choice to abstain until marriage, I would not support her wearing a symbol of that choice, and no way in heck would I be okay with my dh presenting her one as a gift.

And again, we are talking about purity rings, not pretty rings.

 

[Granny square]

I can't imagine this being shared with a congregation. TMI.

People share personal stuff all the time to make a point. It doesn't surprise me at all. I tend to listen to a lot of speakers though on many subjects.

 

[Buckalew11]

Maybe because nobody reported it? Maybe the mods are letting it go as long as it doesn't get too nasty? Maybe they are busy?

And I think it is still open because religion in itself is not the topic. It is about purity rings which could be wore by Christians or non-Christians. Plus, there is not arguing about religion/beliefs concerning religion--the topic is purity rings and virginity.

Other than that, it looks like a pissing match. 32/33 pages of it.

 

[EMHDad]

I can't imagine this being shared with a congregation. TMI.

I can't speak for other congregations, but with mine, sharing is a critical aspect of or communal faith. Obviously, there should be filters considering the audience and subject. However, giving testimony on one's life, one's sin, one struggles, joys, accomplishments, and faith is a big part about what the church is all about.

 

[luvsJack]

I don't agree with it because I do feel negatively toward it
I'm sorry if people being creeped out about a parent giving that kind of a ring upsets you, but that is just how it is. While I would support my dd's choice to abstain until marriage, I would not support her wearing a symbol of that choice, and no way in heck would I be okay with my dh presenting her one as a gift.

And again, we are talking about purity rings, not pretty rings.

Ok, I edited my response. Its not that it upsets me that you don't agree, its the creeped out and "ewwww" responses that are a bit offensive.

Not upset at all though.

And it is still not about the ring but the promise and without that promise it is just a ring. If you see a girl/boy wearing such a ring, you aren't going to know unless they tell you that there is any meaning behind it. Dad can present all the rings he wants to but unless the girl has the meaning behind the ring it is just a ring.

FTR, I wouldn't want dh to "present" dd with a ring either.

 

[luvsJack]

I can't imagine this being shared with a congregation. TMI.

It wasn't in front of the whole congregation. It was to her small youth group. I said that in the first post I mentioned her in. She wanted to share her testimony with the other people in her group.

If it was shared in front of the congregation though, it would be anything out of the ordinary. My bil shares his testimony of a former drug addict/now preacher all the time.

 

[ilovemk76]

It wasn't in front of the whole congregation. It was to her small youth group. I said that in the first post I mentioned her in. She wanted to share her testimony with the other people in her group.

If it was shared in front of the congregation though, it would be anything out of the ordinary. My bil shares his testimony of a former drug addict/now preacher all the time.

But it did not stay in that little group. Some ody told you, probably your DD. you told all of us and how many others who know this girl. I am sure somebody told somebody at school and. Ow everybody knows. She might as just ell just see onthe letter A to all of her clothes.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I can't speak for other congregations, but with mine, sharing is a critical aspect of or communal faith. Obviously, there should be filters considering the audience and subject. However, giving testimony on one's life, one's sin, one struggles, joys, accomplishments, and faith is a big part about what the church is all about.

Well this probably explains a lot. Not everyone's churches or congregations are like that.

It wasn't in front of the whole congregation. It was to her small youth group.

I didn't mean, necessarily, the whole congregation. I meant, even a part of it, like a youth group.

In my congregation, it's done differently, and I imagine, also true for many others here.

Of course, some have no congregation and simply feel it's TMI to share with anyone.

Yet another example of our differences on this board.

 

[luvsJack]

But it did not stay in that little group. Some ody told you, probably your DD. you told all of us and how many others who know this girl. I am sure somebody told somebody at school and. Ow everybody knows. She might as just ell just see onthe letter A to all of her clothes.

Since you don't know me and I don't know her, I don't think its going to get back to her.

DD told me because of the girl's testimony made her start thinking about all the things they had been talking about (which is a sort of the point of the testimony). And I don't even really know all of it. She didn't repeat it to anyone else, there was no reason as she doesn't go to school with the girl. The girl is older than dd and someone she could possibly look up to. Most of these kids don't gossip about each other. They are a very close group.

The girl gave her testimony because she hoped her story would help others. I highly doubt she was concerned with anyone "retelling" it.

 

[EMHDad]

Well this probably explains a lot. Not everyone's churches or congregations are like that.


I didn't mean, necessarily, the whole congregation. I meant, even a part of it, like a youth group.

In my congregation, it's done differently, and I imagine, also true for many others here.

Of course, some have no congregation and simply feel it's TMI to share with anyone.

Yet another example of our differences on this board.

Exactly, and that is find and its amazing to celebrate those differences.

Also, I am going on the assumption that restraint was used in the sharing. It is one thing to share one's faith and it is another thing completely to paint a picture that just doesnt need to be painted.


One of my favorite parts of my sex education (that I stole from when I was in youth group) is to have a few adult couples volunteer to give testimonies and answer questions for youth on the subject. These couples often come with a wide variety of experiences from waiting til marriage, having premarital sex, being divorced, mistakes they had made, the right choices they felt they made, and why they feel as they do on the subject.

Such an activity requires a great deal of maturity and wisdom on the parts of the adults. In such an environment it is critical to know what to say and what not to say while still being open and honest.

 

[luvsJack]

Well this probably explains a lot. Not everyone's churches or congregations are like that.


I didn't mean, necessarily, the whole congregation. I meant, even a part of it, like a youth group.

In my congregation, it's done differently, and I imagine, also true for many others here.

Of course, some have no congregation and simply feel it's TMI to share with anyone.

Yet another example of our differences on this board.

It probably was really hard for her to tell her story. But, she wanted to share it.

Every once in awhile we have people that do give their testimony in front of the church, some have given it on video to be shown at all 4 services. Its just a part of letting others know the difference their faith has made in their lives.

 

[luvsJack]

Exactly, and that is find and its amazing to celebrate those differences.

Also, I am going on the assumption that restraint was used in the sharing. It is one thing to share one's faith and it is another thing completely to paint a picture that just doesnt need to be painted.


One of my favorite parts of my sex education (that I stole from when I was in youth group) is to have a few adult couples volunteer to give testimonies and answer questions for youth on the subject. These couples often come with a wide variety of experiences from waiting til marriage, having premarital sex, being divorced, mistakes they had made, the right choices they felt they made, and why they feel as they do on the subject.

Such an activity requires a great deal of maturity and wisdom on the parts of the adults. In such an environment it is critical to know what to say and what not to say while still being open and honest.

I don't know for sure, because I didn't hear it, but what I got from dd was that she talked more about how she felt emotionally during that time and how she felt when she made the changes in her life.

No details were given of the actual act.

 

[Pigeon]

Since you don't know me and I don't know her, I don't think its going to get back to her.

DD told me because of the girl's testimony made her start thinking about all the things they had been talking about (which is a sort of the point of the testimony). And I don't even really know all of it. She didn't repeat it to anyone else, there was no reason as she doesn't go to school with the girl. The girl is older than dd and someone she could possibly look up to. Most of these kids don't gossip about each other. They are a very close group.

The girl gave her testimony because she hoped her story would help others. I highly doubt she was concerned with anyone "retelling" it.

In my experience, these little close-knit groups define the word gossip. I find this horrifying.