DD wants a purity ring

[Granny square]

I found this thread and have found the discussions rather interesting. I grew up in a church environment where we didn't all wear purity rings (mostly just the family's with money had them for their kids) but many of us took purity pledges in either our summer camps or D-Now bible study. I'm not going to lie I took the pledge because I meant it but at the same time I was being abused by my father. When I wanted to tell someone what was happening to me I felt ashamed because I was unable to keep my pledge. I know it wasn't my fault but I lived in torment for many years because I wouldn't talk about it since I was afraid of what people would say about me. I have met a few other girls who have also said talking about sex became harder once they took the pledge because they didn't want to be the first one who broke it or be labeled a skank by their friends.

I'm not saying the pledges are wrong, I'm just saying I dot think the discussion should stop there. Having an open dialogue free of judgement is more helpful to one keeping their promise or not keeping it then the promise itself.

I am so sorry you went through that abuse. I also believe that dialogue with your kids is the most vital concept in parenting.

As I said earlier a parent cannot choose to abdicate their responsibilities to deal with the messy stuff and call themselves a responsible parent.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Is there anything people won't find offense with? It's a silver ring with a rosebud on it. I think it's pretty and I would have loved to wear a ring like that "just because" when I was young. Okay, so they call it "the unblossomed rose". Who cares? That's what the jeweler named it. Truthfully, if you didn't know the name of it, would the design of the ring creep anyone one? Would you automatically think it was a purity ring? I highly doubt it.

 

[chobie]

What happens to the kids who have enough courage to call bs on this and refuse? Considering how nasty teenage girls get to each other I bet it gets nasty for these who said no! Don't give purity ring using peer pressure to push your religious beliefs is as wrong as girls using peer pressure to push sex. Also this is again pushing the idea that if you never marry you must never have sex! Why are people so scared of their kids sexuality that they feel the need to deny it?

I think they left out any mention of religion, although obviously waiting until marriage is a religious concept, especially considering that in my state gay people cannot marry. I believe it was a federally funded abstinence program of some kind. Aside from the misinformation about sex, I didn't have a problem with my kid getting a different viewpoint from my own. They also had a regular sex education program. I was irritated by the pledge, though, her body belongs to her, some outside entity should not be trying to control it through misinformation and peer pressure.

She said most of the kids thought it was a stupid program, but they enjoyed skipping regular class for it.

 

[luvmy3]

Is there anything people won't find offense with? It's a silver ring with a rosebud on it. I think it's pretty and I would have loved to wear a ring like that "just because" when I was young. Okay, so they call it "the unblossomed rose". Who cares? That's what the jeweler named it. Truthfully, if you didn't know the name of it, would the design of the ring creep anyone one? Would you automatically think it was a purity ring? I highly doubt it.

Its not the ring, its what the ring represents. If my dd just liked the look of a cute flower, I'd buy it for her. If she wanted it because she wanted it to represent (even just to her alone) her promise of not being de-flowered before marriage, nope not going to wear it.
I don't care what other girls wear or why, I'm speaking about my own dd and how I wouldn't let her wear any jewelry that represents her sexual status.

 

[Granny square]

Its not the ring, its what the ring represents. If my dd just liked the look of a cute flower, I'd buy it for her. If she wanted it because she wanted it to represent (even just to her alone) her promise of not being de-flowered before marriage, nope not going to wear it.
I don't care what other girls wear or why, I'm speaking about my own dd and how I wouldn't let her wear any jewelry that represents her sexual status.

I would suspect that it is a bit of both at 11. A pretty piece of jewelry and a concept that makes a certain amt of sense at that age. Boys are not the attraction so much at that point as the thought of what goes with them. They see proms, weddings, baby showers and the general sequencing. When you are old you generally understand that life oftentimes has far more curves and that few actually follow the straight road that they envision. Imo

 

[luvsJack]

Its not the ring, its what the ring represents. If my dd just liked the look of a cute flower, I'd buy it for her. If she wanted it because she wanted it to represent (even just to her alone) her promise of not being de-flowered before marriage, nope not going to wear it.
I don't care what other girls wear or why, I'm speaking about my own dd and how I wouldn't let her wear any jewelry that represents her sexual status.

See that was my point. Any ring could be posted and called a purity ring and some would say its creepy. First it was said that it was about the words on the ring but now that a ring is shown without words its the name of the ring.

What you all are refusing to understand is that the ring does not represent virginity. It represents a very personal promise. Or it could just be a very pretty ring. it all depends on what is in the heart of the person wearing it.

 

[luvmy3]

See that was my point. Any ring could be posted and called a purity ring and some would say its creepy. First it was said that it was about the words on the ring but now that a ring is shown without words its the name of the ring.

What you all are refusing to understand is that the ring does not represent virginity. It represents a very personal promise. Or it could just be a very pretty ring. it all depends on what is in the heart of the person wearing it.

A personal promise to remain a virgin until marriage, and we aren't talking about people just wearing a pretty ring that has no meaning other than its fashion statement, we are talking about people wearing purity rings. Yes, some people wear them to remind, ro symbolize their belief and some wear them to show "the world" their beliefs.
For me, I don't agree with the whole purity ring concept at all. I don't believe people should make public proclamations about their sex life. I also don't believe that one who makes a private personal choice to remain a virgin until marriage needs to wear a ring to represent that. Obviously YMMV, and that is fine but please don't mistake a different view with a refusal to understand just what a purity ring stands for. I understand quite well.

 

[Momvic5]

Yep, in many cases, it is very much 'public'.



We are definitely talking about a 'Purity Ring' here...
Something that is being openly and publicly promoted in churches and religious communities.


Seriously... Cult religions, and 'The Scarlet Letter', gang symbols/colors, come to mind.

.

What does this 'Purity Ring' look like? I want to know this statement when I see it in public. Seriously, I didn't know there was a "Purity Ring" for public statement. I have not seen these 'Purity Rings' at all. My understanding was that a purity ring was a physical reminder for the individual - not a public statement. I could be wrong as I have no true experience with them.

I was confused too. I really don't think she was being facetious, I think she was given proof of something she claimed didn't exist and tried to back-track her "point".

.

I asked the question because I wanted to see this "Purity Ring" that is very public and openly being promoted in churches. I was being a little facetious. I am sorry. My point was.... there is not "a" ring or symbol that we all recognize. I stated earlier that my dd wore a tiny silver ring with a heart on it when she was like 8 years old. It was not a purity ring for my dd, but that same ring is now being advertised as an option for a purity ring - why - because it is a simple, dainty, silver ring. The public message of purity rings is going to be hard to receive as most are so simple and individual that most of us are not going to know a purity ring when we see one - that was my point.

 

[ilovemk76]

See that was my point. Any ring could be posted and called a purity ring and some would say its creepy. First it was said that it was about the words on the ring but now that a ring is shown without words its the name of the ring.

What you all are refusing to understand is that the ring does not represent virginity. It represents a very personal promise. Or it could just be a very pretty ring. it all depends on what is in the heart of the person wearing it.

It is not just a pretty ring worn by a girl on her pinky finger. It is a creepy, Dh was appalled that a parent would buy thier daughter a ring with that name, worn ONLY on the marriage ring finger and t is to be removed at the wedding ceremony by the new DH.

 

[ilovemk76]

Forgive me if I misunderstand, but is this ring worn on the left hand ring finger traditionally reserved for wedding, engagement, going-steady rings?

If so, I would find it noticeable if an 11 yr. old of my acquaintance were wearing it; and either explanation (going steady or the "promise" issue) would ping my radar as grandstanding.

I'm nostalgic for the days of my youth (late 60's-70's) when one's sex life was relatively private and not to be proclaimed or promised to anyone. I think you have to at least have a driver's license & access to your parent's car before you make choices about your virginity, but I'm old-fashioned like that.

Yes it is worn on the marriage ring finger. That is the dead give away that it is a purity ring. Make that ring a flower and we all know what that means. Maybe a cherry should be on the ring. Once she has sex she can draw the symbol of a zero with a slash so we all know she broke her promise.

 

[luvmy3]

I asked the question because I wanted to see this "Purity Ring" that is very public and openly being promoted in churches. I was being a little facetious. I am sorry. My point was.... there is not "a" ring or symbol that we all recognize. I stated earlier that my dd wore a tiny silver ring with a heart on it when she was like 8 years old. It was not a purity ring for my dd, but that same ring is now being advertised as an option for a purity ring - why - because it is a simple, dainty, silver ring. The public message of purity rings is going to be hard to receive as most are so simple and individual that most of us are not going to know a purity ring when we see one - that was my point.

Okay, that explains your posts a little more. However your posts do seem to gloss over that there are in fact purity rings with a "public" message.
We all get that there are many rings that don't outwardly display the belief and to a person just looking at it on someone's hand they wouldn't know what it stood for. Still, there are those that do and someone looking at it would know exactly what it represents.
ETA, I cant speak for anyone else, but for me the entire concept of a purity ring isn't something I "support".It doesn't matter what the ring looks like, or whether or not the person is wearing it for personal reasons or to be part of the campaign to promote abstinence.

 

[SplashMtnCrew]

Still this thread is open? Lot of religious posts here, which is against the DIS guidelines. Interested as to why this allowed.

 

[Momvic5]

Yes it is worn on the marriage ring finger. That is the dead give away that it is a purity ring. Make that ring a flower and we all know what that means. Maybe a cherry should be on the ring. Once she has sex she can draw the symbol of a zero with a slash so we all know she broke her promise.

I don't know about you, but I did not reserve my marriage ring finger to only engagement/wedding rings when I was a child/teen. My dd13 wears rings on her "marriage ring finger" all of the time. They range from little silver rings to big bold costume jewelry. - So now when she wears her silver rose ring on her left ring finger, you are going to assume it is a purity ring? Why?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Still this thread is open? Lot of religious posts here, which is against the DIS guidelines. Interested as to why this allowed.

Maybe because nobody reported it? Maybe the mods are letting it go as long as it doesn't get too nasty? Maybe they are busy?

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

Count me in as seriously skeeved out by the "unblossomed rose". I asked my husband and he was skeeved, as well (and he grew up in the Catholic church!).

Comparing your virginity to that of an unblossomed rose just reeks of some kind of trippy throwback sexual education that teaches girls not to give away their "flower" and relates sex to some kind of "secret garden". Ick. Ick to the nth degree.

Yes, me too! Yuck!!!!

Is that legal in he US? Isn't there a separation of state and church?

If you asked those who penned the Constitution and Bill of Rights, it's probably not something they would have wanted, but the Christian Right has a very powerful lobby right now so that whole Bill of Rights thing is frequently ignored (well, except for the Second Amendment, which is as sacred as a daughter's "purity"). There are regions of this country that would gladly live under a theocracy.

What you all are refusing to understand is that the ring does not represent virginity. It represents a very personal promise. Or it could just be a very pretty ring. it all depends on what is in the heart of the person wearing it.

Because by definition a promise is a contract. For a contract to be valid there must be "consideration paid or given". A promise does not, and cannot, exist in a vacuum. And in this case, the consideration paid or given for the promise IS virginity! The two are inextricably linked. If I'm wrong, then please complete this sentence in a way that disproves that linkage:

The promise to my God represented by this purity ring is:________________

(And remember, to be a valid promise, there must be "consideration paid," so "to keep my promise to my God" is not valid).

 

[ford family]

Maybe because nobody reported it? Maybe the mods are letting it go as long as it doesn't get too nasty? Maybe they are busy?

MTE.
Maybe you should have used that great line from Circle of Life,
"You have to be the teacher's pig, eh, Pumba?"

ford family

 

[indans123]

My DD has just turned 16 and we are looking to get her a purity ring for her 16th birthday present, This is in our opinion the best time to look into purity rings as they are not legally allowed intercourse, and 16th birthdays are significant as they are finally an 'young adult' This is just our opinion though

 

[Momvic5]

Okay, that explains your posts a little more. However your posts do seem to gloss over that there are in fact purity rings with a "public" message.
We all get that there are many rings that don't outwardly display the belief and to a person just looking at it on someone's hand they wouldn't know what it stood for. Still, there are those that do and someone looking at it would know exactly what it represents.
ETA, I cant speak for anyone else, but for me the entire concept of a purity ring isn't something I "support".It doesn't matter what the ring looks like, or whether or not the person is wearing it for personal reasons or to be part of the campaign to promote abstinence.

I understand. I am actually very neutral on purity rings. If my dd13 or my ds16 came to me and said they wanted a purity ring, I would not rush out and buy one, but I can not say that I would not support their decision either. I guess it would depend on their age, their knowledge, their commitment, and how strongly they felt about it. For me, I do not see the ring being worn for years and years until marriage - at some point, the ring will probably come off due to any number of reasons - fit, maturity, taste in jewelry, or even a change of heart.

Two years ago, my ds who was 14 at the time said he wanted to support breast cancer by wearing a "I love ****s" bracelet. My mom died with breast cancer so I am sensitive to some things concerning it. Anyways, I said I would agree to buy him one if his support went beyond just a bracelet. He had to participate in a walk or help those fighting the disease by more than just wearing a "I love ****s" bracelet. He quickly decided he didn't want one. I kind of view the purity ring in the same way....I would have to know the depth of my teen's commitment before I would even consider a purity ring.

 

[ilovemk76]

I don't know about you, but I did not reserve my marriage ring finger to only engagement/wedding rings when I was a child/teen. My dd13 wears rings on her "marriage ring finger" all of the time. They range from little silver rings to big bold costume jewelry. - So now when she wears her silver rose ring on her left ring finger, you are going to assume it is a purity ring? Why?

If you were only wearing one ring and we were not married we never put it on our ring finger.

This ring is only worn on the ring finger and will not be a different ring from day to day.

 

[luvsJack]

A personal promise to remain a virgin until marriage, and we aren't talking about people just wearing a pretty ring that has no meaning other than its fashion statement, we are talking about people wearing purity rings. Yes, some people wear them to remind, ro symbolize their belief and some wear them to show "the world" their beliefs.
For me, I don't agree with the whole purity ring concept at all. I don't believe people should make public proclamations about their sex life. I also don't believe that one who makes a private personal choice to remain a virgin until marriage needs to wear a ring to represent that. Obviously YMMV, and that is fine but please don't mistake a different view with a refusal to understand just what a purity ring stands for. I understand quite well.

No, its not just about remaining a virgin. Its already been said in this thread, if a teen is not a virgin that doesn't mean they cannot make the same promise. The girl that gave her testimony at church that brought this whole thing up for our youth wasn't a virgin and she wears a ring. Or a single adult that is widowed or divorced can make the promise. Its about sex without marriage to put it in simplistic terms.

You don't have to agree with me. But disagreeing without understanding doesn't make sense to me.

No one HAS to wear a ring. I have already said that dd doesn't and may not ever. She likes the one I posted the link to but doesn't want to buy something that she may not wear (not much for wearing rings).