DD wants a purity ring

[Colleen27]

Do the girl's brothers wear the rings?

As I said upthread, I've yet to see a young man wearing a purity ring. Even the brothers of the girls who wear them don't, and the impression I get is still of a double standard. Abstinence is promoted to both genders, but with more of a wink and a grin at the boys while the girls get hellfire and brimstone.

Why are you so sure they are being "pushed"?

Because they are. The OP's post came because her DD went to a youth group event promoting the ring, and parents weren't even warned in advance. I see that a lot around here too. In fact, teens that belong to churches that promote purity rings and vows are encouraged to bring friends to those events to "spread the word".

 

[okeydokey]

I do have a problem with churches pushing this decision on kids too young to really get what sex and abstinence is all about. The OP's daughter did not come up with this on her own, she was recruited by the church to take part.

 

[Granny square]

Eh, I know a lot of people in the churches that encourage abstinence and the boys are often given rings at 13ish with the same intent. I don't know how youth gatherings Colleen goes to but I've never seen or heard teens encouraged to recruit, etc. seems like broad brush generalizations to me.

 

[EMHDad]

[/B]

Actually it only shows what their "faith" tells them what sex is supposed to be. Judging by the statement above I'm pretty sure they don't fully understand what it means between 2 people who love eachother that aren't married.

Of course. You can't separate a Christian's understanding of sex with their understanding of their faith. This is the whole point. Their faith directly (as one of the Christian faith should hope) influences how they understand sex and the role of sex in their life. And again, the hope is to not engage in sex with another person before marriage, rather love has been pronounced or not.

 

[okeydokey]

Eh, I know a lot of people in the churches that encourage abstinence and the boys are often given rings at 13ish with the same intent. I don't know how youth gatherings Colleen goes to but I've never seen or heard teens encouraged to recruit, etc. seems like broad brush generalizations to me.

I live in the South. Many people are very pushy about religion here.

 

[EMHDad]

As I said upthread, I've yet to see a young man wearing a purity ring. Even the brothers of the girls who wear them don't, and the impression I get is still of a double standard. Abstinence is promoted to both genders, but with more of a wink and a grin at the boys while the girls get hellfire and brimstone.



Because they are. The OP's post came because her DD went to a youth group event promoting the ring, and parents weren't even warned in advance. I see that a lot around here too. In fact, teens that belong to churches that promote purity rings and vows are encouraged to bring friends to those events to "spread the word".

That is a failure of the youth pastor/minister/church to address this issue appropriately. A church should never engage in discussion of sex without first making sure the parents know. Parents should be active in this process. In fact, we have discussions among and with the parents on the same issues as with the kids.

 

[ilovemk76]

Like I said, its not something you will understand because its not something you want to understand.


No one has to wear the ring. Just like no one had to wear the WWJD bracelets. Its a personal choice. The ring is of little importance--its the commitment behind that ring that is important. Is it really that hard to grasp?

Divorced parents are giving their daughters commitment rings. Ironic , isn't it!!

Colleen, I knew the answer. I just knew the ones pushing the rings on the girls would not admit the doubt standard.

 

[mhsjax]

Actually, one's faith and one's marriage are pretty big deals to most people and that is why they symbolize it and want the world to know those things about themselves.

People symbolizing marriage with a ring is how many centuries old? People spend a lot of money on the wedding rings, it's not a little thing.

It's not like someone who wears a Star of David can just take it off because they don't feel like being Jewish that day. Or if they take their wedding ring off and sleep with another person that would not be considered a huge deal (at least to the person they are cheating on).

Well maybe to some it is important to symbolize that they are waiting, I don't know and frankly I don't care and I don't understand why you would. These symbols had to start sometime, I am sure the first wedding ring was thought of as silly. Think of it as an engagement ring. It isn't final, but it is a statement that they are "intending" to marry. Actually, we don't have to think about it at all, if you don't like it, no big deal. If a person wants to wear one, then so be it. NO skin off my back. Don't know why it concerns you.

 

[ilovemk76]

I can't speak for someone of the Jewish faith but I am going to assume they do not wear the Star of David to remind them. They wear it to symbolize their faith.

The wedding ring SYMBOLIZES a commitment to the spouse. You make a promise before God to be true to that person in sickness, health and so on and so forth. So, it is in fact a symbol. Just like the purity ring.

The cross dd wears isn't the actual cross that Jesus died on. But it symbolizes His love for her to her and it symbolizes her faith. And I am sure there have been times when that cross reminded her not to do something she should. Again, same thing.

You have the wedding rings all wrong. My ring is a symbol of DH' vow to me. It is not on my finger to remind me of my commitment but his. Same for him. When I held his ring I put it on his finger as a sign of my commitment to him.

Since you do not have a ring you did not so that part of the ceremony and thus do not understand the great difference between a wedding ring and a i am pure ring.

 

[chobie]

Well maybe to some it is important to symbolize that they are waiting, I don't know and frankly I don't care and I don't understand why you would. These symbols had to start sometime, I am sure the first wedding ring was thought of as silly. Think of it as an engagement ring. It isn't final, but it is a statement that they are "intending" to marry. Actually, we don't have to think about it at all, if you don't like it, no big deal. If a person wants to wear one, then so be it. NO skin off my back. Don't know why it concerns you.

Umm, this is a discussion board. To, you know, discuss things. Why does it concern you that it concerns me? If its no skin off your back then why did you feel the need to comment?

If you didn't care you wouldn't be reading and commenting on this thread.

 

[mhsjax]

Umm, this is a discussion board. To, you know, discuss things. Why does it concern you that it concerns me? If its no skin off your back then why did you feel the need to comment?

If you didn't care you wouldn't be reading and commenting on this thread.

I was really just curious. I don't see discussing here, I see people really getting hot about a stupid ring. I made my point and said that I didn't care, but others seem to be arguing to WIN the argument.

 

[chobie]

I was really just curious. I don't see discussing here, I see people really getting hot about a stupid ring. I made my point and said that I didn't care, but others seem to be arguing to WIN the argument.

You obviously care or you wouldn't still be here.

 

[mhsjax]

You obviously care or you wouldn't still be here.

I am so glad you can tell me what I am thinking about a purity ring, I really am, I thought I didn't care, guess I was wrong. Thanks again.

 

[chobie]

I am so glad you can tell me what I am thinking about a purity ring, I really am, I thought I didn't care, guess I was wrong. Thanks again.

I know you care enough to read and comment and try to tell me I shouldn't care. If you didn't care about the subject then you would not care that I cared about the subject.

 

[NotUrsula]

[snip]
A teen is bombarded with pressure to have sex. Its all around them all the time. The churches teach them how to try and not fall to the temptation. They make a promise to God and then wear a ring to symbolize that promise.
[snip]

Aside from the whole idea of having a father ceremonially present such a ring to a daughter (which IMO, *is* a bit creepy), the part above is what troubles me about these rings and the public promise that they represent. Sometimes that public promise can contribute to a level of willful ignorance in regard to the risks that come along with being sexually active.

There is a Washington Post article about this from a few years ago, citing research that shows that while teens who make public abstinence pledges are not statistically less likely to engage in premarital sex than same-age peers who do not take such pledges, they ARE statistically more likely to end up getting pregnant or contracting a sexually-transmitted disease than those same-age peers. The theory is that because of that pledge they are likely to shy away from learning much about pregnancy prevention and STD transmission, and thus fall victim to the downsides of "it just happened" more often than kids who approach premarital sex as as a given, and who prepare themselves for the risks they will take when they decide to engage in it.

I guess that a purity pledge isn't the issue so much as that there is a danger in being complacent about learning important medical facts because "I won't ever do that stuff."
I'd say that it is really important for parents whose kids take these pledges to really double-up on providing reliable sex ed resources and making sure to talk frankly about the biological reality of being prepared for the possibilility of what might happen should their hormones manage to overwhelm their good intentions.

www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/conte.../2008/12/28/AR2008122801588.html?hpid=topnews

For myself, while it might disappoint me to discover that my child was sexually active before gaining the maturity to handle it well, it wouldn't make me feel truly sad. Learning that my child had contracted an incurable STD surely would, however. DS' Catholic school really pushes the idea of abstinence (though AFAIK they don't support public pledges of "purity"); however, DH and I chose to place a generous stash of condoms in the bathroom cabinet just in case abstinence doesn't work out.

 

[mhsjax]

I know you care enough to read and comment and try to tell me I shouldn't care. If you didn't care about the subject then you would not care that I cared about the subject.

I was just posting my opinion, you do seem to be overly agitated by this topic.Or maybe you are just overly agitated in general. What I don't care about is if a girl wears one or not. Well I did something I said I would never do, I see by your previous posts that you are probably most likely against anything conservative, that is the whole issue here. You have a chip on your shoulder and nothing anyone says will fix it.

 

[kaligal]

I have an issue with young girls making public statements about their sexuality. I believe those things should remain private.

And eleven year olds are very different people than they will be ten years later. Many an eleven year old has decided to be a nun and then had sex in her sophomore year of high school.

Eleven yo kids aren't well known for keeping their commitments.

 

[Momvic5]

As I said upthread, I've yet to see a young man wearing a purity ring. Even the brothers of the girls who wear them don't, and the impression I get is still of a double standard. Abstinence is promoted to both genders, but with more of a wink and a grin at the boys while the girls get hellfire and brimstone.



Because they are. The OP's post came because her DD went to a youth group event promoting the ring, and parents weren't even warned in advance. I see that a lot around here too. In fact, teens that belong to churches that promote purity rings and vows are encouraged to bring friends to those events to "spread the word".

I think girls are more likely to wear purity rings because girls in general enjoy jewelry. Companies like James Avery and Pandora cater to girls and women who enjoy jewelry with a statement/story.

I have two teenagers and one pre-teen. They do not wear purity rings. I don't even know of a teenager that wears a purity ring; however, I know many teens who wear rings (mostly girls), and I have no clue if they are purity rings or not. My point being, most purity rings go unnoticed by the general public. They are only known and have meaning to the ones wearing them. They do not scream a message in your face like the "I love ****s" or "I love balls" bracelets that many kids wore as a statement.

 

[chobie]

I was just posting my opinion, you do seem to be overly agitated by this topic.Or maybe you are just overly agitated in general. What I don't care about is if a girl wears one or not. Well I did something I said I would never do, I see by your previous posts that you are probably most likely against anything conservative, that is the whole issue here. You have a chip on your shoulder and nothing anyone says will fix it.

No need to make this a personal issue. If you don't like my comments, don't read them.

You're the one with the chip on shoulder about me. I'm not the one making this personal.

I'm just posting my opinion too, you're the one who seems agitated that I dare to have an opinion

Seems like you're trying awfully hard to shame me from commenting on this subject. Making accusations etc.

 

[mhsjax]

No need to make this a personal issue. If you don't like my comments, don't read them.

You're the one with the chip on shoulder about me. I'm not the one making this personal.

I'm just posting my opinion too, you're the one who seems agitated that I dare to have an opinion

Seems like you're trying awfully hard to shame me from commenting on this subject. Making accusations etc.

No, I just asked why it mattered to you so much, you made this personal when you got nasty with me. YOu made tons of comments before I ever made one, you had already been into a fairly heated discussion with another poster, I simply questioned why it mattered so much to you. Others had an opinion that they didn't like them, but not with the same attitude that you have.

If you don't like them fine, if you do like them fine, but you are hell bent on arguing with a poster that does seem to like them and what they stand for, but you can't accept that.