(IMO) it is not wrong to wait. But I also feel that, that is a personal choice. I do not feel one should be publicly announcing their sex life.
If you make a public display that you are waiting for marriage and then "change your mind" it will be open to comment.
I can only speak for my person experience, but I never had some giant public announcement about my decision. If people found out about my decision, it was most often because they were already butting into my personal life in the first place. For example, many would ask me why I was wearing a ring on my wedding ring finger when I was even married. I would tell them that it was just a personal choice and, while many dropped it there, others kept prodding until I explained the significance of the ring. Other people would ask me how some guy I had gone out with was in bed. I would tell them that we hadn't slept together and sometimes people wouldn't drop it. They would ask me when we were going to sleep together and when I told them that I didn't see that happening, they would want to know why. So on and so forth and finally, I would tell them about my decision to wait. I never felt that my sex life was anyone's business and I really didn't care to hear about their's - though I got to all the time on the cheerleading bus or in the athletics locker room.
I understand about making a public decision and then it being open for comment, but most girls I know make the decision to have sex and then get angry when people talk about it. It seems to me that if we all just stopped talking about who all Susie has had sex with or how Jenny said she was going to wait but we all heard she slept with Johnny after the homecoming game, things would be better.
Briefly, I think there's a big difference between "waiting" and "waiting for marriage". Most people here I think have said they prefer their kids
wait. I think the biggest disagreement seems to be about wearing a ring pledging to wait for marriage - particularly an 11 year old which was what this thread was originally about. (I have no idea if the OP has left the building, or what!
) I also think that some have ignored statistics that have been repeatedly posted that show that wearing a purity ring may actually be harmful if the wearer is uneducated and unprepared for an unplanned sexual encounter. Few proponents have addressed the issue of what happens when and if wearers change their minds. Sure some have said, well, it's no big deal. But is it? DD and I talked about this today and I asked her how she'd feel if she took this type of pledge, but then broke it, and she said she'd feel horrible. I think it's wrong to assume that people aren't teaching their kids about a variety of sex education topics, including abstinence along with safety and readiness, etc.
I agree that there is a difference between waiting and waiting for marriage. I understand your concerns about not being prepared for your first sexual encounter. However, I don't see the ring as being what creates this. If a person plans to wait, ring or no ring, and then suddenly changes their mind in the heat of the moment, it isn't going to be the ring's fault that he or she is not prepared. It is up to the parents to make sure that their child knows about STDs and how to prevent them. It's important that all teens (and I would actually advocate for younger than teens) know how to use a condom and other forms of contraceptive. I believe in teaching both boys and girls how birth control works and what it does and does not prevent. I think it is important that they also each know how effective each contraceptive is. Then and only then can the guy and girl make a truly informed decision on what method(s) to take in order to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancies. I think that deciding not to teach your child this because you believe that they will be waiting for marriage is a dumb idea. Is there a reason that newlyweds wouldn't want to prevent a pregnancy early on? Knowledge is power and getting your child informed is a very wise decision. However, I do not think that parents decide that their child doesn't need to know just because they wear a purity ring. It is my belief that these parents wouldn't teach their child this valuable information with or without the ring.
What happens when and if wearers change their minds?
They have sex. Or not--maybe they'll change their minds and just not want to wear it anymore, still keeping their stance on trying to wait. If they have sex, they either take off the ring and move on or keep the ring on so mom and dad and others will not suspect anything has happened. Maybe they go to confession or tell their youth leader or parent or BFF. Maybe they simply confess it to God. Maybe they take another vow of being a born again virgin or whatever that is called. Maybe they have lots of sex. Maybe they enter a convent. Who knows?
No one knows. It is my opinion that no one should care, either. The ring is for the wearer. It means what it means to the wearer. If they "mess up" and have sex but choose to keep wearing it, that is their business. If they are still a virgin and decide to take it off, that is their business. People are going to talk no matter what, just like they talk about girls who never wore a ring and never planned to wait. As humans, it seems we like to gossip and sex is one of our favorite topics.
Personally, I agree with the "creepy" quotient in purity rings. My father would have been...I don't even know the word, but he wouldn't have been there voluntarily and neither would I. If one is fairly young, like the OP's daughter, I think it's more about the jewelry and an existential symbolism they don't understand.
When they are 16-17 I feel it's, at best, a hope. At worst, a cover-up.
I don't want my daughter to make it into a ceremony! I'd like her to tell me when she is close to engaging in sex so that we can get her protected and reinforce the protection that condoms offer...or whatever has been invented since my era.
Well, again, I can just speak for me, but there was not "creepy" ceremony. My church did say that they were going to buy some in bulk so we could get a discount if we wanted. They also made it very clear that it was a personal decision and they understood if people didn't want to wear the ring for their own personal reasons. No ceremony where we married God. No ceremony involving our fathers at all. Just one Sunday, if you ordered a ring, you went and got it at a certain corner of the youth building.
I agree- seems very one sided for it to be so important that ONE partner is a vigin but the other is free to do what they want.
