DD & new BF Vent

[C.Ann]

As I said, the first thing in to my head...

I did not say this out loud, I would never say anything like that to my DD.

I normally do not express views like this. My DD has had friends that were very poor for want of a better word. She had one little girl come to her birthday party and gave her a doll. Obviously this doll was hand made and must have been her's orginially. But she wanted to give it to my DD as a birthday present. DD thought it was very generous of the girl to give it to her. A couple of the other girls at the party made a snide comment about it, but my DD thanked the little girl and treated her as if she had given her a fancy store bought doll. She had the doll for a couple years, she didn't want to get rid of it because she knew what that doll represented.

This is the way my DD is. It was the way she was raised. I have friends from all walks of life and have never treated one better than others because it was the way I was raised.

My mother always said that class isn't about money, it is about how you present yourself. My ex husband always thought that we had money because of the way my family presented themselves. We weren't rich, we were comfortable (as my mom would say).

That doesn't make sense to me.. If it was the "first thing in your head", it doesn't fit with the rest of your explanation as to how you view other people..

It seems that you think this BF is not "good enough" for your DD - whether you are saying it out loud or not - and your DH has refused to even meet him.. You honestly think your DD does not pick up on these feelings - just because they aren't said out loud? She's an adult - 20-some-odd years old - and believe me, she can read you like a book..

Bottom line is it's not your choice to make - nor your DH's.. We can all "want" certain things for our children, but it doesn't mean we're going to get them.. Part of being a parent is allowing your children - and especially adult children - learn from their own mistakes.. And who knows if this is actually a mistake?

If your DD's thoughts and feelings jive with the way that you and your DH have raised her, she'll make the choice that is best for all.. If her thoughts and feelings differ in any way, she will make the choice that is best for her.. Either way, it's her choice..