DD is reading a pretty unflattering account of sororities

[auntpolly]

It's a book called "Pledged". Anyone else read it? Neither DD or I did sororities, but DD is in college now and says that the author is right on with her criticisms. One of her roommates is in one, and the stories DD told me (about the roommate) were - startling - to say the least.

Anybody know of this book and think it's unfair?

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

I read it a few weeks ago and then my mom read it. I joined a sorority this past spring and move into the house next weekend and I cannot wait.
It was an unflattering account of sororities but it was easy for me to read knowing that those descriptions were nothing like my sorority and I know that for a fact.

My school was even mentioned as we have the largest percent of greeks on campus for any college in the country.

 

[auntpolly]

Here are 2 of the things DD said about her roommate -

the roommate would come home not feeling well because they'd made her eat or drink something and wasn't allowed to tell what it was. Once she threw up all night.

The roommate was required to carry condoms and cigarettes around at all times in case her sisters required them (and they did, alot).

DOAC - Ever hear of that at your school? And what in the book was unfair in your opinion?

 

[auntpolly]

So nobody has any experience with this or nobody wants to talk about it? Am I asking questions that are taboo for a "secret society"?

 

[JayBee]

I'm guessing that does happen.

My son is in a fraternity at a "party school" and two of the Frat houses were closed down due to drinking violations.One thing he would never do, though, is actually live in that Frat house-he knows his grades would suffer and he'd never sleep.

 

[suzannen]

Polly,
I was in one years ago and it wasn't like that at all. My oldest DD graduated 2 years ago and was in the same sorority and her experience was the same as mine. Doing the things you mentioned were forbidden and still are. (When I was a member, we were even told it was against regulations to smoke cigarettes standing up in public because it was so unlady-like!) If the national sorority that your DDs roommate belonged to knew of that behavior, it would actually be grounds to close the sorority. They do not take this behavior lightly at all!

What the sorority did stress was good academic records and a lot of community service. There were, of course, parties and socializing, but that was only a part of it.

Does that help?

 

[auntpolly]

Originally posted by suzannen
Doing the things you mentioned were forbidden and still are.

I'm glad to hear they are forbidden in your daughter's sorority -- but they are encouraged at the ones at DDs school (by the other girls, not the governing body of the sororities.)

 

[tkd lisa]

I was in a sorority, and hazing was completely forbidden. Our greek association on campus actually forbid it for all greek organizations. Do I believe it happens sometimes? Yes. Do I think it's widespread? I don't really know. Did it happen on our campus? In a few isolated occasions, there was some peer pressure in other houses. In our house, the only thing that was required was some minimal knowledge of the origin of our sorority (easiest test I ever took), attending a meeting weekly, and interviewing all members of the house during the pledge period. This gave you a chance to determine if you wanted to be a part of this group (you made your questions up, but the idea was to understand what was important to the people in the group). Initiation was a ceremony, not a horrible ritual.

I'll have to check out the book to see specifics.

 

[Auggietina]

I pledged a sorority - but it was 15 years ago!!

I had nothing but a positive experience. We didn't have any sort of hazing. Yes some teasing and embarrasement, but nothing we didn't laugh about while we were doing it. I made some of the best friends anyone could ask for.

Another sorority on campus got caught 'branding' their pledges. They were burning the greek letters into their pledges. Yes, and the girls were letting them do it.

So it was watched very closely at our school after that incident, but like I said that was 15 years ago.

 

[chrissyk]

I don't know about sororities, but I watched the guys at my school pledge to a frat and then get hazed like crazy Some of the stuff that they did to the "pledges" was horrid. One frat kept the pledges awake for one full week. The pledges seemed delusional during that week. Also, my friend dropped out during pledge week. He said that he didn't like their credo that the frat was #1, then school was #2, and then family was way down the list after that. After seeing what went on with the frats at my college, I would hope that I could persuade my own kids not to pledge. It will be their choice ultimately, but I would really hope that they wouldn't go the frat/sorority route.

 

[Octoberbride03]

I just noticed the book earlier this week, but haven't read it. The group I was in in college was officially a "Christian Sisterhood" with none of the hazing stuff going on. But it really was its own brand of sorority. As for the other sororities on campus, there was a huge grapevine about the underground pledge activities that went on every semester, and i imagine that at least part of the grapevine was true. If i were to pick up the book i wouldn't be at all surprised to find Bloomsburg University mentioned.

 

[amid chaos]

I read the book and was in a soroity.

I believe that the woman writing the book wanted the book to be shocking and chose shocking incidents.

Do they happen? yes.
Do they happen in every sorority? No.
Did it happen to me? No.
Does this go on in my daughters sorority? I believe No.

There are many, many wonderful things that happen in a soroity. I would encourage every woman to investigate the soroities on their campus and decide if it is something they a re interested in. it is not for everyone.

I have been out of college for 23 years and almost every summer I get together with 2 of my soroity sisters. friends for life? you bet.

 

[caitycaity]

i agree with doac and amid chaos.

the kind of things described in the book happen, but that doesn't mean they happen in all sororities or all chapters. i was in a sorority in college and i am still active in our alumnae chapter.

nothing happened in my sorority that i wouldn't have done were i not in a sorority. we didn't have hazing. we did have parties on the weekends and we would drink, but i would have done that whether i was in a sorority or not. attendence at said parties was not mandatory, nor was it mandatory to drink.

in my experience, being in a sorority was a wonderful experience. my biological sister is also a member of my sorority (though a different chapter) and she had a similar experience. being in a sorority helped me gain confidence, it's helped me get jobs, and i've met some great people through my involvement too.

 

[MHopkins2]

I don't support hazing - particularly the kind that involves eating or drinking something until you yack. However, I'm having trouble working up any outrage about pledges being required to carry cigarettes and condoms for sisters' use. If they were required to smoke the cigs or use the condoms themselves against their will, that's hazing (not to mention sexual assault in the latter case). But being a walking "supply closet?" Big whoop. Would you feel the same way if they were required to carry pens? It's really the same concept.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I can't give my honest opinion on the book (work reasons; I work for the publisher) good or bad.

But I can say I did not like being in a sorority in college and wound up dropping out. It really depends on the individual and how much they feel the need to belong to a group.

I did not like the whole pledging your loyalty type of thing. That's just not how I am. If you're my friend, your my friend. I don't need to do silly tasks to prove it to you.

Some people like to be in clubs and like doing the tasks and being part of the sisterhood.

There is nothing wrong with that at all, it's just not for some people.

Sometimes, those silly tasks get out of control and it turns into hazing. Most rational people stop before it gets out of control but some want so desperatly to be part of the group that they let the hazing occur (or get into a situation where escape is not possible).

There was never any hazing in my sorority. It was just, well, to be blunt, kinda lame and boring to me. I had friends outside of the sorority, I just thought it might be kind of fun to make more. The girls were all kind of snobby. It was a co-ed one, and there were only about 4 guys who were actually nice but rarely around.

 

[castlegazer]

I was in a Sorority and a little sis to a Fraternity in the South at a school that devotes a whole road on campus to its elaborate and ornate Fraternity Houses. I have not read the book. I can not comment on the book. There are many things I still to this day can not speak of - but this mostly involves the initiation process and there is nothing you would find offensive in it. I was in college at a time that hazing was a common practice. It is not today. I can tell you that we made our pledges wear diapers over their clothes for a day to classes. Much of what we did would not be acceptable today - this would not be allowed on campus today. I was made to drive 50 miles to a Krispy Kreme and bring back the donuts still hot to my big sister - a very tough proposition. I was also sent on a multi state scavenger hunt where we had to find items - and in one state we stole letters off a marquis to get an item. I have witnessed many of the Fraternity pledges being made to drink substances out of shoes. I don't know if this still takes place today.

The bottom line was that much of what was common practice in days gone by is absolutely not common practice today. Is breaking down a pledge to only build them back up again common, YES. How the big sisters break down the pledge is by endearing them to the sisterhood through different methods. None of which can be hazing - they have to be methods of ensuring that the pledge does not feel that they alone - everything has to be as a whole. Making sure you provide for your big sister is a big part of it - doing projects as a pledge team is also a big part of it. I would not have made my little sis walk around with condoms or cigarettes, it probably would have been more like carrying my incredibly heavy books. Much of what you do is in community service projects - you work as a team always.

I don't think I am describing this terribly well so I will stop now.

 

[rcyannacci]

Originally posted by EsmeraldaX
I can't give my honest opinion on the book (work reasons; I work for the publisher) good or bad.

But I can say I did not like being in a sorority in college and wound up dropping out. It really depends on the individual and how much they feel the need to belong to a group.

I did not like the whole pledging your loyalty type of thing. That's just not how I am. If you're my friend, your my friend. I don't need to do silly tasks to prove it to you.

Some people like to be in clubs and like doing the tasks and being part of the sisterhood.

There is nothing wrong with that at all, it's just not for some people.

Sometimes, those silly tasks get out of control and it turns into hazing. Most rational people stop before it gets out of control but some want so desperatly to be part of the group that they let the hazing occur (or get into a situation where escape is not possible).

There was never any hazing in my sorority. It was just, well, to be blunt, kinda lame and boring to me. I had friends outside of the sorority, I just thought it might be kind of fun to make more. The girls were all kind of snobby. It was a co-ed one, and there were only about 4 guys who were actually nice but rarely around.

It sounds like your experience and my experience were very similar. I joined a sorority my sophmore year and dropped out by my senior year, because my sisters were incredibly unsupportive of me because I didn't attend enough parties or sign-up for committee work. When I joined, they were so excited to have someone from the theatre dept. in thier group because it made them more diverse, but when my course work (which often happened in evening hours) interferred with their notion of sisterhood, I started to get the cold shoulder from my "sisters." I definitely had a different perception of loyality from theirs.

I saw some hazing on my campus, but it was mainly restricted to the frats. I think it's a bigger issue than many think it is because so much of it is unspoken. And there is such a pressure to become one with the group, that anyone who makes it in is very unlikely to report thier new friends.

But, mostly I just think the time I spent with my sorority was a waste of time. You only have 4 years at college and there is so much to do and get involved in that aren't exclusionary like the Greek system. (This was probably my biggest disappointment with my group- sitting in the meetings where they talked about potential pledges was very eye-opening. One girls who had been on my freshman hall was rejected because one member thought she didn't come from a good enough family- "trashy" was the term I think she used. And I knew this girl to be a very classy, smart, dedicated individual- she went on to a double major in international business and Japanese and is probably ruling the world by now, but she wasn't good enough for these women whose sole interest was what color the pledge shirts should be and which frat we should party with next week. This is all probably stuff that I was sworn to secrecy on... oh well.)

Anyway, glad to hear about a book that is tackling some of the issues of hazing. I"ll have to check it out.

 

[ead79]

I was in a sorority for part of my time in college, I joined my sophomore year, but de-sistered at the end of my junior year. It just wasn't for me for a variety of reasons. I will say that absolutely NO hazing activities went on in my sorority. I was only aware of one sorority on campus that supposedly had a ceremony that could be considered hazing (scary, not physically dangerous or painful). However, it was pretty common practice for the fraternities at my school to haze to some degree or another. There was even a fraternity that was kicked off of campus because a pledge was accidentally killed during a hazing incident. They were driving some blindfolded pledges around in the back of an SUV, and they got in a wreck and one of the pledges died. It wasn't a direct result of the hazing, but it was found to be unacceptable (thank goodness!) behavior.

As far as the carrying around of condoms/cigarettes goes, I too find that to be extremely inappropriate. Since I personally abstained from sex before marriage I would not have be OK with carrying around condoms just in case someone else needed them. To me, that is their responsibility, not mine.

 

[missypie]

I've just never "gotten" sororities or frats...to let yourself be physically or mentally abused...or even embarrassed...to have "friends." I can't understand the mentality. Thank goodness my school had a very low percentge of the student body who was Greek. The African Amercian frats appeared to be the worst at our school, as far as hazing was concerned...they would CUT the Greek letters into their biceps..not a tiny cut either...we're talking a scar about 3 inches high and 3 inches across...why would anyone allow anyone to do that to them? Like I said, I've never gotten it.

 

[MScott1851]

I am a member of a sorority (Alpha Delta Pi), and DH is a member of a fraternity (Phi Gamma Delta), and later served as it's chapter advisor. We can truly say that the Greek stereotype is HIGHLY exaggerated on television, film, and in literature. Sure, I drank to excess sometimes during college, but was never forced to by anyone, or even encouraged to. That was my own stupid decision. My husband on the other hand, doesn't drink at all, nor did he ever during college. He was never ridiculed or hazed, nor was I. I hope that our children, (when we have them) will follow in our footsteps, because we both truly believe that our college experience was enriched by our affiliations. I also am glad that I chose a traditional sorority instead of some of the fly-by-night groups that are springing up all over college campuses (i.e. coed, or not affiliated with a national organizations, or merely social groups).

In fact, there was such an "anti-hazing" attitude prevalent at my school and within my own sorority, that we treated our pledges like queens. I never felt like I had to sign my life over and pledge undying loyalty to a group, nor did I feel like "I bought my friends." Not to sound flippant, but chapter and ritual were just something that a group of my friends and I got together and did on Sunday nights. It was such a small part of our lives together, we did so much together outside of sorority. I had a wide group of best friends both within and outside of my sisterhood. I also feel like I had more opportunity to do things on campus because of my affiliation. When it came time to run for Student Government, I got elected over a commuter because I had name recognition. Everyone in the Greek system knew me. Same thing for Homecoming Court. Was it fair? Maybe not. I got the opportunity to work with different civic and charitable organizations in our community raising money due to ADPi. I got to learn LOTS of communication skills because of the wide variety of girls within my own sorority, and when I served as a rush counselor I got to interact with even more young girls and help them with their decisions.

While I had the time of my life, Greek life isn't for everyone. I do think that people who have pre-conceived notions about it are setting themselves up to hate it, and to have a bad experience. Choosing a group for the wrong reasons (i.e. "I wanna be a XYZ because they are the most popular" instead of "I wanna be a QRS because I have so much in common with them") also sets you up for failure.