DD is being harrassed in school!!

[luvmy3]

My dd is in the inclusion class this year. There is a student in that class that lives down the street from us and also takes the bus with dd. This girl has been to our house and she in the GS troop I used to lead. The other girls at school have always tolerated her(I hate to use that word but it is how it is) but she's getting worse.

Apparently she is constantly screaming dd's name on the bus. I mean she just screams it over and over until dd responds, then she stops only to start up again when dd is not paying attention to her. The bus driver does nothing about it.

There is a history of friendship between them and another girl on our street, also in dd's grade. My dd and this other girl are BFFs and have drifted away from this girl. I know she does these things for attention but it is really starting to effect my dd. She came home in tears yesterday. It took me about an hour to calm her down

At lunch this girl wanted to sit at the table with dd but as dd's other friend went to sit down she pushed the tray and sat down quick. When the other kids asked her to move down (so friend could sit) she started screaming. The monitor came over and removed dd and the other girls but not th eone who was screaming. The teacher then took them in the hallway and yelled at them about hurting girl's feelings. She would not give them a chance to explain what really happened and why the girl was screaming.

She does this stuff on th playground also, she follows dd and teh other girls around screaming at them. Dd has complained to the teacher before but the teacher says just tell her to stop. DD does but that does not work, and the teacher just keeps telling her to do that. I had no idea that this was all going on until; yesterday. I am livid. I have a feeling that because of this girl's situation , the teacher will not do anything to stop this kind of behavior. We are talking about 10 and 11 year olds, IMO that is way to old to be doing stuff like that.

DD is so upset about it so I told her to ignore her, do not even acknowledge her at all. I told it will be hard but just pretend she isn't there. And dd burst into tears and said "but she'll tell Mrs.XXX and I'll get in trouble for ignoring her"

I don't know what to do. I know this girls mother, but the same goes on at home. This girl, and even her brother's behavior goes completely ignored. I won't judge how they choose to parent but when it effects my dd it infuriates me. Like I said, I have seen this with my own eyes. She does this kind of stuff to all the kids. Unfortunately it has made her very unliked and avoided which I think makes her act worse, and she seems to have targeted dd because of it.

I really think the issue is not being addressed because she is an inclusion student and clearly has behavioral/mental issues. I don't want to fight my dd's battles but I'm wondering if I should have a talk with her teacher, or possibly the principal

 

[ntz4disney]

I would have been up at that school in a hot second talking to the teachers and also the principle. Your child should not be getting in trouble for "hurting someone's feelings" and rewarding this other child's rude behavior. If you think its worth it to talk to this child's parents go for it, however it seems like you already know how they handle things at home, so maybe bringing it the school's attention is more appropriate at this point. And I certainly would notify whoever is in charge of the school buses in your area that your child is being harassed in the bus and the bus driver is not deal with it at all.That is such a shame that your daughter is having issues at school. How old are the girls?

Good luck and believe me I know how cruel girls can be when they are young, I remind my daughter of that everytime she is complaining about someone in school ... its not easy

 

[SandrainNC]

I'm so sorry! Have you talked to your DD's teacher yourself? I would start there if you haven't. I would also ask to speak to the monitor who screamed at her. And if talking to DD's teacher doesn't work, then you go to the principal.

Sandra

 

[Poohs#1fan]

I was a special education inclusion teacher before I had my DD1. I am assuming that this "screamer" is a special education student. If this is the case, I would request a meeting with your daughter's teacher and the special ed teacher or case worker (whomever handles this girl's case) and possibly the principal. If the "screamer" acts like this all the time then she may not be a candidate for inclusion, but I wouldn't go into the meeting and say that. Often times there are special education students who can intellectually function on grade level, but need much more help with social skills and often that aspect isn't taught or addressed nearly as often as it should. I taught 10/11 year olds and this is a big issues b/c it hasn't been taught all these years and now it really stands out.
I know I've rambled, but I would ask for the meeting ASAP. Sit down with your daughter and make a documented list of these instances and any others. I know it will be hard, but you need to present the facts and try to keep your emotions out of it when you present it. I'm not saying you shouldn't be emotional about it, but when presenting it, just the facts will get you further. Good luck!!! Feel free to PM with any questions. HTH

 

[luvmy3]

I was a special education inclusion teacher before I had my DD1. I am assuming that this "screamer" is a special education student. If this is the case, I would request a meeting with your daughter's teacher and the special ed teacher or case worker (whomever handles this girl's case) and possibly the principal. If the "screamer" acts like this all the time then she may not be a candidate for inclusion, but I wouldn't go into the meeting and say that. Often times there are special education students who can intellectually function on grade level, but need much more help with social skills and often that aspect isn't taught or addressed nearly as often as it should. I taught 10/11 year olds and this is a big issues b/c it hasn't been taught all these years and now it really stands out.
I know I've rambled, but I would ask for the meeting ASAP. Sit down with your daughter and make a documented list of these instances and any others. I know it will be hard, but you need to present the facts and try to keep your emotions out of it when you present it. I'm not saying you shouldn't be emotional about it, but when presenting it, just the facts will get you further. Good luck!!! Feel free to PM with any questions. HTH

Thank you. Yes, this girl is an inclusion student. I know that she does require help academically and I just assumed that is why she was in inclusion. I have known her since Kindergarten and she has always had these kinds of social problems. I figured it was just how she is, because they weren't as bad before. I truly believe that the teacher and probably the bus driver are trying to protect her, which I have no problem with. I do not want to see anyone being cruel to this girl but I don't think that her issues should give her a free pass. Dh thinks that we should let dd handle it herself, but the mama bear in me wants to help her. I think I will send her teacher an email explaining some of th ethings dd has told me. I will see what her reponse is, if she wants to meet I would be Okay with that.
I will not go to the parents because I know it will not make a difference. sadly I think they feel that their dd has every right to act that way, and use her situation as an excuse

 

[Poohs#1fan]

Thank you. Yes, this girl is an inclusion student. I know that she does require help academically and I just assumed that is why she was in inclusion. I have known her since Kindergarten and she has always had these kinds of social problems. I figured it was just how she is, because they weren't as bad before. I truly believe that the teacher and probably the bus driver are trying to protect her, which I have no problem with. I do not want to see anyone being cruel to this girl but I don't think that her issues should give her a free pass. Dh thinks that we should let dd handle it herself, but the mama bear in me wants to help her. I think I will send her teacher an email explaining some of th ethings dd has told me. I will see what her reponse is, if she wants to meet I would be Okay with that.
I will not go to the parents because I know it will not make a difference. sadly I think they feel that their dd has every right to act that way, and use her situation as an excuse

If there is a special ed teacher, I would make sure to send it to them as well. Sometimes teachers don't communicate as well as they should. If the person who writes her plan (typically the spec ed teacher) doesn't know of the problems, then it is hard to have them addressed. Just my two cents. Keep us posted.

 

[disneybound2010]

I wanna jump in and add my two cents. I was in your DD's position when I was her age.

We had a boy in our neighborhood that sounds EXACTLY like Screamergirl. He was in the Behavoiral Disorders class and was slowly mainstreamed into the regular classes. For years, I had to deal with him on our street harassing me and causing trouble. It got to the point that if he came outside, I was pretty much forced to come inside. My parents tried to speak with his parents,but they made up excuse after excuse for him and did NOTHING to resolve the problem. I had to deal with him at the bus stop, at lunch and on the playground. It didn't matter where I wnet he was right there and it was chaos. My parents did speak with the teachers and they were much like the parents, making excuses and basically telling me to just avoid him

The breaking point came the last week of school. While at the bus stop after school, I was sitting on the lawn. This boy came up behind us and kept making some rather suggestive comments. I just sat there ignoring him. Suddenly, I started to smell smoke. At the same time, the girl next to me started screaming. He had LIT MY HAIR ON FIRE!!!!! Thankfully, it only caught the ends and singed a small bit, but that was one of the scariest moments EVER!! I immediately got to the principal and we got in touch with my Mom. The boy was suspended for the last week and the following year was placed in a BD school. His parents actually had the gall to blame me for this. If I had not been ignoring him, none of this would have happened...

While my situation is a bit extreme, these things do tend to escalate when action is not taken immediately. I would immediately schedule a meeting with the principal and guidance counselor and find out what can be done to assure your DD is not victimized and harassed by this girl.

 

[luvmy3]

I wanna jump in and add my two cents. I was in your DD's position when I was her age.

We had a boy in our neighborhood that sounds EXACTLY like Screamergirl. He was in the Behavoiral Disorders class and was slowly mainstreamed into the regular classes. For years, I had to deal with him on our street harassing me and causing trouble. It got to the point that if he came outside, I was pretty much forced to come inside. My parents tried to speak with his parents,but they made up excuse after excuse for him and did NOTHING to resolve the problem. I had to deal with him at the bus stop, at lunch and on the playground. It didn't matter where I wnet he was right there and it was chaos. My parents did speak with the teachers and they were much like the parents, making excuses and basically telling me to just avoid him

The breaking point came the last week of school. While at the bus stop after school, I was sitting on the lawn. This boy came up behind us and kept making some rather suggestive comments. I just sat there ignoring him. Suddenly, I started to smell smoke. At the same time, the girl next to me started screaming. He had LIT MY HAIR ON FIRE!!!!! Thankfully, it only caught the ends and singed a small bit, but that was one of the scariest moments EVER!! I immediately got to the principal and we got in touch with my Mom. The boy was suspended for the last week and the following year was placed in a BD school. His parents actually had the gall to blame me for this. If I had not been ignoring him, none of this would have happened...

While my situation is a bit extreme, these things do tend to escalate when action is not taken immediately. I would immediately schedule a meeting with the principal and guidance counselor and find out what can be done to assure your DD is not victimized and harassed by this girl.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. How horrible that it took something like that for anyone to listen to you and do something about the problem. I'm glad you weren't seriously burned
After hearing that, I think I will request to speak to the teacher before I see if she wants a meeting. I would like to think that this girl isn't capable of something like that, but you just never know.
Its eerie how similiar these stories are, even down to the parents blaming everything on others. I know this mom and whenever her dd, and her ds are doing things to other kids, this mom will reprimand the other kid, just not her own. OT, when she used to pick up her dd from GS she would bring her ds. He would push my ds, and ram him with a ride on toy. His mom would say something to my ds to play nice. I just let it go because my ds wasn't really hurt but he now avoids that boy. I hear from my friend down teh street that he's pushing one of the little girls at the bus stop to get on the bus first. He pushed her so hard her head hit the open door, and the bus driver said nothing. The mom told them all to be nice
The whole family has issues and I have a feeling that if I speak to dd's teacher I will be opening up a whole can of worms for them.

 

[5 for WDW]

My daughter is in an inclusion class this year as well. She in Kindergarten. We did not know the class was going to be inclusion until about a week before school started. Our sons have not ever been in one either.

I will admit that I was a little concerned about how situations like the one you are going through would be handled. But, I have been very pleased. There are two kids with different emotional/behavioral problems and they are treated the same as the "mainstream" kids in terms of discipline and what is expected of them. The teachers are very quick to put a stop to any kind of negative behavior. My daughter is really enjoying her class. While we were nervous at the thought of inclusion in the beginning, we have been quite happy with the way the class has been run.

If your situation was happening with my daughter, I would have no problem at all going to both of the teachers (there are two teachers in the classroom, one being a Special Ed teacher) and to the Principal if it continued. I would do the same for my sons who are not in an inclusion classes. Your daughter should not have to put up with this behavior.

Best of luck to you. I hope you can get it taken care of quickly.