DD Drama - at my wit's end (sorry so long) ***Update post 127***

[KSchwagg86]

omg get a restraining order--this guys is nuts

 

[jaycat]

I just finished my freshman year in college and I must say that if she is not in a good psychological and emotional place that she does not need to be in college. I know that sounds harsh but college is/was very taxing on me personally(maybe its the science major...). Plus if shes going to have to deal with emotional abuse for her bf on top of college stress - just think if she got a bad roommate a really hard class it could completely beak her (and her GPA). I know in some states skipping a semester results in a loss of insurance coverage so you could look into alternatives like the internet college or community college - way less emotionally taxing I would say, even if its not what you want for her.

It sounds like to me she is not going to give bf up - and shes right shes 18 she can do whatever she wants, and if thats to be with him well gash darn it shell be with him - in a way your threatening her new found independence as an adult. I don't know what to tell you shes in a bad situation at a really bad time and traditional college may not be the answer esp if it adds to her stress. If I were you I would go to a domestic violence shelter, by myself, and speak to the women ask them what their family members should have done to help them - how they could help them out of the situation. Just be there for her - try to help her. Even if you give a little she might be safer at home than at his house... goodluck

Sorry if I've repeated anything!

 

[ozarkmom]

How about an update.

 

[karensi]

How about an update.

Is she back from the beach vacation with BF and his family??

Have you seen/spoken to her?

Karen

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I saw this thread pop back up and I was hoping there was an update. OP, how is everything?

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Typically they're not resolved.

Sometimes I'll make up funny faux endings for threads, but it's not appropriate for this one.

 

[BroknMom]

Hi Everyone!!

First of all....thanks to everyone for your prayers and words of wisdom/encouragement!!! They were ALL truly needed during this most difficult time for me!!!

Well, DH and I left town for a quick getaway on Monday and returned today. While we were gone, my mom was at our house dogsitting. DD18 called me at midnight (Monday morning) and wanted to talk to me before her dad and I left town. We talked for about an hour. We didn't really talk about anything pertaining to what had happened because she was still at the beach. She did, however, convey to me that she wanted to come home Monday night when she got home from the beach. I told her she was more than welcome to come home and stay because Ma-Ma would be here. She seemed very upbeat, but did say she had been having a horrible time. Like I said, I didn't ask her tons of questions, felt that could be saved for later.

DH and I went to Amish country, so I had NO cell service while we were away which was actually a good thing because we had a very relaxing time and I didn't worry about DD because I knew she was being well taken care of by my mom.

I've been home for a couple hours now and DD and I have been sitting and talking since we got home. She has expressed her sadness at what she has put her dad and I through and apologized, but doesn't want to really talk about the whole thing today. I'm not going to push her, but I did tell her that she and I had to talk about what had happened between the two of us. Hopefully we'll be able to do some talking during our overnight trip next week.

On a lighter note, she did relay to me that she had broken up with her boyfriend. She said that she had made a mistake by going back with him. Thankfully, this decision was her own....not mine or her dad's!! I don't know if something happened while she was at the beach for her to see the light or what happened.

So....the mood is light right now and we're just tickled to death to have her home....safe and sound!!!!!

 

[karensi]

Thanks for the update.
It seems as if there will be a happy ending
I'm very glad for you and your family. It seems as if you did the right thing.

Good luck to you and your DD.



Karen

 

[BroknMom]

Thanks for the update.
It seems as if there will be a happy ending
I'm very glad for you and your family. It seems as if you did the right thing.

Good luck to you and your DD.



Karen

Thank you Karen!! I'm praying for a happy ending to this whole situation!!! Just enjoying the fact that she is home safe!!

 

[mrsksomeday]

The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result. The insanity will continue with him until she changes her mind set.

I am happy she has broken up with him but until she sees why she excuses his behavior again and again and continues to take him back this is far from over. She needs to find out why someone like him would be a person she would want in her life. I hope you still talk to her about the verbal and emotional abuse and help her find tools to not fall into this pattern again.

 

[BroknMom]

The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result. The insanity will continue with him until she changes her mind set.

I am happy she has broken up with him but until she sees why she excuses his behavior again and again and continues to take him back this is far from over. She needs to find out why someone like him would be a person she would want in her life. I hope you still talk to her about the verbal and emotional abuse and help her find tools to not fall into this pattern again.

This is so true! Last week, I recorded an episode of Oprah that discussed boyfriend/girlfriend emotional and physical abuse. I also bookmarked the website that they provided on the show for future reference (awesome information!!!). I plan on having her sit down with me and watch the show and look over the info. on the website. I'm just not going to do it right away. I don't want to push her too hard....I'm afraid to. I think approaching the subject and going over this info. next week will be due time.

 

[ChristmasElf]

I've been reading this thread and just want to toss something in here as an option for your daughter to consider.

Maybe she could take a self defense class or join Karate or Tae Kwon Do if for no other reason she learns the basics on defending herself from an abusive guy. Might give her a little peace of mind as well knowing she could clean his clock if he ever touches her.

Okay I will go back to my corner now.

 

[DebIreland]

On a lighter note, she did relay to me that she had broken up with her boyfriend. She said that she had made a mistake by going back with him. :

Hugs for you OP I'm glad things are looking up. Thread carefully though. Now don't think I'm calling your dd a liar. It's not that. But I would say that with his powers of manipulation it's possible she's decided to keep seeing him in secret to keep you off her back. I know how secretive I was at 18 - the more my mother pushed the more I withdrew. And she was (still is) one sharp lady! Just keep a close eye on her (I know you will anyway). I hope she's finished with him for good.

I can't believe the quality of some of the posts on this thread - people have given some amazing advice.

 

[teskak]

Remember the most dangerous time is when the woman leaves a controlling relationship. The (ex)boyfriend has proven to be a controlling creature using dubious tricks to get his girl back - remember the gun and pretend suicide??

Watch your daughter, guard her and watch out for any little manipulations he might pull.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I'm glad she came back home and has broken up with the BF. I hope this will be the end of this and your DD will have a wonderful time in college without the ex. Hugs to you and your DD.

 

[Lionqueen2]

Just got caught up on your thread and want to send you happy that you DD is home safe and sound. I hope things only get better from here for the both of you.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

OP - I am so glad your DD is home safe and sound. What a wonderful update! Hopefully going to college soon will help her completely get over the boyfriend.

 

[BroknMom]

I just wanted to take the time to say thank you so much to everyone for all of your support and words of encouragement!!! It has truly touched me beyond words.

DD has been sticking pretty close to home since she returned from the beach. She did go out to dinner and had an evening with her four best friends last night. She seemed very upbeat and happy when she got home. I think it did her some good to go with them and talk and just be a "teenager". She doesn't get that opportunity when she is with her ex-b/f.

I'm going to pray that things get better and stay better with her on a daily basis...that is all I can ask is just take it day by day.

Thanks again to everyone who has taken time out of their precious lives to help a stranger!!!

 

[BigMama]

So glad everything is working out for you. Lots of luck to you and your family.

 

[ozarkmom]

I also hope everything works out for your daughter. My daughter and family have been through heck and back with a manipulative horrible boyfriend and my heart goes out to anyone else that's been through it.