Daughter only wants to play with boys

[bookgirl]

My best friend from infancy is a girl, we met when I was three days old and she was 9 months because our parents were neighbors when I was born and they stayed friends, she is still my best friend 49 years later.

We both played mostly with the boys. Didn't keep either of us making more friends of both sexes when we were older or bonding with each other.

We did not go to the same schools or live in the same neighborhoods after the age of 4, so we had plenty of different friends we just both gravitated more towards the boys. Her because she was one of two daughters born to a man who really wanted a son, and me because I had an older brother, a neighborhood full of boys, and mostly male cousins.

But today I have a group of women I am very close to, both in my social life and my work mates. I also have a number of men I consider good friends, in fact I stood up for one of them at his wedding.

My parents and hers broke with the conventional 60's stereotypes and just let me be. I did not become a serial killer, a man hater, an adult tomboy, or a girly girl and I've been told by most of the guys I've dated or been in relationships with that I am a good girlfriend. So I say let her be.

 

[bsblady01]

let her make her own friends, you can choose her friends for her .

 

[Colleen27]

But yeah, let it go. As long as she's making friends, boy or girl, she's fine. (Also, I am literally laughing out loud at some of the "there's no drama with boys" comments. There is always drama with kids of a certain age, whether they're boys or girls. Always.)

I don't know... It seems worse with girls. It starts earlier and they hold on to it longer, IME. Boy drama always seems to be very short-lived and quickly resolved. They can be angry with each other at the start of lunch and playing together by the end of recess. I've never seen boys do some of the mean crap some of the girls do, pretending a particular girl who is "out" at the moment is invisible, moving en masse to a different lunch table if someone not in their crowd sits down, etc. I'm not saying there is zero drama with boys but it has a very different tone than girl drama. And the girl drama seems to go on forever.... starting in 2nd/3rd grade and keeping up into high school.

 

[xlxo]

Circle dot dot

 

[DisTXMom]

My youngest DD had a boy bff in kinder and first and she only played with him most of the time. I had similar concerns, but what I always noticed most is how much fun she was having with her little bff and how much they enjoyed each other's company. it didn't matter if it was a he or a she. Now in 2nd grade and she is starting to branch out a little more but still has a strong friendship with the little boy which I think is great.

 

[NewRVLady]

She sounds like the kind of girl who will go into traditionally male career and really be able to get along with the guys- Just what MOST parents would want-right?

That was me-I was one of only 2 girls in a Male dominated Engineering/Design dept-way back in the olden days.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I don't know... It seems worse with girls. It starts earlier and they hold on to it longer, IME. Boy drama always seems to be very short-lived and quickly resolved. They can be angry with each other at the start of lunch and playing together by the end of recess. I've never seen boys do some of the mean crap some of the girls do, pretending a particular girl who is "out" at the moment is invisible, moving en masse to a different lunch table if someone not in their crowd sits down, etc. I'm not saying there is zero drama with boys but it has a very different tone than girl drama. And the girl drama seems to go on forever.... starting in 2nd/3rd grade and keeping up into high school.

I have to agree!

Of course, there are no absolutes...
But, the girl drama...

My son actually knows that he just HATES these drama-girls.
First one I saw personally was a little queen-bee, in his preschool, at THREE YEARS OLD!

He has seen enough just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time!!!
He went on a date once with a girl that he didn't know was that way.. Found out right away he was wrong.

I always told him, just be patient, you don't want a girl who is all about the drama, and there are some out there.
He actually has his first real girlfriend now, and she seems to be mostly drama free.

 

[Mamato2cutekiddos]

Wait- this is still a thing in 2015?

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

In my much, much younger days, I had the opportunity to supervise groups of people where I worked. I initially worked with a group that was right at 99% male with just about 100 members total. A few years later, I was given a transfer to another department where I supervised a group that was the exact opposite with about 99% female and roughly the same total group size.

I know this won't be popular, but the amount of personality and social issues I had to deal with in the second group was so incredibly huge compared to the first that I truly couldn't believe it. I am a firm believer that there is drama in both groups, but one group seems to have the ability to generate much, much more on a very consistent basis. It simply was my experience and it left a very lasting impression on me years ago. I didn't imagine it would be that drastic of a difference, but reality proved me wrong.

 

[Plaid Princess]

My daughter, in 1st grade, prefers to play with the boys at school. This includes recess and the before/after care.

I know she is young, but I want her to develop good friendships with girls who can become her best friends.

I'm concerned because I'm afraid she is going to miss out on this bonding time and soon the boys won't want to play with a girl anymore.

She loves to have the boys chase her and role play. She doesn't like to sit around and do hair, etc.

I'm struggling between trying to guide her and yet let her be her own person.

Do you think I should keep encouraging her to play with the girls, or just relax and let it go?

Let it go! If she prefers spending time with boys now, she will likely always be that way. Not every girl has the personality or need to have a lot of "girlfriends". All through school my friends were boys. My regular group of friends now are 90% guys. Usually the only ladies I get along with are other "tomboys" like me. Embrace it... it means less drama in the long run.

 

[littleblackegg]

The message kids need from mom and dad is "I accept you as you are." When kids know they are loved and accepted unconditionally, it sets the stage for greater self confidence.

 

[mummabear]

My daughter, in 1st grade, prefers to play with the boys at school. This includes recess and the before/after care.

I know she is young, but I want her to develop good friendships with girls who can become her best friends.

I'm concerned because I'm afraid she is going to miss out on this bonding time and soon the boys won't want to play with a girl anymore.

She loves to have the boys chase her and role play. She doesn't like to sit around and do hair, etc.

I'm struggling between trying to guide her and yet let her be her own person.

Do you think I should keep encouraging her to play with the girls, or just relax and let it go?

My daughter is similar, she is quite girly in lots of ways (loves Princesses etc) but almost all of her friends were boys, I was nervous as she started school after being told that the girls tend to play more with the girls and the boys with the boys, and we did have some struggles when some boys new to their circle wanted to exclude her.
I enrolled her into Pippins which is the NZ equivalent to Sparks or Daisys depending on where you are (Girl Guides) to encourage some relationships with girls in her school as well, and kept up solo play dates with her boy friends to continue with their connection without the other boys talking in their ears. Seems to have worked from both aspects so far (a year later)

 

[rangermom]

Let her be herself and play with who she wants to play with. As long as she knows she has a family that loves her for her and lets her make her own tribe then you are doing the best thing you possibly can for your daughter.

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

In my much, much younger days, I had the opportunity to supervise groups of people where I worked. I initially worked with a group that was right at 99% male with just about 100 members total. A few years later, I was given a transfer to another department where I supervised a group that was the exact opposite with about 99% female and roughly the same total group size.

I know this won't be popular, but the amount of personality and social issues I had to deal with in the second group was so incredibly huge compared to the first that I truly couldn't believe it. I am a firm believer that there is drama in both groups, but one group seems to have the ability to generate much, much more on a very consistent basis. It simply was my experience and it left a very lasting impression on me years ago. I didn't imagine it would be that drastic of a difference, but reality proved me wrong.

I don't doubt your experience at all. I've never been in an almost exclusively female work environment so it could be terrifying and I have no idea lol.

But I work in a traditionally male dominated tech industry. I expected inappropriate, boys club, and the like. What I did not expect was the high level of whining, pouting, and overall feeling a lot of feelings that need talked about!

I have somebody pitching a fit or on the border of hysteria in my office daily (and no I'm not in HR). I think that some of these guys never learned basic anatomy and think I listen to feeling with my ****** or that having one makes me more tolerant of whining?

 

[CPanther95]

Instead of picturing her becoming a lumberjack - picture her developing some very valuable life skills like:
~ Competitiveness
~ Learning how guys think despite what they may be saying
~ Not being intimidated by guys
~ Speaking her mind in mixed company

Of course, that's really only if it continues for the next decade. At this point she's just playing with those that have common interests - and sitting around playing with dolls, while a valid playtime activity, is not exactly stimulating a broad spectrum of interests.

If you are going to push anything, push her into developing friendships with those that share her interests - not to stifle her interests in order to appeal to potential friends. That's how you create a follower and someone that is going to be constantly "peer pressured".

 

[psiprez]

Instead of picturing her becoming a lumberjack - picture her developing some very valuable life skills like:
~ Competitiveness
~ Learning how guys think despite what they may be saying
~ Not being intimidated by guys
~ Speaking her mind in mixed company

Of course, that's really only if it continues for the next decade. At this point she's just playing with those that have common interests - and sitting around playing with dolls, while a valid playtime activity, is not exactly stimulating a broad spectrum of interests.

If you are going to push anything, push her into developing friendships with those that share her interests - not to stifle her interests in order to appeal to potential friends. That's how you create a follower and someone that is going to be constantly "peer pressured".

You are my new hero, CPanther95!!

I learned long ago that trying to "make" your kids into one thing or another only backfires bigtime.
Never "tell" kids who to be... instead support who they are, who they want to be, and who they will become!!