Daughter only wants to play with boys

[fly girl]

I'm going to have to go against the crowd here and say that OP shouldn't just let it go. My DD has only boy cousins and was so used to playing with boys that this continued the first few years at school. All of her play dates and friends at school were boys. She wasn't interested in princess stuff or dolls or dancing school... Like OP, I was concerned that she would be left out when the kids reached the age where boys and girls separate and stop playing together. While I didn't try to change who she was playing with at school or at the park, I did sign her up for Girl Scouts in order for her to also make friends with some of the girls in her grade. I'm so glad that I did this. DD made many nice friends among her scout troop and that has carried over into school and extra curricular activities. Around 3rd or 4th grade it starts with the girls and boys only birthday parties and activities and sports get more and more segregated. Now that they are in middle school it's definitely boys on one side of the room and girls on the other!

I agree getting DD involved in an extracurricular activity is beneficial on many levels.

But I'm glad you're saying you didn't change who she plays with at recess. I based my response to OP on that specific issue.

However, if OP's DD is open to any extra curricular activity with girls (ie, soccer is a good one if GS sounds unappealing to her) that is a great idea.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I personally wouldn't worry about the specific genders involved. I'd just involve her in social activities and let things fall where they may. Sometimes you just gotta take a step back and let life happen.

 

[scrapquitler]

My daughter, in 1st grade, prefers to play with the boys at school. This includes recess and the before/after care.

I know she is young, but I want her to develop good friendships with girls who can become her best friends.

I'm concerned because I'm afraid she is going to miss out on this bonding time and soon the boys won't want to play with a girl anymore.

She loves to have the boys chase her and role play. She doesn't like to sit around and do hair, etc.

I'm struggling between trying to guide her and yet let her be her own person.

Do you think I should keep encouraging her to play with the girls, or just relax and let it go?

Relax and let it go. She will make friends with other children at some point. And she may always rather be friends with boys. That's not a bad thing, to be honest. Girl-Girl friendships tend to encompass a lot more drama, and that gets really old quickly. Let her be who she is and be friends with everyone she wants to be friends with.

My best friends were always boys. I have girls for friends, too, but tend to gravitate more towards the non-dram, non-catty guys.

 

[frostedpink]

Thank you everyone! I know all of you are right...I DO need to let it go....I guess I just needed some reassurance. She's my only child so I tend to over-analyze things like this (well, most everything, lol!)

 

[MrsDuck]

Definitely let it go.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yep, let it go!!!

I would more worried if my child did not seem to have friends/connections.
Not so concerned about the gender.

Now, I imagine that there are a few parents of tweens/teens who wish their daughter weren't 'all about the boys'. Hahaha!!!

 

[mnrose]

It's only a problem if she's 15. Then be careful just what kind of games she plays with teen boys her age. (wink).

Seriously, I don't see this as an issue AT.ALL.

It could be a phase. It could be she prefers the kinds of things boys are interested in. In either case, it simply isn't a problem.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I don't see a problem.

 

[Anesthesia Fine]

Thank you everyone! I know all of you are right...I DO need to let it go....I guess I just needed some reassurance. She's my only child so I tend to over-analyze things like this (well, most everything, lol!)

Ha! My daughter was an only for a long time. I feel you.

But yeah, let it go. As long as she's making friends, boy or girl, she's fine. (Also, I am literally laughing out loud at some of the "there's no drama with boys" comments. There is always drama with kids of a certain age, whether they're boys or girls. Always.)

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Your daughter's fine. Boys play better games. That goes for this age and later in life. Do you want her competing with the boys when she gets a job? Then don't stop her competing with them now.

 

[ELSA711]

My DD was the same, until she met her BFF (girl in 2nd grade) it's fine IMO
My DD still prefers to hang with boys, she does not get into girl drama at all.

I have had 2 girl friends my entire life, since 1st and then 8th grade. That's it. To this day I hate sitting around listening to the mom chit chat, I'd rather be in the living room watching the football game with the guys. It is what it is, bonding time? hogwash

 

[Paradise18]

Let it go. DD was the same way when she was younger. Once she was in grade 4/5 the social divide between girls and boys at school started to grow. She's been able to develop some great friendships with girls. No need to worry.

 

[rigs32]

As a kid, I hated dolls and other typical girl play/toys. At recess, I played dodgeball with the boys. Why would you want to stifle your child's instincts?

Now that I'm a professional in my 30s, I wear skirts/dresses to work with heels. I have a ton of makeup at home that I like to play with. But I workout at a crossfit style gym where I can deadlift 225 lbs and flip tractor trailer tires without assistance. There is zero reason to concern yourself with gender stereotypes.

 

[Colleen27]

Your daughter's fine. Boys play better games. That goes for this age and later in life. Do you want her competing with the boys when she gets a job? Then don't stop her competing with them now.

This, exactly! My 14yo has always been more comfortable with guys. She's a tomboy with her heart set on a STEM field and she just connected better with the boys playing in the mud than with the girls playing dolls. I was the same way as a child so when DH wanted to encourage her to be more girly I put a quick end to that - my mom was that way and it didn't do me any favors! - and now he's glad I did because DD14 is a confident, low-drama girl at an age where self-consciousness and boy-drama and insecurity seem to be almost universal among her peers. And she did eventually meet other girls who were more interested in sports and science than dolls and makeup, so she does have a couple of close female friends.

Without knowing where you live I don't know how practical this suggestion will be, but if you can you might want to look into 4H for your daughter. Girl Scouts wasn't a great fit for DD; it was much more "girly" (crafts, makeup, camping in cabins with kitchens) than what I remember it being when I was young and by middle school she felt pretty out of place there. But 4H has been a great place for her to meet other girls with more of a hands-on/tomboy bent.

 

[Hutchy]

I was your daughter. I prefered to play with the boys in elem because I loved to play sports and to be outside. Even through high school i had more male friends than female ones. Looking back I think it was a blessing. The boys were more direct and gave great dating tips. They also looked out for me. As i got older the male friends faded away and they were replaced by female ones. In fact, i just went out to lunch with my best female friend from high school and our kids.

My mom was anxious too for me as a child. She would set up barbie play dates with a neighbor girl who i barely knew and would insist that I wear dresses to church. I didnt need those things. I was comfortable with who I was--a tomboy. I grew up (into I think) a seemingly well adjusted adult who loves pedicures and dressing up.

But dont beat yourself up about your feelings. You love your daughter and it is only natural that you want to protect her. Trust though that she will make the right decisions for her and just enjoy her for who she is. Pressure will only cause her to rebel and/or question herself.

This was me exactly and I turned out just fine with many female friends I've had close friendships with for 10+ years. I also love getting my hair done and have many girly girl tendencies as an adult. I played hard as a kid though and loved my guy friends.

I remember always playing kickball with the boys and got super annoyed when the teacher would force us to let the girls play because they were so whiny and weren't good at it LOL

 

[tikkipoo]

Now that they are in middle school it's definitely boys on one side of the room and girls on the other!

Yes, this did happen and my DD still sits in the middle of all the boys (not that they are complaining)She plays sports and gets along with the girls just fine though.

I didn't get a really good girlfriend until I was 30 - sometimes girls suck

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I'm a big proponent of letting kids be who they are. If she prefers to play with boys, let her play with boys. DD liked to play with boys more than girls when she was small. There was a lot less drama, too, as an added bonus. Girls always seem to be excluding someone from their groups and feeling are always getting hurt.

 

[Kellykins1218]

I'm a playground monitor at school. This is completely common & trust me little girls are so full of drama it's not even funny. On a daily basis I deal with crying girls because" so and so was being mean to me" or so and so doesn't want to be my friend anymore." Let her play with whoever she wants.

 

[Kitty 34]

OP, I could have been your daughter. I had every matchbox car, and for the longest time played with just boys as there were no girls around where I lived.

Even to this day, I have a real close girlfriend but then many more "guy" friends. I even hang out with my brothers wayyyy more than my sisters. Probably a good thing I raised three boys.

Your daughter will be fine.

 

[LinderInWonderland]

(Also, I am literally laughing out loud at some of the "there's no drama with boys" comments. There is always drama with kids of a certain age, whether they're boys or girls. Always.)

Right? I was friends with an equal amount of boys and girls in my life and when any of them would start drama, I would just go play with the other ones.

I appreciate your concern about your only, OP. She will be fine with you in her corner as long as you don't fight all her battles for her.