Daughter doesn't want to wash her hair?

[jakoky]

hi there, first, i feel kinda bad for you...i know what it is like to have "battles" with my kids and trying to pick these battles wisely, i have a dd-16, ds-13, and dd-11 but i am lucky in that bathing/washing hair has never been an issue for us, it is just expected..my youngest dd has long, very curly blonde hair and i only let her wash it every second day as it gets dried out..what i am very worried about for your daughter is that someone at school will say something soon, and this could stick with her for a long time to come...if she gets teased, kids can be cruel, and they dont forget.....i think i would do the same thing, take away the straightener and all the fun hair tools because to use these i would tell her, you have to be grown up enough to keep your hair clean and healthy...personal hygiene is definately a battle i would win in our house...
sharon

 

[CampbellScot]

I'll tell you what my mom did when my sister refused to wash and brush her hair...SHE CUT IT...SHORT. She was about 10 when that happened. She fought my mom like mad every time she had to brush it out. My mom got fed up and said FINE...you won't take care of your long hair, then you don't have it anymore. And that was the end of that. It ended the fighting and it made it clear to my sister that defiance was not an option and not brushing her hair was not a battle she was going to win.

Really, issues of hygiene and cleanliness should NOT be up for negotiation. Do not allow her to spend the summer with dirty hair. You said yourself that her hair is so greasy that the smell will knock you over. That's not right. It's neglectful to allow her to have filthy hair. It's not healthy and it's not fair to anyone else in the family or anybody else who has to be around her. She is 10. You are the parent, she is the child. If you have to bodily plunk her butt in the shower and scrub her yourself, then do it. If you don't put your foot down on this issue, you are going to have much worse battles to come. She'll see that you get fed up and eventually let her have her way.

Stick to your guns mom. You are not being mean. You are parenting her, which she needs. She is making a bad choice, for whatever reason. You need to guide her. Don't ignore it b/c it's a pain. This is a big issue and you need to prevail.

 

[goobergoofyswife]

Take it from a Hair Dresser(retired), that washing her hair is a must. I have cut hair that has not been washed 1) it STINKS's 2) it is hard on the person cutting the hair (make's my hands itch and burn). 3)Her hair will not grow properly if it is not kept clean at the scalp. It may be that her hair is simply to long for her to take care of.Get her hair cut shorter,so she can take care of it herself. When my DD17 was 10 or so I had to stand in the bathroom while she took a shower, to help her and instruct with how much shampoo and stuff she needed to use and if it was all rinsed out. She is 17 now and I can't keep her out of the shower. Please remember that you are the parent,and she should do what you want, not what she wants!!

 

[vanillarum]

This must be an age thing !! Our 10 yo DD hates to shower also !! It is a major accomplishment to get her into the shower. She also has below the shoulders, very fine, blonde hair. And when it gets dirty, it's bad !! Can't wait till she goes to overnite camp for 2 weeks this summer. My DW and I are guessing that except for rain and the lake, the hair (and probably the rest of the body, too !) will never see water (or soap). We told her she might need to sit in the 3rd row of the car coming home !! Should be interesting !! Good luck !

 

[disney_fan_fam]

Show her pictures of lice!!
(google images and show her pictures of lice)

Show her what you have to do if you have lice?

worked with my 4 y/o

 

[ilovejack02]

This must be an age thing !! Our 10 yo DD hates to shower also !! It is a major accomplishment to get her into the shower. She also has below the shoulders, very fine, blonde hair. And when it gets dirty, it's bad !! Can't wait till she goes to overnite camp for 2 weeks this summer. My DW and I are guessing that except for rain and the lake, the hair (and probably the rest of the body, too !) will never see water (or soap). We told her she might need to sit in the 3rd row of the car coming home !! Should be interesting !! Good luck !

I bet she will shower... she will get teased if she doesnt. At least the she will be swimming that should help lol.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I would tell her its time for a haircut and have it cut short. I had very long hair and i hated to brush it. Its really thick and a pain. The summer between 4th and 5th grade my mother took me and had it chopped off. I so hate my 5th grade class picture lol

 

[bookgirl]

I know this is going to sound mean but we did it with my goddaughter when she was about that age. Her mom and I planned it. She walked in and I made a comment about something smelling and her mother said "oh that's (her) hair" I made a "ewww that's just gross" and then we wouldn't let her sit in the kitchen with us, which killed her because she was also at the age when she wanted to be in the middle of the adults. It was embaressing but she had to have a dose of it to realize if we said it how many other people weren't saying it but thinking it. ....on a side note we did something similar a few years later with her little brother on he would wash his hair....it was the fact that he wore the same soxs and boxers for a week at a time. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

 

[me again]

Well, you know, its not that I really think its ok for her not to wash her hair for the whole summer!

a bit of reverse psychology. I'm tired of the fighting over washing hair. Its become a power struggle. The way I figure it, let the natural consequences flow. If she doesn't wash her hair (funny, she's ok with showering, just not washing her hair) she stinks. If she stinks, people don't want to be around her. Then she loses friends. Life's a cruel teacher, but sometimes the most effective one.

I do like the suggestions here like take away the hair styling things (style greasy hair ) and make her put down a towel for her greasy head, even have her hand wash her pillow cases every night. Once she learns its more work to be dirty than clean she will get the message.

 

[bzzymom]

There will come a day when she notices that boys notice her hair is gross and she will care what her hair is like and she will wash it.

My DS will be 10 next month. When I ask him to take a shower or bath he gives some resistance. I told him that during the winter, I am OK with him bathing/showering 2X a week, but when it is warm out and he gets all hot and sweaty, he must shower when ever I tell him too. So far, he has been very good about it.

Good Luck!

 

[Stephres]

I know this may be dense, but is there a reason why she doesn't want to wash her hair? My four year old threw fits until we got an adjustable shower head that I could bring down to her and spray directly on her hair. I know that a 10 year old should be proficient in washing her hair, but I was just wondering if she ever gave a reason why she won't wash it?

 

[momof5boys]

My DSS(dear step son)12 has this same problem. And he still doesn't care. Last summer he was at his mothers he came home and it looked like a bird pooped in his hair! He still has cradle cap because his idea of washing his hair is to wet it down! Anyway I gave him 1 week to wash it right with Head and Shoulders to get the flakes out. Then I couldn't stand it anymore, I sat down with A fine toothed comb and ripped them out of his hair. It took me an hour. Since then We called his school nurse and she had a talk about hygiene with him. I also called his doctor before his physical, so the doctor had a talk with him too. It's alittle better now but summer is coming and to his mom's again he will go! He doesn't even brush his teeth down there. We have to tell her to make him do it before we pick him up or I will be sick in the car from the smell. Give the school nurse thing a try, alot of kids don't listen much to their parents but will listen to her.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

My two older ones went through this stage. DD went through the stage quickly, but DS did not. I didn't let hygiene suffer though. After I finally got tired of the arguments, I decided to take a rather drastic approach-it only took once of me taking the sprayer out of the kitchen sink and coming up behind dd with it as she sat at the kitchen table and I doused her right then and there. If she wasn't going to take the initiative to wash it, I sure was. So big deal, I had to mop the floor and dry the table and chair, got my point across and never had a problem since that point. DS's saving grace was his interest in girls.

 

[tjmw2727]

I totally understand about picking your battles but honestly this one I would pick. I can let the outfit slide, sox don't match no big, vegies raw but not cooked fine, but personal hygene is a different story.

I have found that with a little work you can "fight the battle" respectfully, here are my stages:

I would give her one chance to talk about why she isn't/dosen't want to wash properly. If that dosen't get to the issue then I would offer to help, ie we can cut a few inches, pick a new fun shampoo etc. Then ultimately the hair would get washed as often as I think appropriate. Here my dd's shower nightly before bed - my 10yo washes hair every other evening and my 12yo every evening. Nothing else happens until the shower, no dessert, TV shows etc.

If the hair dosen't get done properly its back in and mom does it, yep My dd's are 10 and 12 and it only took me re-washing it once to make the point although my 10yo sometimes still asks for my help rinsing.

(fwiw I did it with teeth as well and it was not fun re-brushing my then 8yo's teeth but again I only had to do it once

Another thing that may help is that at around age 9 I found that the kiddie shampoos didn't get the hair clean anymore. However some of the adult shampoos are too difficult for them to rinse out so either way the hair still looked yucky after a shower. We finally found a suave with a light conditioner that works really well for them.

Good luck - I know its easy to say "you should" but I hope you figure out what's going to work for her and for you.

I want to re - recommend:
The Care And Keeping Of You
from the American Girl series of books.
If my dd's read a tip or some advice in a book or magazine its good advice - vs when they hear the same thing from mom its like the charlie brown cartoon wa wah wa wha wah wa aha

TJ

 

[tmarquez]

In our house we shower and wash our hair everyday. It's not a choice for DD. Luckily she never questions it. What would I do if she did? She would be allowed to stand in the shower and cry until it gets done. It's her playtime she's wasting.

We're not a strict family and defiantly I pick my battles, but personal hygiene isn't negotiable.

 

[graygables]

Very often, kids don't have the same "smell issues" that adults have, so losing friends over the summer might not work for you. Being at DDs' dance studio last Saturday was evidence of that...I think the dance teacher should send home a handout (or at least have some deodorant samples on hand!)

That said, seriously, is there a reason she doesn't wash her hair? My 8yo has a VERY sensitive scalp and DETESTS having her hair washed. I let her slap at it in the shower, but every so often, I have to give it a thorough wash myself. DH and I have even talked about putting in a salon sink to make it easier. My now 21yo was also a non-washer, sensitive scalp+lazy+emotional issues and, sadly that as not changed. I'm pretty sure her scalp only gets washed the few times a year she gets a haircut. She does the baby powder thing (sprinkle cornstarch baby powder, brush out), but rarely washes her hair. Yes, it's gross to us and now that she's an adult, no one really wants to be around her, but there really isn't anything anyone can do at this point. BTW, we, too were tired of fighting her about it and her counselor told us to stop...I wish we hadn't listened.

 

[familyS]

I haven't read all the responses, so this may have already been mentioned:

Try an all in one dandruff/ dry scalp shampoo with conditioner- we use Pert or Head and Shoulders. I found that both of my kids as they started puberty went through a stage where their scalps were dry and using regular shampoo or shampoo and conditioner made their scalps itch. They still showered and shampood every day (not negotiable in our home), but complained about the itching . We switched to the above mentioned shampoos and haven't had any more problems. They only need to use them once or twice a week, other than that they can use Aussie shampoo fine.

 

[DisneyAprilFool]

Is there a reason why you just don't CUT it?

Seems like to me, you are choosing to have this battle. You aren't choosing to let it go- but you are choosing the battle because YOU want her to have long hair. Well, there's no beauty in long hair if it is filthy.

I'm saying this from the heart. My own DD about a year ago had pretty long dirty blonde hair, but refused to comb/brush it. I didn't want her to lose her pretty hair, so I kept fighting this battle. Finally, I realized- the only way to WIN this battle was to have the hair cut. And I did it. Was it sad to lose the length? Sure. But her hair was SO MUCH PRETTIER in a short, clean bob that was easy to brush then in a long tangled mess.

 

[rosiep]

Are you kidding me? UMMMM...No offense intended here, but.......who's the parent??? If she's doing what she wants to do at age 10 and (obviously getting away with it) you are headed for some SERIOUS "Troubled Teen Years"! Good luck! Bottom line, you either do what your told without arguing with me or you lose ALL PRIVELEDGES, PERIOD!!!
Not to sound harsh but she wouldn't be sleeping or putting her head on any furniture or linens that I purchased and the rest of the family uses, that's just plain NASTY! Make her buy her own pillows, linens and mattress....she might just think twice about washing that hair!

I absolutely DISAGREE!! When you that age you're simply looking for autonomy. Her hair belongs to her! There are so few things in life a kid has control over...I gave my daughters a lot of personal freedom for all the little things that would not affect their safety and contrary to them becoming difficult teens...I was the envy of my friends...
Trust that your daughter will decide for herself that having clean hair is nicer....once she realizes she makes that choice because she wants to, and not because you told her to you'll both be happy.

 

[sskem96]

Is it possible that she just doesn't like to wash it because her hair is long and heavy and it's hard to get the shampoo and conditioner worked through the hair and then rinsed well? Or maybe she's using styling products that make her hair stiff and are hard to wash out.

My kids didn't like washing their own hair either, because half the time they would get out of the shower and still have conditioner in their hair near their face. They didn't get it all rinsed good because they didn't want to get water in their eyes, and then I ended up having to rinse their hair in the sink, which they hated. Now they call me up to the bathroom when they're done and I make sure they are rinsed good before getting out of the shower. If they take a bath instead of a shower, sometimes they even have me wash their hair for them. On one hand, I think they're getting kind of old for that (7 and 10), but on the other hand, they won't want me helping them at all much longer, so I'll enjoy them actually wanting my help for as long as I can.