Daughter being made fun of....advice??

[taximomfor4]

My 11yo dd, very outgoing and normally cheerful and optimistic, came home and went straight to bed yesterday after school. Seems she's been getting made fun of for being so short, the past few school days...and yesterday was extremely bad. Mostly 6th graders (like her), but now some 8th graders as well. Even her 6th grade class Student Ambassador is in on it.

Mind you, she IS short. 4ft2 at 11 1/2 yrs old. She's ALWAYS been that way, and has realized it since about age 4 when some kids in preschool threatened to pick her up and put her in a garbage can. Back then, she cried when she got home but the next day, spouted at those kids and it stopped. She had lots of friends, which was pretty protective.

Now, she is new to the school (Middle school),and most of her friends ended up on Team 1. She is on Team 2, so mostly kids from 2 other elementary schools.

I don't know what to tell her. I am heartbroken for her, though. Her differences, she has always accepted gracefully -- and has always worked hard to overcome some of her challenges.Mostly, people don't know about her "issues" except her height, which they can see.

What do I do? And what do I advise HER to do? It is apparently whenever she's in the hallway changing classes. We were wondering why she wasn't turning in all her homework -- lots of zeros the past couple of days.It's because she doesn't want to stop at her locker!!

She already walks with her couple of friends. They can't stop the multitude of other kids from teasing her.

 

[disneydreamersx4]

I'm so sorry....kids can be so mean! I wish I knew what your daughter could do other than be tough and ignore them.

 

[legalsea]

My 11yo dd, very outgoing and normally cheerful and optimistic, came home and went straight to bed yesterday after school. Seems she's been getting made fun of for being so short, the past few school days...and yesterday was extremely bad. Mostly 6th graders (like her), but now some 8th graders as well. Even her 6th grade class Student Ambassador is in on it.

Mind you, she IS short. 4ft2 at 11 1/2 yrs old. She's ALWAYS been that way, and has realized it since about age 4 when some kids in preschool threatened to pick her up and put her in a garbage can. Back then, she cried when she got home but the next day, spouted at those kids and it stopped. She had lots of friends, which was pretty protective.

Now, she is new to the school (Middle school),and most of her friends ended up on Team 1. She is on Team 2, so mostly kids from 2 other elementary schools.

I don't know what to tell her. I am heartbroken for her, though. Her differences, she has always accepted gracefully -- and has always worked hard to overcome some of her challenges.Mostly, people don't know about her "issues" except her height, which they can see.

What do I do? And what do I advise HER to do? It is apparently whenever she's in the hallway changing classes. We were wondering why she wasn't turning in all her homework -- lots of zeros the past couple of days.It's because she doesn't want to stop at her locker!!

She already walks with her couple of friends. They can't stop the multitude of other kids from teasing her.

All I can say is: my younger sister had the exact same experience (she was also very short and thin). My parents simply told her that she would begin growing soon, which she finally did (around age 14). There simply wasn't much they could do except to sympathize with her and tell her 'this too shall pass'.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

for you and your daughter. Later today, I know I can help more. My DD17 just grew her last 2"s this year and topped off at 5'1". She is the shortest girl in her class and one of the shortest girls in the school. I know that she went through a rough period but asked to take care of it herself. I will ask her when she gets home. Also, my sister is 30ish and she only hit 4'10". Her height was never really a problem for her as she had that happy go lucky attitude.

Can I ask if it is the girls or just the boys or both who are bothering her? Also, is one boy in particular bothering or paying more attention to her?

Once again, I am really sorry this is happening. As a parent it is so hard to see it happen to our kids. I am sure that you will get some good ideas how to handle this. I must admit though having my DD work it out for herself seemed to work for her since growing was not something she could control like wild hair or weight. I will post as soon as DD gets home.

 

[Darsa]

Ohh, the poor thing My neice is having similar issues (lack of height) at the high school she recently started in, which has students from 4 different towns. Luckily she's a tough kid who tends to give it right back, but it hurts her sometimes, it's pretty obvious.

Is there a counselor that she can speak with by any chance? Or is there maybe a special accommodation they might make for her to get her onto the other Team with her friends?

to your girl!

 

[Nik's Mom]

I'm sorry your dd is going through this. Some kids are cruel. I'm only 5 ft tall and was picked on about my height as a kid. I didn't handle it very well. I went crying to my older brother once. He taught me to fight, then told me to make those kids shut up. So the next time I was made fun of, I used my fists to shut them up. I lived in a bad neighborhood as a kid and that's how we handled things.

I'd explain to your dd that people usually make fun of someone out of lack of their own self-esteem. Why else would they feel the need to tear someone down like that? I would also bring this up to her teacher, since it is now having an impact on your academic performance. Poor thing. Life can be rough on kids sometimes.

 

[kellyg403]

Middle school...just the worst experience for kids and parents. I can sympathize with you OP, my dd is short and still wearing a size 8 in 7th grade. She did grow around 8th and 9th but she is now 4'10.

I would call the school counselor and speak to her in private and see what suggestions she may have. I did a lot of positive reinforcement at home. She was a gymnist so her height and body structure were great for the sport. We concentrated on making her happy with who she was, short, pretty and confident. Big things come in small packages sort of thing. It wasn't easy but she is very confident today as a sr. in hs. She still gets ribbing for being short but she reminds the others she can date anyone she wants because they are always taller than her! She learned to find the positives in not being 'average' height. And she reminds people of that too..she would rather be short than 'average' any day of the week!

Many hugs and I hope your dd is able to understand that middle school is just the worst..brings out the worst in some kids. If it goes to far, I would def be seeing the teachers and the principal. If it starts affecting her grades, her behavior for too long without her bouncing back I wouldn't hesitate to be her advocate and move up the chain. Maybe there are some kids that need to learn that they themselves have 'differences' and theirs might not be so good.

Kelly

eta: I missed the part about not stopping at her locker and getting zeros...definitely it is time to sit her down and talk about the problem and what steps she can make to find a solution. I would definitely include her, she may want to figure this out herself but maybe she would like if you would help her. This is the beginning of helping her solve things, figuring out what the problem is and how to fix it..with or without your help. Many hugs..

 

[taximomfor4]

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Can I ask if it is the girls or just the boys or both who are bothering her? Also, is one boy in particular bothering or paying more attention to her?

Once again, I am really sorry this is happening. As a parent it is so hard to see it happen to our kids. I am sure that you will get some good ideas how to handle this. I must admit though having my DD work it out for herself seemed to work for her since growing was not something she could control like wild hair or weight. I will post as soon as DD gets home.

She didn't mention any boys...just said "kids"...so I don't know. I feel terrible,she had so many friends (boy and girl) going INTO middle school, which we really encouraged in the hopes that having a large group of friends would prevent this sort of teasing. OF COURSE she ended up on the other team, with only 2 of her friends. DANG the luck. I know dd needs to work this out on her own, especially since it will never change. Her geneticist doesn't expect her to reach 5ft tall, fully grown (says that would be an optimistic estimate). She will ALWAYS be the shortest. And she isn't thin, she's really, really solid (slightly puffy in the middle, actually) evne though she is my kid who eats the best, and exercises the very most. She's just always been this way.

DH is off to an intervention team meeting for dd now, coincidentally. I know he's going to bring to the school's attention that this is happening. I know they can't stop the teasing, but they NEED to be aware.

I was always very quiet and reserved, and very average-height, weight, hair and eye color, etc. I have NO experience on what dd should say to the teasers...does she ignore it? Does she say something to them?

ETA: SHe is the irish dancer on the far left of my siggy photos. She wears size 7 kids clothes, for her height, but the waists are faaaaarrr too tight so we get size 10 and she rolls them up. Mostly, I got her a bunch of skirts recently (size 10) with leggings underneath...no worry about being too long then.

 

[Stitchfans]

I'm so sorry....kids can be so mean!

Not just kids many adults too. Take a look around this board. It is just people in general. Back to topic. OP I bet soon down the road things will change for your DD. When I was in school and from what I hear even now, the petite girls usually gets the tall star basketball player or the football player. For some reason the taller boys when they get older often are drawn to the petite shorter girls, which leaves the taller ones with the shorter boys.

She is just at that age where the kids are starting to "like" each other, and have to torment each other. JMO. not actually stating a fact so there is no reason for anyone to pounce on me for my comments. But either way for your DD. Hope it gets better real soon.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My dd is was very short in K and she started growth hormone and has made it to 5ft and is in 7th. In K she was as tall as a 2yo. and had the HIGH squeaky voice. We called her Cindy Lou Who. And yes kids in K did not look at her as a "peer" because she was so small and were hurtful.

Your dd needs to gain some confidence and learn how to handle the insults. I would suggest her seeing the school counselor. Role playing at home can help as well.

Blah...middle school is fun...not! However oldest is a freshman in college. Yea, we are having fun now.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I have two that just started MS this year, also. Every day I hear stories of what goes on there.

You know, if you look hard enough, everyone has something that can be made fun of. Nobody's immune. Even kids who are seemingly "normal" to everyone else feel it.

Unless your DD's going to sprout up a foot or so in the near future the best approach (IMO) is probably to help her brush it off, find humor in it, use it to her advantage, etc. A) she can't change it and B) she can't control how others are, but she can control her own reactions.

If she doesn't know it already, show her this, maybe post it in her room. My father was great for citing this when things got tough, and I remind my own kids of it as well. We had it hanging in our kitchen growing up.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

 

[taximomfor4]

thanks everyone. It's so hard -- she's always had such good humor in dealing with the looks/comments. You should see her when she lines up to compete on stage with all the other kids her age and level. She totally looks like she is in the wrong competition. She is barely up to some of the other 11yo's shoulders! I just don't think she's ever been tested on this scale. The sheer NUMBER of people teasing her yesterday, and the frequency of it the past few days, seems to have really worn her down.

Of all my kids, she is the most into God and religion. I offered that as something to think about when she was getting upset about the teasing-- how these kids are just a year or 2 in her life, how God is in her life forever. How God CHOSE how she should be, and she was made exactly the way HE wanted her to be. (Not too awful, for the mom who isn't religious at ALL).

I told her it's up to her, how she wants to deal with the teasing. THat the kids picking on her must feel really bad about their own selves, to have to find things to bring down others...and that she can ignore it till they get bored and move on to pick on the curly haired kid or whoever, she can let her 2 good friends who ARE in her classes know that this is really bothering her, and maybe they can be supportive like good friends are. They ARE walking with her when it happens, but she hasn't let on that she's getting so upset.

She COULD say something witty back (one petite teen in Irish Dance class answers like this: "I'm not short, I'm FUN-SIZED." But I doubt 6th graders would get it, or appreciate it properly.

She could answer with a joke on herself like "Yeah, look how short my legs are. If they suddenly grow a ton, though, I'll have to re-learn to walk" or something. Told you I'm not good at this.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

This isn't exactly the same, but I thought it might be relevant. I'll share a story my 6th grade DD told us last night.

She'd been walking up the stairs by herself yesterday when an 8th grade boy stood at the top of the stairs (in front of his laughing friends) gyrating, saying "They call me Hump Master". My DD was mortified at the time but just put her head down and hurried up the stairs past the group.

Telling us the story last night she kind of and a bit at the idocy of it. My DH chimed in and said she should have retorted back, "Yes, and I'm Queen Ball Kicker". It made her LOL. I'm sure that next time something like that happens, she'll still be mortified, but maybe she'll continue to see the humorous side of it as well. These fools are everywhere.

 

[si-am]

I don't think there's anything you can do about it. Kids can be so cruel, especially once they start reaching the middle school age.

I was always made fun of for being unusually tall: my "nickname" in 6th grade was giraffe.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

She COULD say something witty back (one petite teen in Irish Dance class answers like this: "I'm not short, I'm FUN-SIZED." But I doubt 6th graders would get it, or appreciate it properly.

I have to comment on this. My dd wears a shirt to school that says exactly that. So of course they all call her "fun size".

Now my dd is 5ft and I will have to say that she is happy that she got as tall as she is on her growth hormone. It was daily injections for 5yrs. I know it must be tough on your dd being that short. DD has a friend that is as short or shorter than your dd. Now she has a genetic issue so that may make a difference in things.

So right now she knows that she is done growing, period. Her bones have fused together. She is accepting that and it makes it easier if that makes sense.

 

[puffkin]

Just a thought, but what type of clothes does she wear? Are they similar to the styles that her taller friends are wearing? I know my niece is really, really small for her age and we often look at her and treat her as much younger without even thinking about it. Middle School is all about brand name this, and brand name that. It has always been that way. Maybe a new outfit or some great accessories could help boost her confidence?

Also, how does she react? Because most of the kids are probably just looking for a reaction. If she ignores it and just lets it go, they will eventually get tired of picking on her and move onto a new "victim". Horrible yes, but that is how middle school works.

I know it isn't the best answer, but I would just buy her something cool to help boost her confidence and continue to reassure her that this will all pass soon enough!

 

[glitterkittyy]

I tell my kids that everyone has a turn at being made fun of. No one is exempt. Even the prettiest girl and the buffest guy get made fun of. It's part of life, just ignore them and never let them know they got to you.

 

[taximomfor4]

I have to comment on this. My dd wears a shirt to school that says exactly that. So of course they all call her "fun size".

Now my dd is 5ft and I will have to say that she is happy that she got as tall as she is on her growth hormone. It was daily injections for 5yrs. I know it must be tough on your dd being that short. DD has a friend that is as short or shorter than your dd. Now she has a genetic issue so that may make a difference in things.

So right now she knows that she is done growing, period. Her bones have fused together. She is accepting that and it makes it easier if that makes sense.

LOL I saw a shirt that had the fun-size comment on it...I sure didn't make it up myself, lol.

DD has a genetic issue as well. So far, her geneticist hasn't been able to say which chromosomal abnormality she has. Not all have tests yet. Her height (or lack thereof) is what really stands out.

DD said when her friends commented once (they do sometimes, but with fondness ) she told them " You say I'm short, and the TV producers say I'm tall...it's why they wouldn't let me be on Little People Big World."

 

[clovergirl5]

to your dd...does she have a school counselor that you could call to talk to about this situation? Maybe you and dd can go and talk to the school counselor together.

Teasing sucks, I was teased alot when I was a kid because of my red hair. Its something I still carry with me today. We didn't have counselors back then, I wish we did. Its good that she feels confident to come to mom about this. My parents had no idea I was being teased.

Hugs to you.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

She didn't mention any boys...just said "kids"...so I don't know. I feel terrible,she had so many friends (boy and girl) going INTO middle school, which we really encouraged in the hopes that having a large group of friends would prevent this sort of teasing. OF COURSE she ended up on the other team, with only 2 of her friends. DANG the luck. I know dd needs to work this out on her own, especially since it will never change. Her geneticist doesn't expect her to reach 5ft tall, fully grown (says that would be an optimistic estimate). She will ALWAYS be the shortest. And she isn't thin, she's really, really solid (slightly puffy in the middle, actually) evne though she is my kid who eats the best, and exercises the very most. She's just always been this way.

DH is off to an intervention team meeting for dd now, coincidentally. I know he's going to bring to the school's attention that this is happening. I know they can't stop the teasing, but they NEED to be aware.

I was always very quiet and reserved, and very average-height, weight, hair and eye color, etc. I have NO experience on what dd should say to the teasers...does she ignore it? Does she say something to them?

ETA: SHe is the irish dancer on the far left of my siggy photos. She wears size 7 kids clothes, for her height, but the waists are faaaaarrr too tight so we get size 10 and she rolls them up. Mostly, I got her a bunch of skirts recently (size 10) with leggings underneath...no worry about being too long then.

She is probably gonna struggle with the "solid" look her whole life. When she puts on a few more inches it will even out a bit. I asked about boys because DD had quite a bit of problem with the girls cause the boys like the smaller girls at that age because they were taller. Also the taller girls tend to be self conscious about their height and may be putting their insecurities onto your daughter by bullying her.

I haven't talked to DD yet, but as a parent, I would definetely make sure she knows that her grades are most important and the rest can be worked out. I do know at one point my DD took a small tape recorder with her and would tape some of the girls being mean to her. I don't think she ever used it, but it at least gave her the sense that she had the proof it things didn't get better.