Daughter (12) didn't get invited to a party . Its killing me, her not so much

[Aliceacc]

It hurts like crazy when your child is the one, or one of the ones, left out.
But it's part of growing up. The reality is that not everyone can, or should, be invited to every event.

This is the sort of thing that makes others mock this generation as the 'trophy for showing up" generation.

So vent away.

But give your daughter the gift of resilience. Have her call someone else in that 25% who wasn't invited, and make other plans. ANd teach her that this is how you handle these sorts of events-- with grace and not bitterness.

A little ice cream therapy helps sometimes too!

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

It hurts like crazy when your child is the one, or one of the ones, left out.
But it's part of growing up. The reality is that not everyone can, or should, be invited to every event.

This is the sort of thing that makes others mock this generation as the 'trophy for showing up" generation.

So vent away.

But give your daughter the gift of resilience. Have her call someone else in that 25% who wasn't invited, and make other plans. ANd teach her that this is how you handle these sorts of events-- with grace and not bitterness.

A little ice cream therapy helps sometimes too!

This is really great advice.

 

[lancermom]

The hand outs are big for Bar/Bat mitzvahs. My nephew gave out water bottles (the nice like metal ones) and my niece gave out custom iphone cases, tie-dye shirts, lounge pants, and beanies.

Big for some Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. They aren't a huge deal in this area. For my daughter, we gave out little Chinese takeout boxes full of candy. I always thought the clothing, i.e. t-shirts, was silly.

 

[wilkeliza]

Big for some Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. They aren't a huge deal in this area. For my daughter, we gave out little Chinese takeout boxes full of candy. I always thought the clothing, i.e. t-shirts, was silly.

True my niece and nephew go to private school and theirs all seem to be these massive one uping event. To the point kids with birthdays at the end of the semesters are seen as having the best draw because they can see everyone else's stuff before their party. The whole thing was over the top for me.

 

[paisleys]

It hurts like crazy when your child is the one, or one of the ones, left out.
But it's part of growing up. The reality is that not everyone can, or should, be invited to every event.

This is the sort of thing that makes others mock this generation as the 'trophy for showing up" generation.

So vent away.

But give your daughter the gift of resilience. Have her call someone else in that 25% who wasn't invited, and make other plans. ANd teach her that this is how you handle these sorts of events-- with grace and not bitterness.

A little ice cream therapy helps sometimes too!

I absolutely love this post! I have twins who have been in different classes since kindergarten. Early on I took the stance that if one was invited to a party, I wasn't going to try and get the other one invited. We just explained that another time they might be the one invited and take them to do something else. They learned young and now as tweens, they don't care when they aren't invited to something. I don't think it's fair when people force siblings on party hosts. It's their party and their guest list. OP, you have no right to assume they should just spend more to invite everyone. The earlier your children learn the life lesson that they won't be invited to everything and how to deal with it, the better. It's going to hurt them more in the long run to expect to be invited to everything. My favorite part (and there were many!) of Aliceacc's post: But give your daughter the gift of resilience.

 

[mamacatnv]

It hurts like crazy when your child is the one, or one of the ones, left out.
But it's part of growing up. The reality is that not everyone can, or should, be invited to every event.

This is the sort of thing that makes others mock this generation as the 'trophy for showing up" generation.

So vent away.

But give your daughter the gift of resilience. Have her call someone else in that 25% who wasn't invited, and make other plans. ANd teach her that this is how you handle these sorts of events-- with grace and not bitterness.

A little ice cream therapy helps sometimes too!

Sums it up nicely - love the "Gift of resilience"

 

[disneyjunkie]

I know that the families around here can afford to invite the others. If you can afford to invite 80 percent of the class and give out
sweatshirts and sweatpants to every kid, you can figure out a way to invite the rest of the class.

It is in poor taste regardless if you do not like the person or not.

These are not your average birthday parties. These are parties that are talked about all week long at school until the next one happens.
Parties where greyhound buses picks up the kids and take them to amusement parks.

Sure, it is the parents right to invite who they want but it is in extremely bad taste.

What is in bad taste is creating a sense of entitlement in your children.

My niece attends an independent school here in Brooklyn. The whole Bat/ Bar Mitzvah thing is just getting started with her 7th grade classmates. Last June she received an invitation to a party that isn't even until MAY 2018.


It would never occur to my sister or BIL to blink an eye about her not getting invited to anything.

 

[disneyjunkie]

My guess is that it was found through a Google search, and the new poster signed up solely to post to the thread.

Or maybe it's an current poster who is afraid to post your true feelings under her real DIS name

 

[mefordis]

I know that the families around here can afford to invite the others. If you can afford to invite 80 percent of the class and give out
sweatshirts and sweatpants to every kid, you can figure out a way to invite the rest of the class.

It is in poor taste regardless if you do not like the person or not.

These are not your average birthday parties. These are parties that are talked about all week long at school until the next one happens.
Parties where greyhound buses picks up the kids and take them to amusement parks.

Sure, it is the parents right to invite who they want but it is in extremely bad taste.

Well, this is life. If someone didn't want my kid at their party I wouldn't want them to invite them out of obligation. There are so many disappointments in life and this is just a drop in the bucket. The best thing is to teach the kids how to cope with disappointments.

My kid got invited to 0 bar/bat mitzvahs and she seemed okay with it. I'm sure quietly she was hurt but she knew she wasn't friends with those people so it made sense that she didn't get an invite.

 

[Hikergirl]

What is in bad taste is creating a sense of entitlement in your children.

I can't like that statement enough!

 

[frostedpink]

What is everyone's opinion on inviting kids that invited your kid to their party? Specifically if the parties take place within 6 months of each other?

Do you automatically invite them to be polite?

 

[Nancyg56]

What is everyone's opinion on inviting kids that invited your kid to their party? Specifically if the parties take place within 6 months of each other?

Do you automatically invite them to be polite?

No. You plan the party you want and go from there.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

What is everyone's opinion on inviting kids that invited your kid to their party? Specifically if the parties take place within 6 months of each other?

Do you automatically invite them to be polite?

No. But then again my kids don't go to someone's party that they don't like enough to have at their own.

 

[mefordis]

What is everyone's opinion on inviting kids that invited your kid to their party? Specifically if the parties take place within 6 months of each other?

Do you automatically invite them to be polite?

I would invite anyone who invited my kid to theirs.

 

[gotomu212]

What is everyone's opinion on inviting kids that invited your kid to their party? Specifically if the parties take place within 6 months of each other?

Do you automatically invite them to be polite?

Not really. Over the last few years my son has wanted party venues that have smaller headcount restrictions and he can only invite his 5 closest friends.