Dating while going through a divorce

[mrsv98]

How dare that woman be happy. I'm sure her teenagers would be much better off is she were miserable.

Um, I don't see where the OP said the girls were teenagers, perhaps they are small.

It isn't really a case of the woman being "allowed" to be happy, it is more of her responsibility to her children to make sure they are emotionally able to deal with trauma upon trauma.

She sounds very selfish and immature to me.

 

[RitaZ.]

I understand what some of you are saying about divorces taking too long. Sometimes the divorces are nasty, there are custody and financial issues, one spouse doesn't want to sign the papers, the couple doesn't have money to file for divorce, etc. It doesn't matter what I think. Evidently, not everyone will see this the same way. Even if I said something to her, which I will not ever do, I doubt that she will care what I have to say. In fact, her response would be something like this .

There are some posters here that have shared their own personal experiences, which were very interesting to read. For what it's worth, the husband was served divorce papers about 3 weeks ago.

 

[missypie]

I admit that I dated before my divorce was final. My ex left me for another woman and moved many states away to live with her. He was too darned cheap to file for divorce, so after about 6 months, I did. No children were involved. It took quite a few months for the divorce to become final and during that time, I dated. My ex didn't even come back for the hearing.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Never speculate from the side lines what's going on in a marriage. And just because you are dating while going thru a divorce does not make you a scarlet woman.

My ex left me when I was 7 mos pregnant with youngest DS (we were married for almost 20 years). I filed for divorce before going to the hospital to have DS. Three months after having DS I was dating. In fact, I am still with DBF, that I met after the separation and after I filed for divorce. There were alot of issues to work out in the divorce and I wasn't about to put my life on hold for, what turned out to be almost 2 years! That was 14 years ago and I'm still dating DBF because my children will always come first!

TC

 

[bettyann29]

just my opinion... but I think until you are divorced you are still married.. I dont think you should date..

 

[JESW]

My brother was ENGAGED to his 3rd wife before he was even divorced from his 2nd! The 2nd one cheated on him so the marriage was over long before it was "officially" over - she was already living with the boyfriend. Brother started dating soon-to-be 3rd wife, someone he had known for a couple of years. They moved in together and were married as soon as his divorce was final. What was bad was that his daughter, 16 at the time, was caught in the middle. She ended up dropping out of school and never did go back - she is 21 now.

Jill

 

[Cindyluwho]

My 95 year old Grandmother always says, "Socks first, then shoes". That pretty much sums it up for me.

 

[sugarpie]

My 95 year old Grandmother always says, "Socks first, then shoes". That pretty much sums it up for me.

Exactly.

 

[California Girl]

I guess there is too much left out of the OP to actually have an opinion.

Is the boyfriend coming around? Do the kids know him etc....Sounds to me like it may not be like that???

I left my X in feb 2005, the DD's didnt meet any guy I 'dated' until DBF-(late fall of 2005) they met him here, with other friends of mine as one of 'moms friends', nothing more. Spent awhile doing that- and then I sat em down and explained that DBF is more than one of 'moms friends'...also explained to them that he was not taking their place, that we would still be 'just the three of us' whenever they needed it etc...

Course now- a year later, well they'd rather hang out just the three of them- without me!...

Brandy <----------horrible dating mom!

Just curious but since your DBF now lives with you, what is the status of your marriage? Is the divorce in the works, or isn't that an issue?

 

[Tiffer]

I think that my neighbor's dating habits are so very much none of my business that I couldn't begin to form an opinion.

I totally agree. However, I don't think the OP was confronting the neighbor, just looking for some conversation and general opinions.

 

[bigbabyblues]

Well, my brother took his wife to the hospital for some mental issues, and she signed herself out and ran off with another patient the next day. Dbro didn't hear from her for almost 18 months, had no idea where she was or anything. In the meantime, he met another girl, and she moved in with him a couple weeks later. 6 weeks after she moved in, he found out she was still legally married (but had been separated for several months) with three children. Her kids lived with her parents, so I guess she didn't see the need to tell him about them? The kids knew about him, she told them he was their new daddy and they were so young they didn't know any better. When dbro finally did hear from his wife, she had a 3-month old baby that she claimed was his (it was a bi-racial baby, and bro and his ex are both white...no racism intended, just explaining why it can't be his) even though they hadn't been around each other for so long. It took another 6 months to convince her to present the baby to have paternity testing to prove it wasn't dbro's baby, and they were finally divorced a few months after that.

His girlfriend never did divorce her husband because they couldn't afford it, but he passed away about year ago, and she and dbro still haven't gotten married. They think people assume they're married because she still wears her wedding rings from her husband.

Sometimes people do things that don't make sense to me.

 

[DVC Sadie]

My 95 year old Grandmother always says, "Socks first, then shoes". That pretty much sums it up for me.

Your grandmother is a very wise woman.

 

[RitaZ.]

I guess there is too much left out of the OP to actually have an opinion.

Is the boyfriend coming around? Do the kids know him etc....Sounds to me like it may not be like that???

In August, we went to a surprise birthday party for another neighbor. That's when the wife announced to everyone at our table that she is getting a divorce and that she has "a lot of guy friends that she goes out with" (her exact words), her husband wasn't there. I couldn't believe some of the stuff that she said. He hadn't been served with papers yet and she was talking about going out with "guy friends".

The first time I saw the guy was at a birthday party late last year. I think he is the father of one of her DD's friends. Since then, I've seen him come to the house a few times. I just figured that he was picking up his daughter from their house. Yesterday I was outside painting my front door, when I saw the guy and my neighbor back into her driveway. He took bags out of the trunk, put them in her house and quickly left. Her husband wasn't home at the time. One neighbor told her that she should "cool it" with the boyfriend because if her husband finds out it could get ugly.

You know, I'm beginning to wonder if she is all there.

 

[RitaZ.]

My 95 year old Grandmother always says, "Socks first, then shoes". That pretty much sums it up for me.

Wise woman! BTW, that would make an excellent tag!

 

[disneymama73]

I met my current DH before I was divorced from my ex. I want to say first, there were no children involved.

My ex cheated on me throughout our entire relationship. I had gone into the hospital for a ruptured ovarian cyst, and while I was there, he moved his female partner (Chicago police officer) into our apartment. Changed the locks and everything.

To add insult to injury, my ex would not accept the divorce papers. He made things very difficult. I think he just wanted to keep me on the backburner in case things didn't work out with this "new" woman. So what should have been a very simple divorce dragged on for months.

I went to a party with a friend and met my DH. We exchanged phone numbers, but to be honest, I really didn't care if he called or not. I didn't want to get involved with anyone. Well, he did call, and we ended up talking for four hours. We started dating (long-distance for the first 8 months), and the rest, as they say, is history.

Now that I have 3 little girls, and I am considering divorce, I doubt I would date again before the divorce was final. Things are much more complicated now. I have 3 little ones to consider.

 

[Serena]

I figure the childen are going through enough, why make it harder for them.

 

[AKLRULZ]

I think parents ALWAYS have a moral obligation to behave in a respectable manner for the sake for their children, but that's just my opinion...

Excellent response.