Dating Red Flags?

[Pea-n-Me]

What does some random tv show have to do with this? I’ve never seen said show. I work full time and don’t watch daytime tv.

Nor have I, or do I. However, their agendas have nonetheless infuenced a lot of thinking among women in our society.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Nor have I, or do I. However, their agendas have nonetheless infuenced a lot of thinking among women in our society.

Okay. First I’ve heard of that.

 

[Southernmiss]

Nor have I, or do I. However, their agendas have nonetheless infuenced a lot of thinking among women in our society.

What???

Where does this come from?

Don't watch. But I remember when Barbara Walters started it with the premise that a variety of women would discuss a variety of topics.

If women aren't watching it because of work (at least 3 of us here), how is that changing their thinking?

 

[CdnCarrie]

My point is that we seem to have lost the arts of discussion, compromise, ability to see and respect others’ viewpoints, and even empathy. You can’t have a discussion with someone who only sees the world from one rigid point of view. So yes, this is about dealbreakers in dating, but statements such as some of the ones made here seem to reflect the devolution of our society as a whole, as well.

I think you are overthinking this.
Some of us are discussing (like you want) what we see as things we would not compromise on. And yes they really pertain more to dating than long term relationships.
I stated that if dated someone and they were racist at all (rude about immigrants for example ) I could not see a compromise .
That does not make me rigid.

And me not liking comments about ethnicity certainly does not signal the devolution of modern society.

 

[disneychrista]

I think it comes down to some of us not thinking every red flag is a deal breaker.

There is definitely a difference between a red flag and a deal breaker. To me a red flag is something that is saying STOP take a closer look at this. Is this something we can compromise about? A deal breaker is something where there is no compromise available. For example you want 100% want kids and I 100% don't.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think you are overthinking this.
Some of us are discussing (like you want) what we see as things we would not compromise on. And yes they really pertain more to dating than long term relationships.
I stated that if dated someone and they were racist at all (rude about immigrants for example ) I could not see a compromise .
That does not make me rigid.

And me not liking comments about ethnicity certainly does not signal the devolution of modern society.

Lol. You guys come on here guns ablazin’ about “people’s rights” and seem like everyone is supposed to think the same way you do. I am simply pointing out that there are other viewpoints. I guess some don’t like other opinions.

 

[disneychrista]

Lol. You guys come on here guns ablazin’ about “people’s rights” and seem like everyone is supposed to think the same way you do. I am simply pointing out that there are other viewpoints. I guess some don’t like other opinions.

That's the thing. For some people certain topic are going to be deal breakers and for other it might be something they can compromise on. And to throw a wrench into the works what might be a deal breaker when it comes to one relationship might be something that isn't for another.

It is not that the other persons opinion doesn't matter, it is that it is just something that the person feels so strongly about that no compromise is possible.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Lol. You guys come on here guns ablazin’ about “people’s rights” and seem like everyone is supposed to think the same way you do. I am simply pointing out that there are other viewpoints. I guess some don’t like other opinions.

You seem very invested in this topic.
I don’t have any guns ablazing.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

You seem very invested in this topic.
I don’t have any guns ablazing.

Carrie, you started it off by saying

There is no compromise on people's rights.

I want you to remember that the next time a Second Amendment discussion comes up, ok? When we’re trying to find solutions to the mass shooting problems that we have here in North America.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Second Amendment discussion comes up, ok? When we’re trying to find solutions to the mass shooting problems that we have here in North America.

Second amendment discussions are not North American concerns, but rather only American concerns. And the mass shootings surrounding said amendment are again, an American problem, not North American.

 

[Chili327]

Second amendment discussions are not North American concerns, but rather only American concerns. And the mass shootings surrounding said amendment are again, an American problem, not North American.

Meaning only in the US (not Canada or Mexico) or meaning also a problem in Central and South America too?

 

[CdnCarrie]

Carrie, you started it off by saying

There is no compromise on people's rights.

I want you to remember that the next time a Second Amendment discussion comes up, ok? When we’re trying to find solutions to the mass shooting problems that we have here in North America.

I don’t see a material item as being a human right. I was talking more about human equality like LBQT rights.
You really seem to have an odd ax to grind.
I realize you are very passionate about this thread. I really am not. Not sure why you think I’m debating you.

 

[sam_gordon]

Closer...

 

[Dan Murphy]

Meaning only in the US (not Canada or Mexico) or meaning also a problem in Central and South America too?

The 2nd amendment pertains only to the USA. Mass shootings of the kind we've seen, schools, grocery stores, churches, etc, etc is pretty much a unique USA ptoblem, not North American.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Second amendment discussions are not North American concerns, but rather only American concerns. And the mass shootings surrounding said amendment are again, an American problem, not North American.

The 2nd amendment pertains only to the USA. Mass shootings of the kind we've seen, schools, grocery stores, churches, etc, etc is pretty much a unique USA ptoblem, not North American.

That’s not what I see when I google it Dan.

But my point is that those rights are ‘core values’ to some people, too, and remember, “there is no compromise on people’s rights”.

Btw I am centrist on many of these issues myself. But my God, let’s stop shutting down the conversations!

 

[disneychrista]

That’s not what I see when I google it Dan.

But my point is that those rights are ‘core values’ to some people, too, and remember, “there is no compromise on people’s rights”.

Btw I am centrist on many of these issues myself. But my God, let’s stop shutting down the conversations!

I think you might be misunderstanding what is being said. No one said that you don’t have the right to own a gun. But that doesn’t mean I have to date you if I am strongly for gun control and you are strongly against it.

Same can be said about abortion, same sex marriage, etc. You have the right to feel how you feel about these topics. But if my view is total opposite, we can discuss all day long but it is unlikely that we can compromise or just agree to disagree. These core values would be deal breakers.

 

[gmi3804]

if he asks to split the bill

That's quite an antiquated notion. I'd like to believe that women have come further than that. What if she asks?

 

[disneychrista]

That's quite an antiquated notion. I'd like to believe that women have come further than that. What if she asks?

It would be at least a yellow flag for me. I always went out on dates expecting to pay my share. But if he asks to go to dinner he should pay. If you are meeting (for the first time) for drinks or coffee then paying for your own makes more sense.

One time I had plans to meet a guy for drinks and he turned it into a lunch date. Then when the bill came asked to split. That was game over on a mediocre date.

 

[gmi3804]

It would be at least a yellow flag for me. I always went out on dates expecting to pay my share. But if he asks to go to dinner he should pay. If you are meeting (for the first time) for drinks or coffee then paying for your own makes more sense.

One time I had plans to meet a guy for drinks and he turned it into a lunch date. Then when the bill came asked to split. That was game over on a mediocre date.

What if it was a great date? Would you have cared as much?

I agree if someone asks, they're the host, it's appropriate to expect them to pay. But so often these days, people who meet online usually mutually agree to meet. I don't think there should be an expectation on either side. Slippery slope for sure.

 

[Lord Manhammer]

What if it was a great date? Would you have cared as much?

I agree if someone asks, they're the host, it's appropriate to expect them to pay. But so often these days, people who meet online usually mutually agree to meet. I don't think there should be an expectation on either side. Slippery slope for sure.

Even when I was a quasi-broke grad student, I always paid. It's just what's done when you ask someone out.