Dating question, is it a red flag or am I jumping the gun?

[Mickeyistheman]

Hello Fellow Diser's

Looking for some thoughts and advice.

Was set up by my dad with someone that he knows, I am 33, he just turned 45. Never been married, is a bit overweight but nothing crazy. He has a good stable job, been there for 25 years. Good family man (his mother passed away when he was 15) I can still see that it upsets him when he talked about her.

His brothers and sisters are all married with a few kids etc. etc.

So we go out, sort of on the cuff Saturday night. Had a very nice dinner, then went to a bar for a nightcap afterwards ( a good friend of his is the owner)

Now, my concerns came up when we first were in the car and he asked me what I am into, things I like to do. He brought up sex, but we moved on from that topic. Movies, traveling and Disney (bonus he does enjoy it!!!!) Plus he like me is a huge movie fan. So those were 2 huge points in his corner.

However, my concern now is that he just wants to have sex, I mean he kept asking me questions that I felt on a first date were really not appropriate. I can't even put them on here. I laughed it off but at one point I told him I am looking for a relationship, I am not 25 anymore and want something stable and substantial. Yes sex is very important but I need more and want more than that in my life.

I am not a big drinker - some of the stories he has told me all are involved with drinking. Every Friday night he plays pool with his friends ( I was invited to join as well ) from about 8 till midnight, he stops by that bar to have a nightcap then goes food shopping. He had about 3 drinks on the date. I had one at dinner and then a glass of wine at the bar.

He walked me to my door and went in for a kiss and I gave him one, nothing crazy but he was like "That's it, I want some more passion" I was put off and told him that he's got to work for it. Then he said well, we could just go inside and see if everything works. That bothered me because I am thinking to myself you don't know me and you are ready to jump in the sack even after you had told me that you want a relationship too.

My parents are really pusing this whole thing and have told me that I dont know what its like to be treated well (which is 100% true) but it was one date and I have many reservations. He seems really nice but I want to make this work but should I be concerned or should I just go with the flow.

I don't like being smothered and I fear that happening. Before we even got to dinner while we were talking he invited me to his friends Oscar Party (which would be fun) yesterday morning he wanted to know if I wanted to go to breakfast and now tonight he wants me to come and see him play pool with his league.

Maybe its me, but I think its a little too much too soon. Help!

 

[Mermaid02]

Hello Fellow Diser's

Looking for some thoughts and advice.

Was set up by my dad with someone that he knows, I am 33, he just turned 45. Never been married, is a bit overweight but nothing crazy. He has a good stable job, been there for 25 years. Good family man (his mother passed away when he was 15) I can still see that it upsets him when he talked about her.

His brothers and sisters are all married with a few kids etc. etc.

So we go out, sort of on the cuff Saturday night. Had a very nice dinner, then went to a bar for a nightcap afterwards ( a good friend of his is the owner)

Now, my concerns came up when we first were in the car and he asked me what I am into, things I like to do. He brought up sex, but we moved on from that topic. Movies, traveling and Disney (bonus he does enjoy it!!!!) Plus he like me is a huge movie fan. So those were 2 huge points in his corner.

However, my concern now is that he just wants to have sex, I mean he kept asking me questions that I felt on a first date were really not appropriate. I can't even put them on here. I laughed it off but at one point I told him I am looking for a relationship, I am not 25 anymore and want something stable and substantial. Yes sex is very important but I need more and want more than that in my life.

I am not a big drinker - some of the stories he has told me all are involved with drinking. Every Friday night he plays pool with his friends ( I was invited to join as well ) from about 8 till midnight, he stops by that bar to have a nightcap then goes food shopping. He had about 3 drinks on the date. I had one at dinner and then a glass of wine at the bar.

He walked me to my door and went in for a kiss and I gave him one, nothing crazy but he was like "That's it, I want some more passion" I was put off and told him that he's got to work for it. Then he said well, we could just go inside and see if everything works. That bothered me because I am thinking to myself you don't know me and you are ready to jump in the sack even after you had told me that you want a relationship too.

My parents are really pusing this whole thing and have told me that I dont know what its like to be treated well (which is 100% true) but it was one date and I have many reservations. He seems really nice but I want to make this work but should I be concerned or should I just go with the flow.

I don't like being smothered and I fear that happening. Before we even got to dinner while we were talking he invited me to his friends Oscar Party (which would be fun) yesterday morning he wanted to know if I wanted to go to breakfast and now tonight he wants me to come and see him play pool with his league.

Maybe its me, but I think its a little too much too soon. Help!

He made you uncomfortable- and rightly so- so why would you see him again? Sex talk on a first date (and your DAD fixed you up with him ) would make me uncomfortable too.

 

[smb6]

If you are this put off after one date; I'd say this is not going to work out.... I agree- his sexual advancements were inappropriate; it does not necessarily sound like he is a sicko, but maybe not the guy for you..... I'd move on...

 

[IUTBAM]

Run, don't just walk, in the opposite direction of this man!

 

[Erin1700]

Seems a little odd. He is not acting like the gentleman he should be.

I would agree to another date in public possibly with friends next weekend. In the mean time chat with him on the phone and see if the inappropriate conversation comes up again. If it does, cancel the date and dont look back. If not I would give him one more chance (but not alone), maybe he was nervous? The fact that your parents felt comfortable setting you up makes me feel like he is worth another chance.

 

[SaraJayne]

If he's 45 and never been married, there's a reason. I think you just found it.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I'd consider it a warning sign, but I'm not sure I'd give up on the guy just yet.

If you like this guy enough otherwise, I'd say something to the fact that if he wants to have anything like an actual relationship, he needs to lay off the horn dog routine, and that you'd hope his mother taught him not to jump in bed with someone the first date.

If that doesn't work, or if he skeaves you out too much, tell him to heave off and look elsewhere.

 

[Dee77]

There is a reason he is 45 and never married. He did not show any respect to you or your father and I agree, run!

 

[Christine]

Everything about everything he did was a huge red flag to me. He sounds weird. His behavior is something I'd expect out of bumbling frat boy, not a 45 year old man. It honestly sounds gross.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

If he's 45 and never been married, there's a reason. I think you just found it.

In his deffense he is a big guy, so that may have hindered some of the women he has dated in the past. Who are now his friends, I have no problem with that and I was hoping he was looking for the same thing. We had a great conversation amid all the sex talk. He is a guy after all.

Now I am 33 and never been married, I am also not a small woman but not huge either. I do think I have had more relationships than him. He was talking a good game but my dad told me that was not the case.

He thought he was in a relationship but it really wasn't so. My dad says he would make a great husband because he would want to be with you all the time in every aspect. Now that does sound nice BUT I do like my space as well.

 

[IdesOmarch]

Another negative is there does seem to be a pretty good age difference, which is not always a negative, but can add to things. I am a guy so its a little hard for me to judge, but I would generally agree with the other posters, doesn't seem like the greatest pick, and he did seem pretty aggressive for a 1st date.

 

[Kies99]

If you have to ask here, then I'd say move on.

Always listen to your gut instinct. It won't fail you.

 

[Jennasis]

Not the guy for you...period. If anything he says or does made you uncomfortable enough to even post here looking for advice...well, there's your answer.

 

[SaraJayne]

In his deffense he is a big guy, so that may have hindered some of the women he has dated in the past. Who are now his friends, I have no problem with that and I was hoping he was looking for the same thing. We had a great conversation amid all the sex talk. He is a guy after all.

Now I am 33 and never been married, I am also not a small woman but not huge either. I do think I have had more relationships than him. He was talking a good game but my dad told me that was not the case.

He thought he was in a relationship but it really wasn't so. My dad says he would make a great husband because he would want to be with you all the time in every aspect. Now that does sound nice BUT I do like my space as well.

That just sounds creepy to me (the red bolded).

And my DH is a guy, too...but he didn't bring up sex on the very first date. It's completely inappropriate and skeevy.

I'd be done with him. Life is too short to waste time on creepy guys.

 

[Jennasis]

In his deffense he is a big guy, so that may have hindered some of the women he has dated in the past. Who are now his friends, I have no problem with that and I was hoping he was looking for the same thing. We had a great conversation amid all the sex talk. He is a guy after all.

Now I am 33 and never been married, I am also not a small woman but not huge either. I do think I have had more relationships than him. He was talking a good game but my dad told me that was not the case.

He thought he was in a relationship but it really wasn't so. My dad says he would make a great husband because he would want to be with you all the time in every aspect. Now that does sound nice BUT I do like my space as well.

Don't defend him based on his weight or appearance.

My cousin is 6'4" and over 300lbs and he just married a smokin' hottie. In fact, all his girlfriends have been "hot". He has a stellar personality that attracted these women.

 

[joviroxx]

Trust your instincts and your gut!

 

[LuLuO]

He made you uncomfortable- and rightly so- so why would you see him again? Sex talk on a first date (and your DAD fixed you up with him ) would make me uncomfortable too.

Agreed.

Go with your gut. If you are uncomfortable, move on. I wonder what your parents would say if they knew about the sex talk on day 1. Not very chivalrous if you ask me.

 

[Polyluvr]

There is a reason this guy never got married~ he's a weirdo !!!

If your parents keep pushing the issue~ I'd tell them exactly what you told us here.

 

[Christine]

Don't defend him based on his weight or appearance.

My cousin is 6'4" and over 300lbs and he just married a smokin' hottie. In fact, all his girlfriends have been "hot". He has a stellar personality that attracted these women.

Exactly!!! Women are pretty good at overlooking all sorts of things in men that they would probably never overlook in us!!! Big beer guts, balding heads, you name it. None of that stuff will ever matter if a man has a great personality. If he's having relationship problems it's not because of his weight.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Eh, you guys do not sound like a match to me.