Cyber Relationships

[MICKEY88]

All of that is true, it can lead to alot of things. Then again, a lot of marriages end i ndivorce when there is no flirting or folling around involved. That tells me there's much more to a commited relationship than whther someone flirts or not. For example, if a woman is flirting because she is unhappy at home, it will lead to problems. On the other hand, if she is happy at home (with her family, career, in bed, etc.) then I'm not sure there's a chance in friendly flirting turning into something more.

if she's happy at home why does she need to flirt elsewhere..??

people randomly get struck by lightning .while trying to be safe,,.but that doesn't mean it's a wise idea to stand outside in a thunderstorm holding a metal rod up to the sky..

 

[DVCJEN]

If you are in a happy, healthy relationship why would you need to go elsewhere to "flirt"? Searching to fulfill attention needs outside of the relationship is definately a sign of trouble in my book!

 

[WIcruizer]

if she's happy at home why does she need to flirt elsewhere..??

Well...that's a loaded question, I'll be careful with my answer. Everyone has fantasies. Whether it's someone we know...celebrities...etc. Some of us may or may not think of those people while...well...you know.

There are varying degress of fantasy, and I don't think anyone can declare what is going too far. Unless you're locked in the house all day, every day soomething could always "happen" whether you're fliting or not if you don't have a close relationship.

 

[Lyn5]

I also say that going online to flirt can be dangerous, especially because I think that relationships can develop over the internet. I will use myself as an example. For a year I lurked on the DIS and then started posting recently thinking to myself that I would not give out any RL info about myself and it would be casual talking. Then, I made friends with some of the people on the DIS, mostly nice woman with similar interest to mine (I am female also). Next thing I know, I have exchanged some info with my new friends and today I mailed off some t-shirts I made for a DIS friend along with a simple birthday gift for her....I never would have thought I would be doing this, but relationships do evolve....I wouldn't want to put myself at the start of an emotional or real affair...but that is just me.

 

[MICKEY88]

Well...that's a loaded question, I'll be careful with my answer. Everyone has fantasies. Whether it's someone we know...celebrities...etc. Some of us may or may not think of those people while...well...you know.

There are varying degress of fantasy, and I don't think anyone can declare what is going too far. Unless you're locked in the house all day, every day soomething could always "happen" whether you're fliting or not if you don't have a close relationship.

one can have fantasies without involving another real person...it starts out innocently, then the other person is such a good listener, they say the right things, and suddenly they might be a better match than the person you are with...after all the grass is always greener..

 

[MICKEY88]

CROSSING THE LINE - ON LINE

 

[TDC Nala]

If it's a long term ongoing thing, it probably isn't proper for a married person to continue.

 

[chager]

I met a guy online and he kept trying to flirt with me. I never said anything to make him think it was ok and told him that it wasn't. We both shared some common interests which is way we started talking in the first place. I even showed my DH his IM's and he agreed I wasn't "leading him on" or anything. He started "stalking" me basically. I'm talking dozens of IM's daily. Even if I didn't IM back. I finally did a little research and figured out his name and address and informed him if he didn't stop IM'ing me DHand I would be out to visit unannounced when his wife was there. (I asked if he told his wife we had IM'd and he said "No, it's none of her business.") In his mind we had a "relationship" making him dangerous as far as I was concerned. I feel bad for his wife becuase from what I understand she is clueless and I am sure I wasn't the first person he obsessed over.
I also know of a marriage that ended due to an online relationship. The husband had been faithful and loved his wife alot. Well they bought a computer and he met someone online. It started out as innocent flirting and eventually led to him leaving his wife and moving in with this woman. This guy was a highly respected member of our church and my DH's mentor. Dh still blames himself for helping buy and set up the computer. This was 7-8 years ago and DH can't get over the betrayel he feels. No one saw this coming.
Do I think that this could happen in every situation? not at all. But it could be playing with fire and have disastrous outcome.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

You're actually kinda' funny!

Thank you.

Seriously, I have no problem with "online flirting". Then again I have no problem with "real life flirting" either. I realize that flirting is flirting and as long as both parties are aware of what it is there is no harm. I flirt with one of my really good male friends all the time, both online and in person. His wife knows, she doesn't care. She knows that all it is is fun. He flirts with everyone, that is his personality. She flirts with all her guy friends, it's who she is. And when all is said and done they have one of the strongest marriages I've seen in a long time. They both trust each other and know that it is all harmless.

Maybe it's how I was raised, maybe it's because of who I hang out with or the culture of where I live. But yes, I think having a problem with flirting with someone other than your SO is serious insecurities and that flirting online, flirting in real life is just fun.

I also realize that it doesn't take an internet "relationship" to cause cheating. Anyone who would cheat because of the internet would cheat in real life. I realize that "forbidding" my SO to flirt online would not guarentee he would not cheat if that is what he was going to do in the end. And flirting with someone doesn't equate to a relationship in my book.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

When I was married, I used to flirt online with guys all the time. But that's only because my ex-husband didn't give me the attention I needed. I wasn't happy, so I was looking for happiness elsewhere (even if it was just words on an IM box). I don't think flirting with others when you're in a solid marriage should be necessary.

 

[goin2disneyagain]

I do not think it is ok...it is asking for trouble and is disrespectful to your spouse.

I agree.

 

[horseshowmom]

Maybe it's how I was raised, maybe it's because of who I hang out with or the culture of where I live. But yes, I think having a problem with flirting with someone other than your SO is serious insecurities and that flirting online, flirting in real life is just fun. QUOTE]

I guess I tend to look at it from the opposite perspective. I can't help but wonder whether the person who has the need to do all of this flirting doesn't have the insecurites and some hidden needs to be met. JMHO - to each their own opinion...

 

[WIcruizer]

I can't help but wonder whether the person who has the need to do all of this flirting doesn't have the insecurites and some hidden needs to be met.

This seems to be a subject, like so many others in here, where we think our own opinion and experiences means everyone should act and feel that way.

You mention above the NEED to do this. If someone NEEDS to flirt, there is obviously a problem in the marriage. But you're assuming people NEED to do this. Many people seek out porn, online or otherwise, go to strip clubs, purchase marital aids, etc. Why would anyone NEED any of that? Everyone has different ways of keeping that spark alive. I don't believe the internet causes any breakups. If someone starts off a conversation and they become emotionally attached, there's an issue in the marriage already. And it would have manifested itself eventually even if the internet didn't exist.

 

[Marseeya]

My DH and I both have different views on it based on our personal responses to flirting/casual relationships and it's a tad bit complicated to explain.

I don't see anything wrong with casual flirting as long as there are boundaries that aren't crossed. My DH is more relationship oriented and believes that flirting should lead to a relationship. So, with him knowing my attitude, he wouldn't be bothered by my flirting with someone online. I, on the other hand, knowing that he takes it more seriously, would definitely be bothered by it.

Several years ago we had a rough patch in our marriage and he did form an online relationship and I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anybody.

 

[Marseeya]

Maybe it's how I was raised, maybe it's because of who I hang out with or the culture of where I live. But yes, I think having a problem with flirting with someone other than your SO is serious insecurities and that flirting online, flirting in real life is just fun. QUOTE]

I guess I tend to look at it from the opposite perspective. I can't help but wonder whether the person who has the need to do all of this flirting doesn't have the insecurites and some hidden needs to be met. JMHO - to each their own opinion...

I'm not saying everyone's like that, but I do agree with you based on some of my own friends. They seem to need this constant reassurance that they're still attractive to members of the opposite sex and are very insecure about themselves, which is why they resort to flirting.

But I think some people do it because it's just fun.