Cutting Down the guest list......

[Mgmgal]

I'm kind of stuck my fiancé and I just did our first draft of the guest list and it's 200 people! That is way too many folks for my taste but I'm not sure how/where to draw the line. If anyone has any tips on how to cut down the guest list that would be a great help. I'm kind of feeling stuck because my sister just had a big wedding and everyone there kept telling me "You're next, can't wait to be there!" and all i could think was I DO NOT want this many people! I understand that each persons guest situation is different I'm just seeing if anyone had any ideas on how to do this, or a way they got maybe an approximate headcount prior to sending out invitations. Thanks.

 

[girli565]

I cut down my list by inviting only close family, no third cousins from timbucktu that I never see. And we also invited close friends, the people we hangout with normally.

For family this tricky but if you never see them and you're not close with them I don't see why they have to be invited.

 

[puente0629]

I'm kind of stuck my fiancé and I just did our first draft of the guest list and it's 200 people! That is way too many folks for my taste but I'm not sure how/where to draw the line. If anyone has any tips on how to cut down the guest list that would be a great help. I'm kind of feeling stuck because my sister just had a big wedding and everyone there kept telling me "You're next, can't wait to be there!" and all i could think was I DO NOT want this many people! I understand that each persons guest situation is different I'm just seeing if anyone had any ideas on how to do this, or a way they got maybe an approximate headcount prior to sending out invitations. Thanks.

We have a really big family as well but we both decided that if we haven't seen you in 6months you are automatically not in the wedding (harsh but effective). We also invited people WE wanted to go not, our parents, siblings etc. wanted. Remember who is paying for this wedding and who's wedding is it, if you rather have a small wedding, don't let anyone change your mind, you'll regret it. We started with over 100 guests brought it down to 50 and 30 said yes!

 

[PartofDisney'sWorld]

I agree with the above posters. We had the same problem, when we did our first draft we had 200 people. 50 of them were on my side and 150 of them were on DF's side. Most of them were people he never talks to/sees and their kids! I told him we had to cut it down to less than 100, which turned out to actually be pretty easy, because we decided to just invite close family members that we at least see for holidays and have at least talked to within the past year. HTH!

 

[Mgmgal]

Thanks for all the help guys!

 

[*Pixiedust1438*]

We had a really hard time cutting our guest list down, but for us it wasn't just that we didn't want a huge wedding, but that we couldn't afford a huge wedding in Disney. If money were no object I would have invited a lot more people, but since we had to keep our guest list reasonable, or not have the wedding, we had to not invite some family. I agree with the above posters, that we basically invited people we are close with and see on a frequent basis, family members we only see once a year max we didn't invite. There may be some hurt feelings but it is ultimately your wedding and you have to do what is going to make you happy, not other people. We ended up inviting about 75 guests and are hoping around 50 come.

As far as a way to get an idea of who is coming prior to sending out invites, many girls on here have suggested, or have done this themselves, sending out a pre RSVP, maybe with the STD's or with a newsletter, asking guests if they plan on coming or not. I would word it something like: We will deff. be there, were not sure, but are hoping to come, and sorry, we won't be able to make it. Some guests might know now 100% whether they can come or not, while other might have to wait and see what costs,etc. If you don't want to do this you could informally ask guests, or have a family member do it, if they plan on coming or not, but this would be tough with a 200 guest count, it would work better if you decide to not invite a lot of people.

 

[Mgmgal]

I should have mentioned the fact that not only is that I don't want that many people but we are also on a budget as well. We both just graduated from college in May and he is now in law school so budget is also one of the bigger factors. Those are good ideas with the save the dates and newsletter type things, thanks for that. Again thanks for all of the great ideas!

 

[FutureMrs.B]

I agree with what everyone else is saying. I'm not sure if you're from florida of not but if not than that can be part of your reasoning is that it's a destination wedding so you want a smaller affair. If it's in your budget than maybe have a dinner or a get together when you come back.

 

[Mgmgal]

We live in IL, so it would be a destination wedding.

 

[PartofDisney'sWorld]

I would be cautious with the whole pre-RSVP/newsletter thing. It can be useful when trying to find out who is coming out of the people you invited or are planning to invite. But, if you send pre-RSVPs or newsletters to all 200 people and you know that you are not inviting them all, then people will get offended that they got something and they think they will be invited and then later find out they aren't invited.

 

[FutureMrs.B]

We live in IL, so it would be a destination wedding.

I don't know if you'd want to or your budget allows, but you can have a reception back home or maybe a less formal gathering. When you think about it if you were to have a regular wedding at home not everyone attends the ceremony, but they'll attend the reception later on. HTH

 

[Mgmgal]

I would be cautious with the whole pre-RSVP/newsletter thing. It can be useful when trying to find out who is coming out of the people you invited or are planning to invite. But, if you send pre-RSVPs or newsletters to all 200 people and you know that you are not inviting them all, then people will get offended that they got something and they think they will be invited and then later find out they aren't invited.

I completely agree, The 200 was our first run and I kinda freaked out a little bit because I knew that there was no way our budget would allow us to have a Disney wedding and invite 200 people. But I am very worried about hurting peoples feelings so I am treading lightly. Thanks to all of you my wheels are turning even faster to try and make it all work!

 

[NicknNancy]

We were in the same boat! We made up our guest list and we had about 280 people At first we were going to just invite family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) and then as the replies came in we would invite friends that we wanted there. However, I didn't think it was fair to our friends and extended family to pick and choose among them. So we made the tough decision of Just inviting family and 2 friends each and this cut our guest list down by over 150 people!!! We are going to do a BBQ reception at home and surprisingly everybody who isn't invited to Disney was very supportive of that decision.

You just have to keep in mind that you can't please everyone and that it's your wedding. I had to get over the thought of hurting people's feelings.

 

[bunny_pop]

I completely agree, The 200 was our first run and I kinda freaked out a little bit because I knew that there was no way our budget would allow us to have a Disney wedding and invite 200 people. But I am very worried about hurting peoples feelings so I am treading lightly. Thanks to all of you my wheels are turning even faster to try and make it all work!

You know, I was worried about hurting peoples feelings to, but my guest understood. As is, there will probably be last minute people you might need to include, which happened to us. Pick the people who you really want there from your friends and family. What about holding at home reception for those you wish you could have invited? HTH

 

[KR1343]

1

 

[Mgmgal]

I know it's hard to cut the guest list. We both come from HUGE families, not to mention extended. We have siblings, which i have 2 and he has 4 (and their kids) 6 kids, parents and godparents/families.
Our total is 30 adults and 6 kids. I know that we hurt alot of people's feelings but.... we are having a cookout/reception at our house which will be 200 people. In the end it's what we both wanted. hope that helps

It does, Both of our parents are divorced and remarried and siblings have kids and then close cousins have kids and it all starts to add up, so even immediate family is kind of large. It's good it just makes this a challenge.

 

[irishwishes]

For our guest list no one could agree to cut it off at immediate family since some cousins are like siblings to both of us. So we cut it off at first cousins. There was a lot of buzz about none of the kids being invited, but if we opened the door to one we opened it to 30 kids. The first cousin thing was the most objective way to do things. We only included close friends and even had to cut some I've been stressed about the guest count since the beginning and probably won't calm down until RSVP's are in.

 

[BecBennett]

If you haven't met someone from your DF's side don't invite them, and vice versa for anyone on your side that your DF hasn't met.

 

[gules]

I think that narrowing your guest list to closest family and friends is probably the best idea. Our list started off at something like 150 and we got it down to 80, only 60 of which showed up. We went with general rules like, if we haven't seen family in more than 2-3 years, if we haven't known a friend for more than 4 years, etc. We also did some calling around since our family is so scattered (our parents helped!) and got an idea of who just couldn't make it. To those we sent announcement cards and invites as keepsakes later, if they requested it.

I really wanted a bigger, less formal reception at home, but our timing just couldn't support it. I think that's a great idea to make others feel welcome to share in your joy without having to invite everyone to the more expensive bash. Just be careful not to talk too much about the venue they can't go to, let them know you don't expect gifts (except for maybe good food for the party!), etc. If they're good friends and family, they'll understand and just want to share in your joy regardless of venue. If people ask, offer to give them access to your pictures later.

As a side note, it doesn't sound like you're doing this, but don't bother with all that "and guest" stuff. Don't leave it open for people to bring whomever they want as a tag along. Give each person an invite of their own unless they're married, in which case explicitly state on the invitation each member of the household. This will give a stronger impression that last-minute 'friends' are NOT welcome. We did not include significant others of friends unless we knew them to be engaged or were friends with the significant other independently. We did get a question to two about this, but our reply was "They're welcome to enjoy the same discounts you do, but our wedding is for our closest family and friends only."

To be frank, if I didn't know the people getting married, I'd rather get cheap hotels and tickets and run around Disney than sit through a ceremony in my best clothes, on top of getting them an expensive gift.

 

[PartofDisney'sWorld]

As a side note, it doesn't sound like you're doing this, but don't bother with all that "and guest" stuff. Don't leave it open for people to bring whomever they want as a tag along. Give each person an invite of their own unless they're married, in which case explicitly state on the invitation each member of the household. This will give a stronger impression that last-minute 'friends' are NOT welcome. We did not include significant others of friends unless we knew them to be engaged or were friends with the significant other independently. We did get a question to two about this, but our reply was "They're welcome to enjoy the same discounts you do, but our wedding is for our closest family and friends only."

To be frank, if I didn't know the people getting married, I'd rather get cheap hotels and tickets and run around Disney than sit through a ceremony in my best clothes, on top of getting them an expensive gift.

I like this. I have some people that I thought I was going to have to attach the "and guest" thing to on the invite, which will make our guest list go up quite a bit. But this sounds like a good idea. Thanks!