Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[Miss Park Avenue]

Hey guys, how is everyone doing? Same old same old it sounds like. Update for me: I received the two payments credited in January - I'm thinking ex got a new job and they tracked him down. Now I'm just impatiently waiting to see if I get any more money from him. I'm wondering if he'll be the one to continually skip out on jobs just to keep from paying CS.

Ugh, bad news on the child care front. My DD's daycare has decided to raise their before & after school rates up 12%. Insane. Last year they raised rates 17%. Unfortunately, even with the increase they are still the cheapest rates in town. I HATE having to pay for it. This brings the running total increase up to $1000 over a 2 year period.

I am doing OK. My ex is in construction and between the economy and that huge winter storm the Pacific Northwest got in January, he's pay took a huge hit. So my checks have been very small. Can't really complain since that isn't really his fault. But, after dragging his feet for a year to pay, I never saw someone run so fast to a judge when his pay went DOWN.

 

[kgle]

I am new to this group but have been a single mom for my son's entire life and he is about to be 3. Luckily, my son's father and I have a GREAT relationship. He lives out of state but after being absent for 19 months decided to take a part in my son's life in November of 2007. We finally had court established support set up last August and I have never had any issues regarding it. However, he was laid off a couple of weeks ago and subsequently I lost my job last week. The child support office said there shouldn't be any issues and they will just take his payments out of his unemployment checks. Just wondering if anyone has dealt with this situation? Up until now, I received a monthly lump sum since he was paid monthly. I believe that his UI is biweekly so should I assume it will be paid every 2 weeks now? I am also concerned that the switchover to UI will be a painful process and it might take a while for it to get set up in a new system.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I am new to this group but have been a single mom for my son's entire life and he is about to be 3. Luckily, my son's father and I have a GREAT relationship. He lives out of state but after being absent for 19 months decided to take a part in my son's life in November of 2007. We finally had court established support set up last August and I have never had any issues regarding it. However, he was laid off a couple of weeks ago and subsequently I lost my job last week. The child support office said there shouldn't be any issues and they will just take his payments out of his unemployment checks. Just wondering if anyone has dealt with this situation? Up until now, I received a monthly lump sum since he was paid monthly. I believe that his UI is biweekly so should I assume it will be paid every 2 weeks now? I am also concerned that the switchover to UI will be a painful process and it might take a while for it to get set up in a new system.

It should be a relatively smooth transition for you. I had this same scenario with my ex-husband years ago and they did just garnish straight from the unemployment. However, there was a lag of 2-3 weeks before I started seeing the money. After the initial wait, the checks started to come like clockwork.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I just received a notice from Child Suport Enforcement that they will be filing the new modification with the district court. If either party objects they have 20 days to request a hearing (he had 10 days from the original notice but he didn't reply this is the final notice...if you will). If he requests a hearing and he has to go, will I have to be there also? He has threatened me to the point where I don't feel safe at all. There are no metal detectors at the court house and he did threaten me with a gun, in the past. If I have to go to court I would rather give up the child support. What will happen if I don't go?

 

[mpls_mm]

I am new to this group but have been a single mom for my son's entire life and he is about to be 3. Luckily, my son's father and I have a GREAT relationship. He lives out of state but after being absent for 19 months decided to take a part in my son's life in November of 2007. We finally had court established support set up last August and I have never had any issues regarding it. However, he was laid off a couple of weeks ago and subsequently I lost my job last week. The child support office said there shouldn't be any issues and they will just take his payments out of his unemployment checks. Just wondering if anyone has dealt with this situation? Up until now, I received a monthly lump sum since he was paid monthly. I believe that his UI is biweekly so should I assume it will be paid every 2 weeks now? I am also concerned that the switchover to UI will be a painful process and it might take a while for it to get set up in a new system.

I didn't notice much of a lag when exdh was unemployed. However, I am not sure about other states, but there was no cap on what they could take. Normally I think there is a cap or maximum percentage on regular wages, so they can't take a persons whole check even if they are way behind. When ex-dh got unemployment, they gave me the regular amount even though he was only getting 60% of his pay. He was left with less than $50 every week.

 

[kgle]

It should be a relatively smooth transition for you. I had this same scenario with my ex-husband years ago and they did just garnish straight from the unemployment. However, there was a lag of 2-3 weeks before I started seeing the money. After the initial wait, the checks started to come like clockwork.

I am glad to hear that. We set up CS through the Texas Attorney General last July and I didn't see any money until October. It was a pain in the butt. It was right when they had the terrible hurricane that obliterated Houston and they kept trying to use that as an excuse, when we signed papers in July and it should have been taken care of then (his first payment was due August 15th). I had over $1000 sitting somewhere that I couldn't touch by the time October hit.

I didn't notice much of a lag when exdh was unemployed. However, I am not sure about other states, but there was no cap on what they could take. Normally I think there is a cap or maximum percentage on regular wages, so they can't take a persons whole check even if they are way behind. When ex-dh got unemployment, they gave me the regular amount even though he was only getting 60% of his pay. He was left with less than $50 every week.

Yes, they told him they would still take the normal amount out of his UI benefits. I told him that we could try to lower it if he wanted but he said no, that he is okay with paying the whole amount since its for DS. Hopefully I have no issues. Luckily, due to the new stimulus package, in Indiana those receiving UI benefits will start receiving a $25/week increase so that should help me out too.

Thanks for the info guys!

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I just received a notice from Child Suport Enforcement that they will be filing the new modification with the district court. If either party objects they have 20 days to request a hearing (he had 10 days from the original notice but he didn't reply this is the final notice...if you will). If he requests a hearing and he has to go, will I have to be there also? He has threatened me to the point where I don't feel safe at all. There are no metal detectors at the court house and he did threaten me with a gun, in the past. If I have to go to court I would rather give up the child support. What will happen if I don't go?

I would call the court and ask them if you have to be there. I know from my experience they expect both parties to show up if either contests. Normally if one party doesn't show up, the other gets what they wanted by default. As far as the threats, do you have a restraining order? Sounds like you should. Even with me having an R/O against my ex, I still have to go to court with him. Mediation requires he be out of the room and the mediator goes back and forth between us and in the courtroom itself in front of the judge, the bailiff just stands in between us during the hearing. They also allow me to leave first while detaining him for maybe 10 minutes or so. I do know that the last time my ex violated the R/O and he was in front of the judge for it, they did want me to appear, but allowed me to speak with the court via phone...possibly if your needed (if your ex does contest) they may allow this option for you. I'd check into it if you think its going to be an issue.

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

I just received a notice from Child Suport Enforcement that they will be filing the new modification with the district court. If either party objects they have 20 days to request a hearing (he had 10 days from the original notice but he didn't reply this is the final notice...if you will). If he requests a hearing and he has to go, will I have to be there also? He has threatened me to the point where I don't feel safe at all. There are no metal detectors at the court house and he did threaten me with a gun, in the past. If I have to go to court I would rather give up the child support. What will happen if I don't go?

I'm sorry I don't have any advice but hugs . It's no fun not feeling safe. Maybe you can get a restraining order on him???

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

UPDATE.....
I heard rumors that my ex quit his job. I called down to0 his work and they told me he left. They said he moved back to California. They didn't know who I was and it isn't unusual for people to call and ask about or for employees. So this was the truth. There goes any child support, ever. I suposed child support will increase but I will never see a dime. I guess it is a small price to pay for piece of mind.

 

[Irin997]

UPDATE.....
I heard rumors that my ex quit his job. I called down to0 his work and they told me he left. They said he moved back to California. They didn't know who I was and it isn't unusual for people to call and ask about or for employees. So this was the truth. There goes any child support, ever. I suposed child support will increase but I will never see a dime. I guess it is a small price to pay for piece of mind.

DON'T say it's gone forever! You have to call your CS caseworker and give them this new information and then they will contact the California CS Enforcement Office.

I only encourage you to keep at it because it took me 4 years to even get a court order. The fact that you HAVE a court order means that he could be in serious trouble if he doesn't uphold the order.

Trust me, I had to go through 2 different state CS offices and lots of court records information (my ex apparently likes to get arrested) which is how they finally found him. Again, I did not even have an order established.

Good luck!


Update on me: I've gotten two more payments and DD7's ortho work is now down to a balance of $720! If I keep getting payments from him after its paid off, I'll be planning our first WDW trip.

 

[cheermom1]

I have a question - in the event that my dh is laid off how does that work with CS? i mean can they make me pay it? or can they take it out of unemployment? or what? thanks

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

DON'T say it's gone forever! You have to call your CS caseworker and give them this new information and then they will contact the California CS Enforcement Office.

I only encourage you to keep at it because it took me 4 years to even get a court order. The fact that you HAVE a court order means that he could be in serious trouble if he doesn't uphold the order.

Trust me, I had to go through 2 different state CS offices and lots of court records information (my ex apparently likes to get arrested) which is how they finally found him. Again, I did not even have an order established.

Good luck!


Update on me: I've gotten two more payments and DD7's ortho work is now down to a balance of $720! If I keep getting payments from him after its paid off, I'll be planning our first WDW trip.

Thanks for the reply. I think my ex may be in HUGE trouble IF the autorities ever catch up to him. He is on probation (I think that is what it is called). He was sentanced to 365 days in jail all but 7 suspended. He served the 7 and was given his vehicle back so he could go to and from work. As soon as he got his car he left the stste. I think that is against the law.

I am so glad you got the ortho money. We are on our own with that one. I do have an order that he pays 50% but I am not holding my breath

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I have a question - in the event that my dh is laid off how does that work with CS? i mean can they make me pay it? or can they take it out of unemployment? or what? thanks

When my ex lost his job, child support was automatically garnished through unemployment. I'd call your case worker to ensure that happens though.

 

[summerrluvv]

aaa

 

[MOREMICKEYFORME]

Hello Ladies.
I thought I'd give a quick update.
Backstory: Ex owes $42,000.00 for now 16 YO DD. Hasn't seen her often or paid in years...
He works under the table and his mom is an accountant who hides his money.
I called CS yet again to see if this could be seen as contempt. They told me no and they are now sending me paperwork to start "enforcement" proceedings. Lets just say I have been down this road for 16 years. I would love it if they would just arrest him for contempt. I'm not getting anything now, and I wouldn't be getting anything if he were in jail...except satisfaction that he might be suffering a bit...Is that bad of me to want him to suffer a little? I mean he hasn't been around for 16 years and has no responsibilities. I want him to know what its like to sacrafice, be hungry, share a bedroom with your mom, feel ashamed/embarrassed when all the other kids were going to summer camp and you can't send your kid, etc. I guess I am just feeling bitter today...

I am glad to say that now I have a great man in my life, fantastic job and things are better, but I think of the old days and I get very mad at him!!!

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Hello everyone. I am in panic mode since ex has until March 13th to fight CS. I have heard rumors (from his job) that he left the state. But no confirmation. Does anyone have an idea on how to confirm his whereabouts?

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Hello Ladies.
I thought I'd give a quick update.
Backstory: Ex owes $42,000.00 for now 16 YO DD. Hasn't seen her often or paid in years...
He works under the table and his mom is an accountant who hides his money.
I called CS yet again to see if this could be seen as contempt. They told me no and they are now sending me paperwork to start "enforcement" proceedings. Lets just say I have been down this road for 16 years. I would love it if they would just arrest him for contempt. I'm not getting anything now, and I wouldn't be getting anything if he were in jail...except satisfaction that he might be suffering a bit...Is that bad of me to want him to suffer a little? I mean he hasn't been around for 16 years and has no responsibilities. I want him to know what its like to sacrafice, be hungry, share a bedroom with your mom, feel ashamed/embarrassed when all the other kids were going to summer camp and you can't send your kid, etc. I guess I am just feeling bitter today...

I am glad to say that now I have a great man in my life, fantastic job and things are better, but I think of the old days and I get very mad at him!!!

Good or bad I think it is only natural to feel bitter. My ex would leave jobs at the drop of a hat when they told him he couldn't get days off to go on vacation. He would go away for weeks, at a time. He would come back and shower DD with souvies (like sea shells) but would tell me there was no money for CS since he wasn't working. During all those times I was working 2 jobs and trying to keep food on the table. Even after I remarried there was a short period when my DH was laid off. We struggled to take care of our kids while my ex told me that since I remarried he wasn't responsible for DD anymore. Since things are better in my own life, and not so great in his, there are times when I feel guilty about going after back child support. I feel even more guilty about having it increased. Then I realize that I shouldn't be the only one having to tighten the budget if DD needs braces, or violin lessons or whaever. I am pretty sure that I won't see much of that money but it will make things difficult for him and as wrong as it is, many times I feel he deserves it.

 

[MOREMICKEYFORME]

Did anyone see the Dr. Phil show on Friday??? It was about Dead Beat Dads.
They had this man on from some man's group, and he was stating that the courts are FORCING men to become dead beat dads...because the courts are biased and force men to pay more than they can afford.
This guy had a lot to say and each time he opened his mouth, I wanted to jump thru the tv and smack him!!!

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

We struggled to take care of our kids while my ex told me that since I remarried he wasn't responsible for DD anymore. Since things are better in my own life, and not so great in his, there are times when I feel guilty about going after back child support. I feel even more guilty about having it increased. Then I realize that I shouldn't be the only one having to tighten the budget if DD needs braces, or violin lessons or whaever. I am pretty sure that I won't see much of that money but it will make things difficult for him and as wrong as it is, many times I feel he deserves it.

This sounds very familiar. I have times where I feel bad for my ex (although I let him off the hook for child support many times over the years to the tune of thousands). I've come to the same conclusion though and have to turn off any guilt or pity feelings. We have to make adjustments to our lives when the kids need stuff and it should go both ways.

Did anyone see the Dr. Phil show on Friday??? It was about Dead Beat Dads.
They had this man on from some man's group, and he was stating that the courts are FORCING men to become dead beat dads...because the courts are biased and force men to pay more than they can afford.
This guy had a lot to say and each time he opened his mouth, I wanted to jump thru the tv and smack him!!!

OMG...no, I didn't see that episode but it sure sounds like it was interesting. I'll have to see if I can find the episode online to watch. I just don't see any justification for not supporting your child, no matter what your situation. When I first divorced half of my salary was going towards daycare and I had to find a way to pay for the house, food and all the other stuff with the rest of my pay, which wasn't much to begin with. I have a hard time reconciling that the nonCP parents can't do the same...without having to worry about the day to day care of the kids themselves.

 

[kgle]

Did anyone see the Dr. Phil show on Friday??? It was about Dead Beat Dads.
They had this man on from some man's group, and he was stating that the courts are FORCING men to become dead beat dads...because the courts are biased and force men to pay more than they can afford.
This guy had a lot to say and each time he opened his mouth, I wanted to jump thru the tv and smack him!!!

Its almost as outrageous as those men who think that they should be exempt from child support because they had a one night stand and had no say in the baby.