Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[polineedyan]

The system in Ohio is very civilized. When parents are married, quite often, both parents retain their right to raise their child the way they see fit. There are fewer custody cases when parents divorce. It does vary from state to state. Ohio has done a fantastic job of encouraging parents to set aside their personal differences, and in many cases, dividing placement 50/50 in lieu of child support.
The system in Ohio has extensive resources to help parents learn to work together outside of the marriage, yet still making decisions jointly regarding their children. The state bends over backwards in this regard. They are very anti-court and anti red-tape, if you will.
There is a newer concept, out of Oregon, that utilizes a 'parenting coordinator.' In this concept, both parents give up their right to legal action against the other. When a dispute arises, the parenting coordinator can counsel both parents toward a mutually acceptable arrangement. In the event of an impasse, the coordinator has the right to make the final say. Appoitment costs with the coordinator are 50/50. This keeps it fair, and in many cases works to encourage the parents to work out differences on their own.
We have had a great deal of success with this model.
Our kids are very happy and well taken care of.
If the parents arent married, Shared Parenting is usually not an option. The majority of cs cases in Ohio in recent years, involve unmarried parents.

 

[Gina]

What would worry me a GREAT deal about a system like that, is that in maybe 2% of all cases that would be what is best for the child. If a state has a system like that, then chances are they go by that ridiculous and harmful school of thought that "two parents are always better than one", even if one is a complete drain on society, a criminal, a nutball, whatever. Often times, one parent in the equation (mother or father) needs to be far, far away from the child or children in question, or all the child support money (if there is any) will only go towards therapy.

In other words, the court doesn't have a clue about the specifics and dangers of each particular relationship between the parents. As you said, it works for you but is not the norm. I applaud you if you're able to make that work -- you're definitely an exception! But for many if not most of us, it would mean a lot of mental trauma for our children to be forced to be with non-custodial parents who live and play in dangerous situations and lifestyles.

 

[kimmikayb]

Ok..Let's try this again. If I repeat myself, my apologies. "I am a custodial parent." "I am involved in joint custody.".."Im not saying that non custodial parents shouldnt pay support."
You all are free to do what you see fit to do. I dont agree or disagree with you.
What I am trying to say is that its sad to see that there is a custodial parents child support threat, but not one that focuses on increasing the time with the child.
I understand that many non custodial parents do not choose to spend time with their children.
I also understand that it is the LAW to pay support, if so ordered. I do NOT believe it is the custodial parent's job to enforce the law. "I CANT make him want to spend time with his child.I CAN make him pay support."( no, you cant, only the law can..)
I wish that there could be a way to encourage more time with both parents.
Then, no one would be bothered with worrying about how much money was involved, because each parent would be doing their fare share of 50%, both mentally and finacially.
It's called joint custody, and I know its not possible for everyone. Its called SHARED parenting. People are much more likely to spend money on their child if they are the one's doing that spending. I think that a lot of people really resent having to send a check. I know of a lot of parents who really wish they could have a balanced visitation schedule. I know its not always possible.
This is the way WE live. I know its not the norm.
Does this make sense?

In Iowa "joint custody" has a NCP, CP and the NCP pays support. Shared parenting or 50/50 is a great concept IF it worked. There are too many deadbeat parents who will do anything to not pay CS even filing for and getting shared parenting. I have dealt with opinions like yours numerous times. I'm glad things have worked out in YOUR situation but the truth is it does not always work out. I live it, other posters here live it.

I respectively ask you to look at the title of this thread. It is a support thread for people who have trouble collecting CS.

You are more then welcome to start a thread about increasing time.

 

[ameraumi]

Sorry to butt in here. I have been lurking as I have been in your shoes at one time. DH adopted DS a few years ago and we cut all ties with the bio-dad.

But I wanted to point something out. OH does encourage "shared" parenting, but it does also set CS to the lower wage earner. I have seen this happen many times and this to parents who were married.

 

[summerrluvv]

aaa

 

[disneydreamin247]

So I called CSE today to find out at what point can I file a violation. I was told at work it's 3 payments behind and *I* have to file the violation petition. When speaking to CSE, they told me that I can request a caseworker to review it and they will determine if I can proceed with a violation. I really find them to be not very helpful on the phone there. So how does it work, anyone in NY? She did tell me that it's likely his unemployment ran out and that's why payments weren't being made from unemployment (despite what he says..he keeps giving me the run around) and they will run a SSN search every single month to find out where he is working. Of course that is of no help to me since he works off the books.

In NY it is 4 consecutive missed payments. At that time YOU have to file a violation.

I had court today. My ex got ripped a new one by the magistrate. She has the highest arrest record in NY. The last payment I got which was in April was tax intercept. The last payment he made was actually in March. She questioned him on it and he said he lost his job in March and hasn't been able to find anything (meanwhile he has gotten 2 different cars since then and had brand new sneakers on his feet). She then pointed out that he hasn't even sent in one dollar since March. I couldn't help but to laugh at his pathetic attempt to defend himself. He said he wanted to just save up and get himself out of arrears and I almost choked! Well the outcome is that he has to pay me the sum of $2100 before our next court date on 9/29 and she denied him a modification b/c he hasn't made any payments. Now him, his mom, and his girlfriend are flipping out and saying that I'm a drug addict. How that's relevant, I'm not quite sure, not that it's true anyway!

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I guess I should feel lucky that in NJ after four missed payments the probation department automatically takes care of things for you (well, as in they issue a warrant for the obligor's arrest). If I had to go down and file for a violation every time my ex didn't pay, I'd be sleeping at the probation office. It would be nice if they actually had some Federal legislation that would apply to all states to make everyone's life easy-wishful thinking though, right? LOL!

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

Well, after several miscommunications with my attorney, I finally filed to have his pay garnished and they told me it would take 4 to 6 weeks. I think we are on week 3.

Ex is NOT happy.

He sent me a $300 rubber check this month. And he kept my half of the government stimulus check. Child Support Enforcement Agency said there is no way they can recover the bounced check since I claimed that he sent it. And they can't do anything about the $900 stimulus check either.

So even if the garnishment goes without a hitch, I'm still out $1200 dollars.

It burns me up that they are talking about giving ANOTHER $500 stimulus check. This man gets money thrown at him while we wait for pennies.

 

[disneydreamin247]

Well, after several miscommunications with my attorney, I finally filed to have his pay garnished and they told me it would take 4 to 6 weeks. I think we are on week 3.

Ex is NOT happy.

He sent me a $300 rubber check this month. And he kept my half of the government stimulus check. Child Support Enforcement Agency said there is no way they can recover the bounced check since I claimed that he sent it. And they can't do anything about the $900 stimulus check either.

So even if the garnishment goes without a hitch, I'm still out $1200 dollars.

It burns me up that they are talking about giving ANOTHER $500 stimulus check. This man gets money thrown at him while we wait for pennies.

Gosh it sounds just like my ex. I get so frustrated sometimes. He gets everything handed to him on a platter meanwhile I struggle and fight for every penny.

 

[livie1205]

I live in fl and even with 50/50 the person who makes more pays the child support....we are going back to court to get my dh child support reduced because they make the same now and we pay health care.We are still fighting my ex to get any of the support he owes for my son...he is 6500.00 behind.my dss lives with us most of the time so it is not really 50/50 anymore and with them making the same and my dh paying for all his healthcare we come out even on the guidelines here (even if it was 50/50) We could ask her to pay but we will not do that, we do not need her to....it really is not that much money....PLUS we would rather have him here.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I'm going to jump in before I finish reading all the posts. My DD is 10. Her dad and I divorced when she was 1. He was ordered to pay 74.00 a month and insurance (or if I provided the insurance he was supposed to pay an additional 80.00 per month). Well needless to say he doesn't pay. He gave me 500.00 in 2004 (at the time he was 1500.00 behind) and since then he has paid me 10.00 here 5.00 there until it just stopped completly last year. He owes me 3,000.00 (not much compared to some but since he only was ordered to pay 74.00 he is quite a few years behind). Anyway he never has helped with anything my DD needed and he has always told me that he just doesn't have it. He is self employed and (from what I know of his past) does not have a bank account and cashes out all of is checks from work.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

It is just amazing that most all of us have a slight variation of the same ex. The state I live in is pretty primitive in their enforcing child support but still there are some things that can be done. I just called last week to get my case reopened. He is 3k behind and he in only supposed to pay 74.00 per month. As I stated in my last post he, like many I guess, hides his money and is a chronic job hopper. But he does have a state issued license for the career he has so the state can suspend this. They can also take away his driver's lic. He can hide all the money he wants but the state has a book that they go off for incomes so when the time comes they will raise my CS based on that. They can also but leins on anything he owns and finally jail. As crappy as he is I don't want that for him I just want him to pay what he owes and then have it increased to help me with the raising of my daughter. Also to the moms that have MIA dads that do not see or support their children...some states have legal abandonment of a child laws. If a deadbeat dad does not pay CS for a length of time (depending on the state) you can file to have their parental rights terminated. Now this is very extreme but in some cases I think it may be benificial.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

. The custodial parent does not get to say to the child, "sorry you do not get to eat for the next five months, but hey on that sixth month you can eat five helpings to make up for it." IMHO, in most cases not paying your child support is child abuse...MOST cases.

This is the point I have been trying to make for years but I will take it a step further. The non custodial can choose not to pay for months and make up every poor as me excuse. But if the custodial parent chose not to provide their child with the basic neccesities they would be put in jail and the child taken away.

 

[disneydreamin247]

This is the point I have been trying to make for years but I will take it a step further. The non custodial can choose not to pay for months and make up every poor as me excuse. But if the custodial parent chose not to provide their child with the basic neccesities they would be put in jail and the child taken away.

We are due back in court on the 29th. He has not paid ONE PENNY of what he was supposed to. He really is a waste of life. I hear he's having another child too...

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

We are due back in court on the 29th. He has not paid ONE PENNY of what he was supposed to. He really is a waste of life. I hear he's having another child too...

Good luck in court. My ex has another child and the mother won't "lower herself to acept the charity of child support". My ex has told me I should learn to be more like her. Anyway I heard through the grapevine that he and his wife are having a baby. So this will be his 3rd and he can't support one.

 

[disneydreamin247]

Good luck in court. My ex has another child and the mother won't "lower herself to acept the charity of child support". My ex has told me I should learn to be more like her. Anyway I heard through the grapevine that he and his wife are having a baby. So this will be his 3rd and he can't support one.

This will be my ex's third as well. I tell him all the time if he doesn't want to pay support to just sign over his rights and we will disappear forever but he won't give up that hold on my life.

 

[Irin997]

Hey guys! I haven't read through a lot of the posts (I will when I have time) but thought I'd share my story.

My ex and I (never married) were together for about year and a half before we found out about DD. I was 19 at the time and made the decision to keep my baby even though I knew it would be incredibly hard and I was following my mom's footsteps. Regardless, for the first 3 or so years of her life, we were together and when he was present, he was a good dad. However, things between us were always rocky as he was not supportive and hardly around to help me.

We split up and I moved away from him in Cali to Maryland to live with my parents with my DD3.5 at the time. From the moment we moved to MD he would call me and pick fights with me. After 3 months of incessant fighting I decided to have a little test. Everytime he called, I would absolutely agree to let him speak with DD, but only if he asked. He NEVER asked to speak to her or even asked about her. Instead, he wanted to argue with me.

Well, this kept going for another 4-5 months until he calls me one day saying he's at the airport, come and get me. I basically told him up yours, I have plans, and where the hell as the child support been for the past 9 months!!! Essentially, he dropped in on us without ANY notice and expected me to come pick me up and drive him around. Anyway, we got into a major fight and it was ended with him stating that he would go to an attorney and fight me for custody (we had an oral agreement). That was the last I EVER heard from him.

Keep in mind, when I first moved to MD I filed for child support. They were never able to locate him and get an order established.

Well, over the course of about 9 months I was able to obtain full custody of DD based on the fact that I couldn't locate him. He literally dropped off the face of the earth. Child support order.....still none at all.

My ex has had run ins with police since before I ever knew him. Every 6 months or so I would run an arrest record on him in the state I thought he lived (Colorado) and sometimes something would come back and sometimes nothing. I would always forward this info to child support.

Finally, the long wait and hard work of trying to find him paid off. About 3 months ago I got an envelope in the mail with a court order for child support.....4 YEARS after I originally filed!!!! I figured I would never see a dime of it but low and behold, I've actually received a whopping $338 of the $12,500 he owes me in arrears.

I'm terrified that he will come back and try to establish a non-existant relationship with DD. Right now, that $338 is sitting in DD's savings account so I don't use it for anything so that I don't come to depend on it. I know he'll move at some point and I'll lose it but I've got to tell you, it feels INCREDIBLE to finally get something out of that lazy bas-tard.

 

[disneydreamin247]

Hey guys! I haven't read through a lot of the posts (I will when I have time) but thought I'd share my story.

My ex and I (never married) were together for about year and a half before we found out about DD. I was 19 at the time and made the decision to keep my baby even though I knew it would be incredibly hard and I was following my mom's footsteps. Regardless, for the first 3 or so years of her life, we were together and when he was present, he was a good dad. However, things between us were always rocky as he was not supportive and hardly around to help me.

We split up and I moved away from him in Cali to Maryland to live with my parents with my DD3.5 at the time. From the moment we moved to MD he would call me and pick fights with me. After 3 months of incessant fighting I decided to have a little test. Everytime he called, I would absolutely agree to let him speak with DD, but only if he asked. He NEVER asked to speak to her or even asked about her. Instead, he wanted to argue with me.

Well, this kept going for another 4-5 months until he calls me one day saying he's at the airport, come and get me. I basically told him up yours, I have plans, and where the hell as the child support been for the past 9 months!!! Essentially, he dropped in on us without ANY notice and expected me to come pick me up and drive him around. Anyway, we got into a major fight and it was ended with him stating that he would go to an attorney and fight me for custody (we had an oral agreement). That was the last I EVER heard from him.

Keep in mind, when I first moved to MD I filed for child support. They were never able to locate him and get an order established.

Well, over the course of about 9 months I was able to obtain full custody of DD based on the fact that I couldn't locate him. He literally dropped off the face of the earth. Child support order.....still none at all.

My ex has had run ins with police since before I ever knew him. Every 6 months or so I would run an arrest record on him in the state I thought he lived (Colorado) and sometimes something would come back and sometimes nothing. I would always forward this info to child support.

Finally, the long wait and hard work of trying to find him paid off. About 3 months ago I got an envelope in the mail with a court order for child support.....4 YEARS after I originally filed!!!! I figured I would never see a dime of it but low and behold, I've actually received a whopping $338 of the $12,500 he owes me in arrears.

I'm terrified that he will come back and try to establish a non-existant relationship with DD. Right now, that $338 is sitting in DD's savings account so I don't use it for anything so that I don't come to depend on it. I know he'll move at some point and I'll lose it but I've got to tell you, it feels INCREDIBLE to finally get something out of that lazy bas-tard.

WOOHOO!!! That is AWESOME!! Very happy to hear you got something from the SOB.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

but I've got to tell you, it feels INCREDIBLE to finally get something out of that lazy bas-tard.

I was in hysterics when I read that last line because I have SOOOO been there! Congratulations, you've had a long fight for that one. I'd think your in a good spot now with having full custody. Hopefully the child support continues on for at least a little while. I do the same thing your doing, I put the money away in an account and leave it alone. Although there was a time when I NEEDED that money for us to live and had to use it, but thankfully, those times have passed.

My ex has now been paying faithfully for the past three months. He hasn't seen the kids in over a year and has not attempted any contact with them. His sudden interest in paying child support makes me nervous that he wants something from me now, because this is his usual MO...he pays when he wants something from me. He went years and years without paying, so why now? I just hate sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm hoping he's just paying because he's tired of being arrested.

 

[Irin997]

Thank you guys!!! We'll see how long it lasts....