Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[*KeepMovingForward*]

That's a rough situation. It's just awful that his sister managed to run into him at his job. She had no right to interrogate him at all and I would be annoyed at that also. It would be a shame for him to quit just because of his "father". I would tell him that he's old enough to start living his life for himself and that perhaps he can discuss with his boss the off chance that his dad should come in. Maybe the boss would be able to step in and help your DS avoid and uncomfortable situation?

There was a lot more to her questions but the one about DS's knowledge about my ex and the circumstances around not seeing their father irked me. It makes me wonder if my ex tells his family that I am the reason he does not see the kids and not because the court thinks he is mentally unbalanced. My ex-SIL also asked DS if he was driving, did he have a car, what kind of car, how was he doing in school, has he applied to college yet...basically hit on all pertinent areas within a five minute period. You know how kids are too, they don't realize they are being interrogated so he answered honestly. He did however resist when she asked him if he had a cell phone and could she have the number. He said no, he didn't have one. Meanwhile it was sitting in his pocket. She did give him her cell number and said to call her and he and his sister can get together some time. Nice gesture if taken at face value, but DS said he fears he'd be set up to "run into" his father. As far as DS's job, I am trying to encourage him to stick with it. We've struggled to get the kids to this good place we're at right now (emotionally speaking) and I'd hate for DS to backtrail because of his father. DS said he will ask for security if his father shows up and becomes a problem. Hopefully it will never come to that. I know DS would be utterly humiliated if it did happen.

On my side of things...my donor had the audacity to have me served papers AT MY JOB! Ugh. I was livid. Then I find out that his mom is telling people they did it to embarrass me! If anyone should be embarrassed it's him! At least I have a job to go to. He served me papers to lower the c/s payments...now that is embarrassing. These people just make me so angry. There's no common sense with them.

You know, it never ceases to amaze me how spiteful and nasty these things get. I will say I NEVER had my ex served at his job. I mean really, that is beyond low. Its a private matter and should remain that way. I'm so sorry that happened to you. There's no reason to resort to those tactics other than to get a rise out of the other person and like you said, to cause embarrassment. You would think that the courts would not allow that...I don't think I even have the option of serving my ex anywhere but his home. Just another thing to be aggravated by and if your like me, nobody can push my buttons quite like my ex. I hope that your donor's motion gets denied. Hey, I had my ex petition for a reduction and he put in the papers because he bought a new car and won't have as much money! Yeah...the judge nearly laughed him out of the courtroom.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

It absolutely was not her place. My ex-sil does that, questions my 11 year old on why she hasn't talked to her dad. I'm sorry, HE left... it's HIS place to contact her.

I'm so sorry your son is dealing with this.

Thanks! I feel better. I know that if the roles were reversed I certainly may THINK of asking, but I never would. I just wouldn't feel right inserting myself into that kind of situation, plus it seems so sneaky and slimy. My ex-SIL claimed to DS that she had no idea what happened and that they were just curious why DS and DD hadn't been around since last year. Ugh...give me a break...this is a very close family...like the subject never came up at Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter or somewhere in between? DS gave me the paper with her cell# on it and I was tempted to call her and say a few choice things, but better to let it go I suppose. Although, with DS and DD's blessing, I did throw the paper in the garbage.

 

[disneydreamin247]

I wasn't embarrassed...Annoyed, but not embarrassed. All of my coworkers know the situation. They all said the same thing "How can you pay less than nothing?" lol

And I wouldn't blame your DS for feeling that way at all. These situations are so tough, and I feel for the kids. I can just imagine what a treat my DS is in for with his winner of a donor.

 

[disneydreamin247]

Well I just got a phone call from the court appointed forensic psychiatrist that we were ordered to go to. She wants me to pay $800

Where the heck does she expect me to come up with that? When we were ordered to go they said I would have to pay $150. Not $150 an HOUR. I didn't even go to her for that many hours! We saw her for possibly 3 hours TOPS. I have to call my lawyer. I just do not have that and there's no way I can pay it, nor should I be expected to. The only reason we had to go was because of HIM. He hasn't paid support in 17 weeks. If I pay that it means I don't pay bills or buy food for a month. I am FURIOUS right now.

 

[LuvMickey36]

I have been reading thru the past few pages & all I can say is WOW! I didn't realize there were so many ppl not paying support!

My dh & I are on the other side of the coin. He pays his $625 a month every month & has not seen/spoken his daughter in 7yrs. Has no idea where she lives, how she is doing anything. Her mom was always very "difficult" (more like a liar, manipulator, & charged/conviced of stalking us) and then moved & we have no idea where. She violated the ct. order, but could care less. We know what county & state, but that is all the info they will give us. CS office says that they can't give out that info. We talked to an attorney & it would be so costly to try to fight it, that we had to decide whether to fight or pay our mortgage & keep the lights on. It took us 3yrs. to get the original loans pd. off that we took out for visitation & support. Then ended up having to keep an attorney on retainer 500 miles away since we were bi-monthly being summoned to court for anything she could think of to get a court date.
Her state is a very pro mom state. She has had her parental rights teminated by the state for abusing her oldest child, but according to the judge in her state, she was 20 when the abuse happened & has grown up & as long as she is not in jail or the mental ward, there is nothing they will do.

What we do know from her last attempt to get the support raised is that she gets $625 from my dh, $450 for another child, $350 or so for another child & is married to the 4th childs father. That is $1425 a month is support! They have an 07 FULLY LOADED w/LEATHER SEATS!! Honda Odessey mini van, live in section 8 housing, using food stamps & medicaid (she will not use the ins. we supply for daughter, as then we could track her), and her dh does not work! She said that she had not been able to work the last 2yrs. because she was pregnant for 9 months of 1yr. & she had a baby the next yr. I don't understand it. She did make sure to start emailing my dh about 6wks. before the support hearing asking why he didn't want anything to do with his daughter etc. That she really wanted to see him & talk to him & she didn't understand why he hated her. He emailed back several times to set up a phone call, with no luck. It broke his heart. He has pretty much come to terms with the situation, but that just threw salt in the wound. We did have copies of everything when it came time for court & had those to shoot down her cl. of abandonment.

I am so sorry that you all are having to deal with the deadbeat parents. My daughter is now 19 & I raised her alone until I got married to my dh when she was 10. I never rec'd a dime of support from her bf. I know how hard it is.

I wish they had a thread for the ppl who do pay the support each & every month & have nothing to show for it. It breaks my hubby's heart every holiday, bday etc. knowing his little girl is out there & he is not able to be a part of her life.

Thank you for letting me vent my frustrations & hijack your thread. to you all.......

 

[kimmikayb]

I have been reading thru the past few pages & all I can say is WOW! I didn't realize there were so many ppl not paying support!

My dh & I are on the other side of the coin. He pays his $625 a month every month & has not seen/spoken his daughter in 7yrs. Has no idea where she lives, how she is doing anything. Her mom was always very "difficult" (more like a liar, manipulator, & charged/conviced of stalking us) and then moved & we have no idea where. She violated the ct. order, but could care less. We know what county & state, but that is all the info they will give us. CS office says that they can't give out that info. We talked to an attorney & it would be so costly to try to fight it, that we had to decide whether to fight or pay our mortgage & keep the lights on. It took us 3yrs. to get the original loans pd. off that we took out for visitation & support. Then ended up having to keep an attorney on retainer 500 miles away since we were bi-monthly being summoned to court for anything she could think of to get a court date.
Her state is a very pro mom state. She has had her parental rights teminated by the state for abusing her oldest child, but according to the judge in her state, she was 20 when the abuse happened & has grown up & as long as she is not in jail or the mental ward, there is nothing they will do.

What we do know from her last attempt to get the support raised is that she gets $625 from my dh, $450 for another child, $350 or so for another child & is married to the 4th childs father. That is $1425 a month is support! They have an 07 FULLY LOADED w/LEATHER SEATS!! Honda Odessey mini van, live in section 8 housing, using food stamps & medicaid (she will not use the ins. we supply for daughter, as then we could track her), and her dh does not work! She said that she had not been able to work the last 2yrs. because she was pregnant for 9 months of 1yr. & she had a baby the next yr. I don't understand it. She did make sure to start emailing my dh about 6wks. before the support hearing asking why he didn't want anything to do with his daughter etc. That she really wanted to see him & talk to him & she didn't understand why he hated her. He emailed back several times to set up a phone call, with no luck. It broke his heart. He has pretty much come to terms with the situation, but that just threw salt in the wound. We did have copies of everything when it came time for court & had those to shoot down her cl. of abandonment.

I am so sorry that you all are having to deal with the deadbeat parents. My daughter is now 19 & I raised her alone until I got married to my dh when she was 10. I never rec'd a dime of support from her bf. I know how hard it is.

I wish they had a thread for the ppl who do pay the support each & every month & have nothing to show for it. It breaks my hubby's heart every holiday, bday etc. knowing his little girl is out there & he is not able to be a part of her life.

Thank you for letting me vent my frustrations & hijack your thread. to you all.......

Does your DH have court ordered visitation time? If not, he needs to get it. If so, he needs to take her to court for denial of time.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

DisneyDreamin247-Wow...my eyes nearly popped out of my head. I'd be telling that woman she's sure gonna be waiting a long time because I'd be doing the extended payment plan. Honestly though I'd see what your lawyer has to say first. Obviously I am in the wrong business-I always said the money is in psychology and psychiatry, guess I just didn't realize how much. I hope you don't get stuck with that bill. I don't understand how counseling for your ex and the kids is your responsisibility, but I'll never figure the system out. Keep us posted on how things go.

LuvMickey36-I'm totally shocked that your state allows the other parent to simply pick up and leave with the child with no legal ramifications. Here they would have a warrant issued for the custodial parent and charges would be filed. I talked to my attorney about leaving the state years ago and she told me forget it, it would be a costly fight and I probably would not be allowed to leave anyway. I'm guessing that the court won't tell your DH where DD is because possibly there is an order of protection on one or both sides, or due to the stalking conviction (even though it wasn't on his end)? I know I had to consent to my ex being allowed to have my address, which I did for the benefit of the kids at the time. I do know that in NJ, even if I was allowed to leave the state, my ex still has to consent to have case jurisdiction transferred to the new state because that doesn't automatically transfer just because I move, otherwise it would remain where it originated in NJ. The judges here, in my county at least, won't tolerate frivolous or frequent motions. Yes, you'll get your day in court, but only to hear the judge tell you he/she doesn't have time to hear the bs (and they pretty much say it that way). It really sounds like the other parent is a real "winner". Some people are content to live off the system. Personally, I'd be mortified, but not everyone shares that feeling. Kudos to you for your own struggles with single parenthood. I honestly try not to remember too much of the years before DH came into our lives. I could tell stories of eating buttered noodles 6 out of 7 nights a week and having no phone or cable or having Toys for Tots deliver gifts for Christmas (and the only ones my kids got)...but hey, you do what you have to do and in the end we all find a way to get by. I am just thankful I'm in a better place now, but I digress. I really hope your DH's situation with his DD improves. It really is a shame. I wish you a lot of luck.

 

[kimmikayb]

DisneyDreamin247-Wow...my eyes nearly popped out of my head. I'd be telling that woman she's sure gonna be waiting a long time because I'd be doing the extended payment plan. Honestly though I'd see what your lawyer has to say first. Obviously I am in the wrong business-I always said the money is in psychology and psychiatry, guess I just didn't realize how much. I hope you don't get stuck with that bill. I don't understand how counseling for your ex and the kids is your responsisibility, but I'll never figure the system out. Keep us posted on how things go.

LuvMickey36-I'm totally shocked that your state allows the other parent to simply pick up and leave with the child with no legal ramifications. Here they would have a warrant issued for the custodial parent and charges would be filed. I talked to my attorney about leaving the state years ago and she told me forget it, it would be a costly fight and I probably would not be allowed to leave anyway. I'm guessing that the court won't tell your DH where DD is because possibly there is an order of protection on one or both sides, or due to the stalking conviction (even though it wasn't on his end)? I know I had to consent to my ex being allowed to have my address, which I did for the benefit of the kids at the time. I do know that in NJ, even if I was allowed to leave the state, my ex still has to consent to have case jurisdiction transferred to the new state because that doesn't automatically transfer just because I move, otherwise it would remain where it originated in NJ. The judges here, in my county at least, won't tolerate frivolous or frequent motions. Yes, you'll get your day in court, but only to hear the judge tell you he/she doesn't have time to hear the bs (and they pretty much say it that way). It really sounds like the other parent is a real "winner". Some people are content to live off the system. Personally, I'd be mortified, but not everyone shares that feeling. Kudos to you for your own struggles with single parenthood. I honestly try not to remember too much of the years before DH came into our lives. I could tell stories of eating buttered noodles 6 out of 7 nights a week and having no phone or cable or having Toys for Tots deliver gifts for Christmas (and the only ones my kids got)...but hey, you do what you have to do and in the end we all find a way to get by. I am just thankful I'm in a better place now, but I digress. I really hope your DH's situation with his DD improves. It really is a shame. I wish you a lot of luck.

I too, am surprised there is a place who tolerates move aways. Not here. I've never wanted to move away from here or the kid's dad. But guess what? My X moved 2000 miles away from here. Which is hard on the kids because now HE wants them to come to him and that takes them away from all their activities. Plus he never sees them in anything they do, which is hard for the kids. And no, he doesn't pay his CS...but I try not to stress over that too much.

 

[floridaminnie]

My ex wasn't paying child support or anything (and this was after he took me back to court so he could pay health insurance, change visitation, etc) and he stopped seeing DD. I sent hima certified letter stating what he owed and if he didn't contact me by a certain date (gave him a month) I would be handing the case over to the state. The state of Florida has become much stricter in enforcing child support. He ignored me, but signed for the certified letter. Did the paperwork for the state. They chased him from one job to another to another. What ended up happening was his passport was taken away and he was a payment away from being placed in jail. Wow, the child support payments have been coming in since. I also have received his tax return the past two years for back child support. He did call me this past Oct about paying me 2000 and signing his rights away so he doesn't have to pay child support. I was a WDW at the time and told him where to go. He must have gone there, b/c haven't heard from him since.

 

[Kimjjg]

I'm glad I found this board. I dont really have anyone else to talk about this with. I'll admit, I made a mistake and had a relationship that moved a little too fast. "James" and I knew each other for about 6 months before I discovered I was pregnant. When I told him, he was shocked and tried to convince me that this was not a good time for either of us to have a baby. I was 41 and he was 49. He talked me into terminating the pregnancy. He lived out of town and never once offered any money or emotional support by coming to my town. I went to the first appointment, but could not proceed with the second appointment. I kind of went through an emotional meltdown and secluded myself from everyone for about a month or so. I was confused and unsure of what to do. When I had my thoughts together, I contacted "James" to tell him I was still pregnant. He was not pleased. I didnt talk with him again until the baby was born. I sent him several pictures of her. At this point, I hadnt asked him for any kind of monetary support. I had saved and had enough to live on for about a year. That is what I did for the first year of my baby's life. Now, my savings is gone and I need to get back to work. I asked "James" to pay $800 a month for day care. That seemed high, but that is the rate for daycare for an infant. He argued, that he was not going to take anything away from his current children or his current lifestyle. He said he was expecting the sale of some real estate soon and would settle with us then. Unfortunately, the day care would not accept that story!! My question is this....Am I being unreasonable? "James" makes at least $120,000/yr. I realize he has expenses, but our baby lives with me. I have expenses too and can't work because I dont have day care. He has sent 125.00 here and there, but that is not enough. He tells me he cant send any more because he just has too many bills. I called myself helping him out by not going to court, because if I do, they will have him pay about 1600 per month. I dont think "James" thinks that will happen. Ok...tell me...am I being unreasonable??

 

[polineedyan]

Being someone whos involved with joint custody of two kids, it really irks me to read or hear custodial parents knocking their ex's. I mean you have your kids, what more do you want? It really does not paint a pretty picture of them sometimes, and it IS about the money. or IS it?
Im not saying people shouldnt pay their support, they should. But I really get tired of hearing it.
As far as 'never saying a harsh word', this is LAUGHABLE. Of COURSE custodial parents knock their ex's in front of their kids. They ALWAYS do. Even in the BEST relationships..

 

[kimmikayb]

Being someone whos involved with joint custody of two kids, it really irks me to read or hear custodial parents knocking their ex's. I mean you have your kids, what more do you want? It really does not paint a pretty picture of them sometimes, and it IS about the money. or IS it?
Im not saying people shouldnt pay their support, they should. But I really get tired of hearing it.
As far as 'never saying a harsh word', this is LAUGHABLE. Of COURSE custodial parents knock their ex's in front of their kids. They ALWAYS do. Even in the BEST relationships..

Are you saying that the only parent who has harsh words for the other parent is the custodial? Ah, ok.

Let me guess....you are dating a non custodial parent? Always remember something....there is her side, his side and the truth.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

My ex wasn't paying child support or anything (and this was after he took me back to court so he could pay health insurance, change visitation, etc) and he stopped seeing DD. I sent hima certified letter stating what he owed and if he didn't contact me by a certain date (gave him a month) I would be handing the case over to the state. The state of Florida has become much stricter in enforcing child support. He ignored me, but signed for the certified letter. Did the paperwork for the state. They chased him from one job to another to another. What ended up happening was his passport was taken away and he was a payment away from being placed in jail. Wow, the child support payments have been coming in since. I also have received his tax return the past two years for back child support. He did call me this past Oct about paying me 2000 and signing his rights away so he doesn't have to pay child support. I was a WDW at the time and told him where to go. He must have gone there, b/c haven't heard from him since.

I'm floored that your ex would want to sign away his rights. In NJ they won't allow that, or rather you can sign away your rights, but you still have to pay child support because the court says that the child is the one who benefits from the support and therefore the parents cannot agree to terminate it regardless of visitation or custody. My aunt/cousin are in a similar situation. My cousins father cannot pay, but he compensates by being very involved. My aunt works very early mornings for her job (4am). So my cousins father comes over each and every morning and makes sure she gets off to school and then is there when she arrives home again until my aunt returns from work. The arrangement works for them and everyone is happy. Now my aunt still has a court order for child support, but she's said she never intends to collect and doesn't worry about it at this point. I honestly think they have an ideal situation. Anyway, sometimes a person just isn't wanting to be a parent and no matter what you do, you can't force the issue. Maybe that is where your ex is at? I really don't know what to say.

I'm glad I found this board. I dont really have anyone else to talk about this with. I'll admit, I made a mistake and had a relationship that moved a little too fast. "James" and I knew each other for about 6 months before I discovered I was pregnant. When I told him, he was shocked and tried to convince me that this was not a good time for either of us to have a baby. I was 41 and he was 49. He talked me into terminating the pregnancy. He lived out of town and never once offered any money or emotional support by coming to my town. I went to the first appointment, but could not proceed with the second appointment. I kind of went through an emotional meltdown and secluded myself from everyone for about a month or so. I was confused and unsure of what to do. When I had my thoughts together, I contacted "James" to tell him I was still pregnant. He was not pleased. I didnt talk with him again until the baby was born. I sent him several pictures of her. At this point, I hadnt asked him for any kind of monetary support. I had saved and had enough to live on for about a year. That is what I did for the first year of my baby's life. Now, my savings is gone and I need to get back to work. I asked "James" to pay $800 a month for day care. That seemed high, but that is the rate for daycare for an infant. He argued, that he was not going to take anything away from his current children or his current lifestyle. He said he was expecting the sale of some real estate soon and would settle with us then. Unfortunately, the day care would not accept that story!! My question is this....Am I being unreasonable? "James" makes at least $120,000/yr. I realize he has expenses, but our baby lives with me. I have expenses too and can't work because I dont have day care. He has sent 125.00 here and there, but that is not enough. He tells me he cant send any more because he just has too many bills. I called myself helping him out by not going to court, because if I do, they will have him pay about 1600 per month. I dont think "James" thinks that will happen. Ok...tell me...am I being unreasonable??

You know, I did my ex favors a lot with forgiving massive amounts of child support over the years and not going after him for other things-like he is supposed to pay half of their medical expenses, but I haven't bothered in about 5 or 6 years because if he doesn't pay the regular child support, he sure isn't going to help pay the medical. But anyway, I know where you are coming from. There were many times I figured, cut the guy some slack and let him get back on his feet for a while. Well, I have to say that that attitude got me nowhere and made me feel like a first class sucker. Your ex may be different, so its up to you how you proceed. Really the first few years were without a doubt the hardest. I divorced my ex when DS was 1 and DD was six months. Once we got past the daycare hurdle we were okay, but I'd say until the last child was in 1st grade, it was a very very difficult struggle. Most of my salary went to daycare. I am thankful that during that time, my ex was good about the support and he had a steady job. We didn't eat without that check (and at the time it was only $60 wk). If James can't help out financially, is there any way for him to help with watching the baby at any time of the day/night? Sometimes you need to take what you can get. But, perhaps the best course of action is to go to court and get something set in place-whether you have the order enforced is an entirely different matter. You may not even need to. Having the order itself might get James to send regular support.

 

[kimmikayb]

I'm glad I found this board. I dont really have anyone else to talk about this with. I'll admit, I made a mistake and had a relationship that moved a little too fast. "James" and I knew each other for about 6 months before I discovered I was pregnant. When I told him, he was shocked and tried to convince me that this was not a good time for either of us to have a baby. I was 41 and he was 49. He talked me into terminating the pregnancy. He lived out of town and never once offered any money or emotional support by coming to my town. I went to the first appointment, but could not proceed with the second appointment. I kind of went through an emotional meltdown and secluded myself from everyone for about a month or so. I was confused and unsure of what to do. When I had my thoughts together, I contacted "James" to tell him I was still pregnant. He was not pleased. I didnt talk with him again until the baby was born. I sent him several pictures of her. At this point, I hadnt asked him for any kind of monetary support. I had saved and had enough to live on for about a year. That is what I did for the first year of my baby's life. Now, my savings is gone and I need to get back to work. I asked "James" to pay $800 a month for day care. That seemed high, but that is the rate for daycare for an infant. He argued, that he was not going to take anything away from his current children or his current lifestyle. He said he was expecting the sale of some real estate soon and would settle with us then. Unfortunately, the day care would not accept that story!! My question is this....Am I being unreasonable? "James" makes at least $120,000/yr. I realize he has expenses, but our baby lives with me. I have expenses too and can't work because I dont have day care. He has sent 125.00 here and there, but that is not enough. He tells me he cant send any more because he just has too many bills. I called myself helping him out by not going to court, because if I do, they will have him pay about 1600 per month. I dont think "James" thinks that will happen. Ok...tell me...am I being unreasonable??

I don't know about unreasonable, but you are going about it the wrong way. You need to get a court order for child support. Your state will determine the amount. If the baby's father won't pay it, they can garnish.

Also remember he has every right to see your baby and take her for his visitation rights. If he has other children, they are her brothers and sisters and have the right to get to know her.

I'm curious, how did you find this board?

 

[lovin diz]

Being someone whos involved with joint custody of two kids, it really irks me to read or hear custodial parents knocking their ex's. I mean you have your kids, what more do you want? It really does not paint a pretty picture of them sometimes, and it IS about the money. or IS it?
Im not saying people shouldnt pay their support, they should. But I really get tired of hearing it.
As far as 'never saying a harsh word', this is LAUGHABLE. Of COURSE custodial parents knock their ex's in front of their kids. They ALWAYS do. Even in the BEST relationships..

I agree. For 16 years, we were the non custodial parents. we were bad mouthed in every way. we were taken to court everytime our salary went up, while she refused to work.

She would constantly move, so we could not "find them".

As of june, he is with us. But do you know we are still paying her $400 a month child support?!?! The cs agency cannot locate her, so they cannot "ask" her who the child is living with. Hopefully we will get it discontinued soon, but since we have been on both sides of the fence, i understand both sides. Neither side is perfect. i do know that the custodial parent talks bad about the other behind their back, and we have found our conversations regarding the mother would have to be moved to another room.
Know what else, there are good custodial parents, and bad. There are good non-custodials, and bad. Yes i do feel like non-custodials should pay for child support, without a doubt. unfurtunetlly, usually only the child suffers.

As for us, once we get the $400 back, we will not ask for child support from her.

 

[kimmikayb]

I agree. For 16 years, we were the non custodial parents. we were bad mouthed in every way. we were taken to court everytime our salary went up, while she refused to work.

She would constantly move, so we could not "find them".

As of june, he is with us. But do you know we are still paying her $400 a month child support?!?! The cs agency cannot locate her, so they cannot "ask" her who the child is living with. Hopefully we will get it discontinued soon, but since we have been on both sides of the fence, i understand both sides. Neither side is perfect. i do know that the custodial parent talks bad about the other behind their back, and we have found our conversations regarding the mother would have to be moved to another room.
Know what else, there are good custodial parents, and bad. There are good non-custodials, and bad. Yes i do feel like non-custodials should pay for child support, without a doubt. unfurtunetlly, usually only the child suffers.

As for us, once we get the $400 back, we will not ask for child support from her.

Why won't you ask for CS? If you are the custodial parent you should be collecting some. It IS the responsibility of the non custodial parent to provide financial aid to the children.

I am confused by the spouses/partners of non custodial parents saying how horrible custodial parents are. If I shared even 1/4 of the stories I have about my X (I am the custodial parent) you would all cringe.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I am confused by the spouses/partners of non custodial parents saying how horrible custodial parents are. If I shared even 1/4 of the stories I have about my X (I am the custodial parent) you would all cringe.

I can just imagine! I can't tell you how many times I lied for my ex so that the kids could be protected from the garbage. On my wedding anniversary (with my new DH) my ex called and said he got beat up by his girlfriend's husband...he cannot see the kids...he was in the hospital. Know how I spent my anniversary? Not with my DH...instead I was up at the hospital, bringing a home cooked meal to my ex and sitting there trying to discern how we would explain this to the kids. I went along with his story of saying "daddy was in a car accident". To this day my kids still don't know daddy was messing with a married woman and got his comeuppance for it. If I were vindictive, I would tell them, but it really serves no purpose. This is only the tip of the iceberg...but anyway, not every parent, custodial or non-custodial, uses their kids as a confidante or sounding board for all their ex's ills. I vent to my friends when I'm out with them, or when DH and I go out without the kids and obviously I vent here. Makes it very easy NOT to say a word to the kids when you have an outlet.

 

[Gina]

Being someone whos involved with joint custody of two kids, it really irks me to read or hear custodial parents knocking their ex's. I mean you have your kids, what more do you want? It really does not paint a pretty picture of them sometimes, and it IS about the money. or IS it?
Im not saying people shouldnt pay their support, they should. But I really get tired of hearing it.
As far as 'never saying a harsh word', this is LAUGHABLE. Of COURSE custodial parents knock their ex's in front of their kids. They ALWAYS do. Even in the BEST relationships..

Yay... someone else who has no business being in this thread... If you are "really tired of hearing it," why did you 1.) open this thread clearly titled as a support thread for custodial parents in regards to child support, and 2.) bother to post to it?

 

[lovin diz]

Why won't you ask for CS? If you are the custodial parent you should be collecting some. It IS the responsibility of the non custodial parent to provide financial aid to the children.

QUOTE]

Yes I agree. It is her responsibility to pay. My DH and i are blessed. The child is 16 years old, and everytime we found them, he would be forced to move again. The mother is not stable, and for 1 month he has said how proud he is to actually have a family. We took him to the beach over 4th of july weekend and he cried when they had the beautiful fireworks on the beach, he said he had never seen nothing so beautiful in his life. For his sake, by the time we would go to court fight for cs, he would be 17, and not worth the fight. He is happy and we are happy. That is enough for us.

BTW: he will be taking his first trip to disney world for his birthday in november. I cannot wait to see his face then

I do feel sorry for people who depend on that money, and do not receive it though. I do understand. My only point is there is good and bad of both.

 

[malibuconlee]

Being someone whos involved with joint custody of two kids, it really irks me to read or hear custodial parents knocking their ex's. I mean you have your kids, what more do you want? It really does not paint a pretty picture of them sometimes, and it IS about the money. or IS it?
Im not saying people shouldnt pay their support, they should. But I really get tired of hearing it.
As far as 'never saying a harsh word', this is LAUGHABLE. Of COURSE custodial parents knock their ex's in front of their kids. They ALWAYS do. Even in the BEST relationships..

Actually, my mom didn't say anything bad about my dad for YEARS. Not until I was in my late teens. Even then I would have said she was "knocking" him. Just telling the truth.

He was VERY different with his second wife than he was with my mom.

As for being about the money, my mom never once took Dad back for more support, and she should have. I mean when I turned 18 in 1993 she was still getting the same amount for me she had been getting since they divorced in the late 1970's $35 per week. He could definitely have afforded more.