Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I'm starting this thread because a lot of us have been posting on the Eppicard theft post and getting OT with our personal stories and issues related to child support. *Eppicard theft post link: http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1843465&page=3 (for those of you just joining the conversation so you know where this all originated from)

I figure this is a place where we can share info and updates on how our support cases are being handled and any tips about the process. Please feel free to ask questions or share your info. I know its a frustrating and daunting process so hopefully we can offer each other some support along the way.

 

[CarolA]

While I feel sorry for you, is this really a budget board post? Sounds like a CB post to me!

 

[happily single]

I'm in a similar boat, although I'm much younger. I divorced my first (yup, I'm 2x divorced) back in 1999 (actually the divorce became final the day I found out ds was on the way). We had a dd1 at the time.

Anyway, he never paid support regularlly, we were always in court to get my support. Luckily I work for attorneys so I've usually had free legal services. In any event, back in 2001 when he was arrested for possession of heroin (he was on his way to get the kids and was arrested a few blocks from my house) I obtained a Restraining Order stopping visitation. When he got out of jail he took me to court to obtain visitation, I agreed to allow his then girlfriend to supervise until I found out she was picking up the kids and dropping them off at his house (he lived with his mom also). I stopped vistation (mind you all this time I am not receiving support), He took me to court and the Judge yelled at me for not giving him visitation. Ultimately in a seperate court proceeding the Judge sentenced him to jail for not paying support. He was ordered to pay an additional sum every week until the arrears was paid or be immediately taken to the prision.

Ironically the final "arrears" payment was the day I closed on my house. I hadn't informed him that I was buying a house because it was none of his business. I haven't seen a dime since that day (9-13-02). I did allow him to see the kids until January, 2003 when his girlfriend accused me of stealing a DVD player that ex-husband had taken from her. I ended up being arrested-Yup, I have a jail record for assaulting her at my house-Um, nope didn't happen. I told him that he was dead to me at that point and we have not heard, seen or received anything from him since then.

My dd11 could care less. He was pretty rotten to her and besides, being at grandma's house meant a dark, smelly and quiet environment. She was a drunk and a chain smoker, one cigarette wasn't out before the next one was light. On the other hand my ds9 talks about his dad constantly. He has special needs (which dad would never acknowledge) and remembers all kinds of things that didn't happen (ie going to the park, going to disney, going to Ikea, etc).

Last summer he got a job "on the books" sure enough, as soon as the State caught up with him (1 garnishment of his pay) and he quit. I have no idea where he is now, but I can assure you he's working under th table.

Well I guess I hijacked the child support threat enough to vent. In all, as of today my ex owes me over $30k, not including 1/2 of ds med's which weren't covered by insurance. the kicker is I am techinically "full service" at Child Support by the State, so I got this nifty little credit card, which of course has -0- on it.

FYI: If you have a court order you should check with the coutr about being "full service" for collections. They will garnish pay if he works on the books, also they will take income tax returns, personal injury settlements and lottery winnings over a certain amount.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

While I feel sorry for you, is this really a budget board post? Sounds like a CB post to me!

I don't know about you or if you even have child support issues, but it certainly affects my budget. The conversation originated on another post within the budget board, so I posted it here. If a moderator feels it necessary to move the thread then that's just fine by me. Sorry if your bothered by the post being here.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Last summer he got a job "on the books" sure enough, as soon as the State caught up with him (1 garnishment of his pay) and he quit. I have no idea where he is now, but I can assure you he's working under th table.

FYI: If you have a court order you should check with the coutr about being "full service" for collections. They will garnish pay if he works on the books, also they will take income tax returns, personal injury settlements and lottery winnings over a certain amount.

Yes, I have a court order-for what its worth. My ex, when he was working, had wage garnishment and his tax return was taken also. Well, after the first time of his tax return being taken, I got a very nasty phone call from him as if I had stolen from him. Mind you, I didn't even get the money yet or know it was coming-his call was my heads up.

My court order IMO isn't worth the paper its printed on. Enforcement is nil. I suspect, like your ex, that mine has a cash job, but of course since I can't prove it I'm out of luck.

Now that my kids are coming up to the college years soon, it sure would be nice to have the money coming in. We'll manage without it, but it isn't right. I was told once the kids turn 18, I can get a judgement against him, but not sure what good that will do or if it will change a thing. He doesn't pay now, so I don't suppose he'll pay then either. So yes, my Eppicard has that lovely $0 balance too!

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

I'm going to move this thread to the Community Board. It makes sense not to limit the discussion to only those custodial parents who frequent the Budget Board. There are many more parents living in similar circumstances who never visit the BB and could have plenty to offer.

 

[tazdev3225]

Sorry that you all are having issues with your exes. The non-custodial parent doesn't always have it easy either. My son has taken his ex back to court 3 times to try and get custody. He pays his support but my grandson is always in clothes that are dirty and way to big. She takes him back for support issues every other year and always loses as she is on welfare and my sons support goes right to the state. We can always tell when she is looking for more support, she stops visitations. I will admit that she has gotten better since the last court appearance when her lawyer told her to get it together or she will lose custody next time. DGS is almost 10 and is starting to understand. My son will never begrudge a dime to his son even though he struggles to pay his bills on his salary of $8.70/hr and is getting married to the mother of his other child that he has to help support.

 

[Gina]

I hear ya! Kudos to you, OP, for being such a strong mom for your kids, and kudos to all of us who struggle to be both parents for our kids.

My situation sounds a lot like yours. I have one son, 12, and my ex and I have been divorced since DS was < 2 years old. My ex changes jobs the way you or I would change our socks, and it took several years (and a state senator!) to finally get the court-ordered child support coming in at all. But every time the X changed jobs, it would take a good 6-9 months before they tracked him down and the support started coming in again, and that was only after *I* did all the legwork to find out where he was and provided the info to the USELESS Texas attorney general office. Every call to them literally made my stomache hurt, they were so uncaring, and one time they even told me that "I should be grateful that I had ever gotten anything, because some women don't." (!!!) Yeah, thanks for totally not doing the only job you have.

Several years ago, I finally hired a private child support collection agency. I hemmed and hawed over the idea, hating that they would get 34% of every dollar that MY SON was supposed to get, but a co-worker put it to me this way: "What good is 100% of zero doing for you, Gina?" I never looked back after that. Now, they are the ones who do all the legwork, and immediately jump on it when the idiot changes jobs yet again. And get this: my ex actually got seriously irate when he found out that they keep a percentage of his money!! Hello, I wouldn't have had to go that route if you supported your own son like you're supposed to!!

He has only been minimally involved in the past, and hasn't called at all in over 8 months. He has never sent him a birthday present, a card, nothing. One time when DS was only 5, I took the high road and invited him to DS's birthday party. He managed to come with a girlfriend, but no gift. He could have brought an .89 cent Hot Wheels car and DS would have been thrilled, but no.

There is so much more to all this... but to make a long story short, DS is, like the OP's children, old enough now to know what kind of person his father really is. Luckily, my son has many other male role models, and we have had long talks about how biology is just biology -- and how it takes way more than that to be a parent. He knows and sees that I couldn't love my step-father any more if I were related to him, and he knows that he isn't required to ever love ANYBODY -- related or not -- and that would include me if I didn't measure up.

I've gotten to the point where I try to treat the child support money, when it comes in, as a bonus. It goes straight in the Disney fund. I'm supposed to be getting a check next week sometime -- the first since last October -- and that is going to buy MVMCP tickets for us!

-gina-



(And I definitely think this belongs on the budget board!!))

 

[MsStinkerBelle]

Just wanted to sub before I forgot about this thread.

My DD8's sperm donor died 2 years ago but the hell I went through with child support in Los Angeles County could fill a book. Even when I moved to another state I *still* had to go through crap with them. Just wanted to subscribe to offer whatever I can with regards to support and information.

A big for all of us and our kids.

 

[Robinrs]

Just wanted to sub before I forgot about this thread.

My DD8's sperm donor died 2 years ago but the hell I went through with child support in Los Angeles County could fill a book. Even when I moved to another state I *still* had to go through crap with them. Just wanted to subscribe to offer whatever I can with regards to support and information.

A big for all of us and our kids.

Since he passed away don't you get Social Security for them? My son gets SSI because his crazy dad was bonified crazy by a doctor.

 

[summerrluvv]

nm

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Has anyone been successful in getting a complete history of payments and disbursements from NYS? When I log onto the site, it only gives 5 weeks, and I'm looking to get something from the beginning, which is 2/08, since there is a screw up along the way (they have his arrears for more than they should be I *think*) and I don't want it to come back to bite me in the butt and have them take money away from me since I depend on it for childcare each week.

I know in NJ if you go down to the child support/probation office they will print it out for you on the spot. Also, if you have an Eppicard for your child support, the history is on there for a few years where you can print it out at home.

 

[happily single]

Since he passed away don't you get Social Security for them? My son gets SSI because his crazy dad was bonified crazy by a doctor.

Is there a way that you can find out if they are receiving SSI? I suspect that my second ex-husband has at least applied for SSI. Daycare for the youngest (2nd ex's child) is killing me and something would be nice.

 

[glitzybabes]

Hello everyone

Here is my situation. My dd is now 9 and I just started receiving support in June 07. I filled to get CS at CSE when she was less than a month old. It took over 8 years to get a dime. Finally I received a letter from the FL court that I would be receiving $95 a week CS and $15 a week for arrears which was only about $18,000 for over 8 years

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones because I do receive my child support every week on my eppicard, all but one week since June 07, thanksgiving week I think.

But I have a couple of questions.....Tax returns....How long does it take to get their tax refund checks? Also Has anyone received the NCP's tax stimulus check?

 

[mselly13]

I'll jump in on this one.
DS is 18 and graduating. In the beginning his bio did not pay regular. I like many others, took it upon myself to track him down. I also would receive tax returns and irregualar payments. But thankfully he finally decided that since this was affecting his credit he would get it together. He makes regular payments and is only behind a little because his employer has been taking out the wrong amount...only short $30 per month. I switched to direct deposit a few years back and just love it. In Texas, we can have the debit card if we want it or not. I didn't want.

As for visitation. He has never used it. Never. DS has seen his bio maybe 10 times his entire life. Has never met his little brother or his grandparents. but he also desperately wanted bio at his graduation and bio is coming...oh what fun that should be.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Several years ago, I finally hired a private child support collection agency. I hemmed and hawed over the idea, hating that they would get 34% of every dollar that MY SON was supposed to get, but a co-worker put it to me this way: "What good is 100% of zero doing for you, Gina?" I never looked back after that. Now, they are the ones who do all the legwork, and immediately jump on it when the idiot changes jobs yet again. And get this: my ex actually got seriously irate when he found out that they keep a percentage of his money!! Hello, I wouldn't have had to go that route if you supported your own son like you're supposed to!!

I always thought of calling one of these places, but I admit that I'm pretty skeptical. I've always wondered what other forms of collections could they use against the other party that the court doesn't already use. Do you know at all what tactics they use? I would gladly give up a portion of the money if it meant getting SOMETHING coming in.

 

[mselly13]

Hello everyone

Here is my situation. My dd is now 9 and I just started receiving support in June 07. I filled to get CS at CSE when she was less than a month old. It took over 8 years to get a dime. Finally I received a letter from the FL court that I would be receiving $95 a week CS and $15 a week for arrears which was only about $18,000 for over 8 years

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones because I do receive my child support every week on my eppicard, all but one week since June 07, thanksgiving week I think.

But I have a couple of questions.....Tax returns....How long does it take to get their tax refund checks? Also Has anyone received the NCP's tax stimulus check?

I got a his tax check for about 4-5 years. I would usually get a letter in June or so and the actually check didn't come until August. He will know before you do. Like a PP, the first time he called screaming accusing me of stealing it.

 

[summerrluvv]

nm

 

[Gina]

I have a co-worker who's ex is so far in arrears and CSE will do nothing until SHE takes time off work to file a violation petition, THEN they will take action, which I think is BS.

That's exactly what I have been told in the past. And I already took him to court once, several years ago, and it never even got before a judge. The clerk or whatever useless person sat down with us basically shook her finger at him and said, "You should really pay your child support." WOW, thanks for the help. They seemed to believe, much like the AG's office, that since he had randomly and intermittently paid in the past, he was basically good for it. Um, yeah, that's why he's just shy of $10,000 in arrears -- not including the more than $8000 in insurance premiums I have paid for DS over the past decade.

To the OP: The difference between letting the courts or whoever handle collections vs. a private collection agency is that the agency does all the legwork. Before, when my ex switched jobs, that would be the end of child support unless and until I managed to dig up new info on the idiot and provide it to them. The private agency sees a red flag as soon as a payment is missed, and they start calling the ex to find out what his major malfunction is this time. They also use the new hire database to run his SS number, and find out where he's working. (When he's working.) It's very worth it to me, because something is better than nothing.

-gina-

 

[summerrluvv]

nm