Could the magic of Disney ever return to me?

[Warlock128]

Im posting this to see if others think if they were in my situation, the magic of disney could return to them.
Ive been going out with my faince for 3 years, and we are very close. The very first christmas present i ever gave to her, was i took my first part time job, worked for 3 months, and on Dec. 29th. i took her to disneyland, and it was the best day of my life, everything was perfect, it was as magical as it can be. We just saw pirates of the caribbean on dvd the night before, and it helped add to the disney magic, since we both loved disney.
It was also the day where i gave her our promise rings, so we would be together forever. She accepted and cryed with tears of joy, it was bar none the happiest day of my life.
For the next 3 years, every day on that day, we would return to disneyland on that day, and pledge our love once more, and i would give her a different gift each time. Last year, i asked her to marry me and she said yes. We were engaged.
then this Febuary, 2 weeks after her birthday, we went to disney again just to go, but its funny, the place where i experienced the happiest day in my life, will soon be the place where i have the worst day of my life. i was a muggy day, crowded and hot, lots of rides were closed, and she didnt have any affection for me. At our special spot where we pledged our love, she wouldnt even hold me or let me kiss her. i knew something was up. The whole day went like this until we went home and she wouldnt tell me whats wrong. it killed me to see her treating me like this, and i didnt know why.
A week later she phones me and says she doesnt love me anymore, and she gives me back the promise ring, and since then, she hasnt phoned me back or want anything to do with me. At disney, she gave me the happiest day of my life, but at the same time, 3 years later, she tore it apart.
If i went back there again, alone, with another, i dont know, i dont think i could Bear it, we have a beautiful memory at every spot at that park that i dream of always, and if i was there again, i dont think my heart could bear it, i would probably break down emotionally and leave, most likely.
I went on google video and youtube, just to type in " disneyland " And hear music from the park, or footage of people walking around or on the rides, and that alone tears me apart. i cant imagine what would happen if i was Actually there.
Has any DIS'ers ever lost there love or made there greatest love at disney? and then lose them? how could i ever return to my favorite place? i dont think i can, the memories and heart felt feelings, knowing shes gone forever, would crush me to deeply. I want to go to disney and go on the new POTC and see the updates of the Haunted mansion, but now i cant, i just couldnt....

Is there any tips you can give this heartbroken, disney lover, who doesnt think he could ever step foot in the kingdom again?

Edit : Also note that the promise rings we both wore, she returned them to me, i gave them to her there, and if i were ever to return, i would only see it fitting i return to our spot, and bury them there, and leave them there, since it was there our love was strongest, and its also where it died.

 

[djblu883]

Warlock> Disneyland and WDW are where new dreams can be made. I'm Single and have been to Disney with special people before never experienced what you have so I can't say if you can return happily there or not, but know this....time heals all wounds and Magic is found only if you look...I can't imagine you not being able to find new and special places there to make new memories...I'm going this year for my first time solo and am actually looking forward to it because I can make my own schedule for my days there...Please go back with an open mind and look for the joy in all the little ones faces as you go...they will help bring the magic back into your heart and spirit!!! Janet ( DJ)

 

[billybaruch1]

Last year, i asked her to marry me and she said yes. We were engaged.
Has any DIS'ers ever lost there love or made there greatest love at disney? and then lose them? how could i ever return to my favorite place?

She reneged. The future you could have had together with your fond memories of how you began is her loss. Put the past in your rear-view mirror and make new memories.

When she won't tell you what's wrong, watch out! At least you got your ring back.

 

[hmp2z]

I think that you will definitely be able to recapture that magic; you just need some time to pass, in order to heal. When you're young (ha! like I'm not!), everything is so dramatic. You need to let time pass, to see things in a different perspective. Believe me, I had something devastating happen to me when I was in college, and now I can think about it and happily realize it was for the best, though at the time I didn't even know how to make it from day to day. The teens and early 20's are a period of such emotional turbulence. It's so nice to get a little older and level out; you could not pay me any amount of money to go through my teens again (I'm not saying you're in your teens, but it sounds from the promise ring thing that you're fairly young).
My husband & I recently lost our 2 dogs while we were on a trip to Florida. We boarded them at a kennel here in NC, and, due to the kennel's lack of care, both dogs died. They were much too young to die like that: Molly was 6 1/2 and Moose was 3. We were crushed, and I spoke to my rabbi about the loss. He reminded me that in Judaism, when someone dies (people, not dogs), the first 7 days the family sits shiva. Then the next 30 days are the period of sheloshim, then finally the year is up and you light a memorial candle on the yahrzeit every year. The point of that, he told me, is that the 30 days are better than the 7, and the year is better than the 30 days. It sounds trite, but it is so true. You just have to mark time, and eventually, the pain will be gone from your memories. And when you find the woman who is absolutely right for you, you will both love spending time at Disneyland and will make new, even more perfect memories there together. I know it seems hard to believe now, but it really, really is true.
Cheers!
Heather W

 

[Warlock128]

Im 21 so i suppose im fairly young, but after everything we shared, everything we had in common and our likes and dislikes, we were " simply meant to be " as read on our rings. At every corner, of every spot at disneyland, a beautiful memory is shared between the both of us, and if i returned there without her in my life anymore, i dont think i could stay at the park, my heart couldnt take it. like i said, just seeing pictures, or videos online of those places hurts me like nothing ive ever felt, if i actually stood there again, i would break down and probably leave in pain. i just know the magic of that place is gone, and i dont know what i can do to make it ever come back. All i know is i will be going back before the end of augest when i have the time, alone, with another, however it may be, to return to where we gave the rings to each other. i have the pair here, she gave it back to me and doesnt want my love anymore. so im going to return, and leave the rings there, where our love was at its highest, and let it stay there at the park, ill bury it deep in the dirt, so it will always be there.

I just hope the rest of the dis'ers will have many memories there for me and enjoy all the new attractions that come to disneyland like the revamped potc or the additions to HM, and the new rides to come, but i cant see myself there in the future, not anymore. Have fun for me ok? and i hope you all have your dreams come true at disneyland too. i had mine come true once. but for me, the happiest place on earth, is now my saddest place.

 

[ObsessedwithWDW]

OK so I dated probably 4 guys from high school and married the 4th. I went to Disney with each of them...b/c I am a die hard and like to go every year no matter what. The magic and romance of Disney is amazing and let me tell you it changed with each person I have shared it with. Of course I would be lying if I didn't think for a moment of a past trip but each love was real and special in its own way.....and I thought it was important to share my special place with each. Now I have been married 3 years and we went on our honeymoon and go each year taking our daughter for the first time this year at 10 months old. SO to answer your question YES the magic can come back...I know your heart hurts but you will come through this. I wouldn't go rushing through the gates just yet I would heal abit really mend your heart and then go either alone or share it with someone else. Its ok to reflect and feel those old feelings....so long as your honest with yourself. Take care and keep your head up! Never stop believing in the magic of Disney.

 

[HeatherPage]

I'm not making light of your situation but you were 18 (about?) when you started dating and engaged by 21? She may have seemed to be the "one" for you and you would always be together but guys I knew or dated when I was 18, I would have nothing in common with now. People change, that's what growing up is all about. I now technically kids are adults once they turn 18 but there is still alot of emotional maturity needing to be done at that point. You may very well mourn the loss of your fiance for many years, but I bet one day you will wake up, shake it off and say, you know what, I've got alot to offer someone, I miss Disneyland and screw her I'm going to go back and enjoy it - at least she can't take that away from me. One day when you are married to your "true" love and have children you can take back to Disneyland and make new wonderful memories with, this girl won't even be a speedbump in the road of your life. Good luck and know that life goes on even after such a devastating blow.

 

[Johnfish]

This is an interesting topic. My ex and I honeymooned at WDW in 1984. We never got the chance to return and we were divorced in 2000. I have full custody of my son and 2 years ago he and I went to WDW for the first time. I got the planning video when we first started planning our trip. It was so difficult to watch and I ended up with tears in my eyes at the memories from 1984. But when we got there I rediscovered the joy all over again. Thoughts of my ex were long gone and I have fallen in love with WDW. Maybe it was seeing it through my sons eyes but I really think it was my own perception. I have created all new lasting memories and thats a good thing.
It is difficult to relive old memories but time heals them. There is so much there for YOU to enjoy. Dont let bad memories ruin it for you.

John

 

[deekaypee]

Warlock128,

My heart goes out to you. I know this sounds trite but as so many other posters have noted, time will make a difference. Give yourself a chance to mourn the relationship and what you hoped it would be. And eventually, you'll be able to remember not only what you love about Disney but what you loved about being at Disney with her. The pain, the sense of dislocation, the feelings of betrayal, even the anger will fade (not that you necessarily feel all these things at this point). And you will be able to place this experience into context. It won't be easy, it won't happen quickly, but it will happen.

To reveal a little bit of my background, not that I claim to be the sole "voice of experience": I've been to WDW with my three serious partners. My first (and now ex-)husband, my second partner (whom I did not marry), and my 3rd partner and DH.

My first husband and I eloped to Orlando and honeymooned in WDW, with my two best friends along for the ride. Within the first year of our marriage, things had gone very, very wrong; I won't go into details here, but they necessitated a divorce. To celebrate our first year of marriage we returned to the parks, hoping the Disney magic would hlep us heal our marriage. It didn't work and halfway through the trip we realized our marriage was in serious trouble, was in fact ending. So we spent much of the trip in a half-nostalgic/half-mourning mood, looking at WDW through the eyes of former lovers and best friends. When we returned home, I went into therapy, but to no avail. A year later we filed for divorce, but I always think of that trip as the true end of our marriage.

My next partner and I also visited Disney, but only once. Whereas I love Disney, passionately & committedly (if sometimes irrationally), the same could not be said for him. In fact, he tended to make fun of my obsession---if in good fun--and thought such trips were a little too rich for our pocketbooks (although he would buy me Disney trinkets). Then I got sick, really sick--again I won't go into details here--and ended up in the hospital for over a month, plus treatments before and after. My illness put quite a strain on our relationship, for several reasons, but he stayed with me during this time. But the differences in our outlooks, in our values, in our visions for the future became clear. You see, when I got sick, I would get through those endless days and nights in the hospital by fantasizing about taking a celebration/recovery trip to WDW. And after I got back, I set about planning it and invited several of my friends, those who had been most supportive of me during my illness, along. I even rented a suite so that two of my friends who couldn't afford to pay for airfare, a hotel room, and tickets could join me. And that was the breaking point for my partner; he simply couldn't understand why 1) we couldn't just go back to a normal life and pretend I wasn't sick; 2) why I needed to go to Disney when we could ill afford it; and 3) why I wanted to be with my friends as well as with him to celebrate my new(found) life. He refused to help me pay for or plan the trip (fair enough), and refused to interact with me and my friends at WDW. Needless to say, we broke up in the middle of a 10-day trip, a breakup I knew was happening even before we went. But I saw Disney through his eyes as well as mine that week. It was bittersweet, a trip filled with both endings and beginnings.

Which brings me to my 3rd partner and DH. Wow, he had a lot of prior expectations to live up to. He knows full well my Disney fetish and past history with past loves. He was one of the friends who celebrated with me on my out-of-the-hospital trip. (It wasn't until later that we entered a romantic relationship with one another, in case you're wondering.) In fact, we joke about Disney needing to add and update rides so that they can become "ours" rather than belonging to my past. But he found a way to make the magic of Disney work for us--he proposed to me at the Contemporary, as the nightly fireworks filled the sky. And he's the one always pushing for the next Disney vacation, just to make me happy. I love him and I love Disney with him.

But being with him doesn't erase the past loves and my Disney experiences with them. Each of my relationships--lovers and friends--gave me a new way of looking at WDW. I see rides through their eyes, long after they may have passed from my life. I remember their favorite ride or a dessert or a funny standing-in-line story. And sometimes, I'll admit, I remember the less-than-happy times, briefly and with a bit of melancholy. But then I'll look around me and see myself surrounded by all these people who believe in the magic of Disney--and I consider myself very blessed that I get to share in making memories with all of them. And I say a little silent thank-you to all those people of my past who helped make my memories unique. And I've begun to believe that these small touches of sadness make me love Disney all the more.

So, with time I found myself able to experience the Disney magic because of, and not in spite of, these experiences. And I really believe you will find your way back to the Disney magic, too.

 

[Johnfish]

That was beautifully said Deekaypee!!!

John

 

[Tammi67]

I just want to say that I will be taking my kids to WDW in October. This will be the first time back without my soon to be ex, and I'm wondering how it's going to be. You all have eased my apprehension a bit. Thank you.

 

[Johnfish]

Glad we could help Tammi!! Matt (DS) and I are heading back in August!! I cant wait! Be sure to make some new memories while you're there!

John

 

[deekaypee]

Tammi67,

Glad you found the thread and found it helpful. I know you and your kids will enjoy WDW. October, huh? What a great time of year to visit!

 

[Tammi67]

Thanks John and Deekaypee. August, huh? You must be taking advantage of the free dining! We usually travel during December and MVMCP but this year decided to mix it up a bit and go to MNSSHP. I really think I am going to be fine, especially focusing on making sure the kids have a good time. The hardest thing for me will be watching Wishes!

 

[Johnfish]

I know what you mean about wishes. The first time i watched I had tears streaming down my face. Not because of memories but just because the music really touches me.

All of our trips have been in august. But this year i am also making a solo trip in december


John

 

[Tammi67]

Really? When? Right now I have a quick 3 night trip planned for my son's 7th bday, Dec 1-4. But it isn't set in stone. I'm going to have to see what airfare looks like. We will have APs so I'm trying to get as much use out of them as possible.

Plus I have some friends that are doing some Magical Gatherings (Wishes Cruise and the AK Safari), so that is another reason I would love to make this trip. Who knows when those opportunities will come again!

If you love Wishes, you will really like the holiday display they do. It is bit different than the regular one. Don't miss the Osborne Lights, the Candlelight Processional, and the extra display they have done the past few years after Illuminations. Now you are really making me want to be there during Christmas time!

 

[Johnfish]

Hi Tammi,

Im am planning to be there from 12/8 to 12/13. Hopefully to meet a new friend that I met on dismates.

There is a big group of people from dismates.com going the weekend of 12/8 and staying through the next week. There are a bunch of meets planned for that time. Stop over and checkout the web site.

Thanks for the suggestions. I hope to see all of those things!

john

 

[DJ Disney Kid]

Im 21 so i suppose im fairly young, but after everything we shared, everything we had in common and our likes and dislikes, we were " simply meant to be " as read on our rings. At every corner, of every spot at disneyland, a beautiful memory is shared between the both of us, and if i returned there without her in my life anymore, i dont think i could stay at the park, my heart couldnt take it. like i said, just seeing pictures, or videos online of those places hurts me like nothing ive ever felt, if i actually stood there again, i would break down and probably leave in pain. i just know the magic of that place is gone, and i dont know what i can do to make it ever come back. All i know is i will be going back before the end of augest when i have the time, alone, with another, however it may be, to return to where we gave the rings to each other. i have the pair here, she gave it back to me and doesnt want my love anymore. so im going to return, and leave the rings there, where our love was at its highest, and let it stay there at the park, ill bury it deep in the dirt, so it will always be there.

I just hope the rest of the dis'ers will have many memories there for me and enjoy all the new attractions that come to disneyland like the revamped potc or the additions to HM, and the new rides to come, but i cant see myself there in the future, not anymore. Have fun for me ok? and i hope you all have your dreams come true at disneyland too. i had mine come true once. but for me, the happiest place on earth, is now my saddest place.

Don't worry about it, its only hard for awhile. We've all been there where we think we have "the one" and then they leave and you feel you will never replace that person cause they were so perfect in every way and you remember all the memories shared together, but trust me, its a temporary feeling and eventually you move forward and grow from the loss. Eventually we all meet the next person you end up falling in love with and you want to share things like Disneyworld with them. It doesn't negate the moments you shared with your ex, but it makes them not hurt anymore and you eventually make new memories. Good luck!

 

[Sweetie Pie]

Warlock128,

I just wanted to send some your way since I know what you're going through. My Ex and I shared many wonderful trips to WDW together and I felt like the whole Disney experience would never be the same for me bacause of all the memories. However, I'm happy to say that I recently (just last month) took a trip back down to WDW with my sister and had a great trip. I was extremely anxious about going and thought about cancelling the trip at the last minute- but I'm sooo glad I didn't.

In some strange but good way, being there without him helped me to remember who I was before him, as I had been there a few times before we even met. It brought me some closure. I'm definitely not over the whole break-up yet, but I can tell you from experience it does get better. You just have to take it one day at a time. Hang in there.

 

[NewEnglandDisney]

Simple answer : yes, time works. May even take a few years, but it does come back.

Trust me.

NED