Cotillion

[cm8]

Thanks for the feedback. A little background. Most of the kids at his school were invited, and I'd say that half chose to participate. Of those, about half really enjoy it.

Cotillion was a big thing when I was growing up. My siblings and I were invited, my parents declined. My dad said he knew the people who ran it and he would never trust any of them to teach his kids proper etiquette!

It was for us too, you dad is really funny, sounds just like something my Dad would say too

 

[Jennasis]

While I can't fathom the idea of FORCING your son to participate, it might be worthwhile to point out to him the MANY lovely young ladies he would get to meet by participating...and let him make his decision on his own.

One of my male students participated in it. Not sure whether he LIKED it, but he did make many girl friends (not girlfriends). Then again, he made many girl friends just by taking riding lessons. My students are 90% girls.

 

[simba20]

Here is something we have in our area for middle school kids. http://www.socialinc.com/

Oh and we also have debs and "coming-outs"

 

[Agri]

When I hear the word "Cotillion" I always laugh. Here, its something for the special snowflake kids in a certain school district. I attended school in the district, but never got an invitation. I made friends with a girl who did and she offered to get me invited, but I so did not want to go to something that someone had to get me an invite to!

I think anyone can take the time to teach their kids to be polite. Being taught 'culture' and 'manners' by someone who thinks they know it all isn't always a good experience.

 

[DVCLiz]

LOL, my DS16 referenced, Mrs. Cox, his cotillion coach a few weeks ago. We were at a funeral and he said, "Gentlemen keep their jackets buttoned until they are seated." I guess some things do stick with them!

Unless there are two, we had the same wonderful teacher!! Both of my girls did this - it was called something else in our community, but they did it from 4th through 8th grades, I think 6 or 8 meetings a year. The kids who "graduated" after middle school were invited to a seated formal dance for their high school years - DD17 just went to the one this year.

When I hear the word "Cotillion" I always laugh. Here, its something for the special snowflake kids in a certain school district. I attended school in the district, but never got an invitation. I made friends with a girl who did and she offered to get me invited, but I so did not want to go to something that someone had to get me an invite to!

I think anyone can take the time to teach their kids to be polite. Being taught 'culture' and 'manners' by someone who thinks they know it all isn't always a good experience.

Honestly, it just sounds like you have a big chip on your shoulder. Yes, it can be hard to break into this kind of event if it's invitation only, but I have yet to see the parent who can teach their kid how to behave at a formal dance all by themselves. Sorry it hurt your feelings but the program overall is valid, I think.

 

[NCRedding]

LOL, my DS16 referenced, Mrs. Cox, his cotillion coach a few weeks ago. We were at a funeral and he said, "Gentlemen keep their jackets buttoned until they are seated." I guess some things do stick with them!

Unless there are two, we had the same wonderful teacher!! Both of my girls did this - it was called something else in our community, but they did it from 4th through 8th grades, I think 6 or 8 meetings a year. The kids who "graduated" after middle school were invited to a seated formal dance for their high school years - DD17 just went to the one this year.

We had Mrs. Cox too!

 

[laurie31]

My daughters did, but here it's just called "etiquette class" and the dance they have at the end is called a cotillion. The class is open to anyone who wants to pay the $50/semester fee, so there's nothing "uppity" about it.

It's for 6-8th grade. DD14 loved it. DD12 did NOT want to go, and yes I made her. Of course, we teach her table manners at home, but it sinks in more at that age to hear another adult say, "Do not load up your plate at a reception." However, despite her initial protests, she now gets all "fixed up" (hair and make-up) for etiquette class, so DH and I presume there is a boy in there she likes - lol.

We also have the rule at the dances that the kids should have multiple dance partners and no one can refuse when they're asked to dance. It gives them confidence to practice asking someone to dance, knowing they won't be turned down. They learn the waltz, the foxtrot, and several others. Last year, they actually had dance cards, which I thought was really nice.

 

[NewCrew42]

Both of my kids have done cotillion. DS liked everything abou it except the dancing. Here, you carpool with a group from your school. Boys carpool with other boys and girls carpool with other girls. The kids usually go out to eat together before cotillion. This was the part my DS liked. Then the carpool goes to cotillion where they learn some basic dances, but also fun dances like Thriller and Cupid Shuffle. They also learn little ettiquite tips as well as few manners reminders.

DD really likes the dancing and prefers the dancing part of it to the socializing with her friends. Her carpool has 20 something girls in it and it gets quite loud at dinner. She does better with a smaller group.

Occasionally I do hear my children say something they learned at cotillion. The latest line was "Proper hours for telephone calling are 9 a.m. to 9 p.m."

 

[NewCrew42]

Oops! Double post!

 

[busyshrew]

I'm pretty sure something very similar does exist in the NE - don't they call it "dancing school"? (Knickerbocker is a particularly famous one, no?) I've had girlfriends who have gone to something similar (here in Canada) - but they only did the etiquette part, no dancing!

 

[rie'smom]

Must be a southern thing....nothing remotely close to that up here in the NE! I don't think I could get my boys to participate in something like that....

It is not just a southern thing. In Manhattan, there's something similar, the Debutante Ball- very chic and very exclusive. In most places this is what the balls are called. In south Louisiana, there are Mardi Gras Balls which are sometimes used as debuts for young women.

 

[AustinTink]

havent heard much of cotillions since the howells annual cotillion on gilligans island. the one that the skipper thought he didnt get invited to. saddest episode there was.

I would invite the skipper. He was a good dancer.

 

[Agri]

Honestly, it just sounds like you have a big chip on your shoulder. Yes, it can be hard to break into this kind of event if it's invitation only, but I have yet to see the parent who can teach their kid how to behave at a formal dance all by themselves. Sorry it hurt your feelings but the program overall is valid, I think.

Well, thanks for the opinion on my 12 year old self.

I'll tell the rest of what I left out. My friend asked me personally after I heard her and her mother discuss that apparently I had been overlooked and wasn't invited because I didn't live in the 'right part of town'. Since her mother had met me and found me to be polite and not dirty, smelly, and rude, it was then decided that if the daughter asked me and I wanted to go, the mother would then get me an invitation.

My first year at the school, I was also not invited.

It wasn't quite as simple as my first explanation, but I wrongly felt I didn't need to go into every single detail.

I was already attending functions at that same level of society since I was much younger, and I managed to learn which fork to use and how to carry on a proper conversation without the program. I learned to dance in my dance class, as well. (So, yes, as a child who was already doing those things, I found it humorous - and slightly degrading - that my friend's mother was worried about going out on a limb because I did not live in their part of town.)

I wasn't saying that it isn't a worthwhile program overall - I'm sure for those it suits it is. Where I live, it *is* just for those special snowflakes who happen to be born to rich parents and live in the appropriate part of town. (Since, you know, the other 80% of the children in the city will never be in a situation where they will need to know the same things!) However, it is not the only way to learn the basics of functioning in (high) society. It is not worth 'forcing' a child to attend. And that is the only point I was trying to make.

 

[laurie31]

It is not just a southern thing. In Manhattan, there's something similar, the Debutante Ball- very chic and very exclusive. In most places this is what the balls are called. In south Louisiana, there are Mardi Gras Balls which are sometimes used as debuts for young women.

Oh, now debutantes are something else! They ARE high society things, and they are for older girls (high school seniors, I think). I don't think boys make a debut, but I have never been a member of that layer of society, so I really don't know. I just see the pic of the debutants in the society pages. LOL Usually the parents belong to a country club, which is where the ball is then held.

 

[AustinTink]

Well, I guess I don't know my internet message board list of uses for asterisks. I thought putting them around *force* made it clear I was kidding or had no intention of doing so. But, there you go.

 

[AustinTink]

Oh, now debutantes are something else! They ARE high society things, and they are for older girls (high school seniors, I think). I don't think boys make a debut, but I have never been a member of that layer of society, so I really don't know. I just see the pic of the debutants in the society pages. LOL Usually the parents belong to a country club, which is where the ball is then held.

This is true the debutante ball is for high school seniors. Girls make their debut and the boys in cotillion are their escorts. But, around here it is part of cotillion circuit.

 

[DVCLiz]

Well, thanks for the opinion on my 12 year old self.

I'll tell the rest of what I left out. My friend asked me personally after I heard her and her mother discuss that apparently I had been overlooked and wasn't invited because I didn't live in the 'right part of town'. Since her mother had met me and found me to be polite and not dirty, smelly, and rude, it was then decided that if the daughter asked me and I wanted to go, the mother would then get me an invitation.

My first year at the school, I was also not invited.

It wasn't quite as simple as my first explanation, but I wrongly felt I didn't need to go into every single detail.

I was already attending functions at that same level of society since I was much younger, and I managed to learn which fork to use and how to carry on a proper conversation without the program. I learned to dance in my dance class, as well. (So, yes, as a child who was already doing those things, I found it humorous - and slightly degrading - that my friend's mother was worried about going out on a limb because I did not live in their part of town.)

I wasn't saying that it isn't a worthwhile program overall - I'm sure for those it suits it is. Where I live, it *is* just for those special snowflakes who happen to be born to rich parents and live in the appropriate part of town. (Since, you know, the other 80% of the children in the city will never be in a situation where they will need to know the same things!) However, it is not the only way to learn the basics of functioning in (high) society. It is not worth 'forcing' a child to attend. And that is the only point I was trying to make.

I'm sorry your friend and her mother hurt your feelings when you were 12.

 

[DVCLiz]

Oh, now debutantes are something else! They ARE high society things, and they are for older girls (high school seniors, I think). I don't think boys make a debut, but I have never been a member of that layer of society, so I really don't know. I just see the pic of the debutants in the society pages. LOL Usually the parents belong to a country club, which is where the ball is then held.

This is true the debutante ball is for high school seniors. Girls make their debut and the boys in cotillion are their escorts. But, around here it is part of cotillion circuit.

The debutante balls in our state are for college students - the NC State ball is for sophmores and our local deb ball is for seniors in college.

 

[Jennasis]

Well, I guess I don't know my internet message board list of uses for asterisks. I thought putting them around *force* made it clear I was kidding or had no intention of doing so. But, there you go.

Smileys work better.

 

[tessiemez]

I guess what type of program cotillion is varies from group to group. Where I went to school, I wasn't invited to cotillion--only an elite group of students who lived in the same area of town were invited. I wasn't offended not to be invited, because I wouldn't have been welcomed in that group of students anyway.

That's alright. My grandmother taught me manners and appropriate social skills. I can certainly hold my own at formal dinner parties (though I'm more a stay-in-with-my-husband-eating-chips-on-the-couch kind of girl).

Ask around other parents in the area--find out what your local cotillion is like. I never even considered that there are valid cotillions out there, but it sounds like that's the case!

Whether or not your son ends up participating, good for you for trying to instill good manners. I work as a teen programming coordinator at the library, and I can tell you: most teens I've encountered with no manners have parents with the same problem. It's good to hear parents still want to set good examples for appropriate behavior.