not_Joanna_eggs
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2008
- Messages
- 1,247
Okay, so this will be long, but I need to vent, and hope that you will be able to offer me advice or at least a sympathetic ear.
So Friday we officially got engaged
We've been planing, and talking for a while, but now the ring is on my finger... and we told our parents we're engaged and about our plans for a DFTW.
As expected, my parents were thrilled, and though their first reaction to DFTW was to laugh, they were quickly on board, and helping me make plans and pick a date.
DF's family we knew would be a bit trickier. They (okay - his mom) hates to travel - and likes to be the center of attention (think 4 year old throwing a tantrum.) She's throwing a stink about DF's brother's wedding which is taking place at a resort about 2 hrs away from their house. So we knew we would have to really sell our destination wedding. And in fact, this is one of the reasons we chose Disney - it sells itself. So we carefully broached the subject of wanting to get married in Disney in January of '10 (18 months away mind you) and how it was important to us that they were there, and that we really love WDW, and don't want a huge 400 person wedding, which is what it would easily be if we had an at home wedding, due to my very large extended family.
Her first response was "You know I don't like to fly" (she's never been on a plane) We talked to her, and explained that the media sensationalizes the fees and flight cuts, and that it's really safe and fun. Even added that it's only a 20 hr. car ride, and since we're not getting married until a Monday, they could easily drive down on the weekend. When we left Saturday, she seemed open to the idea, and we were optimistic.
Well, DF just called and she apparently called him this morning, just totally yelling at him for even concidering going so far away, and he knows she bruised her tailbone and can't sit too long (again 18 months away) and that her parents are soooo old (they're in their 70s) and this and that. And basically said "well if you want to do it in WDW, that's fine, we don't have to come"
Not come to your own son's wedding? Because of a 3 hr. plane ride? I think it's so that I can be the big bad b**** that makes her miss her son's wedding, because she thinks it's all my idea. None of this would be too suprising or horrible, if last year they didn't take a 14 hr. train ride (each way) to North Dakota to go to DF's childhood friend's wedding.
She has never liked me, and I do feel like this is a personal attack on me, especially since she waited until she knew he'd be alone (at work) to call him and tell him this (and talk some trash about me) I feel bad because DF is stuck in the middle, and I don't want him to be, I really thought that this was a good solution. I keep telling him that we can do an at home wedding (shivers) and honeymoon in WDW, but he really wants the DFTW too. But he also wants his parents there. He's just sort of stuck in the middle.
She keeps bringing up things about her, like why are we doing this to her and she doesn't like this and that and all that jazz. I want to scream that this isn't her wedding, it's not about her, all she has to do is show up and grow up. But I know that would just make the situation worse.
He keeps telling me that we have 18 months until the wedding, and a lot can change in that time - and I totally agree. I just wish that there was something I could do to convince her that we're doing this because it's what will make us happy, not becuase we're trying to make her miserable. She's making me feel like I'm being selfish for wanting a small DFTW instead of a big at-home affair. But originally we chose WDW because we thought we'd be able to convince her to go!
We're already started talking about 'breaking points' dates and actions that will warrent decisions to be made, but I feel like this whole thing is going to throw everything off and make me feel so behind, because I basically have to start planning 2 weddings, and then see which one we end up with. I'm trying to be understanding, I do know that his mother is crazy, and immature. It's not the first time that she's pulled something like this, but sill me, I though that she'd at least be happy about her son getting married. I don't want to show DF how frustrated I am, because I know that he feels crappy about it too, but the same time I want to go over there and punch her in the face for doing this to us.
Okay, if anyone is still reading, thank you for letting me vent! I'm sorry it went so long - I guess I'm even more frustrated than I thought. I've been engaged like 3 days, and already I'm feeling a bridezilla moment coming on - this can't be good!
So Friday we officially got engaged
We've been planing, and talking for a while, but now the ring is on my finger... and we told our parents we're engaged and about our plans for a DFTW. As expected, my parents were thrilled, and though their first reaction to DFTW was to laugh, they were quickly on board, and helping me make plans and pick a date.
DF's family we knew would be a bit trickier. They (okay - his mom) hates to travel - and likes to be the center of attention (think 4 year old throwing a tantrum.) She's throwing a stink about DF's brother's wedding which is taking place at a resort about 2 hrs away from their house. So we knew we would have to really sell our destination wedding. And in fact, this is one of the reasons we chose Disney - it sells itself. So we carefully broached the subject of wanting to get married in Disney in January of '10 (18 months away mind you) and how it was important to us that they were there, and that we really love WDW, and don't want a huge 400 person wedding, which is what it would easily be if we had an at home wedding, due to my very large extended family.
Her first response was "You know I don't like to fly" (she's never been on a plane) We talked to her, and explained that the media sensationalizes the fees and flight cuts, and that it's really safe and fun. Even added that it's only a 20 hr. car ride, and since we're not getting married until a Monday, they could easily drive down on the weekend. When we left Saturday, she seemed open to the idea, and we were optimistic.
Well, DF just called and she apparently called him this morning, just totally yelling at him for even concidering going so far away, and he knows she bruised her tailbone and can't sit too long (again 18 months away) and that her parents are soooo old (they're in their 70s) and this and that. And basically said "well if you want to do it in WDW, that's fine, we don't have to come"
Not come to your own son's wedding? Because of a 3 hr. plane ride? I think it's so that I can be the big bad b**** that makes her miss her son's wedding, because she thinks it's all my idea. None of this would be too suprising or horrible, if last year they didn't take a 14 hr. train ride (each way) to North Dakota to go to DF's childhood friend's wedding.
She has never liked me, and I do feel like this is a personal attack on me, especially since she waited until she knew he'd be alone (at work) to call him and tell him this (and talk some trash about me) I feel bad because DF is stuck in the middle, and I don't want him to be, I really thought that this was a good solution. I keep telling him that we can do an at home wedding (shivers) and honeymoon in WDW, but he really wants the DFTW too. But he also wants his parents there. He's just sort of stuck in the middle.
She keeps bringing up things about her, like why are we doing this to her and she doesn't like this and that and all that jazz. I want to scream that this isn't her wedding, it's not about her, all she has to do is show up and grow up. But I know that would just make the situation worse.
He keeps telling me that we have 18 months until the wedding, and a lot can change in that time - and I totally agree. I just wish that there was something I could do to convince her that we're doing this because it's what will make us happy, not becuase we're trying to make her miserable. She's making me feel like I'm being selfish for wanting a small DFTW instead of a big at-home affair. But originally we chose WDW because we thought we'd be able to convince her to go!
We're already started talking about 'breaking points' dates and actions that will warrent decisions to be made, but I feel like this whole thing is going to throw everything off and make me feel so behind, because I basically have to start planning 2 weddings, and then see which one we end up with. I'm trying to be understanding, I do know that his mother is crazy, and immature. It's not the first time that she's pulled something like this, but sill me, I though that she'd at least be happy about her son getting married. I don't want to show DF how frustrated I am, because I know that he feels crappy about it too, but the same time I want to go over there and punch her in the face for doing this to us.
Okay, if anyone is still reading, thank you for letting me vent! I'm sorry it went so long - I guess I'm even more frustrated than I thought. I've been engaged like 3 days, and already I'm feeling a bridezilla moment coming on - this can't be good!
I'm soo sorry that fmil is being difficult for you. Just remember it's YOUR wedding. And you don't want to look back and think "I'd wish we'd done that instead of that" Don't know if anyone in your famliy that is going is good of the computer but suggestion: get a webcam set up and then she could at least watch it from home. 
That was great! Thanks Lurky!!!
So about the FMIL .. .wow .. I think that it sounds like you and your df are on board with what you guys want and that is really what counts.. surely she is just trying to be stubborn and trying to get her way but really seriously do you think she would miss her son's wedding? That would be some crap!! I hope it all works out .. at this point you have six months to definitely let her straighten out hopefully... until you have to book!! Good luck with everything!! I hope it gets better! 
and that it was selfish of me to have "such a big diamond" (It's 1.58 cts) and that I was just trying to show her up!!
in his family and told her she shouldn't go. (fortunately, she's sane, so she didn't listen 
wishes to all of you that are in the same boat!
)
confused: ) for me to expect everyone to come down to Disney and he might have an (OPTIONAL) study abroad trip that he HAS to go on. So at first I got pissed but then I said hey fine, we'll have it webcasted so u can see it wherever you are! Then again put on the 
