Considering adoption - where to begin?

[Jen_in_NH]

DH and I have been talking for many months now about how we want our family to grow. We have one DS who is 3, and we really want to have more children. It took a lot of time (and shots ) to have him, and we can't go through the medical part of it again.

We finally decided adoption is something we want to look into and consider. But where do we begin? Google is absolutely not my friend for this - I can't find any particularly helpful information. I really only know the basics, and need to learn more. We only have a few friends who have adopted, and most have been adoptions of older children through foster care. We're pretty sure we want to have a child younger than our son, which from what I've read, is almost impossible through foster adoptions???

Please, if anyone can help, where do we start? What is the process like? What do I need to know?

 

[hipporina]

We adopted all of our children through the foster care system, but they were older. One of them was 2, but his brother was 7. Anyway, if you are willing to do a foster to adopt situation where you don't know if you will be able keep the child for sure or not then you would probably be able to get an infant. If you are not willing to take that risk (we weren't and aren't), then you are right that it is very difficult to get very young children. However, it is possible, especially if you are open to any race or to medical issues.

Whatever you decide to do, the most important thing is to make sure you choose a good agency that has your best interest at heart. Good luck! Adoption is a hard but wonderfully rewarding journey.

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

When we first began in 2002 I searched the internet for local agencies and then asked for recommendations from people who had adopted. I think finding the right agency is the first step. When we met with the first agency she helped us come up with answers to the other important questions : international or domestic, race, age, drug/alcohol exposure, financial, legal, etc. So to me, the right agency is the best first step.

Also - please don't listen to what everyone "thinks" they know. I love when people tell me that it takes 10 years to adopt a healthy newborn. I had 3 within 5 years. Or when they tell you how expensive it is. Don't get me wrong - the $$ part sucks, but there are tax credits that take the sting out. Just go with your heart on every decision that you need to make (there will be alot) and know it will all be worth it when you meet your new child.

I struggled for years over the adoption/fertility question. It had absolutely nothing to do with biology and everything to do with wanting to be pregnant and the adoption horror strories that the news loves to tell. Now my babies are 7, 6 and 2. It was the best thing that I ever did and I wouldn't change it at all because they wouldn't be who they are if they were born to us. Good luck

 

[Sparx]

I am a big advocate of domestic adoptions. There are a lot of babies and children who need a good home right here.

You can call your local Department of Children's Services for more information about Foster Care adoptions. They will be completely honest with you about the variety of children who are up for adoption currently.

 

[ORMom2Four]

First step will be researching and deciding which type of adoption is right for your family.

FYI, we adopted through foster care and our son came to us when he was 22 months old

 

[clh2]

Do you know anyone who has adopted? (Or even freinds of freinds...???)

My sister went through an international adoption, and my DH's brother and his wife used the same agency a few years later. They discussed this in dpeth with my sister before they proceeded...and even "swore" my sister to secrecy.

 

[DebbieB]

Have you tried to get pregnant again naturally? I know alot of people who had fertility problems and were able to have a second or third without treatment. In most of those cases it was an oops but it can happen. One friend went through alot of treatment for her first and then decided to stop BC and got pregnant with her second in 3 months without treatment.

 

[Jen_in_NH]

Thank you all for the info. I only know of 2 people around us who adopted, and both adopted teens, which right now, isn't something we would want to do. Maybe when DS is older, that would work well for us.

Does anyone have any recommendations for agencies? I see a lot of them listed online, but without knowing anyone who has used them, I don't know which ones would be good.

Jen

 

[Dan Murphy]

Hi Jen.

I am sure things are quite a bit different today than 30 plus years ago when we adopted our Vince and Natalie, but we went through Catholic Charities. They were wonderful to deal with. Again, I know much has changed over the years.

Best wishes, a prayer said for success.

 

[tinytreasures]

you need to find people that have adopted before and ask them who to go through for a agency. Post on your facebook page my friend got so much help by doing that and brought her daughter home 2 days later.
We are a foster adopt family if you decide to go that way you need to call your local county and start there

good luck with whatever you decide

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

We used Adoption Associates in Michigan and I love them! They do handle out of state adoptions but I just think it would be so much easier to have an agency in your own state.

Begin by checking websites to see what type of adoptions they handle. Call each agency to ask any questions you may have. The impression you receive from your first phone call will tell you alot. THe person who answers the phone is someone you will talk to alot over the next few years and you will want them to be helpful, friendly and empathetic.

Some things to look for :

**I recommend a non profit. You will spend a lot of $$ anyway - no sense in spending more than you need to.

**An agency that handles both domestic and international (we were confident we wanted to do domestic but wanted to hear other options also)

**Be sure they spend alot of time counseling the birthparents. That was important to us. They counsel both before and after the birth. On our first visit we were told that they don't work for us or the birthparents. They work for the baby and for their best interest.

**An agency who does alot of advertising. It may cost more but they aren't just waiting for the birthmothers to find them. It will decrease your wait time.

**An agency that is honest with you. Birthparents do sometimes change their minds, it is going to cost you, there are times it will be very trying and difficult, and you may have longer than the average wait. Our agency was very up front about the possible down sides and we were grateful later when a birthmom did change her mind. The people at the agency will be very important in your life over the next few years. You want to trust them and feel comfortable with them. I don't technically "need" my agency anymore but still call them occassionally when we have a birthparent type question. They have seen it all and I trust them to answer me honestly.

 

[ksjayhawks]

We did an international adoption and used Holt International out of Oregon. NOt sure if they serve your state or not.

 

[anniemae]

Every family is different and built in different ways. You must first decide what is right for YOUR family, domestic or international. Look at different agencies web sites and read what they have to say about each program, i.e. the time frame, cost, eligability requirments (very important-some programs have income requirments, health requirements, age restrictions) etc.

Then once you choose a program, you can go to "adoption information" seminars where the agencies talk about the programs they offer and other useful info. If it is an out of state agency, the often have webinars to view on line. You will just get a feel for what agency and program is right for you and your family, nobody can tell you. Good Luck!

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

We did international adoption . We used Wide Horizons for Children. They are in Massachusetts but I believe New Hampshire as well. They handle international and domestic adoption.

 

[amyren]

A friend adopted her 2 through Bethany Christian Services http://www.bethany.org She and her husband speak highly of the organization. Good luck, I think adoption is a beautiful thing.

 

[lemondog]

Hi there, we did it the opposite of you. Adopted first, THEN went thru the whole fertility shots, etc.

There are basically 3 ways to adopt:
1. Internationally
2. Domestic - private
3. Domestic - foster care/govt.

I suggest you research all of these and decide which method works best for you. There are pros and cons to every type of adoption, believe me. In the end we decided that international adoption was the right choice for us, which then led to the country search. We settled on Russia, had a fabulous experience and are now parents to a beautiful 9yo who was adopted at 6 months of age. She was truly meant to be ours.

Good luck with your journey! I found lots of great info on the web, but of course actual friends who had adopted were the best research of all. Ask around, you would be surprised how many people you probably know that have adopted. We even were put in touch with friends of friends and they were an invaluable resource for us.

 

[Jen_in_NH]

Thank you all. I'll have to start asking around, and see what people in our area have done.

I'm so glad we've finally decided to start looking into this. We've been going around and around about it, and it feels good to know we're finally going to start doing something.

 

[mickeyboat]

I don't have any advice, but I wish you the best of luck, Jen.

 

[rie'smom]

We adopted our daughter through an attorney. He has since retired but he practiced family law. It is a private adoption as that is the only type he would perform. I saw her for the first time when she was 24 hours old and we brought her home when she was 7 days old. She is 16 years old now and the light of our lives.
We tried to go through an agency but because we had 2 sons, we were at the bottom of the list of over 100 waiting couples.

 

[tigger7225]

Asking around is a good idea. Every state has its own laws concerning adoption, too. It is overwhelming at first.

One thing I did was look at my state's site about adoption. It listed agencies and information. When I found some that sounded like one that met our criteria. I then called and asked for references.

There are also some good books. I like Adopting
Sound Choices, Strong Families by Patricia Irwin Johnston. I also read adoption for dummies. All have good info.

We live in Texas and lots of people adopt here because the laws are friendlier for adoptive parents. Once a birthmother signs there is no grace period etc.

Remember, it is o.k. to call agencies and interview them. But first figure out what kind of adoption you want.

We are now the proud parents of two beautiful children adopted as newborns.

Norma