eandesmom
I'm with Beast
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2009
I really have no business starting a PTR or TR. You see, I am still finishing up a TR from a New Years Eve trip, about to start on Day 8 out of a total of 10 days. (The end is in sight, right?) I also have taken 2 trips between that one...and this PTR. I fully intend to do trip reports on both. Magical trips, one to the Land and one to the World. But this, this is different. So I'm going to write about it anyway. Now. Even if technically the other stuff should come first. Not to mention the fact I am bogging down my current TR with a bit too much running blather. That trip is about other things and I want it to go back to its intended state.
This, this is a journey. It is more than a tale of vacation planning and memories made though certainly those are there. It's more than a tale of training plans and gear. Of successes and failures. It is going someplace I've never gone before physically or mentally, never thought I would go, never thought I could or would. Or wanted to. In fact, I have always wanted the opposite. and been quite vocal about it.
And yet, despite all that
In 55 days I will run my first half marathon.
At age 48.
Through a castle.
THIS Castle
Although I suspect it will not be quite that empty.
It may be more like this
This is from our spring marching band trip to Disneyland and shows a few of the characters in my life, 2 of our boys, the "E's" and my dad. They will probably all make appearances here but this trip isn't about them.
As it draws ever closer, ADR's are made and my nervous energy builds, I am finding I really want to talk about my journey. And maybe, just maybe, I could use a little accountability as I get in to the real thick of these final training months. So here we go!
What: Disneyland Half Marathon, Labor Day Weekend
Where: Offsite at the Anabella Hotel. Though I am a DVC owner, as is my travel and running partner, obtaining it for labor day weekend was a pipe dream even if attempting it with collection points and the rack rates were insane. AP discounts non existent or what little they were, also insane. It will be odd. Not bad, just different. I haven't stayed offsite anywhere since 2010 and that was a split stay at DL.
Who: This trip I will be ditching my family and traveling with another DISer who has done several runDisney events already. This will be her first DL race.
Who am I? my name is Cynthia and I am a reluctant runner. I've made a lifetime platform of hating running. Of saying I will NEVER EVER do that. That you could not pay me enough. That I'd rather have a sharp stick poke me in the eye (of course I wouldn't, that is ridiculous but I can't count how often I've used that phrase over the years). If I have to run, it seemed to me that getting a Disney trip out of it would be a good reward. A motivator too. It also gave me an out. The idea of me doing a half marathon at Disney was a bit easier for some that know me well to swallow. They figured the ONLY reason I was running was to get to run through the castle. That is not the case. It has helped me stay the course and given me a goal, but it is not why I started.
It's not a bad reason to do it at all, it's just not mine.
Let's go back in time a bit. About 11 years ago I was in fairly decent shape. Nothing earth shattering but there was a nice base fitness level and a regular workout schedule. I was dating a guy who definitely ranked higher on both the fitness scale and on the competitive sports/event scale. He didn't seem to mind that it wasn't my thing and I didn't mind that it was his. As we dated I watched him compete in a couple of triathalons and got to know his training partners pretty well. They did seem to mind that I wasn't a runner and didn't compete in anything but still, the 4 of us got together fairly often. We decided to take a trip together over New Years Eve. As will happen in those kinds of situations, someone (me) tries to keep up with others (the rest of them) that are operating at a very different level. In this case it was skiing. I've not skied all that much in my life and in general I know my limits. Unfortunately either I am not good at communicating them, or people dont believe me. And when they don't believe me somehow they think it's ok to take me places I really shouldn't be. I'm too trusting, dumb or naive to realize I'm being led astray. Either way I ended up in a mogul section that I had no business being in. And no other way around or out. Must go down. Despite my best attempts to get down on my rear, slowly and safely, I fell. Landed wrong. Hurt my neck and shoulder. I went back to the condo, rested, iced, used the hot tub, stretched etc. Hung out with my guy. The other couple stayed on the slopes, came off the slopes and went straight to the gym. After that weekend I am not sure we ever saw them again as a couple and at some point they basically just blew us off entirely. My guy was pretty bummed but those triathlons were more like bucket list items to him. He didn't feel the need to have his life taken over by training, he had other things to do. Like spend time with me. We hiked and biked, finding things we could do together that didn't involve me running! Or skiing in places I shouldn't. Travel, and just being outside was always a big component.
During all of this, my neck hurt. In its simplest sense it typically feels like you could just snap it off my head. All the time. After a few months and an especially bad flare up (which usually means I can't turn my head) , I had it looked at. I was told I had an irritated disk and not to do things that irritated it. At the time they meant things like power washing and hauling 20 pound bags of decorative rock. I decided to marry that guy so he could do the power washing and haul the rocks. LOL! The years went by and it never got better. At times, it got worse. A lot worse. Like freeze up solid cant turn your head scary driving worse. Over the years my activities dropped off. Pilates made it a lot worse. That sucked. I loved pilates. Bye Bye pilates. Then I developed severe dry eye. Combine that with the neck and a need for prescription eyewear and...the cycling went away. That sucked. I loved riding my bike. Bye Bye bike. Zumba filled the void for a few years, until an episode of Bollywood dancing about did the neck in. That sucked. Zumba was pretty fun even if I was awful at it. I was moving at least and getting some impact resistance. Bye Bye Zumba.
That overall level of fitness? Yeah, it had slid. It wasn't just the loss of activities, it was the increase in kids schedules. At a certain age it's easy, you can drop them off in the kids clubs at the gym. Later on...they have homework, sports, clubs, and aren't quite old enough to be left alone. Fitting in the gym during the work week became harder and harder and even my basic workouts slid. So had everything else. I almost had a meltdown on our August 2011 DCL Alaska cruise. Nothing fit, I felt like a sloth and was so incredibly frustrated.
Amazing what one can hide with slightly baggier clothing. This is me and my guy, Jeff on that cruise. It really was an amazing trip! You'll see more of him as he is my main training partner!
A month after that cruise, as I watched one of my kids struggle with some foot issues during cross country, I was advised to take him to a PT and then to a Chiropractor. Huh, I thought. Maybe I should get my stupid broken neck looked at again and see if I can't get some of my activities back. Maybe I could get it so my neck doesn't always feel like its going to snap off of my body. Maybe I could get rid of the migraines.
That first attempt didn't work out so well. But by spring of 2012 I was committed to getting better. It may have helped that I had this particular commitment epiphany after ingesting my own homemade version of the very famous Raglan Road Gers Bread Pudding.
Man it was good put seriously, it put me over the edge. I swear, it may be 1000 calories a bite.
At that same dinner, a friend told me about a program she was doing. Her program was a very pricey 10 week thing where she tracked her calories with an app, logged workouts, worked with a trainer and nutritionist. I decided to do the free version. Download the app she was using (myfitnesspal) and re-visit getting the neck "fixed" so I could get myself back. I didn't like who I was or how I felt and we had another cruise coming that summer. I wanted to be back in my swimsuit, sans meltdown.
I tried PT, Active Release, Accupuncture and Massage Therapy. I got back to the gym consistently and did what little I could that wouldn't hurt myself. The younger kids were older, could be left alone while we went to the gym and a new schedule was created that worked around their activities but gave me the routine I needed to stick to it. A year and a half later I wasn't much better on the neck side of things, but it was better. It was manageable at least, I could generally keep the migraines at bay. Of course in the interim I'd developed tennis elbow which had limited some of the light weights I'd been doing and further restricted upper body work. The fitness level though, was coming back. It is amazing what a few workouts and a couple of PT sessions can really do, if you stick to it. 5 hours a week of consistent activity, even if it wasn't super intense. It is amazing what counting calories, something Id never done before, and making slightly better food (and portion) choices can do, if you stick to it. That part wasn't fun and it wasn't fast but I stuck to it and by the time the cruise came around Id managed to lose a pound a week and then by fall, a total of 20, down to my goal. Everything fit again. In fact some was too big.
Still. Something was missing.
I was bored out of my mind.
I'd stuck to my self made program for the most part for about a year though the PT had come and gone in waves. 3x a week on the elliptical, a few light weights and 2 PT sessions just really aren't all that interesting month after month after month or year after year. They might be keeping weight off and pain at bay but they weren't toning a thing either or giving my aging body the impact resistance that I really needed.
Reluctantly I came to a conclusion.
Unless I wanted to stare at the elliptical for the rest of my life, I was going to have to do something I said I'd never, ever, ever do.
I was going to have to run.
Why did I hate running so much? Like anyone else, I have baggage. When it comes to sports, and I considered running a sport, I've a history of mediocrity at best. I was perfectly ok with that. You know, the last person chosen for Red Rover. JV volleyball or basketball because they are no cut sports and all your friends make Varsity when you are a freshman. When I did run in basketball, I was told I looked like a frog. Back then, I wanted to run. I'd try, when no one was looking. Attempt going out for a jog in my neighborhood. I swear, I couldn't make it a mile before thinking I was going to die. Then, like now, I had a decent level of fitness and it frustrated me that it was that horrible. In retrospect I suspect there were a couple of factors that made it as bad as it was. Messed up sinuses and the bunions of a 90 year old woman. I fixed the truly bad foot in 1995 and the sinuses in 2012. At the time though I had no idea that either were present so I did what any teenager might, turn to more traditional girly pursuits like cheer or flags and let my athletic friends do their thing. I was ok with that. Team sports, while I could hobble along and warm the bench if need be, really weren't my thing (amazing how fairly bad depth perception can impact that kind of thing). Not to mention the fact that at that age, and still do this day, I wasn't known for my patience. The only thing I really loved was hiking and that I could do, no matter what. Unfortunately hiking isn't terribly practical as a main form of exercise. You need large chunks of time to do it right, at least the way we like to. Even shorter hikes required a drive and around where I live, it's not a year round possibility anyway. Hiking is a treat but not something I can count on doing each week, even once.
It occurred to me that if I did decide to run, I might as well do a Disney race. That if I set it up that way, everyone would be far more likely to buy into the idea of me doing it as theyd see it as an excuse for a trip.
That is, once I told them. I had NO intention of telling anyone about this, for some time. I have a lot of runner friends as well as siblings who run. Many of them, wicked fast. Many of them, with serious races logged. Some of them, seriously competitive. Including my husband. My brother in particular at the time, was horrible about it. I also found myself in an odd spot. People are judgmental. They see a person and immediately, based on looks, jump to conclusions. There have been points in my life, where I've been on the more fit side, where people have assumed I run simply based on body type. I realize I can hide that 20 pounds and no one notices. When I lost it, no one noticed. We live in a world based on presentation, I get it. I've spent a lot of time convincing folks that I don't run and that I'm not athletic. I've always believed that. Three 1 hour workouts a week does not an athlete make. Nor is it any huge intense commitment, it's just consistent. Consistency works.
I had a real fear that because of this, if I did tell anyone (especially those who maybe didn't know me all that well) the immediate assumption would be that I was far faster than I was. Start conversations that talked about things I didn't understand and I'd feel even more like an idiot or a fraud. The runners I knew spent a lot of time talking about pace and results, my brother in particular. I didn't need that kind of comparison or to be made feel like my effort was silly or wasted. I intended to fly under the radar for a while and just see how it went. I understand this may seem silly to most but it was real to me.
And when I did decide to come clean, I certainly didn't plan to mention actually doing a race, certainly not a half marathon be it at Disney or anywhere else. Except that guy I married. I told him. I told him the minute I started thinking about it seriously. I'm the kind of person that once I say it out loud....I have to stick to it. He was amazing. He bit his tongue. He knew all too well my position on running. From day one he was nothing but supportive. I also told one friend, who had been through something similar. I needed guidance! It clearly helped... she will be dong this race with me! But that's not what it was about. Telling, not telling, or even running through a castle.
It was simply that I'd run out of options and the alternative of continuing to do nothing, wasn't something I could live with. That I wanted to live with.
I set my sights on PHM 2015 as an end goal but in the beginning it was just about taking the first step.
My big idea was that I'd start it in May, when Jeff and were scheduled to go to Aulani on a couples trip. What a beautiful place to kick off a new reluctant journey. He wasn't a big fan of that idea, it was vacation. We usually do something active on vacation but running was not on his list of fun things to do. At that point he was running 2-3x a week on his own and he liked not doing it on vacations. At that time, in April 2013, our trip which wasn't until Memorial Day weekend seemed rather far away.
And so, a different plan was hatched.
The first step
This, this is a journey. It is more than a tale of vacation planning and memories made though certainly those are there. It's more than a tale of training plans and gear. Of successes and failures. It is going someplace I've never gone before physically or mentally, never thought I would go, never thought I could or would. Or wanted to. In fact, I have always wanted the opposite. and been quite vocal about it.
And yet, despite all that
In 55 days I will run my first half marathon.
At age 48.
Through a castle.
THIS Castle
Although I suspect it will not be quite that empty.
It may be more like this
This is from our spring marching band trip to Disneyland and shows a few of the characters in my life, 2 of our boys, the "E's" and my dad. They will probably all make appearances here but this trip isn't about them.
As it draws ever closer, ADR's are made and my nervous energy builds, I am finding I really want to talk about my journey. And maybe, just maybe, I could use a little accountability as I get in to the real thick of these final training months. So here we go!
What: Disneyland Half Marathon, Labor Day Weekend
Where: Offsite at the Anabella Hotel. Though I am a DVC owner, as is my travel and running partner, obtaining it for labor day weekend was a pipe dream even if attempting it with collection points and the rack rates were insane. AP discounts non existent or what little they were, also insane. It will be odd. Not bad, just different. I haven't stayed offsite anywhere since 2010 and that was a split stay at DL.
Who: This trip I will be ditching my family and traveling with another DISer who has done several runDisney events already. This will be her first DL race.
Who am I? my name is Cynthia and I am a reluctant runner. I've made a lifetime platform of hating running. Of saying I will NEVER EVER do that. That you could not pay me enough. That I'd rather have a sharp stick poke me in the eye (of course I wouldn't, that is ridiculous but I can't count how often I've used that phrase over the years). If I have to run, it seemed to me that getting a Disney trip out of it would be a good reward. A motivator too. It also gave me an out. The idea of me doing a half marathon at Disney was a bit easier for some that know me well to swallow. They figured the ONLY reason I was running was to get to run through the castle. That is not the case. It has helped me stay the course and given me a goal, but it is not why I started.
It's not a bad reason to do it at all, it's just not mine.
Let's go back in time a bit. About 11 years ago I was in fairly decent shape. Nothing earth shattering but there was a nice base fitness level and a regular workout schedule. I was dating a guy who definitely ranked higher on both the fitness scale and on the competitive sports/event scale. He didn't seem to mind that it wasn't my thing and I didn't mind that it was his. As we dated I watched him compete in a couple of triathalons and got to know his training partners pretty well. They did seem to mind that I wasn't a runner and didn't compete in anything but still, the 4 of us got together fairly often. We decided to take a trip together over New Years Eve. As will happen in those kinds of situations, someone (me) tries to keep up with others (the rest of them) that are operating at a very different level. In this case it was skiing. I've not skied all that much in my life and in general I know my limits. Unfortunately either I am not good at communicating them, or people dont believe me. And when they don't believe me somehow they think it's ok to take me places I really shouldn't be. I'm too trusting, dumb or naive to realize I'm being led astray. Either way I ended up in a mogul section that I had no business being in. And no other way around or out. Must go down. Despite my best attempts to get down on my rear, slowly and safely, I fell. Landed wrong. Hurt my neck and shoulder. I went back to the condo, rested, iced, used the hot tub, stretched etc. Hung out with my guy. The other couple stayed on the slopes, came off the slopes and went straight to the gym. After that weekend I am not sure we ever saw them again as a couple and at some point they basically just blew us off entirely. My guy was pretty bummed but those triathlons were more like bucket list items to him. He didn't feel the need to have his life taken over by training, he had other things to do. Like spend time with me. We hiked and biked, finding things we could do together that didn't involve me running! Or skiing in places I shouldn't. Travel, and just being outside was always a big component.
During all of this, my neck hurt. In its simplest sense it typically feels like you could just snap it off my head. All the time. After a few months and an especially bad flare up (which usually means I can't turn my head) , I had it looked at. I was told I had an irritated disk and not to do things that irritated it. At the time they meant things like power washing and hauling 20 pound bags of decorative rock. I decided to marry that guy so he could do the power washing and haul the rocks. LOL! The years went by and it never got better. At times, it got worse. A lot worse. Like freeze up solid cant turn your head scary driving worse. Over the years my activities dropped off. Pilates made it a lot worse. That sucked. I loved pilates. Bye Bye pilates. Then I developed severe dry eye. Combine that with the neck and a need for prescription eyewear and...the cycling went away. That sucked. I loved riding my bike. Bye Bye bike. Zumba filled the void for a few years, until an episode of Bollywood dancing about did the neck in. That sucked. Zumba was pretty fun even if I was awful at it. I was moving at least and getting some impact resistance. Bye Bye Zumba.
That overall level of fitness? Yeah, it had slid. It wasn't just the loss of activities, it was the increase in kids schedules. At a certain age it's easy, you can drop them off in the kids clubs at the gym. Later on...they have homework, sports, clubs, and aren't quite old enough to be left alone. Fitting in the gym during the work week became harder and harder and even my basic workouts slid. So had everything else. I almost had a meltdown on our August 2011 DCL Alaska cruise. Nothing fit, I felt like a sloth and was so incredibly frustrated.
Amazing what one can hide with slightly baggier clothing. This is me and my guy, Jeff on that cruise. It really was an amazing trip! You'll see more of him as he is my main training partner!
A month after that cruise, as I watched one of my kids struggle with some foot issues during cross country, I was advised to take him to a PT and then to a Chiropractor. Huh, I thought. Maybe I should get my stupid broken neck looked at again and see if I can't get some of my activities back. Maybe I could get it so my neck doesn't always feel like its going to snap off of my body. Maybe I could get rid of the migraines.
That first attempt didn't work out so well. But by spring of 2012 I was committed to getting better. It may have helped that I had this particular commitment epiphany after ingesting my own homemade version of the very famous Raglan Road Gers Bread Pudding.
Man it was good put seriously, it put me over the edge. I swear, it may be 1000 calories a bite.
At that same dinner, a friend told me about a program she was doing. Her program was a very pricey 10 week thing where she tracked her calories with an app, logged workouts, worked with a trainer and nutritionist. I decided to do the free version. Download the app she was using (myfitnesspal) and re-visit getting the neck "fixed" so I could get myself back. I didn't like who I was or how I felt and we had another cruise coming that summer. I wanted to be back in my swimsuit, sans meltdown.
I tried PT, Active Release, Accupuncture and Massage Therapy. I got back to the gym consistently and did what little I could that wouldn't hurt myself. The younger kids were older, could be left alone while we went to the gym and a new schedule was created that worked around their activities but gave me the routine I needed to stick to it. A year and a half later I wasn't much better on the neck side of things, but it was better. It was manageable at least, I could generally keep the migraines at bay. Of course in the interim I'd developed tennis elbow which had limited some of the light weights I'd been doing and further restricted upper body work. The fitness level though, was coming back. It is amazing what a few workouts and a couple of PT sessions can really do, if you stick to it. 5 hours a week of consistent activity, even if it wasn't super intense. It is amazing what counting calories, something Id never done before, and making slightly better food (and portion) choices can do, if you stick to it. That part wasn't fun and it wasn't fast but I stuck to it and by the time the cruise came around Id managed to lose a pound a week and then by fall, a total of 20, down to my goal. Everything fit again. In fact some was too big.
Still. Something was missing.
I was bored out of my mind.
I'd stuck to my self made program for the most part for about a year though the PT had come and gone in waves. 3x a week on the elliptical, a few light weights and 2 PT sessions just really aren't all that interesting month after month after month or year after year. They might be keeping weight off and pain at bay but they weren't toning a thing either or giving my aging body the impact resistance that I really needed.
Reluctantly I came to a conclusion.
Unless I wanted to stare at the elliptical for the rest of my life, I was going to have to do something I said I'd never, ever, ever do.
I was going to have to run.
Why did I hate running so much? Like anyone else, I have baggage. When it comes to sports, and I considered running a sport, I've a history of mediocrity at best. I was perfectly ok with that. You know, the last person chosen for Red Rover. JV volleyball or basketball because they are no cut sports and all your friends make Varsity when you are a freshman. When I did run in basketball, I was told I looked like a frog. Back then, I wanted to run. I'd try, when no one was looking. Attempt going out for a jog in my neighborhood. I swear, I couldn't make it a mile before thinking I was going to die. Then, like now, I had a decent level of fitness and it frustrated me that it was that horrible. In retrospect I suspect there were a couple of factors that made it as bad as it was. Messed up sinuses and the bunions of a 90 year old woman. I fixed the truly bad foot in 1995 and the sinuses in 2012. At the time though I had no idea that either were present so I did what any teenager might, turn to more traditional girly pursuits like cheer or flags and let my athletic friends do their thing. I was ok with that. Team sports, while I could hobble along and warm the bench if need be, really weren't my thing (amazing how fairly bad depth perception can impact that kind of thing). Not to mention the fact that at that age, and still do this day, I wasn't known for my patience. The only thing I really loved was hiking and that I could do, no matter what. Unfortunately hiking isn't terribly practical as a main form of exercise. You need large chunks of time to do it right, at least the way we like to. Even shorter hikes required a drive and around where I live, it's not a year round possibility anyway. Hiking is a treat but not something I can count on doing each week, even once.
It occurred to me that if I did decide to run, I might as well do a Disney race. That if I set it up that way, everyone would be far more likely to buy into the idea of me doing it as theyd see it as an excuse for a trip.
That is, once I told them. I had NO intention of telling anyone about this, for some time. I have a lot of runner friends as well as siblings who run. Many of them, wicked fast. Many of them, with serious races logged. Some of them, seriously competitive. Including my husband. My brother in particular at the time, was horrible about it. I also found myself in an odd spot. People are judgmental. They see a person and immediately, based on looks, jump to conclusions. There have been points in my life, where I've been on the more fit side, where people have assumed I run simply based on body type. I realize I can hide that 20 pounds and no one notices. When I lost it, no one noticed. We live in a world based on presentation, I get it. I've spent a lot of time convincing folks that I don't run and that I'm not athletic. I've always believed that. Three 1 hour workouts a week does not an athlete make. Nor is it any huge intense commitment, it's just consistent. Consistency works.
I had a real fear that because of this, if I did tell anyone (especially those who maybe didn't know me all that well) the immediate assumption would be that I was far faster than I was. Start conversations that talked about things I didn't understand and I'd feel even more like an idiot or a fraud. The runners I knew spent a lot of time talking about pace and results, my brother in particular. I didn't need that kind of comparison or to be made feel like my effort was silly or wasted. I intended to fly under the radar for a while and just see how it went. I understand this may seem silly to most but it was real to me.
And when I did decide to come clean, I certainly didn't plan to mention actually doing a race, certainly not a half marathon be it at Disney or anywhere else. Except that guy I married. I told him. I told him the minute I started thinking about it seriously. I'm the kind of person that once I say it out loud....I have to stick to it. He was amazing. He bit his tongue. He knew all too well my position on running. From day one he was nothing but supportive. I also told one friend, who had been through something similar. I needed guidance! It clearly helped... she will be dong this race with me! But that's not what it was about. Telling, not telling, or even running through a castle.
It was simply that I'd run out of options and the alternative of continuing to do nothing, wasn't something I could live with. That I wanted to live with.
I set my sights on PHM 2015 as an end goal but in the beginning it was just about taking the first step.
My big idea was that I'd start it in May, when Jeff and were scheduled to go to Aulani on a couples trip. What a beautiful place to kick off a new reluctant journey. He wasn't a big fan of that idea, it was vacation. We usually do something active on vacation but running was not on his list of fun things to do. At that point he was running 2-3x a week on his own and he liked not doing it on vacations. At that time, in April 2013, our trip which wasn't until Memorial Day weekend seemed rather far away.
And so, a different plan was hatched.
The first step
Sad it didn't work out that I could join you ladies but so excited to follow along here!
Jenny!
