Compulsive Hoarding

[Kimberly]

... anyone know anyone that is one? My entire family is, at least on my father's side, starting with at least my Grandmother, Aunt, and Father. At times, I can even see a bit of it in myself, but I'm such a neat freak I'm not sure if I ever could become one, or maybe I am just paranoid.

With some shows on TLC and other channels bringing this into light, showing extreme cases... and I think my Aunt actually is worse than some of these people.

Anyone on here a hoarder themselves or know a hoarder? How did you help them?

 

[wdwfan16]

... anyone know anyone that is one? My entire family is, at least on my father's side, starting with at least my Grandmother, Aunt, and Father. At times, I can even see a bit of it in myself, but I'm such a neat freak I'm not sure if I ever could become one, or maybe I am just paranoid.

With some shows on TLC and other channels bringing this into light, showing extreme cases... and I think my Aunt actually is worse than some of these people.

Anyone on here a hoarder themselves or know a hoarder? How did you help them?

I know nobody like the people on the show. The filth they live in is

I know people who can't part with stuff like their kids toys but it does not take over the house. No extra storage place and no goat paths.

 

[Handbag Lady]

My mother is a hoarder and is the same or worse than those on the show.

She won't be helped. We've tried. I even set her up with a shrink to no avail. I've cleaned her home. It just gets filled up again. She's had panic attacks when we threw away old newspapers. Some of the quirky things she keeps is amazing and somewhat entertaining.


One thing you should know is that being a neat-freak isn't that far off from a hoarder. My mom WAS a neak freak while I was growing up. I think, after reading many things on OCD and hoarding, that the hoarders have to let it go because they can't keep up with the neat-freaking.

 

[Kimberly]

One thing you should know is that being a neat-freak isn't that far off from a hoarder. My mom WAS a neak freak while I was growing up. I think, after reading many things on OCD and hoarding, that the hoarders have to let it go because they can't keep up with the neat-freaking.

The one thing that does worry me. Although I don't have a problem throwing things away that have no use to me, or donating them. My Father, Aunt, and Grandmother are entirely opposite... they save everything. Drove me nuts growing up. Really do not wish to head down that same path.

My Aunt's house though is truely bad though. The entire basement (about 2000 square feet) is filled from the floor to the ceiling with clothes, some of which she wore as an infant. Her husband has tried time and time again to get her to seek counseling, but she throws a fit the minute anyone suggests cleaning it up. She has 2 young children as well, so I worry for them. Being 1500 miles away from them leaves me limited options in ways to help them as well, other than financially which just allows her to shop more.

Just to think that I go crazy when my laundry basket is nearing half full...

 

[bitohoney]

My mom. I think she's bored with her life and has nothing to look forward to. She will buy things, I think from thrift stores, and sell the things at a flea market. But the buying exceeds the selling. I haven't been to her house in years because we live in different states, but I can just imagine.

 

[KiminChicago]

My DH would be if I let him, I think. I confess that I haven't been down in our basement in months because the amount of stuff stored down there just depresses me.

In our front hallway, we had a stack of newspapers that he always intends to look through to see if there are any articles he wants to clip and save, but he never seems to find the time to do it. Whenever the stack gets taller than our 13 year old DS, I make DH get rid of a bunch. I keep pointing out that any financial information he might want to clip is already so outdated that there's no point in even looking at it. Two weeks ago he finally confessed that he would love to get rid of the whole stack, but he'd feel guilty. So while he was out of town on a business trip, the kids and I threw all of them into the recycling bin. Unfortunately, the recycling truck hadn't come by before DH got home, so the next day I found him picking through all the stuff in the recycling bin to make sure nothing important was being thrown away. Fortunately for me, he only found a couple of articles that he had previously clipped -- I pointed out that he had better file them neatly somewhere, or they'd get thrown out again.

Our garage is full of stuff that he plans to sell in a garage sale (a 3 car garage and we can't even get one car in it!), I hate garage sales with a passion and if it were up to me, I'd sort out the best of the kids' toys, books and clothing, pack it up in the cardboard boxes that are also being stored in the garage, donate that to charity and trash the rest. But he keeps insisting it will all sell. We had one thing (a high chair, I think), that went through 4 garage sales before he finally sold it. But he keeps using that as an example of how everything will eventually be sold and we shouldn't get rid of anything.

It's genetic I think, his dad is the same way (drives my MIL crazy so we sit and commiserate on holidays) and the family is still cleaning out the building where his bachelor uncle lived and Uncle Ted died almost two years ago!

 

[Kimberly]

Our garage is full of stuff that he plans to sell in a garage sale (a 3 car garage and we can't even get one car in it!), I hate garage sales with a passion and if it were up to me, I'd sort out the best of the kids' toys, books and clothing, pack it up in the cardboard boxes that are also being stored in the garage, donate that to charity and trash the rest. But he keeps insisting it will all sell. We had one thing (a high chair, I think), that went through 4 garage sales before he finally sold it. But he keeps using that as an example of how everything will eventually be sold and we shouldn't get rid of anything.

Charity is what really helps me. You should bring it up to him, and convince him that the best option is to give the stuff away to someone who REALLY needs it.

I don't think I ever saw a car in our garage growing up, it was completely filled with random junk.

I have yet to see the house where my parents retired to. I'm almost afraid to see what it may look like...

 

[Imzadi]

 

[Nette]

I don't think I ever saw a car in our garage growing up, it was completely filled with random junk.

My DD7 took a series of academic placement and IQ tests a couple of years ago. One of the questions was

House is to people as garage is to ________.

She answered "boxes". All the adults in earshot had to really hold it in and not bust out laughing. But it's so true. I don't think she had ever seen a CAR in the garage. In ANY family member's garage for that matter.


My dad passed last fall, and I am still wondering if he was borderline hoarder. He has papers from when he was in grade school!!!! But everything is neat and organized in binders and protective sheets (I never want to see another binder or protective sheet in my whole life), but then it's all piled in the rooms of the house... neatly.

His mother's house used to be neat... well most of it. There were rooms that you really couldn't get into because of all of the stuff, but the main living areas were mostly clear. Now every flat surface is covered in stacks of papers and junk. The room my dad was staying in before hospice came was so full of junk I don't know how he didn't trip every time he went to the bathroom. My aunt and uncle had to clean out a room downstairs when hospice showed up, and my grandmother about had a fit. They just moved the stuff to the garage, which is completely filled up now too... The garage used to be the neatest room in the house when my grandfather was living.

I'm cleaning stuff out NOW. I do not want to leave that kind of mess to my DD... and I don't want to live in it either.

 

[Kimberly]

Some people, like me, have read the forum posts when we were dealing with a hoarder. Understanding what makes them the way they are, has helped.

Thanks for the links. I really do not understand why my father's side of the family is like this, however. I would go as far to say as my Aunt has stepped over the hoarder line into being a squalor. I was at her house on Memorial Day and it was just atrocious down there. You really can smell the mold coming from the basement, and just walking in there leaves you with a certain smell. The mess was starting to creep its way up the stairs with the endless amount of coats hanging in the foyer with the closet there completely overflowed. The living room looks like a home gym as well now and... It's almost embarassing to admit that she still has the Christmas tree up. I've asked her husband about it, and all he does is shrug his shoulders. She's gotten in trouble numerous times with her down for having her grass too long (I actually cut it for her when I was there on my "vacation"... it was over half a foot long)... and the list goes on and on.

She sent her kids down to my house for their Spring Break from elementary school. They actually asked how I kept my house so clean.

I've tried to understand it, but she seems so normal for the most part. I suspect none of her friends know she lives like this, except when she lets the exterior of the house get out of hand. They've had problems with old trees hanging over their house as well, which are dying. If one of those trees collapsed into the house, I'm afraid that they wouldn't let her back into it... period.

 

[Silent1CB]

It seems anyone older that I know or am related to have hoarding tendencies. I'm sure its a result of growing up in the Great Depression and being a New Englander. Also, if the people have lived in their homes a very long time, it just contributues. That generation doesn't tend to be as nomadic with moving often.

I've seen some of the houses while alive and helped after they passed.

My parents have tendencies too.

 

[themilesfamily]

My mother was one and it was a horrible situation to be brought up in. She would just weep if you tried to throw anything out. I moved out as quickly as humanly possible and moved out of the area.

My mother and I have a great relationship now -- we talk by phone all the time, and when I visit we stay in a nearby hotel. We don't ever bring up her hoarding and it's better that way for both of us.

My parents currently own a house and two condos to hold all of the stuff she's accumulated.

I'm really appreciative of the shows on TV raising awareness of hoarders. I feel that people would have had a better understanding of my mother and our house when I was growing up. Instead they just thought we were pigs.

 

[DVC-Don]

One of my brother in laws wife is a hoarder. She has rooms full of old clothes, in addition to a small 2 story barn and 3 junk cars full of bags of clothes. She's in her 40's so the Great Depression had nothing to do with it.

 

[Kimberly]

My mother was one and it was a horrible situation to be brought up in. She would just weep if you tried to throw anything out. I moved out as quickly as humanly possible and moved out of the area.

My mother and I have a great relationship now -- we talk by phone all the time, and when I visit we stay in a nearby hotel. We don't ever bring up her hoarding and it's better that way for both of us.

My parents currently own a house and two condos to hold all of the stuff she's accumulated.

I'm really appreciative of the shows on TV raising awareness of hoarders. I feel that people would have had a better understanding of my mother and our house when I was growing up. Instead they just thought we were pigs.

Wow. I don't even know what to say. I remember being terrified of bringing home my high school boyfriend because my father actually had a toolchest in my room (a red, craftsman one for those who are interested). According to him, it was "normal" and was probably the reason why I conflicted with him so much, due to him intruding on my privacy with stuffing more and more things into my room.

He hasn't ever been as bad as my Aunt, he's always kept things "clean" at least... but it still isn't that good of a situation.

 

[JessicaR]

My mother is a hoarder and is the same or worse than those on the show.

She won't be helped. We've tried. I even set her up with a shrink to no avail. I've cleaned her home. It just gets filled up again. She's had panic attacks when we threw away old newspapers. Some of the quirky things she keeps is amazing and somewhat entertaining.


One thing you should know is that being a neat-freak isn't that far off from a hoarder. My mom WAS a neak freak while I was growing up. I think, after reading many things on OCD and hoarding, that the hoarders have to let it go because they can't keep up with the neat-freaking.

That is very interesting!

I had a great aunt and uncle that were horders only nobody really knew it until they passed. They also seemed to have a HSN and QVC addiction.

 

[Imzadi]

She sent her kids down to my house for their Spring Break from elementary school. They actually asked how I kept my house so clean.

When you get a chance, and since the kids are asking, DO teach them how to clean. One of the problems is that many of them grew up in households where a parent was a hoarder. So they didn't know HOW to clean, or how often, etc. They may have watched people use cleaning products in commercials or on TV, but to actually use a product and know how to swish out a toilet and how often, is NOT something that was modeled for them. Or if it was, by the clean parent, in your case the uncle, (their father,) there is a lot of emotional conflict for the kids. Having a separate, unbiased person teach them may be helpful. They don't want to live that way.

I've tried to understand it, but she seems so normal for the most part. I suspect none of her friends know she lives like this,

Yes, that is what is most frustrating. Their brain seems to partition off in some way. they have the hoarding section. Then the "normal" side, that they are able to present to the public. You'd think if they can be normal in those other areas , how can they not get it when you tell them, "You need to throw this out! It's moldy and dangerous!!!"

But, their brain is wired in such a way that they don't see mold when they look at it. To us "normal" people, we see the mold and the immense amount of time it would take to clean it.

 

[rwdavis2]

Thanks for the links. I really do not understand why my father's side of the family is like this, however. ...

From what I can see watching the TV shows it is quite clearly a mental illness that only gets worse if left untreated. It's probably genetic. IMHO, anyone seeing this behavior in a loved one should try to get them help the second they see it.

After watching a couple episodes I went after my basement (not bad but cluttered) with a vengeance. Many trips to Goodwill and the county dump did the trick.
BD

 

[overlyspoiled4sure]

My aunt, a child of the depression, is a hoarder. Her 2 story house, inherited from my grandma, is full from the basement to the top of the attic is stuffed full. There are pathways; even the stairs up to the 2nd floor & attic as well as down to the basement are stacked with stuff.

She knows she needs to clean it out so she can move as it's getting expensive for her to live there. Unfortunately, getting her to throw things out is like talking to a darn brick wall! She refuses to throw stuff out, in part because she doesn't want to contribute to the local landfills, and because most things can be usable to someone else. Plus she needs the money she gets from the things she sells at garage sales, etc. Trouble is, there's not enough garage sales left for her to clear out.

This house was built in 1912; my grandparents moved in around 1917 or so. The house is still "all original" but has had a few electrical updates. Naturally there are lots of repairs becoming necessary but are put off because she can't let anyone in.

She wants my help but any idea I have isn't one she wants to hear. I need her help too because there are good things in among all the "stuff"; only she knows the value of the good things too. So I'm stuck. The kitchen would be where I could help the most by clearing out expired foodstuffs & tossing stuff I know is junk/garbage. Now if only I could get her to quit going to thrift stores...

 

[minkydog]

My mom. I think she's bored with her life and has nothing to look forward to. She will buy things, I think from thrift stores, and sell the things at a flea market. But the buying exceeds the selling. I haven't been to her house in years because we live in different states, but I can just imagine.

My mother does this as well.Somehow, if she gets it from a thrift store it doesn't count. And God help her, if someone gives her something she CANNOT give it away, EVAH. Her house is stuffed with stuff, with little rabbit trails running from the front to the back of the rooms. She can still use the kitchen, her bedroom/bathroom, and the den but everything else is just piled high. Interestingly, she LOVES to watch "Hoarders." She says she's not *really* a hoarder, she just can't let stuff go

I don't try to get her to clean it up. I have tried that in the past and it only made her feel shamed and anxious. So I just leave it alone. Mother is a 76yo woman with a fully functioning mind. She likes living the way she does and as long as it isn't completely a fire hazard she can continue to live in it. It's not filth, it's just clutter. I go down to see her a few times each year and usually we'll work on some project of her choosing. I try not to get to overly invested in it, though, because I know that as soon as I leave she's going to have it as messy and cluttered as ever.

 

[PaulaSue]

I really worry about this. It runs in both of my families. (Not as bad as the tv shows but to me it doesn't take much to become that bad, KWIM) I have a bunch of stuff but very organized like a store (I stockpile supplies from coupons, etc)

One thing that helped me was watching my aunt clean out my GMs house. It was really eye opening to me and made my OCD for clean worse I got rid of so much stuff then but slowly it is growing with moving to a bigger house.

I really have been getting on my parents to clean there houses (seperated). Dad's is junk/ junky stuff and Moms is antiques and craft stuff and misc. I so want them to do it now while can do and not me. At least mom is making photo notes of what anq are worth so that will help but still.

I watch hoarders and then I clean like a freak. Great for those days with no energy.