completely off topic... what to do about "mean girls"?

[nicurn]

I know this is completely off topic, but I figure this is the board that everyone at least has a clue who I am. anyhow, dd's 7th grade class has 14 girls total and right now there is a big problem with one girl in particular. she's very mean. unfortunantly, she is also the "queen bee" so she gets away with it. How does one handle this? I've told dd that she doesn't have to like everyone but she does have to be civil. I am just afraid that if it's this bad now, next year is going to just totally bite. any suggestions? thanks, maggie

 

[StitchIsOurHero]

Maggie,

This is the hardest thing to deal with! We have problems with this all the time at school (I'm a HS guidance counselor). The upside is that it always comes back around to hit the other girl, but the problem with that is sometimes it takes a while!! 7th grade is the worst year for girls--mean and otherwise. You're exactly right in telling your DD to be civil--does the girl make awful comments to her directly? It's so hard to do the civil thing in that case (at least I've never been able to accomplish it)! The good news is that it will probably get better next year. During these two years (7th & 8th), it will give your DD time to really cement those good strong friendships, and those will carry her through high school. More likely than not, the mean girl will lose her crowd of "meanie supporters", and even if she doesn't, people will stop giving in to her, and she will lose her "queen" status!

Give your DD a hug for me--unfortunately, there's no easy fix for this! I so wish there was!!

 

[GBShorts]

The best thing she can do is when the girl says something mean to just turn around and walk off.

A complete lack of reaction will not only drive the "mean girl" crazy, but it'll show her friends that she isn't going to put up with this girl's behavior!!

Another thing you mgiht want to do is find out if the school has a bullying policy. In a way, this is a sort of bullying. Our building has a zero tolerance policy for bullying and we even have bullying reports that students can come to the student management office and fill out.

 

[LindaBabe]

I would also try to foster positive friendships outside of school, so your daughter has some positive social interactions. It may make it easier for her to stand strong against her tormenter.

Her own personal feeling of self worth is her strongest shield. I've run into these people in the work place too, so it's worth the effort for her to learn strategies for dealing with them effectively.

 

[aroyer]

The best thing she can do is when the girl says something mean to just turn around and walk off.

A complete lack of reaction will not only drive the "mean girl" crazy, but it'll show her friends that she isn't going to put up with this girl's behavior!!

I had someone being hateful to me in high school and my mom told me the best thing to do is to ignore that person. She would literally be looking right at me calling me names and I wouldn't make eye contact, turn around and walk off like I hadn't heard her. It only took a few times of me doing that and she gave up and never messed with me again. I don't miss this age and I don't look forward to DD going through it! Hugs to you and your DD!

 

[lewdyan1]

There has been some great advice given, I am just going to offer a . My DD is only in 5th grade so I will be there in a couple of years.

 

[GBShorts]

I had someone being hateful to me in high school and my mom told me the best thing to do is to ignore that person. She would literally be looking right at me calling me names and I wouldn't make eye contact, turn around and walk off like I hadn't heard her. It only took a few times of me doing that and she gave up and never messed with me again. I don't miss this age and I don't look forward to DD going through it! Hugs to you and your DD!

This is exactly what I was going for. act like she doesn't exist. ;D

 

[TinkerKat]

Oh Maggie! And my friends wonder why I'm so beside myself that Eleni is starting Kindergarten in September! Mean girls SUCK! I hope having 3 older brothers will give her thicker skin!

I had issues in H.S. too. And a wonderful English teacher (male) gave me the best life advice. He said look, if they're not talking about you then you're not "Hot" since they feel the need to always talk and comment, honey you must be "Real Hot" That advice has carried me thru many a ****ty experience!
Mean people are everywhere!

I will share an experience. My oldest son, 21 had a "tormentor" from 1st grade thru 8th grade! Thankfully in H.S. he handled it better.Ignoring went a long way! This boy was the "leader of the pack" and pulled a lot of kids into his circle of cruelty. And as a mom, it was heartbreaking to watch my boy have his self-esteem crushed.

I did my best without making him feel like a "momma's boy".

Fast forward a couple of years, and two months before the tormentor's birthday, the kid took his own life! My son was so incredibly saddened by it. Why? Because he realized the bullying was the boys way of getting whatever he "needed" that he lacked at home. And that his self esteem was probably worse than what my son himself felt. To this day, he still visits this boys parents on the anniversary or his death or his birthday.

Unconditional Love and hugs carries our babies to great heights!

 

[TPCShauna]

Your son is a compassionate and exceptional young man for having the empathy to bring comfort to those parents. Good job, mom!

 

[nicurn]

thanks guys. she's handling the "mean girl" quite well, she's much better at ingoring than I was (am ) it is just so annoying that this mean girl is getting away with it. maggie

 

[TPCShauna]

You could always push the "mean girl" in front of a bus. (and I realize this is only funny if you've seen mean girls - if you haven't, please watch it before commenting on how mean I am.)

 

[nicurn]

You could always push the "mean girl" in front of a bus. (and I realize this is only funny if you've seen mean girls - if you haven't, please watch it before commenting on how mean I am.)

rofl, trust me, this kid makes that movie look like a disney "g" rated film. maggie

 

[TPCShauna]

Yikes! Wonder what's going on at home for her to act like that. That is just so sad. Poor DD!

 

[Lisa]

Maggie, sounds like you are doing a great job, since your daughter is handling the situation in such a grown up manner.

 

[scrappinmom]

oh gosh, do I hear you loud & clear! my dd is in 8th grade, and last year and this year have been so awful! The mean girls, also seem to be the ones that are dating, texting boys 24/7, going out on Friday & Saturday nights w/o supervision and I'm sure a slew of other things. Does your dd have a good solid group (even a few) friends she can rely on? Mine is also in band - thus just making the mean girls meaner - but she's got 2 really good friends & they tend to stick together big time. I've always told her, you don't have to listen to her, you don't even have to like her, but you can't be disrespectful to her or anyone. If anyone ever does anything you think is harmful, dangerous, or threatening, you tell a trusted teacher immediately, or tell me. But if it's saying stuff that really isn't important anyway, walk away...turn your back and talk to your friends. It is hard - from what my friends have told me, it gets so much easier in HS, the girls are over the "mean" stuff, yes there are still mean girls, but they all hang together so they don't have time to mess with the normal girls.

just today....dd came home and told me about something that happened at lunch...she was in her locker getting her books & was running a little late...when a 8th grade boy walked down the hall & saw one of the "mean" girls walking the other way...she asked him "are you going to lunch?"...he proceeded to say "only if it's you"...& grab her butt......THESE KIDS ARE 13 !! My dd was grossed out by the whole thing thank goodness!