Competitive Gymnastics - Need advise from parents

[singnring]

My daughter started competitive gymnastics at level 3 athlete last year.

This year she moved up to level 4.

She seems to love gymnastics, but at the same time seems to have lost the drive and motivation she had when she began.

She used to work extremely hard at trying to learn new skills and worked every day at it.

Now, all she wants to do at home is mess around and invent new moves.

She no longer cares to work on her skills and try to improve, doesn't work at staying tight, pointing toes, etc.

She says she's just practicing and it doesn't matter.

We, and her coaches, have told her that if she practices bad form, it will transfer to her competitions. Nothing gets through to her.

We would love to get her re-motivated like she was at first, but have run out of ideas.

When we suggest getting out of gymnastics, she goes crazy and can't believe we would even think she would want to quit.

But this is too much money to be spending for her not to take it seriously.

We put out over $400 just in private sessions in the past month, not to mention regular fees for team training and such.

Any advice from seasoned parents who have dealt with this kind of an attitudal slump?

 

[Erin1700]

how old is she?

 

[allyphoe]

I think 11 - http://disboards.com/showthread.php?p=34084190#post34084190

Have you asked if she'd be interested in switching out of competitive gymnastics into recreational gymnastics?

 

[Mom21]

My thoughts. My dd (12yo) was involved in gymnastics since a toddler (baby class). At about age 6 or so she started competing. Always last. She got frustrated. She made it to Level 4. She moved to competitive cheerleading. Liked it, but really not a star. She's moved into competitive trampoline/tumbling. She is doing great at Level 5 and hopefully moving to 6 after next weekend. Will she ever go to the Olympics......nope. Will anyone know her name.......nope. Does she feel good about herself and love what she does.......YEP.

I agree it is expensive. We call dd's backhandspring the "5 million dollar back handspring." Not really but felt like it What I see her getting out of it more than pays for the lessons, the fees, the traveling, etc. She has a confidence that she can do something. She loves it. She isn't sitting home everyday doing nothing. It has taught her commitment to others and the team.

So with that said. Only you can evaluate if you can actually afford it or not and believe me I know the sacrifice that comes. However I would never tell my dd she couldn't compete because I didn't feel she was doing well enough. If you can't afford it then you can't. It wouldn't matter if she had the potential to make it to the Olympics.......wouldn't give you anymore money. Sit down and list what she is getting out of it verses what it is costing you (ie time, money, energy). Believe me sometimes the energy factor kills me and I so wish she would quit.

Good luck. It is so hard.

 

[tartemis]

I don't have advice as a parent, but I can offer the prespective of a child that was involved in competitve sports at a young age (not gymanstics -- waayy too tall for that. )

I started competitively swimming when I was 5 years old. From 5 to about 10, I won 99.9% of my races, was invited to junior olympics, etc. At 11, I started losing some of my races as I wasn't putting in the effort that others were at that time. Each year after that I slowly started losing more and more -- because I wasn't willing to put in the effort that others in that age range were putting forth (or perhaps I wasn't talented enough, but since I didn't "try" who knows). By 14 I quit swimming competitively all together -- I had lost interest.

Around the same time that I quit swimming, I started playing basketball and volleyball. I ended up earning a full-ride volleyball scholarship for college. I think that the swimming set a good foundation for my competive sports later on and I have no regrets in putting so much of my life in swimming -- nor do I regret quitting at 14 either.

Interestingly, I don't play volleyball anymore either (as an adult). But, I also don't regret that time of my life.

It sounds like she enjoys it but may not be willing to put in the effort that is required at the levels she is now approaching. I would try to back off on the importance of the decision -- she may want to quit but since she has invested so much time in gymnastics doesn't know what she will do without it. Maybe suggest another sport or hobby that she can persue?

Good luck! It sounds like you are great parents just for investing the time (not to mention money) in supporting your daughter. My parents spent endless weekends at pools and gyms supporting my athletic careers and I know how much it means to a kid to have your parents there.

 

[OffToTheMouseHouse]

My daughter (9) is in competitive cheer. She admitted one night that memorizing routines was stressing her out. I pulled her out of the competition side of it at the end of the season. She still goes to practice twice a week, but is not currently competing.

 

[Schmeck]

Spending $400 extra for private lessons for a level 4??? Most gyms around here don't even compete level 4, the youngest kids (6-7 year olds) start at level 5. Could your gym just be trying to get extra $$$ out of you?

That said, if she wants to continue gymnastics, you need to set the rules - effort has to be made at all practices, or else she's done. There's a safety risk for bad form, along with the bad muscle memory from bad habits.

ETA - our gym instructors forbid the gymnasts from practicing at home. Unless you have a gym setup in your home, there's a great risk of injury from trying tricks in the backyard, living room, etc.

 

[singnring]

Thanks for all of your responses!

how old is she?

She is 11 years old. She just started gymnastics 2 years ago; she hasn't been in it since she was 3 or anything like that. It is still new to her.

I think 11 - http://disboards.com/showthread.php?p=34084190#post34084190

Have you asked if she'd be interested in switching out of competitive gymnastics into recreational gymnastics?

We did ask her about this, as there is a rec option at a nearby town.
However, she does not want to do this because she really enjoys competitions - it's actually her favorite part of gymnastics!

Only you can evaluate if you can actually afford it or not and believe me I know the sacrifice that comes. However I would never tell my dd she couldn't compete because I didn't feel she was doing well enough. If you can't afford it then you can't. It wouldn't matter if she had the potential to make it to the Olympics.......wouldn't give you anymore money. Sit down and list what she is getting out of it verses what it is costing you (ie time, money, energy). Believe me sometimes the energy factor kills me and I so wish she would quit.

Good luck. It is so hard.

I did not mean to imply that the expense was something we could not afford. Actually, on our income, most people would probably say we can't afford it. But DH and I do without other things to make it happen for DD.

I would NEVER tell her she had to quit because she wasn't doing well enough. I was saying that she has lost her motivation, and I can't figure out if she truly enjoys it still to be worth the expense we are putting out.
She says she does, but we see that she has lost the drive to do her best and work at improving as she goes.
She will never go to the olympics, but her coaches say she is talented enough that she could conceivably get a college scolarship when the time comes.
We love watching her compete and enjoy the time going to the meets. I could seriously do without the hair-do that her gym requires for comp's!

We are both 100% behind her, regardless of the cost. We are just wondering how to get that excitement and drive back in her.

I don't have advice as a parent, but I can offer the prespective of a child that was involved in competitve sports at a young age (not gymanstics -- waayy too tall for that. )

I started competitively swimming when I was 5 years old. From 5 to about 10, I won 99.9% of my races, was invited to junior olympics, etc. At 11, I started losing some of my races as I wasn't putting in the effort that others were at that time. Each year after that I slowly started losing more and more -- because I wasn't willing to put in the effort that others in that age range were putting forth (or perhaps I wasn't talented enough, but since I didn't "try" who knows). By 14 I quit swimming competitively all together -- I had lost interest.

Around the same time that I quit swimming, I started playing basketball and volleyball. I ended up earning a full-ride volleyball scholarship for college. I think that the swimming set a good foundation for my competive sports later on and I have no regrets in putting so much of my life in swimming -- nor do I regret quitting at 14 either.

Interestingly, I don't play volleyball anymore either (as an adult). But, I also don't regret that time of my life.

It sounds like she enjoys it but may not be willing to put in the effort that is required at the levels she is now approaching. I would try to back off on the importance of the decision -- she may want to quit but since she has invested so much time in gymnastics doesn't know what she will do without it. Maybe suggest another sport or hobby that she can persue?

Good luck! It sounds like you are great parents just for investing the time (not to mention money) in supporting your daughter. My parents spent endless weekends at pools and gyms supporting my athletic careers and I know how much it means to a kid to have your parents there.

Thanks for offering a different perspective on the matter! And thanks for your kind words also.
We have tried to come up with other activities for her to be involved in, but she does not attend public school, and as a result, she has very limited options.
She says she can't live without gymnastics and does not want to quit.
This is why we are in such a quandry. She does not want to switch or quit, but also does not want to put forth 100% effort.
Whereas this sport is largely individual, her team does count on her to score well in an attempt to win the team overalls.

I don not think she is having troubles as far as the harder level. She can do the skills required, she just doesn't take time to polish them and make them as good as she can. Does that make sense?

I do like your suggestion of backing off on the importance of the decision; for now at least. Maybe a little less pressure about it for a while might help.
Her coaches have even been talking to her because they see the lack of effort as well.

My daughter (9) is in competitive cheer. She admitted one night that memorizing routines was stressing her out. I pulled her out of the competition side of it at the end of the season. She still goes to practice twice a week, but is not currently competing.

Our gym is either competitive, or classes. The classes are way too far behind her skill level to hold her interest, so it's either team or nothing there.


The odd thing is, DD wants to take every opportunity to be in the gym and practicing. She takes backhandspring classes, goes to open gym, private sessions, etc. Everything they offer extra, she's there.
So I have to believe she can't get enough of it.
I just don't know why she has lost her drive to improve her skills and work at things the way she used to.

I guess I was hoping someone had experienced the same thing with their child and could offer up some ways they helped rekindle the spark.

 

[singnring]

Spending $400 extra for private lessons for a level 4??? Most gyms around here don't even compete level 4, the youngest kids (6-7 year olds) start at level 5. Could your gym just be trying to get extra $$$ out of you?

That said, if she wants to continue gymnastics, you need to set the rules - effort has to be made at all practices, or else she's done. There's a safety risk for bad form, along with the bad muscle memory from bad habits.

ETA - our gym instructors forbid the gymnasts from practicing at home. Unless you have a gym setup in your home, there's a great risk of injury from trying tricks in the backyard, living room, etc.

Our gym discovered last season that they were not offering as much training time as other gyms we competed against. They bumped up the team training by a couple of hours a week, and started to offer private sessions as an option to get one-on-one time with coaches to work on specific trouble areas.

Here, we compete Level 3 and up. Level 3 really just took off last year, but Level 4 is a standard around here, and I assume around the state because there are gobs of Level 4 girls at our meets.
Actually, my daughter is one of the oldest Level 4's at the meets. Most are 7-9 years old.

As far as home practice, ours discourage too much and "tricks" are out for sure.
But DD has a practice beam and mat at home that she practices on, and she does stretching, handstands on the walls, bridge kickovers, etc at home.
Coaches have no problem with that. THey just do not want the girls trying backhandsprings and dangerous skills like that outside of the gym.

 

[Schmeck]

Sounds like she needs to take some ballet classes to get the 'polish' - the upper levels get scored a lot on form and dance.

Did the coaches really tell you your daughter was going to be a scholarship-level gymnast? That's the elite level - or a level 10, at the minimum. If your daughter just started gymnastics 2 years ago, is only a level 4, I'm not sure where they are coming from. After level 5, they have to qualify to move up to the next level, and you're talking 6 levels in 6 years. If they really thought she was all that, they should have her in level 5 already. That's the last level the coach judges readiness for, at least that's the way it was when my daughter was doing gymnastics, 7 years ago.

Coaches are infamous for this kind of talk - they weren't far off in the movie 'Stick It'.

 

[shelly3girls]

My DD is not a gymnast but she figure skates. I find there are times when the motivation is there and times that it isn't. Yes, it is frustrating when she does not seem to be focused but it never lasts long. Usually something comes along to spark her interest and get her refocused. Sometimes it is a competition or just learning a new move. DD is 10 and I think it is just a matter of maturity. Whatever you do, do not push her. You want her to continue enjoying gymnastics not hate it.

 

[adoptionmomma4]

My DD is 12. She is a competitive cheerleader after many years of gymnastics. She is having some of the same issues of your DD. My DD has two issues.

#1: She is spending so much time at the gym she is starting to feel like she is missing out on a lot of fun things such as parties, trips etc... and she is! I feel bad for her when she has to miss something fun. However this was her choice and she must follow through with her commitment.

#2: She told me this is the first year she has cheered where she is not instantly good at everything she tries. She also said this is the first year she has to be afraid of some of the things she tries (she is working on standing fulls). Skills are getting harder and more dangerous. So I do understand and sympathize with her.

I think being on a team with girls who are more talented than she is makes her feel bad about her skills. She is used to being the best on the team and this year she is not. *please do not think she is a snotty “I am better than you” type kid. She is not at all.*

I just keep talking to her about it and encouraging her as much I she can. When she doesn’t want to practice I just reassure her that it will pay off in the end and that she will be excited once she gets there.

Good luck with your DD. I know competitive gymnastics/cheer are so expensive and we want them to be happy about it all of the time. They are kids though and will not appreciate it and want to put 100% in all of the time. Do you think your DD is feeling bad about not having some of the skills kids her age do? Are you sure none of the other girls have said anything to her? Just throwing things out there. I know things like that bother girls.

 

[singnring]

Do you think your DD is feeling bad about not having some of the skills kids her age do? Are you sure none of the other girls have said anything to her?

Actually, there is one girl in particular on the team who has that "I'm better than everyone" attitude.
She has made many comments to DD and it does bother her, perhaps more than she lets on.
This girl almost always finished just ahead of DD last year and is doing the same this year.
But this year I think it is only because of DD's lack of focus and attention to details.
Her coach has said she should be easily in the 9's on all of her routines every meet, but she just isn't focusing.

She is also in the oldest group of Level 4 girls, so perhaps she is feeling like she should be at a higher level.
She is a child who needs to feel challenged, and once she learns a skill, she's ready to move on.
She is constantly trying to do Level 5 and 6 skills at home (the ones that are safe to do outside the gym).
But then she gets discouraged that she can't do them in the gym too. Her coaches don't allow the girls to do any skills in the gym that they haven't been taught.

I suppose I should just let it be and see what happens.
Maybe by the end of the season she'll be sick of it and not want to sign on for next year.

 

[singnring]

Sounds like she needs to take some ballet classes to get the 'polish' - the upper levels get scored a lot on form and dance.

Did the coaches really tell you your daughter was going to be a scholarship-level gymnast?
Coaches are infamous for this kind of talk - they weren't far off in the movie 'Stick It'.

She was taking ballet classes that the gym had for the team girls. It was more for strength training and balance. But right after DD started, they stopped the class.

They said she has the natural talent and ability to make it that far - they didn't make any guarantees or anything. Just said she could go that far if she kept up the motivation she started with. Now, they see the lack of motivation and like me, I am sure they know she won't get anywhere.

My DD is not a gymnast but she figure skates. I find there are times when the motivation is there and times that it isn't. Yes, it is frustrating when she does not seem to be focused but it never lasts long. Usually something comes along to spark her interest and get her refocused. Sometimes it is a competition or just learning a new move. DD is 10 and I think it is just a matter of maturity. Whatever you do, do not push her. You want her to continue enjoying gymnastics not hate it.

Thanks for your encouragement. I definitely want her to continue enjoying her sport and in no way want to make it something she looks back on as a bad time in her life.
I don't want to be one of those parents that hounds and drives their kid to be the best at all costs. That just sucks the life out of the child and the fun out of their sport.
I just want to see her try to be HER best so she feels good about herself, rather than looking back years from now and regretting not giving it her all.

 

[fletchers5]

As a gymnastics coach and a mother of a daughter that did competitive gymnastics for 14 years ( she did gymnastics on a college team)....it may be the age. I can remember my daughter at that age. Her form was not that great but she had all the required and then some skills for level 5. The older she got the better her form got. When she was younger she wasn't much of a dancer. By the time she was an optional gymnast ( 7th grade) she had grown into a very graceful gymnast. My daughter also wanted to be in the gym 7 days a week. She loved it.

Your daughter just may be getting into that ackward stage...the lanky stage. She will out grow this. Let her coaches work with getting her more interested and practicing perfect. That is what YOU pay them to do.

Whatever you do please do not pressure her. If she is practicing fun stuff at home....let her be. Please keep asking her if she is having FUN doing gymnastics. As a coach I see way to many parents put pressure on their kids. I realize you are spending a lot of money for her do participate...but as long as she is having FUN that is the priority. Once the sport is no longer fun it is time to quit.

My daughter loved the sport and continued on into college gymnastics. She is now a gymnastics coach and a gymnastics judge. I learned early on that being her coach was going to be hard. I guess I could have put more pressure on her but I didn't. In the gym I coached..at home she was my daughter.

 

[singnring]

As a gymnastics coach and a mother of a daughter that did competitive gymnastics for 14 years ( she did gymnastics on a college team)....it may be the age. I can remember my daughter at that age. Her form was not that great but she had all the required and then some skills for level 5. The older she got the better her form got. When she was younger she wasn't much of a dancer. By the time she was an optional gymnast ( 7th grade) she had grown into a very graceful gymnast. My daughter also wanted to be in the gym 7 days a week. She loved it.

Your daughter just may be getting into that ackward stage...the lanky stage. She will out grow this. Let her coaches work with getting her more interested and practicing perfect. That is what YOU pay them to do.

Whatever you do please do not pressure her. If she is practicing fun stuff at home....let her be. Please keep asking her if she is having FUN doing gymnastics. As a coach I see way to many parents put pressure on their kids. I realize you are spending a lot of money for her do participate...but as long as she is having FUN that is the priority. Once the sport is no longer fun it is time to quit.

My daughter loved the sport and continued on into college gymnastics. She is now a gymnastics coach and a gymnastics judge. I learned early on that being her coach was going to be hard. I guess I could have put more pressure on her but I didn't. In the gym I coached..at home she was my daughter.

Thanks for your post! This really helps to put me more at ease about her situation.
She definitely is getting at an awkward stage. She is tall (I know - bad for gymnastics) and very skinny. But every inch of her is pure muscle.
I do not want to pressure her, and I do want her to enjoy the sport.

She loves flipping around the house, and yard,...and stores (which I nip quickly!), and anywhere else she goes!
The only reason I worry about her doing this is because I am concerned that she will develop muscle memory for incorrect form and such.

She had a blast in Sep at WDW practicing on the football field at ASSports! She drew a small crowd each time she was out there. I think she liked that!!

Thanks again for the advice. I truly appreciate your thoughts!

 

[carone0318]

My dd is training L9, should be competing it come Jan. She just turned 13 in Sept. and is in 8th grade.

What your dd needs to know is that anyone can throw skills, but the really "good" gymnasts have great form. My dd still has to work on round offs and holding her hollow shape for bars along with other very easy skills. You are never too far along, level-wise, to work the basics.

For my dd I find that her team mates motivate her. There is always the 1 girl that would finish just ahead of dd throughout the season, she didn't let it get her down, it sort of fueled her to do even better.

One thing to think about though, even if her form is not the greatest, by being in this sport she is staying healthy and fit. She is also gaining strength and coordination if her desires were to go in a different direction.

As her mother, you do need to step back and realize that it is her sport. She needs to figure her way through. If you do not feel the privates are working, than stop doing them because you are looking for results because you paid for extra.

 

[taximomfor4]

I only dabbled in gymnastics, so can't speak of it specifically but I DO have an 11yo dd who competes...in Irish Dance. She used to get compliments galore specifically on her form (arched feet, crossed legs, straight knees, turned out feet). But now, she always has a slight bend to her knees, her feet almost turn IN, and she is BARELY crossing her legs. OH, and her arms are NOT staying to her sides very well.

I THOUGHT her attention to details was diminished, but then she had several trips to a sports dr and physical therapist. Turns out the spurts of growth at this age were costing her some of her core strength (leading to wobbly arms), and tight hamstrings (leading to sever's disease which causes heel pain, and knee problems). SO she has been fighting the uphill battle to lenghen the hamstrings again. I swear, she gets them ok again (to where her knees stay straight during scissor kicks), but then a week later they are bending again. It's annoying, to say the least.

So is it possible that your dd is just having to fight her own body right now? It's frustrating for my dd11 to stretch and exercise and do PT, and then have it all fall apart again form-wise a month later!

 

[nuggetoflove]

I used to be a competitive gymnast and I also taught gymnastics for a while in college. If your DD is Level 4 and she's taking $400 worth of private lessons, then she's getting burnt out. Scale back on the lessons and just let her go to the regular team practices. She's also at that age where gymnastics is becoming more of a social activity. It's normal.

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

This story sounds very familiar to me. I am a former professional ballet dancer and now a teacher and while very different these two worlds are also quite similar. I was a competitive gymnast until age 10 when I switched over permanently to ballet. I myself went through a similar experience when I was training and now see it frequently with students, especially talented ones.

I do not know your daughter or her personality but sometimes extremely talented students go through a stage where they "don't want to show everyone else up"... or be "the best one" anymore. Sometimes they feel for whatever reason they don't deserve the success and unintentionally sabotage their own success. I know this sounds kind of out there but I have seen it a lot. Usually it is temporary but building self esteem and confidence is really important as is setting a short term goal and rewarding it with something. Maybe buy her a present like an inspirational gymnastics movie or books and go to a big meet together where you can talk about goals and what she wants out of gymnastics.

Like some of the other posters mentioned perhaps she would like to do a more recreational program or branch out and try a different form of gymnastics like Rhythmic Gymnsastics??? I know it can be very frustrating from a parents perspective but hang in there and keep being the supportive, caring parent you are. This might sound controversial but it might not be a bad idea to try another gym either just for another perspective. Burn out is a possibility but if she is saying she doesn't want to quit and is creating her own moves at home that also seems like a very positive thing. I also agree with the other posters about the age and a possible growth spurt. This makes so much of a difference in training both physically and psychologically. Good luck!!!