Clean Jokes - for fun and for the MI: LFCC

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

I know that it's hard for some of us to come up with a clean joke for texting in before you go into the Monsters, Inc: Laugh Floor Comedy Club, so I thought it might be fun to come up with a list of clean jokes.

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Disney.
Disney who?
I just stopped spinning, so I am Disney!

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.

As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!"

After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

The Top 10 Reasons Disney Delayed Launching Their Cruise Line


1. Pluto's "accident" on Deck 3


2. Room service using Aladdin was getting out of hand.


3. Exterminator killed off "rat" problem only to discover they were Mickey and Minnie's cousins.


4. Drunken dispute between Donald and The Mighty Ducks over who was mightier.


5. Charo kept showing up.


6. The Beast from "Beauty and the Beast" kept eating the midnight buffet.


7. The Seven Dwarfs vandalized the ship after failing to meet the "You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride" Requirements.


8. Stench of seawater and 101 Dalmations was too strong.


9. Tour guide Goofy goes into drunken rampage and uses Chip and Dale as Shuffleboard discs.


10. New hires Doc, Isaac, and Gopher quit days before launch,citing that this job is not as "exciting and new" as their last one.

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Did ya' hear about the new computer virus? It's called the Disney Virus and it makes everything in your computer go Goofy!

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Top Ten Ways Y2K Affected Disney World

10. Accidental switched back to 19,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

9. Screwed up computers reported EuroDisney turned a profit.

8. Air traffic control glitch caused Dumbo to smack into a DC-10.

7. The "It's a Small World After All" creatures went on a rampage.

6. The Hall of Presidents kept chanting "Kill Clinton, kill Clinton."

5. When you wished upon a star, nothing happened.

4. Unexpected power surge brought an angry Walt Disney back to life.

3. "Main Street Electrical Parade" became "Main Street Two Guys With Plastic Flashlights Parade."

2. Ticket machine accidentally dispensed day passes for less than $600.

1. Two words: catapulting teacups.

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Why is the Dalmatian always found when playing hide and go seek?

Because his is spotted!

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

What Disney movie is about a gal who couldn't rise above a housecleaning position?

The Little Mere Maid

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

What Disney movie is about a stupid boyfriend?

Dumb Beau

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

What Disney movie is about the tall-tale-telling champ?

The Lyin' King

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Why is there no Disneyland in China?

No one under the age of 16 is tall enough to go on the good rides.

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Why did Mickey Mouse get shot with a paintball gun?

Because Donald Ducked.

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

To visit Pluto

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

THE TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE AN UNHEALTHY DISNEY OBSESSION

10. You know how many hairs are on the leg of the drunken pirate sitting on the bridge.

9. You have more Disney movies than Blockbuster.

8. Your favorite song is "Zippity-Doo-Dah".

7. When you hear people talking about "the underprivileged", you assume they are referring to those who have to stay off-site.

6. You refer to Wal-Mart and McDonald's employees as "cast members".

5. You've added spires and turrets to the roof of your house.

4. You tried to pay your electric bill with Disney Dollars.

3. Your children's names are Ariel and Aladdin.

2. You pray that nobody will ever discover your dirty little secret: That you sneak out of bed in the middle of the night, logon to the internet, and drool over online pictures of WDW.

1. You're reading this.

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

A kid had written his computer password down and when his Dad asked why he had chosen to use "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," his son said, "Because, they say it has to have at least four characters."

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Certainly I can not be the only one on the DIS that knows a few clean Disney jokes. Tell me something good! Make me

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

bumping